Helping The Family

[a2396]

What is considered "normal", standard or reasonable in terms of a farang assisting (providing money) to 1. The Thai "traditional wife. and 2. Other family members, ie. parents, brothers, sisters on a monthly basis? How much and to what extent should the daughter, ie my wife be expected to dole out to her family each month??

[Bilko]

What is considered "normal", standard or reasonable in terms of a farang assisting (providing money) to 1. The Thai "traditional wife. and 2. Other family members, ie. parents, brothers, sisters on a monthly basis?  How much and to what extent should the daughter, ie my wife be expected to dole out to her family each month??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Depends on the family, depends on your wife and depends on you.

If you give money to your Thai wife, it is hers to spend in any way she wants, and unlike western people, Thai people will want to help out their Parents and immediate family.

In a land of no Social Security or Pensions family members tend to rely on each other a lot more than they do in the west. The richer help out the poorer in general, without years and years of reminders and guilt trips that one comes across in the West when family members are asked to help each other. ( My father used to leave the price stickers on my christmas presents when I was 7 years old )!

Don't get all resentful, you are no different to a Thai guy, who is also expected to help out his wifes Family, (as well as his own direct family), if he has the means to do so, and they need help.

Edited July 15, 2005 by Bilko

[Khun Larry]

What is considered "normal", standard or reasonable in terms of a farang assisting (providing money) to 1. The Thai "traditional wife. and 2. Other family members, ie. parents, brothers, sisters on a monthly basis?  How much and to what extent should the daughter, ie my wife be expected to dole out to her family each month??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

nothing is normal

maybe a few k baht to the parents as they are such a sad lot

definitely nothing to the other family members

[Bilko]

By the way, expect loads of Negative responses from members of this forum.

[chownah]

Are all your wife's family's members disabled?...otherwise why are you thinking you need to give them money?

[jayenram]

I give the FG an allowance every month. I pay all the bills including food so the allowance is hers to do with what she wishes. I am aware that a proportion (sometimes 50%) of it goes to help her family.

[kreon]

What is considered "normal", standard or reasonable in terms of a farang assisting (providing money) to 1. The Thai "traditional wife. and 2. Other family members, ie. parents, brothers, sisters on a monthly basis?  How much and to what extent should the daughter, ie my wife be expected to dole out to her family each month??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

nothing is considered normal, ask yourself this question, would they bail your family out when in trouble, most unlikely

so find out who is working, who's not and why they're not working, i.e. lazy, drinking, then do a total summary and analyze it, your wife should only be compensated for her loss of income, plus a few thousand baht extra

don't forget, they may have already been leaching of your wife

its not your job to feed the family, they took care of themselves so far, so let it be

[soi lurker]

Imho nothing is ever set in concrete........ you, as an outsider from a different country with different beliefs, have your own descisions to make, and no one, i beleive, can tell you to the contrary........if you want to assist, who is to stop you, or if you dont beleive in assisting, or cannot, who is to say you have to?....... an age old subject............

[penelope]

What is considered "normal", standard or reasonable in terms of a farang assisting (providing money) to 1. The Thai "traditional wife. and 2. Other family members, ie. parents, brothers, sisters on a monthly basis?  How much and to what extent should the daughter, ie my wife be expected to dole out to her family each month??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

In my case, and some other thai/non-thai couples I know, "normal" is zero dollars. My wife and her family are financially independent.

Edited July 15, 2005 by penelope

[TizMe]

My wife sends her mum 4,000 baht per month. Nothing for any one else.

[Neeranam]

Depends on the family, depends on your wife and depends on you.

If you give money to your Thai wife, it is hers to spend in any way she wants, and unlike western people, Thai people will want to help out their Parents and immediate family.

In a land of no Social Security or Pensions family members tend to rely on each other a lot more than they do in the west. The richer help out the poorer in general, without years and years of reminders and guilt trips that one comes across in the West when family members are asked to help each other. ( My father used to leave the price stickers on my christmas presents when I was 7 years old )!

Don't get all resentful, you are no different to a Thai guy, who is also expected to help out his wifes Family, (as well as his own direct family), if he has the means to do so, and they need help.

Good advice Bilko!

Are all your wife's family's members disabled?...otherwise why are you thinking you need to give them money?

Good point , Chowna.

What does being a farang have to do with it? You are gullible and can be milked for cash, if you let it happen!

If you are richer than the family well yes you can help them a bit.

I give my sister-in-law 1000 baht a month to help with her studies in Matyom school. I will probably help her through Uni too. This is only as I can afford it. When my duaghter is the same age, I expect her aunt to help her. This is the way it works in Thailand. Not that much different to the west. Imagine if some rich Hong Kong guy married your sister in your country and didn't know the culture, would you try to milk him if he acted as dumb and stupid as some of the farang I have seen here?

I refuse to give anything for my wife's parents as they tried to rip me off.

I know my wife still slips them some from time to time.

I would rather give 1000 baht to my sister in law than her working for it. Takes me a couple of hours, would take her 8 hours on Saturday, when she should be studying or having fun.

I know a couple of guys who give their girlfriends 10,000 baht a month, silly buggers, they don't realise how much that is to these girls, and that the girls are laughing at them behind their backs.

I assume you mean the "traditional wife" to mean one that isn't working with a poor family. Get your wife out to work! Christ, just coz they have won the jackpot doesn't mean they can sit on their &lt;deleted&gt; all day while you are out at work.

Edited July 15, 2005 by Neeranam

[penelope]

Are all your wife's family's members disabled?...otherwise why are you thinking you need to give them money?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There are those who adopt a thai and those who marry a thai.

[jayenram]

I assume you mean the "traditional wife" to mean one that isn't working with a poor family. Get your wife out to work! Christ, just coz they have won the jackpot doesn't mean they can sit on their &lt;deleted&gt; all day while you are out at work.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think you are being a bit hard here, Neer. Maybe they have children and there is always the housework, cleaning, laundry and cooking to be done.

My FG used to w*rk as a waitress in a local restaurant, start w*rk at 16:00 cleaning the floors, etc. Showered and changed for the restaurant opening at 18:00. Waiting on tables until 02:00 and then clearing up. For this she would be paid the princely sum of Bht 1,500.00 per month plus a couple of bowls of rice a day. Not a great incentive, is it?

[pnustedt]

I would not try to influence my wife as to how much she should give her family - she can make such decisions on her own and has free and open access to our bank accounts.

She does not give them a monthly allowance but I know that she has contributed several million Baht over the past few years to help them to be able to fend for themselves.

[jayenram]

She does not give them a monthly allowance but I know that she has contributed several million Baht over the past few years to help them to be able to fend for themselves.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Any possibility that I can adopt her pnus?

[Neeranam]

My FG used to w*rk as a waitress in a local restaurant, start w*rk at 16:00 cleaning the floors, etc. Showered and changed for the restaurant opening at 18:00. Waiting on tables until 02:00 and then clearing up. For this she would be paid the princely sum of Bht 1,500.00 per month plus a couple of bowls of rice a day. Not a great incentive, is it?

It may be a lot to her parents. You are looking after her in all other areas I expect, or were.

I would not try to influence my wife as to how much she should give her family - she can make such decisions on her own and has free and open access to our bank accounts.

She does not give them a monthly allowance but I know that she has contributed several million Baht over the past few years to help them to be able to fend for themselves.

OMG, I've heard it all now. , several million baht!!?!!? Did she earn it , or is it your money?

Edited July 15, 2005 by Neeranam

[pnustedt]

Did she earn it , or is it your money?

No, there's no need for her to work, and it is our money - we are married!

[Neeranam]

QUOTE(Neeranam @ 2005-07-15 13:01:45)

Did she earn it , or is it your money?

No, there's no need for her to work, and it is our money - we are married!

Fair point, mate.

Maybe several millions of baht is not that much to you, it is a lot to me. Maybe her family are rich, I guess I was jumping to conclusions.

I am married too and I trust my wife to a certain degree, but I would never ever have a joint bank account. But maybe your wife can control money, mine certainly cannot. I've actually never met a Thai woman who can. One or two Western woman, yes.

[a2396]

Thanks for the good replies here. In my case, I am retired living in Thailand on a modest pension. The wife has a Mother, where we live with Mother on the same property (not in the same house). Wife has a brother and sister, who live in nearby cities. Both brother and sister are married and are working. I give the wife a monthly "allowance" and a fixed amount to Mama each month for house expenses, etc. They are a family of modest means aqnd are not wealthy. The Father has been dead for many years.

I am sure that a good percentage of my money allocation is being "diverted" to brother and sister, altough my wife denies this. There is no way they can be utilizing all this money for expenses which are visable to me, ie household, etc. The property is debt free, thanks to me. But, there may be other debt unknown to me, owed by family.

[Bilko]

The property is debt free, thanks to me. But, there may be other debt unknown to me, owed by family.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

a2396,

If it is unknown to you, it will certainly be unknown to the members of this forum.

All you can hope to get are responses like " Give em nothing " and " Let them work " and " I don't have to give anything cos my wifes family are rich "

from people on this forum whom you do not know and may well be just stirring things up. Anyway, none of these responses help you.

You say you are retired, therefore you are not a kid, you should know the woman you are living with, we don't, you know the family, we don't, do what you think is right.

[RamdomChances]

I honestly dont know that many Thais that make a regular payment to their parents, unless their parents are looking after children for them. Yes often the parents will live with the children and the children house and feed them or a family will each put a bit a month towards putting someone through Uni. They may give them some money now and again or help out when needed but I can't think of anyone I know that makes regular payments.

As for supporting brothers and sisters why?? Unless they are owed money or had supported your partner in the past why should she give them anything.

[Kringle]

Thanks for the good replies here. In my case, I am retired living in Thailand on a modest pension. The wife has a Mother, where we live with Mother on the same property (not in the same house). Wife has a brother and sister, who live in nearby cities. Both brother and sister are married and are working. I give the wife a monthly "allowance" and a fixed amount to Mama each month for house expenses, etc. They are a family of modest means aqnd are not wealthy. The Father has been dead for many years.

I am sure that a good percentage of my money allocation is being "diverted" to brother and sister, altough my wife denies this. There is no way they can be utilizing all this money for expenses which are visable to me, ie household, etc. The property is debt free, thanks to me. But, there may be other debt unknown to me, owed by family.

So where do you think the money is going if not to living expenses? To me this is just another thread about giving your wife/girlfriend money. It's been discussed here countless times. Many times it's been said that if you do ANYTHING, set them up with something so they can help themselves not be the ATM machine so they can come running when they want extra spending or gambling money. By the sound of it, you have given loads in the past and nothing has changed and they still want MORE.

Pnustedt is just the prime example of what is wrong in giving money to the family. If he's given (and I do meen HE (wife wouldn't have it without him)) millions of baht over the years and her family hasn't gotten things together in that amount of time and with those kinds of funds, then the family will always be a leech. Just crazy to me.

[pnustedt]

[Any possibility that I can adopt her pnus?

 

I'll bring her round in a couple of weeks - you can ask her urself!

Pnustedt is just the prime example of what is wrong in giving money to the family. If he's given (and I do meen HE (wife wouldn't have it without him)) millions of baht over the years and her family hasn't gotten things together in that amount of time and with those kinds of funds, then the family will always be a leech. Just crazy to me.

A very narrow minded comment concerning something you know nothing about. The family are pretty well together now and are certainly not leeches. I am very proud of my wife's commitment to them and their work ethic.

[Neeranam]

I am sure that a good percentage of my money allocation is being "diverted" to brother and sister, altough my wife denies this. There is no way they can be utilizing all this money for expenses which are visable to me, ie household, etc. The property is debt free, thanks to me. But, there may be other debt unknown to me, owed by family.

I have known of many marriages that even after a few years "THE DEBT" raises it's head(usually in gambling or some sort of pyramid get rich scheme) . Some of these guys thought that their wife was really in love with them and had no interest in money

Many Thai women go to Bangkok or Chiang Mai or Phuket to meet a farang JUST because of the debt that they have and will never be able to pay off without selling the family land.

If you have met a girl in one of the "tourist spots" and end up getting hooked in to marriage, be sure to ask one simple question, "my tee rak, if you have any debts, please tell me now or I will NEVER help you in the future under ANY circumstances." It ain't that hard a question, but I have three friends that this has happened to.

[stoneman]

Like many of the posters here, I do not like the idea of "giving" money to my wife's relatives...So we came up with a better solution...

Two years ago we bought 30 rai of land on the outskirts of their village...Half is in young rubber trees and the other half is rice.

We give her Mother 3,000 baht a month to supervise and we give each of the 2 uncles 3,500 baht a month to take care of the land. And if we hear that the are drinking and/or not working, we don't send money that month...and they know why and next month they are back at work...it seems to be working well

Stoneman

[Neeranam]

Like many of the posters here, I do not like the idea of "giving" money to my wife's relatives...So we came up with a better solution...

Two years ago we bought 30 rai of land on the outskirts of their village...Half is in young rubber trees and the other half is rice.

We give her Mother 3,000 baht a month to supervise and we give each of the 2 uncles 3,500 baht a month to take care of the land. And if we hear that the are drinking and/or not working, we don't send money that month...and they know why and next month they are back at work...it seems to be working well

Fine if you can afford to go out and buy 30 rai of land, or rather give it to your wife.

[TokyoT]

Like many of the posters here, I do not like the idea of "giving" money to my wife's relatives...So we came up with a better solution...

Two years ago we bought 30 rai of land on the outskirts of their village...Half is in young rubber trees and the other half is rice.

We give her Mother 3,000 baht a month to supervise and we give each of the 2 uncles 3,500 baht a month to take care of the land. And if we hear that the are drinking and/or not working, we don't send money that month...and they know why and next month they are back at work...it seems to be working well

Stoneman

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ignoring the cost of purchasing the land. Are you making enough off the land to cover the 10,000 baht per month you pay the family?

[mrbojangles]

There's been some good avice and negative advice a2396 but as none of us know your situation it's difficult for anyone to give you accurate advice, just food for thought.

One thing to remember though, we weren't around when our wives where children and being brought up by their parents. We Westerners tend to forget about our parents wealth, as usually they have a pension to help them through their latter years. The Thais don't have this and so what is wrong with your Mrs helping mum and dad out? My Mrs helps her parents, not vast sums, but i'm glad she does. When i'm old and frail i sure hope my off-spring are there to assist me, either financially or otherwise. I'm not going to give her Brother's anything though

Mr BoJ

[daleyboy]

There's been some good avice and negative advice a2396 but as none of us know your situation it's difficult for anyone to give you accurate advice, just food for thought.

One thing to remember though, we weren't around when our wives where children and being brought up by their parents. We Westerners tend to forget about our parents wealth, as usually they have a pension to help them through their latter years. The Thais don't have this and so what is wrong with your Mrs helping mum and dad out? My Mrs helps her parents, not vast sums, but i'm glad she does. When i'm old and frail i sure hope my off-spring are there to assist me, either financially or otherwise. I'm not going to give her Brother's anything though 

Mr BoJ

Good points made there matey. The wife and i send money to help her family every now and then, not on a regular basis. We send a few hundred pounds once every couple of months.

Her family still work in the fields, but not as much as they used too. They rent out a lot of their land now so get a resonable return on that.

The money we send is being used to put my step daughter through school and for improvements to the house they live in, this isnt just for their benefit it is for mine as well. They have built me a proper shower room with a sit down toilet, they have built me a aircon room, for when it gets too hot.

The way my wife sees it we are improving the house the she will inherit when her parents are no longer with us.

For those who put up the negative posts of dont give em anything, well what can i say, what a bunch of selfish pr1cks, would you do this to your own family in whichever country you reside? if your mum or dad needed some financial help and you were able to give it, and your wife said no, how would YOU feel towards your wife? At the end of the day your wifes family is NOW your family as well.

[stoneman]

Like many of the posters here, I do not like the idea of "giving" money to my wife's relatives...So we came up with a better solution...

Two years ago we bought 30 rai of land on the outskirts of their village...Half is in young rubber trees and the other half is rice.

We give her Mother 3,000 baht a month to supervise and we give each of the 2 uncles 3,500 baht a month to take care of the land. And if we hear that the are drinking and/or not working, we don't send money that month...and they know why and next month they are back at work...it seems to be working well

Stoneman

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ignoring the cost of purchasing the land. Are you making enough off the land to cover the 10,000 baht per month you pay the family?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It was never designed to be a money making operation...I just get tired of seeing them sit around and drink and only work to put in the rice and then harvest the rice...It is such a waste...So, at least for these families, I have stopped that and they are now working year round...every day...and $250 a month is small enough price to see 2 families and my mother-in-law doing something constructive and being involved...

Stoneman