A major Category 3 Hurricane (Shazza) hit in the early hours.

Epicentre: Portsmouth, Hampshire. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "faaackin ell" ..

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately more than £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro arrived.

Power FM (local chav radio station) reported that hundreds of

residents were confused and bewildered and that the hurricane would not improve matters.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said

"It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running

into my bedroom crying "What the <deleted> was that?" My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it all. I was still

shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning, and must av

smoked 60 Lambert an Butlers"

Apparently though, looting, muggings, spraying graffiti and car

crime did carry on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far

managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight and chips with curry

sauce to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for

those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing

is most sought after, items most needed include:

* FILA or Burberry baseball caps

* Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

* Shell suits (female)

* White sport socks

* Rockport boots

* Any Garments by Donnay

* Any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

* Microwave meals

* Tins of baked beans

* Ice cream

* Pork Scratchings

* Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks and Slush Puppys for a

family of 9

£5 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of

those affected.

*Breaking news*

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in ketchup -

'Where are you bleeding from?' they asked - "Paulsgrove" said the

girl, "Woss that faaacken got to do wiv you?"

And so the joyous trivia of Britain’s working, or not so working class survives and thrives. Bless all those in the Kingdom who in fairness had mothers and fathers who were born here. We know what so many of them have become!!! Just look at police footage from any town centre CCTV on a Friday or Saturday night!!

The rest of the population, technically known as immigrants have but one quest in life, and that is to build enough resistance over the next ten years or so to counter the edict of the BNP……

Shouldn't this be in the joke section.?

Shouldn't this be in the joke section.?

Why?? It's funny............But Oh so true!