How Much To Pay The Mother In Law?

[kunash]

this is is a serious post. i know many people pay nothing to the mother in law, and some people pay the mother in law some money every month.

i guess it depends on the person and their means to pay.

Background;

The mother in law, father in law, and 1 daughter ( with 2 kids ) lives in a large 2 storey house, in a major town in Isaan.

there are 3 daughters

1 is married to a western man ( he is now working in BKK so is not at home )

the western man built the house

the western guy (WG) has been paying 4000 baht each month to the mother in law (MIL), for each daughter, for at least 2 or 3 years now, so he tells me. He suggested, as i am now on the scene,

we split the payment, so we each pay 6000 baht to the MIL. he said this would be fair. i told him i would pay 4000 for my thai girlfriend. i was expecting to pay a little bit to the MIL. he said, this would be an insult, and i would be looked down on - by the family for paying such a small sum, ( as i am a farang ).

when i arrived in thailand, i went around to say hi, and I received a frosty reception from him.

what do you all think? i know 6000 is a good / average wage for thailand, and the MIL is getting 12000 a month. should i just leave it up to my girlfriend to pay? the WG said he does not trust her to pay the money to her mum, but that is not my problem.

[mizzi39]

Here is my suggestion. Pay nothing. The end.

[Farma]

Why pay at all?

You married your wife, Not your mother in law.

[dave111223]

That's pretty good going huh...2 out of 3 Isaan daughters married to Western guys.

[robblok]

Your crazy to do whatever that guy says. Why are you obliged to pay anything. Let your gf sort it out but i really don't understand those guys supporting their gf's and their family. What if you were not there how would they live then ?

[rgs2001uk]

Is the father in law an invalid, is he incapable of taking care of his wife?, your MIL.

Where has all the sin sot money gone? pissed away by the sounds of it.

Pay nothing. Let the WG pay it sounds as if he knows everything, building houses and sending money every month, MUG.

[CarlBkk]

The other guy is a fool. Pay absolutely nothing and don't care what the "villagers" think of you. Very few have the mental capacity to see the husband for what they are....a nice guy caring for his wife. Instead you're only nice is you build a house and pay big money to up the "social reputation" of the in-laws. Get right out of that situation and stay in Bangkok.

[slapout]

In one of my finer moments, when the topic of paying money each month to wife's family came up, I told wife to weigh them up and I would pay live weight, same as for current pig price, each month. That was 20 year back, pork price 15 baht, mil and fil weighed about 80 kilo combined. When he died, good fellow that I am, I did not deduct his weight from monthly payment.

In all family dealings, I try to eliminate brother in laws except to say hello and good by. The extended family concept seems to go too far at times.

[steelepulse]

Why exactly should you pay? Can't these people support themselves?

[meom]

The other guy is a fool. Pay absolutely nothing and don't care what the "villagers" think of you. Very few have the mental capacity to see the husband for what they are....a nice guy caring for his wife. Instead you're only nice is you build a house and pay big money to up the "social reputation" of the in-laws. Get right out of that situation and stay in Bangkok.

I tend to agree with Carl.

Although combining money and sex the GF is still a bargain at 6000/month which would equate to less than a handful of short times in Bangkok.

[mrtoad]

The other guy is a fool. Pay absolutely nothing and don't care what the "villagers" think of you. Very few have the mental capacity to see the husband for what they are....a nice guy caring for his wife. Instead you're only nice is you build a house and pay big money to up the "social reputation" of the in-laws. Get right out of that situation and stay in Bangkok.

I tend to agree with Carl.

Although combining money and sex the GF is still a bargain at 6000/month which would equate to less than a handful of short times in Bangkok.

Well when you put it that way, but does this mean he also gets to try out the Mother in Law as well?

[meom]

The other guy is a fool. Pay absolutely nothing and don't care what the "villagers" think of you. Very few have the mental capacity to see the husband for what they are....a nice guy caring for his wife. Instead you're only nice is you build a house and pay big money to up the "social reputation" of the in-laws. Get right out of that situation and stay in Bangkok.

I tend to agree with Carl.

Although combining money and sex the GF is still a bargain at 6000/month which would equate to less than a handful of short times in Bangkok.

Well when you put it that way, but does this mean he also gets to try out the Mother in Law as well?

That would be an added bonus probably

[stranger-in-paradise]

I'm not sure if you have already married into the family or not (maybe you are still referring to the missus as your girlfriend). If you are not married, then it seems premature to be making payments beyond the GF.

If you have married, then talk to your wife and try to find out the undercurrents inside the family. (If your family is anything like mine, that will take some time! But worth doing). At one extreme, the WG may have set the standard and the family may be expecting another 12000 from the new son-in-law. At the other end, they may feel that each part of the family does what it can to support the rest.

Either way, I would be talking to the family (and particularly the head of the family) about payments and not the WG. His payments are his business. Your payments are yours.

[sanook2me]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

[kunash]

i asked the thai girlfriend and she said up to me what i pay to the MIL, i do not have to pay anything. if i do not pay, she will pay something every month - but that is up to her.

and you are all correct when you say, what the WG pays is his arrangement. the WG said i would have to pay 500,000 sin sod. i did a little research, and found out i would have to pay nothing. my thai girlfriend asked her mum what i should pay for sin sod, and the MIL said as long as i look after her daughter i do not have to pay anything. maybe a token gesture which will be returned. so the WG was wrong.

good idea - stranger in paradise - i will ask the MiL what she is ''wants'' every month. i will claim poverty. i think there is some history within the family between the mother / father and my thai girlfriend, ( well, according to the WG there is ) - if i left it up to her to pay, the family thinks she wont pay.

the WG also said the children are the parents pension plan. so the children have to support the parents. both parents do not work. i think the father fights cockerals

[jackdawson]

my girlfriend

if she's hot i'd do the 4 k ($125 US !)

if she's really hot i could probably go to 6

[mrtoad]

i think there is some history within the family between the mother / father and my thai girlfriend,

Well, one would think so

[JohnnyFeelIt]

If there are asking for or expecting money. Give them 4k or 40k and they will still just see u as the farang ATM.

Why are these people unable to work? How old are they? Are they disabled?......

[billd766]

Well I will put my baht in.

Contrary to most of the posters I DO pay both my MIL and FIL 3,000 baht each a month.

I do it willingly and I talked it over with my wife first.

My MIL lives up country with us in a small house that we built for my wife to stay in while we built our house so it was empty anyway and my FIL lives in BKK in the family house that he shares with the 3 sons, 1 daughter in law and 3 grandchildren.

It was and is my choice to do so.

The MIL helps around the place and is no problem at all otherwise she keeps to herself.

The family from BKK come up 2 or 3 times a year whenever the holidays are.

I am at 66 a few months older than my MIL who is also 66 and my FIL is 71 or 72 I think.

They rarely ask for money or help and if they do then we give it if possible and they do the same for us.

All of us are happy with the arrangement and personally speaking it is up to you guys what you do.

[GuestHouse]

The MIL has been getting 12K a month from one of her daughters farang husbands - Now two of her daughters have got farang husbands - Do the math on how much the MIL is expecting to receive.

I'd suggest you open the negotiation with 'how much are we going to pay our mothers'.

You might find the thought of your wife's money (the money you believe to be yours) going to anyone but her or her mother is a bit too much to swallow.

And anyway, why are you negotiating with the other farang, are you telling us that neither of you understand the math?

[Dave the Dude]

both parents do not work. i think the father fights cockerals

IF you are for real, I apologise for treating you the way I did elsewhere. Blocked IP addresses and dangerous listed E-mail address make me a bit nervous.

PM me and suggest a time and a place in Surin, I will buy you a beer and talk about this story.

I cannot be fairer than that,can I??

Edited July 1, 2010 by Dave the Dude

[Lumumba]

If you miss a few months payments, do they repossess your wife/gf?

And what about fees for late payment?

What some people will do to be relevant.

[Chunky1]

Another classic.

[CarlBkk]

farang ting tong...

This is 2010 and you don't have to pay for a Thai girl anymore...

Sure there are ones you can pay for but there is also an abundance of "normal" Thai girls.. educated/single/financially independant just waiting on the sidelines like wall flowers to be picked up...

Find them in the gym / sports clubs not in your local massage or go go bar....

Anyone who pays for a Thai wife and family with all the information at hand now on the internet is just bonkers... IMHO..

Anyway upto you...makes interesting reading....

Absolutely true, but we don't know what the OP and his wife look like and how old they are. An ugly 50 year old trying to pick up a nice white office maiden might have a problem. However, there are plenty of old maids out there who are still open to offers and who still have decent jobs. Maybe too much effort? But way less problems in the long term.

The FIL cockfights. Great job. He's really working hard.

[kunash]

both parents do not work. i think the father fights cockerals

IF you are for real, I apologise for treating you the way I did elsewhere. Blocked IP addresses and dangerous listed E-mail address make me a bit nervous.

PM me and suggest a time and a place in Surin, I will buy you a beer and talk about this story.

I cannot be fairer than that,can I??

haha Dave, i wondered if you would read this. i thought a good chance you might. I think you are a sound bloke, with goood advice, so no worries.

[Chunky1]

very lucky family huh? if they didn't sell their daughters to farang they wouldn't have a huge house and pension.

[kunash]

to be fair to the FIL and the WG - the FIL was / is an alcoholic. he was probably about 6 months - 1 year from death. the WG took him north to the monks ( i dont know the name of the place, but it is where addicts go to be treated by the monks. ). the WG stayed with the FIL, and made sure he stayed to be treated. this must have been about 2 or 3 years ago. anyway, it worked, and the Fil has been tea total ever since. it saved his life. so i am not sure what state the FiL is in health wise, but i think it has affected his health - unhealthy liver. i underdstand about addiction, and know what the FiL and WG has done is commendable, and very hard thing to do.

i have talked to my TGF. she said she will pay 2k to her mother, from her salary ( work salary ), and i said i would pay 2k. ( i know i dont have to, but 2k i can live with ). so we will give her 4k a month.

i found out about how much i should pay for sin sod ( I have to pay nothing), from these forums, so asking these questions does help me, so thank you.

[prakhonchai nick]

I had intended to make a comment elsewhere, before it was closed.

My advice to you, and to others as I have indicated before, is not to get involved directly. The in-laws are the responsibility of the daughters, not their husbands. They took care before you and the other farang came on the scene, so let them continue to do so. HOW? Give the wife/girlfriend a monthly allowance, and from that let her give to the in-laws and any other members of the extended family she may so wish. 1000,2000bt whatever suits her, as long as you make it clear that there is no more money from you till the end of the month.

[Chunky1]

so the sister is a WG but your girl is a good girl?

[ozzieovaseas]

An interesting situation!!

As i was reading i couldnt help but get the feeling something was amiss here. Call me paranoid but i think this western guy might be having a little take the piss session with you.

I doubt whether he has been paying as much as he says he has, so maybe he is setting you up to take over the payments, so as to take the pressure off himself?

Maybe even the mother in law is in on this...but i'd hate to think that could be the case..

I cant help but think this idea of eliciting even more money after marriage (when they know they got you) is in very poor form..worse enough thais doing it to you under the guise of love..other farangs joining in (if this is the case) is just not on..

also to consider:

1. Your wife is on good money, a lot better than most, so why asking you to pay?

2. Why does the MIL need this much to live on anyway? From what i understand most upcountry folk can look after themselves and raise a kiddie or 2 on 8k or so.

If i was you i'd find a way of politely suggesting the WG take care of his own backyard and leave you to do the same