Worst Chat Up Lines

custard · June 8, 2005

"Are you tired baby, becuase you've been running through my mind all day"
"Big Fat Penguins"

"What"

"Now the ice has been broken, what's your name?"

"You wanna shag for a fag?"

"I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day."

"Nice legs...what time do they open?"

"Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor."

"Do you sleep on your stomach?"

"No!!"

"Can I ??"

"Fancy a shag?"

"NO"

"Well do you mind lying down while i have one?"

"Excuse me love can I ask for directions?"

"Sure, where you going?"

"Your Heart."

"That skirt looks very becoming on you, but If I were on you I`d be coming too."

"Did it hurt?" (girl looks puzzled)

"When you fell from heaven."

"Are you a parking ticket?, cos you got fine written all over you!"

I know some of them sound quality, some really bad. So have you got any wicked chap up lines to share with us ??

Cheers

Totster · June 8, 2005

Get your coat luv... your pulled...

Here's 10p... call your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight...

totster

roscoe · June 8, 2005

Get your coat luv... your pulled...
Here's 10p... call your mum and tell her you won't be home tonight...

totster

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I was given my coat once in a pub with the acompanying phrase "do you want breakfast" .Wimmin's lib ,marvelous

Sir Burr · June 9, 2005

My face is leaving in half an hour and I want you to be on it.

Sarpedon · June 9, 2005

How do you like you eggs in the morning...fertilised or unfertilised?!

jayenram · June 9, 2005

"Who's taking you home, luv? Pickfords?"

"You don't sweat much for a big 'un"

dr_Pat_Pong · June 9, 2005

How do you like you eggs in the morning...fertilised or unfertilised?!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

lampard10 · June 9, 2005

The best one I've heard was in my Air Force days at Brize Norton. At the usual Friday hop one of my mates eyed a bunch of girls and chose the least delectable.

' Would you like me to take you home?' he asked. ' We're having a grimmy contest'

' I'd love to' she replied 'So are we'

Tornado · June 9, 2005

Brian wont mind, he's a friend of mine.

bring the flour babe.

Tornado · June 9, 2005

ok then, 2000 baht!

Jai Dee · June 9, 2005

ok then, 2000 baht!

That will pull them every time.

daleyboy · June 9, 2005

Hello treacle LOOKING for me? works everytime just not when i use it

jackr · June 9, 2005

"D'you like flowers, love?"

Yes!

"Well get your twolips around this!"

Jack Jones · June 9, 2005

Is that a mirror in your panties....well I can see myself in there later.

Tornado · June 9, 2005

I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married

Tornado - can I buy you a drink?

lady - no!

Tornado - can I buy you a car then?

Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you.

If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house.

reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny

roscoe · June 9, 2005

By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party:

"Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?"

Why yes

"Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds"

Certainly not what do you take me for

"Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price"

Totster · June 9, 2005

My face is leaving in half an hour and I want you to be on it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That one had the girls in the office chuckling...

totster

Totster · June 9, 2005

I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married
Tornado - can I buy you a drink?

lady - no!

Tornado - can I buy you a car then?

Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you.

If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house.

reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Was it a bit of a whirlwind romance...?

totster

roscoe · June 9, 2005

If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house.

She offered her honour you honoured her offer and all night long was it honour and offer?

Edited June 9, 2005 by roscoe

Sir Burr · June 9, 2005

By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party:
"Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?"

Why yes

"Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds"

Certainly not what do you take me for

"Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price"

I think this is one of Winston Churchill's quotes, he came out with some gems.

My two favourites are:-

"Mr. Churchill, if I was your wife I would put poison in your tea."

"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it!"

"Mr. Churchill, you are drunk!"

"Yes madam I am, and you are ugly, but, I'll be sober in the morning!"

Jack Jones · June 9, 2005

Beckon over a lady with one finger and then say, 'look, I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the whole hand.'

kayo · June 9, 2005

By a literary sage to another guest at a dinner party:
"Madam would you make love to me for a million pounds?"

Why yes

"Madam would you make love to me for ten pounds"

Certainly not what do you take me for

"Madam we have already established that .We are now just haggleing over the price"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Another great one my cousin once used in a bar in amsterdam.

Cousin " Do you fancy some pizza, followed by passionate sex..."

Italian Girl " No Grazie"

Cousin, "Alright, if you don´t want any, how about we just skip to the sex..:"

He went home alone.

dr_Pat_Pong · June 9, 2005

As one does

jayenram · June 10, 2005

I actually do use this one, although tongue in cheek as I am married
Tornado - can I buy you a drink?

lady - no!

Tornado - can I buy you a car then?

Lady - oh tornado, I didnt realise how much I liked you.

If you get a no after the offer of the car, I usually offer a house.

reading it back, I think you had to be there to see the reaction you get - its very very funny

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I'm sure I remember (during a past life) your normal "chat up line":

Right! You! On the bus!

Gazza · June 11, 2005

Worst chat up lines?

What'll it be babe.... hips or lips?

Gazza: Hi, my name's Gazza.

Thai girl: My name's Ling.

Gazza: Really?? That's my mother's name.

Gazza: Do you fancy going for a pizza then back to my place for hot steamy sex?

(If I get my face slapped I apologise profusely for not knowing that they don't like pizza)

Stand on the corner of any street and ask every girl if they 'wanna fukc?'

You'll get your face slapped alot but then again, you'll get plenty of fukcs.

Kringle · June 11, 2005

5 times or no go!!!!!

Spee · June 11, 2005

So have you got any wicked chap up lines to share with us ??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Forget about your boyfriend, by the time we're done making love, you're gonna want to throw rocks at him.

aughie · June 12, 2005

Try this one:

"Fk him you're w/ me now."

It makes for quite the happening when said w/ her on his arm. Kudos to Spee for the segue.

Edited June 12, 2005 by aughie

gburns57au · June 13, 2005

Beckon over a lady with one finger and then say, 'look, I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with the whole hand.'

What a great line.....just may try it in future.....sure to get a laugh....

custard · June 13, 2005

"There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another? "

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