Girls See Kindness As Weakness ?

[Buff-horns]

I was reading a post on another forum where someone said that Thai girls see kindness as weakness and Lose Respect !

I am curious to know how this can be ,if you are a kiniou or cheap charlie they will get pretty pi55ed off too . So where is the fineline ?

Do you have to keep beating them over the head like thai guys to keep them respectfull? and No gold rings !

Many farangs are obviously too kind and over generous with the presents and cash and what good does it do them ?They still get ditched in time for another gent who maybe is younger or older or has a bigger willy .

Good lookers always get lots of admirers wherever they live and capitalise on their good looks ,like trading up maybe .

So how do you guage the right amount of tough to kind ?

In order to keep thing rolling along smoothly with your thai sweetie?

[meadish_sweetball]

This is my view:

Giving too much and too often is tantamount to saying 'my worth is what I can give you in cash, not in terms of love or companionship'. If you want to base your relationship on the notion of material wealth you are free to do so, but that also means you will be very easily replaced by somebody who can a.) Provide more money b.) Provide real love and care, which is a lot more than just throwing money and gifts around you.

Giving money reluctantly, accompanied by a lecture, and only after the girl has been forced to humiliate herself to get it, is bound to get you into SERIOUS trouble in the end. Most grown-ups do not want to be treated like a child, and the ones who do, are not fit to have a relation on grown-up terms.

The fine line is, first try to find a girl who is not money-obsessed, and when you do give something, give from your heart (which means you should be prepared to lose what you give without being bitter if the relationship ends).

Actually not sure why I reply to this, because I am getting tired of this subject cropping up over and over again. There was a thread about 'monthly allowance' only a week or two ago. Do we have to hear all the same tired arguments all over again?

[kayo]

Agreed and good point...

There is a very fine line... I screwed it up with my ex by being too kind, I reckon... Ever since we broke up I´ve been single and drunk...

Hence I won´t delve into a lengthy answer, cos I just don´t care anymore... It is, however a good point.

Off to have a beer now.

Much easier.

[Boon Mee]

Absolutely...treat 'em mean & keep 'em keen!

[nick2k]

find a girl who more resembles your social ranking (rich, middle-class, poor). then, your money values are similar thus hopefully preventing these type of problems from occurring.

a rich person who on a given day spends 1000 dollars in one day will have problems hanging out with someone who spends on average 10 dollars a day. ..and vice versa.

a story...

while shopping at a big C one day, I overheard this family having a discussion about fruit juices. evidently the young son wanted his father to buy some orange juice to drink. his father replied, "that's a waste of money. all you really need is water." from what I overheard, I gathered that the father had a tight budget to adhere to.

imagine being taught all your life one way to handle your money, and then, seeing a group of people doing just the opposite.

for sure, your mind will be confused. wouldn't you agree?

[paulfr]

find a girl who more resembles your social ranking (rich, middle-class, poor).  then, your money values are similar thus hopefully preventing these type of problems from occurring.

a rich person who on a given day spends 1000 dollars in one day will have problems hanging out with someone who spends on average 10 dollars a day.  ..and vice versa.

a story...

while shopping at a big C one day, I overheard this family having a discussion about fruit juices.  evidently the young son wanted his father to buy some orange juice to drink.  his father replied, "that's a waste of money.  all you really need is water."  from what I overheard, I gathered that the father had a tight budget to adhere to.

imagine being taught all your life one way to handle your money, and then, seeing a group of people doing just the opposite.

for sure, your mind will be confused.  wouldn't you agree?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not only confused, but fearful and also likely contemptuous.

The rich person is terrified that someday he could lose his money and not be able to live that way. People jump out of tall buildings during market crashes and business failures. The contempt is the wall one puts up to deal with the fear ... that is blaming the other's poverty on stupidity or inherent inferiority.

On the other side, the poor person will hate the rich person for their apparent lack of awareness of their blesssing. Add stinginess to that and they have cause to lose respect too.

Good advice to stay in your own herd.

That being said, many people are capable of rising above these base thoughts and attitudes. Good character is possible for both rich and poor.

[Jai Dee]

Actually not sure why I reply to this, because I am getting tired of this subject cropping up over and over again. There was a thread about 'monthly allowance' only a week or two ago. Do we have to hear all the same tired arguments all over again? 

Too true... the money aspect has been discussed many many times...

Let's focus instead on the "kindness" aspect of the OP instead of the financial... this can relate to females from the West as well as Thai girls.

Your thoughts?

[ThaiPauly]

Absolutely...treat 'em mean & keep 'em keen!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't agree with you. In a relationship with anyone things need to be discussed rationally if there are opposing poinst of view.

If you win every time makes you feel better AT THAT TIME. BUT is that the path of true Love?

I have learnt that the "treat em mean-keep em keen" attitude can really ruin your relationship because you THINK the Girl Loves you when in reality all she sees you as is a bully.

You Love HER to bits because she always does as she is told and is a "Good Girl" but one day that pent up resentment will show itself and you could end up on your own crying into your beer annd saying "what did I do wrong-I Loved her so much-How could she do this to me?"

Well she did it because she got pi##ed off with being treated no better than a toilet brush!

They have IMHO more respect for themselves than to be treated that way just because of MONEY, which you have and she may not have.

Cheers

TP

[soi lurker]

This is my view:

Giving too much and too often is tantamount to saying 'my worth is what I can give you in cash, not in terms of love or companionship'. If you want to base your relationship on the notion of material wealth you are free to do so, but that also means you will be very easily replaced by somebody who can a.) Provide more money b.) Provide real love and care, which  is a lot more than just throwing money and gifts around you.

The fine line is, first try to find a girl who is not money-obsessed, and when you do give something, give from your heart (which means you should be prepared to lose what you give without being bitter if the relationship ends).

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Couldn't agree more!

[mpdkorat]

Absolutely...treat 'em mean & keep 'em keen!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You make this point with a smile, but really there is an element of triuth to it. Why I don't really know, but there is.

[Dragonman]

I was reading a post on another forum where someone said that Thai girls see kindness as weakness and Lose Respect !

I am curious to know how this can be ,if you are a kiniou or cheap charlie they will get pretty pi55ed off too . So where is the fineline ?

Do you have to keep beating them over the head like thai guys to keep them respectfull? and No gold rings !

Many farangs are obviously too kind and over generous with the presents and cash and what good does it do them ?They still get ditched in time for another gent who maybe is younger or older or has a bigger willy .

Good lookers always get lots of admirers wherever they live and capitalise on their good looks ,like trading up maybe .

So how do you guage the right amount of tough to kind ?

In order to keep thing rolling along smoothly with your thai sweetie?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Strangely I know of more guys out here who have dumped their wife for a new model rather than vice versa. I always thought Thailand was the ideal place for a guy to find loyalty and respect from the woman. As we say back home "there's thousands of more sheep on the mountains"

[ThaiPauly]

. As we say back home "there's thousands of more sheep on the mountains"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And even MORE tied to Lamposts

[The Gentleman Scamp]

I used to screw it up with Farang chicks in the 90's by being too kind, then I learned to be an arseh*le and then be kind to them after, just to keep them on their toes.

Obviously if you've met your equal, your soulmate, your best friend, lover and partner of choice then silly games are not nesscessary, however, we are very lucky if we meet this woman.

[Buff-horns]

i mentioned this to guys i know who split with their thai girls they brought to the UK ,and they are perplexed,baffled, shocked at this revealtion about thai girls !

here they were pandering to their every need in expensive clothing and jewelery and extras ,and they were cutting their own throat so as to speak.

If only they knew from the start -but nobody had outlined the rules to them.

expensive lessons have been learnt .

[The Gentleman Scamp]

i mentioned this to guys i know who split with their thai girls they brought to the UK ,and they are perplexed,baffled, shocked at this revealtion about thai girls !

here they were pandering to their every need in expensive clothing and jewelery and extras ,and they were cutting their own throat so as to speak.

If only they knew from the start -but nobody had outlined the rules to them.

expensive lessons have been learnt .

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I gave Ning &lt;deleted&gt; all in terms of materialistic stuff.

When she behaved herself I would take her out for crabs and biscuits.

[Buff-horns]

Absolutely...treat 'em mean & keep 'em keen!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't agree with you. In a relationship with anyone things need to be discussed rationally if there are opposing poinst of view.

If you win every time makes you feel better AT THAT TIME. BUT is that the path of true Love?

I have learnt that the "treat em mean-keep em keen" attitude can really ruin your relationship because you THINK the Girl Loves you when in reality all she sees you as is a bully.

You Love HER to bits because she always does as she is told and is a "Good Girl" but one day that pent up resentment will show itself and you could end up on your own crying into your beer annd saying "what did I do wrong-I Loved her so much-How could she do this to me?"

Well she did it because she got pi##ed off with being treated no better than a toilet brush!

They have IMHO more respect for themselves than to be treated that way just because of MONEY, which you have and she may not have.

Cheers

TP

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

it seems to work for some thai guys and others it does not.

some thai women enjoy being slapped around the room by their thai gents so it seems.i dont know how mean that you need to be .

you have to take each case on its merits.

if she is a headstrong control freak maybe you have to be tough .

[dereklev]

i mentioned this to guys i know who split with their thai girls they brought to the UK ,and they are perplexed,baffled, shocked at this revealtion about thai girls !

here they were pandering to their every need in expensive clothing and jewelery and extras ,and they were cutting their own throat so as to speak.

If only they knew from the start -but nobody had outlined the rules to them.

expensive lessons have been learnt .

I gave Ning &lt;deleted&gt; all in terms of materialistic stuff.

When she behaved herself I would take her out for crabs and biscuits.

Hey Big Spender....

It must have been True Love.....

[meadish_sweetball]

if she is a headstrong control freak maybe you have to be tough .

Maybe if she's a headstrong control freak you need to reprioritize completely. Why would you even try to befriend or get cosy with a woman like that...?

Also, I've seen far more examples of farang male control freaks giving their gf's no space or say whatsoever. I guess the whole kindness/weakness bit goes both ways.

Ever had a male friend who took advantage of you being nice? (Borrowing money and not paying back, bludging off you at every opportunity and moaning about having no money?) It's happened to me a few times at least, before I learned...

[Totster]

... Ever since we broke up I´ve been single and drunk...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Man after my own heart....

totster

[The Gentleman Scamp]

... Ever since we broke up I´ve been single and drunk...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Man after my own heart....

totster

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Funny that...

Ever since I've been single I've been drunk and broken up.

[kreon]

find a girl who more resembles your social ranking (rich, middle-class, poor). then, your money values are similar thus hopefully preventing these type of problems from occurring.

a rich person who on a given day spends 1000 dollars in one day will have problems hanging out with someone who spends on average 10 dollars a day. ..and vice versa.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i agree that this has all to do with money and status, think about a poor girl from the farm in isaan, will always be dreaming about her palace

hence the kind gentleman farang comes along and fullfills her dream, and of course she now has the taste of nice things and money, and thus wants more of it because she also has to take care of the baggage she carries:D

girls from the middle/upper classes already have been there, done that, but they have other needs and don't need kindness, but to date them surely money still talks

[Boon Mee]

Absolutely...treat 'em mean & keep 'em keen!

Don't agree with you. In a relationship with anyone things need to be discussed rationally if there are opposing poinst of view.

If you win every time makes you feel better AT THAT TIME. BUT is that the path of true Love?

I have learnt that the "treat em mean-keep em keen" attitude can really ruin your relationship because you THINK the Girl Loves you when in reality all she sees you as is a bully.

It was said "tongue-in-cheek", Pauly.

As the song goes you have to "hang on loosely but don't let go" seems to me to be the best approach.

[Nam Kao]

Approach it all like a big game, thats all it is.

Fall in love, your in danger.

Use them or they'll use you.

[Som Nam Na]

It's better to be kii neow than kii nok.

The best analogy (generalisation maybe) that I can find is that most Thai's (men and women) are like children. They push the boundaries until you put your foot down. Let them get away with it and they take the extra mile!

The difference with women as apposed to men is that women are more likely to interact with farang and if they have pushed the boundary before (with a previous farang boyfriend) then they are likely to try and push further than the last time.

[udon]

When she behaved herself I would take her out for crabs and biscuits

I hope you didn't mean the mechanised dandruff ones.....

[Totster]

Approach it all like a big game, thats all it is.

    Fall in love, your in danger. 

    Use them or they'll use you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Really...? thanks for your wisdom...

totster

[Jai Dee]

The best analogy (generalisation maybe) that I can find is that most Thai's (men and women) are like children.  They push the boundaries until you put your foot down. Let them get away with it and they take the extra mile!

I can't agree that this attitude is limited to Thais... pushing the limits is a very western attitude IMO.

And I certainly cannot agree that Thais are like children... that is a very Western and uninformed viewpoint... they are just different.

Som Nam Na... I thought you had been here in Thailand for a while... is that all you think you've learnt from the Thais?

[Turok]

In my opinion,

Give these thai girls absolutely nothing!!

In turn, get a rich older lady to pamper you!

Geez... where have I been... Koh Samui, Singapore, Chiang Mai, Hong Kong, Australia, etc.... GIfts galore, in return for some sexual pleasure.. It doesnt hurt at all and I dont mind providing the service.

So many of the ladies would love to treat... Not so bad being a boy toy!!!

Turok

[soi lurker]

In my opinion,

Give these thai girls absolutely nothing!!

In turn, get a rich older lady to pamper you!

Geez... where have I been...  Koh Samui, Singapore, Chiang Mai, Hong Kong, Australia, etc.... GIfts galore, in return for some sexual pleasure..  It doesnt hurt at all and I dont mind providing the service.

So many of the ladies would love to treat...  Not so bad being a boy toy!!!

Turok

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

priceless....

[bartender100]

If you have the time,and you'll need a lot,read the advice on this website,I found a great many tips on woman's psychology and how to deal with it.(apology's to the woman TV readers)

Works the same here as the west.

Its not spam,but maybe of topic for TV

http://www.pickupguide.com/layguide

Edited June 20, 2005 by bartender100