Friends & In-Laws

[473geo]

The ability of some posters to turn a precious moment into a negative is beyond belief!!!......sad people!!!!.........I can only guess one has to experience such close family affection to fully understand the true message in this story. This sincere gesture of thanks and display of appreciation/affection to the Op from his mother-in-law is extremely meaningful for him........there are people here who need to learn one simple fact in life...........you earn respect........you earn it by your actions....by your whole attitude to your extended family....make no mistake they see you for what you are.

For the ignorant among you, try to understand that that any monthly sum will simply not cut it......this is about giving emotional and unconditional support to your family when it is required, the story is about earning respect by personal unselfish actions, but more importantly without major effort, other than just being you............some people have this ability......many don't!!

It's took 18 years and a small fortune for the family of the OP to return some generosity.Hardly worth shouting from the rooftops about.

Try reading my post again.............start at the line......"For the ignorant among you"

[Maccheroncini]

Cousins crashed his house for two days then she said thanks by giving him 10000.  That's what I think.

The story makes no sense

OK the wife's parents gave you 2 months of the monthly amount you'd been giving them for 18 years, without ever feeling the need to give you a 'rebate' previously

I've no doubt this makes them FAR better than the average in-laws, but its not exactly incredibly generous behaviour.

[geriatrickid]

What's up with the nastiness? Try living on 5K baht a month. For an old woman the money might make the difference been comfort and hardship. 60K a year to make a wife happy. Gosh, that's lavish. Cost of a month's supply of ugly Pattaya hookers for some of you.

My father used to give his mother a cheque every month. Considering the fact that I used to invite myself over for a meal weekly, as did my cousins, that she was available to move in when the folks went on holiday and that she was an important part of all her grandchildrens' lives, I reckon we got the better deal of his doing the right thing. When I was a kid, I had no idea my grandmother, a widower, was poor. She was just the nice old lady that had time for everyone. So, what's the problem with someone putting his money towards something good?

I don't know how some people were brought up, but this is what families do. I believe it's called being decent and having class. I can guarantee that the OP isn't going to die alone in some filthy guesthouse room covered in his feces. His body won't lay there rotting for a couple weeks because no one cares,

[jazzbo]

I have a significant-other (off-and-on) for 7 years ... since I have known her, the following have died: Mother, Father, 2 younger sisters (separately), Aunt (Mother's Sister). In all cases I paid for a piece of the funeral expenses and some cases the hospital expenses prior to demise. I have also paid for the hospital and doctor costs of her (not mine) almost 4 year old little Thai girl... and so what?

... and if I think I am getting taken -- and I sometimes tell her but she doesn't really comprehend in my butchered Thai language -- that a girl with looks and all as yours (if so inclined) is worth about $500 per hour in Los Angeles so who is taking whom?

BTW I personally met and knew all the family members mentioned above (except for the Aunt).

Edited August 28, 2010 by jazzbo

[mrdeedee]

my wifes friends and family not only like me but love me as well

i like the end

I trust that you are not taking the p-ss?

the moms monthly allowance may have something to do wit it fella! the 10k she gave you back was from donations, etc from the mourners.

i always find it strange whena guy say they give allowance but not another cent. for anyone or anything else........................it is just not believable!

Edited August 28, 2010 by mrdeedee

[mallyrd]

my wifes friends and family not only like me but love me as well

i like the end

I trust that you are not taking the p-ss?

the moms monthly allowance may have something to do wit it fella! the 10k she gave you back was from donations, etc from the mourners.

i always find it strange whena guy say they give allowance but not another cent. for anyone or anything else........................it is just not believable!

It is becoming increasingly obvious to me that you have no sense of what it takes to earn respect let alone respect from within your own world (must be a small one) of Thai friends and family, if indeed you have any.

[mrdeedee]

hey op is beloved by all yet he doesnt give them anything. can someone post stats on how many farm folk love their village farang for who he is not for whaat he gives.

its possible..i guess! we are talking rural thais arent we.............lol!

Edited August 28, 2010 by mrdeedee

[Who, me ?]

OP story is quite a nice one, and I have to say that it is not usual.

The fact that family acknowledged the OP's kindness and concerns, no matter the amount, is already worth a lot of appreciation. It is more than often the other way round, with never ending requests from family, to borrow money which will never be given back, or to come and take quarters without any "compensation"....

They could easily have done nothing, have said nothing, have given nothing.....

Good for you OP. I am with you on that, I have the same kind of in laws

[yermanee]

Good example of why it is unwise to post something positive about Thailand here on Thaivisa.

To the OP : congratulations, you seem to be a decent man, and I don't say this easily!

yermanee

[moe666]

The OP has given to his family never expecting or asking for anything in return his mother -in-law showed her respect and thank you in the only way she could.

There will always be people that the glass is half empty instead of half full and it seems that Thaivisa has its share. It just seems these folks never find the positive in any thing a Thai does. Too bad for them

[Lumumba]

If the OP wife had a very much younger cute sister, I ll still be interested as the OP is already paying the MIL, and there is no FIL, I ll just be easy go guy.

I am never good at making regular payments. Most times I make payments in advance with out discounts or in arrears with penalty.

I would not offer to pay any MIL, her daughter can work to support them, but I ll always take care of all her needs or die trying.

[ableguy]

Cousins crashed his house for two days then she said thanks by giving him 10000. That's what I think.

The story makes no sense

OK the wife's parents gave you 2 months of the monthly amount you'd been giving them for 18 years, without ever feeling the need to give you a 'rebate' previously

I've no doubt this makes them FAR better than the average in-laws, but its not exactly incredibly generous behaviour.

I DO NOT RECALL HIM SAYING HE HAD BEEN PAYING FOR THE FULL 18 YEARS

[sillyman99]

OP story is quite a nice one, and I have to say that it is not usual.

The fact that family acknowledged the OP's kindness and concerns, no matter the amount, is already worth a lot of appreciation. It is more than often the other way round, with never ending requests from family, to borrow money which will never be given back, or to come and take quarters without any "compensation"....

They could easily have done nothing, have said nothing, have given nothing.....

Good for you OP. I am with you on that, I have the same kind of in laws

So what makes you think it's so unusual then ?

[Loz]

What I now (in my fifth consecutive year living here) find interesting is that we harp on about people giving their money away when in actual fact back home I suspect there are many families like my own where money is shared among family members in the wise words of an unlikely hero on this forum:

To each according to his need, from each according to his ability

Now "need" is not always the main driver but generous people give and stingy ones don't. Its not giving to get, its giving for the love of giving. I think there are people here who get that and people who don't (yet?).

Example, when I was young I always wanted my dad to have a BMW but he was far too sensible to waste money on "flash" cars so he drove sensible cars like Rovers. Before I left school My folks bought me a (used) BMW as an easter present 'cos they knew I had always liked them. They could afford it, and it gave me pleasure, which my parents enjoyed.

9 years later after my dad had not been able to drive for 12months due to surgeries and having given his car to my brother who was still studying at the time, my dad needed a car. I had just got a company car (another BMW) but had recently bought an M3 for myself. I gave the M3 to my dad for father's day. He kept it for 5 years and confessed after 3 months that he did actually like it. It was replaced after 5 years with a new 4 door one by my mum at christmas. There is an old yiddish proverb:

When a father gives to a son, both laugh. When son gives to a father, both cry.

I used these lavish examples to put into context the petty attitude of those on the forum who condem anyone for giving any gift or token beleiving it to be P_i_ssing money away. Some people give because they like giving. When you CAN give, and you DO give, it can be a great feeling. Of course there are those who make an art form out of TAKING but I don't think you can tar all thais with that brush. I feel very lucky that I come from a loving family and my generosity comes from and flows back to them. IF I didn't have that background I might look for someone to love like a thai wife and try and pour all of myself into that relationship without counting the cost.

I have realised that for me making my parents proud is joint top priority to making my life have meaning. I FULLY respect however that for some, that love and respect might be directed at the family they marry into. Why not? Who are we to judge? If it makes someone feel good to invest themselves in others, who are we to prescribe the level of investment and judge the return it yeilds. I know parents who have poured "investments" into kids who have given them heartaches of biblical proportions. Should they have stopped "helping" their son? That's their call.

The OP has a nice story to tell and is obviously happy with his life. What is possibly to be gained from tearing that down?

[mallyrd]

What I now (in my fifth consecutive year living here) find interesting is that we harp on about people giving their money away when in actual fact back home I suspect there are many families like my own where money is shared among family members in the wise words of an unlikely hero on this forum:

To each according to his need, from each according to his ability

Now "need" is not always the main driver but generous people give and stingy ones don't. Its not giving to get, its giving for the love of giving. I think there are people here who get that and people who don't (yet?).

Example, when I was young I always wanted my dad to have a BMW but he was far too sensible to waste money on "flash" cars so he drove sensible cars like Rovers. Before I left school My folks bought me a (used) BMW as an easter present 'cos they knew I had always liked them. They could afford it, and it gave me pleasure, which my parents enjoyed.

9 years later after my dad had not been able to drive for 12months due to surgeries and having given his car to my brother who was still studying at the time, my dad needed a car. I had just got a company car (another BMW) but had recently bought an M3 for myself. I gave the M3 to my dad for father's day. He kept it for 5 years and confessed after 3 months that he did actually like it. It was replaced after 5 years with a new 4 door one by my mum at christmas. There is an old yiddish proverb:

When a father gives to a son, both laugh. When son gives to a father, both cry.

I used these lavish examples to put into context the petty attitude of those on the forum who condem anyone for giving any gift or token beleiving it to be P_i_ssing money away. Some people give because they like giving. When you CAN give, and you DO give, it can be a great feeling. Of course there are those who make an art form out of TAKING but I don't think you can tar all thais with that brush. I feel very lucky that I come from a loving family and my generosity comes from and flows back to them. IF I didn't have that background I might look for someone to love like a thai wife and try and pour all of myself into that relationship without counting the cost.

I have realised that for me making my parents proud is joint top priority to making my life have meaning. I FULLY respect however that for some, that love and respect might be directed at the family they marry into. Why not? Who are we to judge? If it makes someone feel good to invest themselves in others, who are we to prescribe the level of investment and judge the return it yeilds. I know parents who have poured "investments" into kids who have given them heartaches of biblical proportions. Should they have stopped "helping" their son? That's their call.

The OP has a nice story to tell and is obviously happy with his life. What is possibly to be gained from tearing that down?

Nice one Loz.

[Loz]

only took me a few years here to figure out the most important phrase here:

"up to you"

In the end, what else matters?

[mallyrd]

Cousins crashed his house for two days then she said thanks by giving him 10000. That's what I think.

The story makes no sense

OK the wife's parents gave you 2 months of the monthly amount you'd been giving them for 18 years, without ever feeling the need to give you a 'rebate' previously

I've no doubt this makes them FAR better than the average in-laws, but its not exactly incredibly generous behaviour.

I DO NOT RECALL HIM SAYING HE HAD BEEN PAYING FOR THE FULL 18 YEARS

I don't think it would make any difference to F1fanatic whether it was 1 or 20 years.

For the record my Mother in-law worked as a cook in our bar and restaurant for almost 14 years. We gave up the business (because my wife started to travel with me) and together we decided that Mother (as I call her) should have a pension (for want of a better word), this is the origins of the monthly payment of THB 5,000.

[TheLaughingMan]

Cool story bro

lol, maybe only you and I get that joke. But you could say the same thing about all the stories here.

[Thakkar]

sometime ago, in passing while we were discussing something else, our daughters said some things that led us to realize that they expect to take care of us (financially and otherwise) when we are old.

Our own financial planning rules this out, we do not expect it. We had never intimated that this was expected of them. We wondered where they could have got the idea, in a matter of fact manner, that they were responsible for us in our old age.

The answer is that they have been watching us. I helped my brother out when he was in need. When one of Mrs T's sisters was semi-paralized, we asked her to come stay with us and I promised to drive her to her physio therapy sessions everyday. She declined out of greng tsai and made other arrangements. Along with my brother, my wife and I finance my mother's retirement in India. We and Mrs T's siblings finance her mother's retirement. Last year, MIL had to undergo expensive cancer treatment. Everyone chipped in, each according to their ability. Turned out it wasn't necessary as one of her sisters and her husband, both civil servants, were able to claim on their government insurance. If the cancer returns, the insurance may not cover payments anymore and everyone's tightening their belts a bit to keep some money aside.

Relations between daughter-in-law and MIL are often fraught, this is true in any culture. Although not malicious, my mother is very fastidious and not easy to live with. Mrs T welcomes her into our home whenever she wants to visit and looks after all her needs, grits her teeth and puts up with the inevitable, subtly delivered critiques. When my mother's in India, Mrs T reminds me to call her regularly to check up on her. I am equally attentive to her mother when she visits.

This is what family is about and my wife and I never considered there was any other way to behave with family. The fact that our behaviour has subtly instilled compassion in our own children is a delightful bonus.

[mallyrd]

Cool story bro

lol, maybe only you and I get that joke. But you could say the same thing about all the stories here.

Don't be selfish, why don't you share the joke with all of the other posters.

[mallyrd]

Dear Mods,

I reckon this post has just about run its course. Some of the responses have been heartwarming whilst others have been nothing short of plain ignorance or a total lack of understanding of the love and affection between the expat and his/hers in-laws.

My final comments are;

Yesterday evening one of my wifes friends (who happens to be a butch lesbian) and who I have known for more than 15 years, dropped by the bungalow to celerbrate her winnings from some sort of gambling. She gave my wife THB 1,000 and told her to buy "Dee" a pizza. What wonderful friends we have.

[surayu]

The ability of some posters to turn a precious moment into a negative is beyond belief!!!......sad people!!!!.........

Sometime it might be difficult to correctly identify opportunism, especially if it comes from people close to us, sad it might be people dropping their defense and falling victims of them

I can only guess one has to experience such close family affection to fully understand the true message in this story. This sincere gesture of thanks and display of appreciation/affection to the Op from his mother-in-law is extremely meaningful for him

people should love you for what you are and not for what you have and what share of it you give to them.....

........there are people here who need to learn one simple fact in life...........you earn respect........you earn it by your actions....by your whole attitude to your extended family....make no mistake they see you for what you are.

I have no doubts they can see what you are, but whom is "earning" is not whom is "paying"

For the ignorant among you, try to understand that that any monthly sum will simply not cut it......this is about giving emotional and unconditional support to your family when it is required, the story is about earning respect by personal unselfish actions, but more importantly without major effort, other than just being you............some people have this ability......many don't!!

and i am wondering whom among us is really ignoring more at this point....i think the story was a bit more then someone just being himself....you might want to read it again, look for the part where it mention "thai bahts" and the people taking over a whole house Sorry if i did sound a bit harsh, i didn't mean to hurt anyone feelings, but you have to be aware that out there the world sometime can be bad to you, you have to learn to protect yourself in an appropriated way and even with that you are still subject to dangers, you can still have a happy life though, no need to be sad

[mrdeedee]

What's up with the nastiness? Try living on 5K baht a month. For an old woman the money might make the difference been comfort and hardship. 60K a year to make a wife happy. Gosh, that's lavish. Cost of a month's supply of ugly Pattaya hookers for some of you.

My father used to give his mother a cheque every month. Considering the fact that I used to invite myself over for a meal weekly, as did my cousins, that she was available to move in when the folks went on holiday and that she was an important part of all her grandchildrens' lives, I reckon we got the better deal of his doing the right thing. When I was a kid, I had no idea my grandmother, a widower, was poor. She was just the nice old lady that had time for everyone. So, what's the problem with someone putting his money towards something good?

I don't know how some people were brought up, but this is what families do. I believe it's called being decent and having class. I can guarantee that the OP isn't going to die alone in some filthy guesthouse room covered in his feces. His body won't lay there rotting for a couple weeks because no one cares,

ive changed my view here.

why is op giving such a small amount? if he going to give at least be a littlee more jai dee! 5k seems i bit khee nio!

[mallyrd]

What's up with the nastiness? Try living on 5K baht a month. For an old woman the money might make the difference been comfort and hardship. 60K a year to make a wife happy. Gosh, that's lavish. Cost of a month's supply of ugly Pattaya hookers for some of you.

My father used to give his mother a cheque every month. Considering the fact that I used to invite myself over for a meal weekly, as did my cousins, that she was available to move in when the folks went on holiday and that she was an important part of all her grandchildrens' lives, I reckon we got the better deal of his doing the right thing. When I was a kid, I had no idea my grandmother, a widower, was poor. She was just the nice old lady that had time for everyone. So, what's the problem with someone putting his money towards something good?

I don't know how some people were brought up, but this is what families do. I believe it's called being decent and having class. I can guarantee that the OP isn't going to die alone in some filthy guesthouse room covered in his feces. His body won't lay there rotting for a couple weeks because no one cares,

ive changed my view here.

why is op giving such a small amount? if he going to give at least be a littlee more jai dee! 5k seems i bit khee nio!

My Mother in-law happens to have a husband who is retired from the police force, how much he gives I have no idea.

[richard_smith237]

Lovely story and I'm sure this feeling of genuine two way respect is there for many of us.

Many of us don't post our positive stories because its all the more insulting when we open up and some muppet throws his negative tuppence worth in.

[mallyrd]

Lovely story and I'm sure this feeling of genuine two way respect is there for many of us.

Many of us don't post our positive stories because its all the more insulting when we open up and some muppet throws his negative tuppence worth in.

There certainly has been a fair number of negative responses, but then again the good ones more than make up for the "muppets" as you call them.

[IanForbes]

Nice story, OP, and it balances all the negative ones you read daily on thaivisa or other forums. I have to agree with what geo wrote...

The ability of some posters to turn a precious moment into a negative is beyond belief!!!......sad people!!!!.........I can only guess one has to experience such close family affection to fully understand the true message in this story. This sincere gesture of thanks and display of appreciation/affection to the Op from his mother-in-law is extremely meaningful for him........there are people here who need to learn one simple fact in life...........you earn respect........you earn it by your actions....by your whole attitude to your extended family....make no mistake they see you for what you are.

For the ignorant among you, try to understand that that any monthly sum will simply not cut it......this is about giving emotional and unconditional support to your family when it is required, the story is about earning respect by personal unselfish actions, but more importantly without major effort, other than just being you............some people have this ability......many don't!!

It is not the amount, or making even what had been given to the mother in law. It was a nice gesture from the heart, and in the only way she knew how. I'm amazed at how some people can not see that.

A gift should never be given with strings attached. It is too bad that some people here are too narrow minded to understand that. I've helped out several Thai families without asking for anything in return, but people don't understand that I can get pleasure from giving. Certainly some people think I am an ATM machine and treat me like a sucker, but that is their problem, not mine. I can see the difference, but give anyway if they are in need of support.

[Theoutsider]

Of course they love the op he sound like a decent bloke.

I would of tried to refuse the cash but taken it only for the good gesture it was.

Then I would give it back to her over two months or use it to help the family.

I see one poster keeps tabs on family members even in times of grief, i'm happy he is not related to me .

I watch out for family members which includes in-laws and i dont keep tabs.

[473geo]

@Surayu

Ooooooooooooooooh the big bad world........ ..........well I'm alive and I am happy.....now why should I go dwelling on the'bad' things that can happen and ruin my day......

I'll enjoy the good thank you......I enjoyed the positive experience of the OP...........you didn't .......up to you .......be careful crossing that road now..........

[F1fanatic]

Dear Mods,

I reckon this post has just about run its course. Some of the responses have been heartwarming whilst others have been nothing short of plain ignorance or a total lack of understanding of the love and affection between the expat and his/hers in-laws.

My final comments are;

Yesterday evening one of my wifes friends (who happens to be a butch lesbian) and who I have known for more than 15 years, dropped by the bungalow to celerbrate her winnings from some sort of gambling. She gave my wife THB 1,000 and told her to buy "Dee" a pizza. What wonderful friends we have.

Have to agree - some posters have had the temerity to point out that his 'heartwarming' story is nothing of the sort.

Definitely time to close the topic down once people start pointing out the actual financial statistics of his relationship......He may think the actual money involved is irrelevant - his wife and her family don't.....

Edited August 29, 2010 by F1fanatic