A Stickman Gem

[bkkmadness]

Occaisionally I have to have a look on the Stickman site and read a few stories, found one today that's a real gem, this guy just had the worst start to his holiday, but he does seem to be a bit of a miserable sod so kinda funny to read. It's a bit of a long one but worth it just for the last line which cracked me up. I might seem like a bit of b.astard laughing about his guy's misfortunes, but well, I'm a bit of a b.astard sometimes.

I took out a few other paragraphs at the end because not very neccesary to the whole thing, you can read it all at Stickman's site.

Mods I'm allowed to post this on here aren't I?

I managed to turn my vacation in Thailand into anything but a vacation. I had met this girl on the internet and began to chat with her. Never did I lead her on, or tell her that I loved her, or wanted to marry her, or anything like that. Actually, we’d spoken for about 2 weeks before I entered Thailand. I arrived, checked into my hotel and without an invitation, this girl showed up at my hotel at noon the next day. A call to my room from the front desk saying: “There’s someone here to see you” surprised the ###### out of me, as I was still jet lagged and had not invited anyone over. Sure enough it was her. I went down to meet her. A sweet girl, a smart girl, an educated girl the same age as myself.

She took me out to buy everything I needed, she helped me greatly. Eventually we ended up in bed together. Actually, she invited herself to spend the night. This is not a case of the evil farang tricking the innocent Thai girl into bed, no sir. Woke up in the morning with her hand down my pants. We both wanted it, it was mutual. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I was now her property. She was officially moving in to my place now. Oh man, things were going way too fast. I am too young for this, too young to have a woman living with me and babysitting me 24 hours a day. I had known this girl for a grand total of 3 days before she complained about me not loving her. Fast forward to recent times.

We decided to head to Pattaya, as I had never been there before. It is my first time in Thailand. We decided to take an air-conditioned bus from Bangkok to Pattaya. We made a HUGE mistake when picking the bus. First of all, we didn’t buy our ticket from the terminal; we just bought it on the bus. Of course, being the farang, I paid double for my ticket. There were initially 4 people on the bus when we left. There were 4 employees on the bus. They were all scum sucking, piece of shit males from the absolute lowest class of Thai society. There was the driver, who was stuffing his face with mangos and chips, drinking, and talking on his cell phone all while driving our bus at excruciatingly low speeds as cars flew past us. He also laid on the horn every time a car got in front of our bus. He proceeded to lay on the horn about every 30 seconds for the entire 4 hour journey (yes, 4 hours!!!).

He would stop every time he saw a crowd of people standing by the side of the road. It didn’t even have to be a bus stop. So needless to say, we made about 45-50 stops on the way to Pattaya. Each time he would see a crowd of people on the side of a road, he would slow down and rapidly honk the horn, then employee # 2 would hang out of the open bus door and yell out something like “leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey PATTAYA leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey leduey!!!” or some stupid Thai bullshit like that, as people stared at him hanging out of the moving bus. The bus would then slow down, and employee #2 would get out of the bus and try to push people into the bus! He would run around yelling at people trying to drag them into the bus, fill the seats and collect more baht.

He would run into shopping centers and malls, he would cross the street, hang out on the corner and light up a cigarette as he tried to find people to drag into the bus, all while we sat there and waited for the bus to get moving again. The fat ass driver would have him run into food places and malls to get food for him, which he would eat while he drove the bus and glared at me in the rear view mirror. They did this several times on the way to Pattaya. After employee # 2 dragged people into the bus, employee #3 would push them to the back of the bus and collect their money, half of what I paid of course. Then he would close the curtains on the rear windows because people were now standing in the back of the bus and they did not want the highway police to see the people crammed into the back of the bus, because then they would have to shell out some precious baht for a bribe. So now the bus was packed, but they were still stopping and trying to drag more people inside.

I had someone practically sitting on my lap because the bus was so crowded. Employee #3 would run up and down the center isle collecting money and shouting the names of the stops. Each time he passed me he would intentionally hit me with his elbow or knee. There was plenty of room to get by, but he would hit me hard each time. I grew tired of this. I wanted to slit all three of their throats. I reached into my backpack looking for something sharp, smiling at that thought of sticking a knife into employee # 3’s rib cage, then jamming it into the back of the driver’s skull. But no luck, nothing sharp, it was just a fantasy after all. The next time he did it, I simply said; “Watch where you are going, you stupid piece of shit.” I don’t really care if he understood. I don’t care if I was being rude. The other farangs on the bus understood why I had said it. After that he simply sat in the front of the bus and stopped passing by me. During the ride, the girl wanted to hold my hand, but I didn’t want to as I felt that this would be leading her on to thinking that I could possibly stay with her forever in Thailand or that we could have a relationship right now.

I had told her previously that I did not have / want a girlfriend because I traveled so much. I kept my hands in my lap, feeling like an ######. But a bus full of Thais is not the place to be having the “I can’t have a relationship with you because I am just a tourist” conversation. After that, she was visibly angry at me, but did not say anything. She got on her phone and began talking loudly to her friends. As she did, the Thais on the bus all turned around and stared at me giving me that pleasant 3rd world glare, that even if you stare right back into their soul-less eyes, they do not break. Very pleasant. I shut my eyes. The bus smelled like ######. The guy two seats in front of me smelled like he had crapped his pants, and then not showered for a month. The driver and employees smelled like pigs. I’ve ridden many buses / skytrains / subways and never had this problem. I had to pee so badly, that I considered getting off the bus. I of course realized that they would leave me in the dust the second I got off the bus, so I held it for 3 hours. So basically, it was just another day in Thailand.

We finally arrived, got out of the ###### bus and got a truck to the main strip. The girl and I headed to the restroom. We came back out and sat down to eat when she realized that she had left her wallet in the bathroom. Great, she darted back in and sure enough, being Thailand, that sucker was long gone not 3 minutes after she had left it there. Great, she had 6,000 baht cash in there along with ATM cards, licenses, insurance paperwork etc. All gone. Some lower life form had snatched the wallet right away and made off with it. We checked Lost and Found, what a joke haha! This is Thailand, so we decided to check the trashcans and dumpsters near the bathroom. No luck. It was gone. Now this girl was crying. We walked, she cried, people stared at me like I must have abused her. I got dirty stares all up and down the street. The stare you get when you are walking with a girl who is bawling her eyes out. Great, now I felt like a piece of shit once more, thanks! Great way to kick off the vacation. Did I mention that it was her birthday too? Yup! We get to a restaurant. I haven’t eaten all day. I order food. She eats nothing, she cries. The restaurant workers look at me like I am the biggest ###### piece of shit on earth, as I must have made this sweet Thai girl cry. Great.

I finished eating. We went to the police station to get her the paperwork for a new ID. Because as we all know, if you get stopped by the Thai police and you have no ID, you are going to Jail <not necessarily true - Stick>. She was rather serious about getting this done. We went to the police station off the beach road in Pattaya, where they proceeded to tell her to piss off. They weren’t going to file the report. They were too busy watching TV and chatting on their cell phones to help anyone. We walked outside again, down the street, she continued to cry, people glared at me with evil eyes. It got dark outside. She called her father, who then called the police station and raised ###### (he must be someone important) as we walked back in, she was treated like a princess, taken to the front of the line, her statement taken and a piece of paper given to her for a temporary ID card. Two other girls who had been sitting for 2 hours asked how she had managed to get a report made up about the crime. Sorry girls, you have to BE somebody to get anything done!

We walked outside triumphant. She had no cash, I had very little cash. I still had seen NONE of Pattaya. The only places I had been were the bathroom, the police station and the restaurant. I told her that I would give her 1,000 baht if she wanted to take a bus / taxi home. She got upset because I mentioned her going home alone. I explained to her that I just didn’t want her to feel trapped, as she had just lost all of her cash. I didn't want her relying on me, or feeling like she had to ask me for money. I agreed to go back to the bus terminal with her to see if she could still catch a bus back at this hour. We took a taxi truck to the terminal, it broke down on the way. This is the second time in one week, that his has happened to me! She started crying again just thinking about her shitty birthday and honestly I can’t blame her. She told me that she felt that I did not love her. At this point I had to say it; I explained to her that I had known her for a grand total of 3 days, and that it was impossible for me to love her yet. I also explained that I was just a tourist, I couldn’t work or live in Thailand, nor did I really want to. I have graduate work to finish back home, I can’t throw my life away and just teach English in Thailand, not at this age.

She cried, told me that I was not a good person, that no one had ever treated her this poorly etc. Basically she made me feel even worse. I didn’t want to hurt this poor girl, but she had unreal expectations that she had made for herself. I never told her that I loved her, I explained that I didn’t want a girlfriend etc. This fell upon deaf ears. She had her mind made up, I was a total piece of shit, mistreating a proper Siam Lady. This girl is smart, educated, pretty and very fluent in English. I know she has trouble meeting decent guys here in Thailand, and that is really a shame. But she just couldn’t expect to move in with me after 3 days of knowing each other! That is unreasonable. I tried to explain it in a nice way, making it seem like I had the problem, not her. She got on the phone again, crying. We got to the bus station, I didn’t want to just bail out on her so I bought a bus ticket for myself too. Guess I can see Pattaya in another life time. I got on the bus with her, she sat next to me, I tried to apologize for her shitty birthday, and anything that I might have done to make her upset. She took her bus ticket and sat at the other end of the bus, chatting away loudly on her cell phone. Once again all of the Thai people staring at me like I was the devil. This time we caught a legitimate bus home. It only took 2 hours, and practically no stops. She got off the bus and didn’t even look back at me. I caught a cab home.

At this point I feel slightly worried about my safety as she had mentioned before that she would get her mother’s friends to beat up / kill any guy that mistreated her. Seeing as how her parents rattled the police officers at the Pattaya station, I can see how they might have some influence here, which kind of scares me. I sent her a long email telling her how I felt about her and what a great person she was, none of it lies. She really is a great person and a rare girl in Thailand for sure.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

Aaaaah memories...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

That's just like a Scampy bullsh' tale

[lampard10]

Someone else mimicking what he's read without actually visiting Thailand, either that or a two bit new author trying out his first 'story'

[Ken]

Someone else mimicking what he's read without actually visiting Thailand, either that or a two bit new author trying out his first 'story'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would bet on the "author...first story" thing. For the supposed "first time to Thailand", he had a lot of things too right.

[Bilko]

Agreed, it's a made up story, then again, most stories are fantasy on Stickmans site.

The anti Thai, superior attitude of the writer gives it away that he is not a first timer, that attitude comes from the cynics, 3 days in Thailand is not long enough to become cynical.

Waste of time.

[lampard10]

Someone else mimicking what he's read without actually visiting Thailand, either that or a two bit new author trying out his first 'story'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would bet on the "author...first story" thing. For the supposed "first time to Thailand", he had a lot of things too right.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And a lot more things too wrong to have actually been here. The first bus journey does seem rather like one would encounter in India, rather than Thailand.

[chownah]

These experiences are just your typical everyday stuff up here in the north. Sounds like he was actually lucky in his choice of buses. Up here it wouldn't be nearly so pleasant. It really sucks up here in the north...its alot more pleasant in the south.....definitely more pleasant in the south...definitely....

[Ken]

These experiences are just your typical everyday stuff up here in the north.  Sounds like he was actually lucky in his choice of buses.  Up here it wouldn't be nearly so pleasant.  It really sucks up here in the north...its alot more pleasant in the south.....definitely more pleasant in the south...definitely....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Go south young man, go south.

[Dakhar]

Yep,

I think it was fiction. The author new too much for this trip to be his first.

[The Gentleman Scamp]

That's just like a Scampy bullsh' tale 

None of my tales are "Bulsh" and what's more, they don't wag up and down either.

The anti Thai, superior attitude of the writer gives it away that he is not a first timer, that attitude comes from the cynics, 3 days in Thailand is not long enough to become cynical.

Waste of time.

Tut tut, these bloody cynics.

[sriracha john]

Someone else mimicking what he's read without actually visiting Thailand, either that or a two bit new author trying out his first 'story'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would bet on the "author...first story" thing. For the supposed "first time to Thailand", he had a lot of things too right.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

and many, many, many things completely wrong....

which actually proves to me he's been here at least several times.

For this bad-luck-charley though, the most appropriate ending would have been if when he got off the bus in Ekemai, he was immediately run over and squashed like a roach by a different bus speeding on it's way to Rayong.

The biggest laugh I got in the whole piece was Stickman's edit "[not necessarily true]".... HAHAHAHA.... he was about 300 "not necessarily trues" behind.

[sriracha john]

Someone else mimicking what he's read without actually visiting Thailand, either that or a two bit new author trying out his first 'story'

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would bet on the "author...first story" thing. For the supposed "first time to Thailand", he had a lot of things too right.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And a lot more things too wrong to have actually been here. The first bus journey does seem rather like one would encounter in India, rather than Thailand.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

actually it's not.... if you ride a 2nd class bus to Pattaya, it's quite like he describes, without all the racist crap he spews of course, including the 4 hours to reach the destination.

Have I done it myself? yes... and even slower.... on a lark I rode a fan bus to BKK.. five and half hours, but by doing so quite willingly and with a pleasant frame of mind and the right person beside one, it's actually a lot of fun.

[sriracha john]

These experiences are just your typical everyday stuff up here in the north.  Sounds like he was actually lucky in his choice of buses.  Up here it wouldn't be nearly so pleasant.  It really sucks up here in the north...its alot more pleasant in the south.....definitely more pleasant in the south...definitely....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If the North were to truly suck as bad as that, then this bad-luck-charley is surely on his way up to Chiang Mai next time he enters Thailand.

[Tornado]

bloody bus drivers!

[cooL_guY_corY]

even if this is true, what does it matter, this guys internet whore was whining, he should have just got rid of her, and he had a tough 4 hour bus ride? thats not even long.. crybaby i guess ?

[camerata]

Have I done it myself? yes... and even slower.... on a lark I rode a fan bus to BKK.. five and half hours, but by doing so quite willingly and with a pleasant frame of mind and the right person beside one, it's actually a lot of fun.

One wonders how he managed to get on this he11-ride bus with his educated and well-connected young lady? Surely she would have protested and had him take a regular air-con bus...

[Jai Dee]

Have I done it myself? yes... and even slower.... on a lark I rode a fan bus to BKK.. five and half hours, but by doing so quite willingly and with a pleasant frame of mind and the right person beside one, it's actually a lot of fun.

One wonders how he managed to get on this he11-ride bus with his educated and well-connected young lady? Surely she would have protested and had him take a regular air-con bus...

There are just too many holes in the tale for it to be plausible.

<yawn>

Good for a laugh though.

[Khun Larry]

She really is a great person and a rare girl in Thailand for sure.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Reminds me of many a day in LOS. Could be called typical day in LOS.

Love the last part where she just walks away, especially after the happy vacationer takes the bus all the way back to BKK....Classic Thai and the best thing that happened to him all day.

[jimbob]

I took a Coach to Phuket. Coach was fine except that it dumped us in Surathani at 4 in the morning and the fact that my leather bound address book has disapeared during its time in the hold and that it took about 24 hours to get to Phuket.

For an extra 1000 baht I could have flown in a few horus.

[kreon]

i hope by posting this crap here, you did not infringe on stickman's copyright

[The Dude]

When you read some of the "thailand is paradise" fantasy stuff on this forum, it is refreshing to hear something from the other side. I get sick of reading how great life is here when I feel there are countless negatives. Thailand aint the end of the rainbow. I think 99% of us are here for the chicks. Don't lie you mothers

[Jai Dee]

When you read some of the "thailand is paradise" fantasy stuff on this forum, it is refreshing to hear something from the other side.

Other opinions are always refreshing in any forum.

I get sick of reading how great life is here when I feel there are countless negatives. Thailand aint the end of the rainbow.

If you feel there are so many negative, then why not talk about them... maybe someone else on the forum can help you through them.

I think 99% of us are here for the chicks. Don't lie you mothers

I'm not... I work here.

Dude, you seem to have a very negative attitude towards Thailand... apart from "the chicks".

Do you stay here or are you a "sex tourist"?

[bkkmadness]

Yep, struck me as a bit weird he knew so much about Thailand for a first time visitor. My best guess is that he stayed for a bit longer or visited again, formed all his opinions then and just wrote them into this story, which makes it pretty badly written, but makes more sense to me than someone just making up the whole thing.

I just loved the bit about the rare girl in Thailand, especially coming a few lines after she had told him that her Mother's friends would beat up a guy that mistreated her.

[Dragonman]

What a wimp this guy was, I thought young people came to Thailand to have experiences. Nothing bad happened so stop moaning. I'm sure I've heard his rants on this Forum before.Blah, blah, blah

[frenchFARANGbkk]

Even on my first trip I would have kicked this girl so fast....

Some guys really are too nice (or too stupid?)...

[SandDragon]

I think like most people I only kept reading his diatribe in the hope that something truly awful would happen to him..."and for the last 6 years I have been rotting in jail after attacking the bus driver with a paper clip" or "I am typing this with the only finger I have left on my right hand after my rare girl from Thailand went me with a meat cleaver". But alas, no. He get's off the bus and sends her an email about how great she is. Dull. No Pullitzer.

[frenchFARANGbkk]

Yep, struck me as a bit weird he knew so much about Thailand for a first time visitor.  My best guess is that he stayed for a bit longer or visited again, formed all his opinions then and just wrote them into this story, which makes it pretty badly written, but makes more sense to me than someone just making up the whole thing.

I just loved the bit about the rare girl in Thailand, especially coming a few lines after she had told him that her Mother's friends would beat up a guy that mistreated her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think I knew already a lot more than him before coming to Thailand for the first time. That's what internet is made for.

Reading a lot helps, that's why I've never been and will never be a wimp or a pigeon.

And speaking about Stickman, is his wife beautiful? Just wondering who could have pushed him to marry and do not meet whores (openly) anymore.

[Khun Larry]

When you read some of the "thailand is paradise" fantasy stuff on this forum, it is refreshing to hear something from the other side.

Other opinions are always refreshing in any forum.

I get sick of reading how great life is here when I feel there are countless negatives. Thailand aint the end of the rainbow.

If you feel there are so many negative, then why not talk about them... maybe someone else on the forum can help you through them.

I think 99% of us are here for the chicks. Don't lie you mothers

I'm not... I work here.

Dude, you seem to have a very negative attitude towards Thailand... apart from "the chicks".

Do you stay here or are you a "sex tourist"?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Here for the work... lol. For work opportunities Thailand would be very low on the list.

The Dude seems objective, not a negative attitude at all. It is refreshing to hear from The dude. Too many "programmed thinkers" on the Thailand expat/sexpat sites.

As for talking about the negatives, you yourself have called an objective poster negative for doing just that.

same same lame lame

[meom]

When you read some of the "thailand is paradise" fantasy stuff on this forum, it is refreshing to hear something from the other side. I get sick of reading how great life is here when I feel there are countless negatives. Thailand aint the end of the rainbow. I think 99% of us are here for the chicks. Don't lie you mothers

True;although many guys regress from chicks to chick.