What Will You Do When Becoming Old And Dependent ?

[IMA_FARANG]

You are talking about my life, whether you know it or not.

I am now reaching my 64th birthday in October. i will be coming to Bangkok soon after that and will eventually retire there.

I have a Thai partner, she and her family...who I have supported for 30 years...will be those who I will be living with. I purchased a house in Bangkok for them, and they have modified and upgraded it for me. So I, personally, have already set up my life with a Thai family. In the event I need mediacl treatment, I have already provided for a health insurance policy that will pay for medical services in Thaiand if I need them.

I have no intention of going home (wherever that is). Thailand is where I will end up.

The disadvantage of getting old is that your physical abilities are less. There is no real reason your mental abilities need to do that also.

The advantage of getting older is that...as long as your mental facilities hold out...you have a lfetime of experience to work with. How do i intend to stay 'sharp' when i retire. The internet is part of that process, and I intend to make use of it. (I have the internet in my house,so I can talk to my around the world from Bangkok and get the latest information.

And just to be clear, I have no intention of suicide in my later years if I am incapable...but I will not spend my family's money on a meaningless extension of my physiacl life without my mental facilities...and i've take legal steps so those who care for me can make my wishes known. There's problems with that in Thailand, but they will clearly know my intentions, and I have given them as much authority in that regard as the Thai government and it's laws currently allow.

Edited September 23, 2010 by IMA_FARANG

[Xircal]

....we are not allowed to commit suicide in Canada... even if we want to.

What's the penalty for commiting suicide and how do they enforce it?

[longstebe]

I am Peter Pan

[bangkokcitylimits]

....we are not allowed to commit suicide in Canada... even if we want to.

What's the penalty for commiting suicide and how do they enforce it?

At least getting a criminal record... and that makes it harder to,, uhh... uhh...

I am Peter Pan

Why, like to play with young kids ?

[Robby nz]

....we are not allowed to commit suicide in Canada... even if we want to.

What's the penalty for commiting suicide and how do they enforce it?

The penalty is served on your family that is left behind.

Your life insurance wont pay up.

[ballpoint]

I have long admired those ancient old boys with the yellow skin, eyeballs and (what's left of their) hair, who totter down to the bar as soon as it opens every day, sit on a stool that is permanantly imprinted with the shape of their boney buttocks, light up a cigarette and drink away the day while ogling, and groping, every girl within reach. My Heroes. As soon as I reach that magical age then I too will start the daily migration to the water hole. And when I am totally unconcious to the world, having no control over my brain, speech, movement or bowels then have no fear. I have made arrangements to be wheeled down the bar and intravenously hooked up to a bottle of bourban a day, while pureed hamburger is dribbled down my throat. For me it won't end with a bang but a Whimpy.

[tim armstrong]

n/a I'm goner live forever.

Yes, I like that idea. My mother died at 94 sitting in an armchair in the spring sunshine, in a small country town in Australia. Most of her friends lived there as well. Way to go! I wish. But although I always have wanted to do something similar, its unlikely, as the big C seems to be giving me a much shorter lifespan. Still, now I am not dependent on anyone, I love life, work, family, and Thailand. What more can anyone want?. Life is much simpler than we think it is. Live in the present, its all you really can know.

[Robby nz]

But seriously.

Old age is not the only way to die and I for one made provision before I came here for such an event, natural or not.

I made a will, a list of everyone who should be contacted should I leave and tried to structure finances for any such eventuality (overseas bankers havent helped with that one).

Now however I am in a position where I have to think seriously about what I will do should I be given a limited time to live.

The plan is to live life as well as possible, travel to places I've never been do things I like doing and want to do and spend everything doing it.

That dosent include sitting on my chuff moaning about it.

When the end is close a hospice somewhere will be the ticket so no one close has the dirty job of looking after me.

See a Poly recently banned for not disclosing 200 mill of debt.

Now theres a worth while ambition.

Die owing the Govt 200 mill.

[GarryP]

I am Peter Pan

So it was you I saw dancing down Sukhumvit last night in green tights.

[GarryP]

I have long admired those ancient old boys with the yellow skin, eyeballs and (what's left of their) hair, who totter down to the bar as soon as it opens every day, sit on a stool that is permanantly imprinted with the shape of their boney buttocks, light up a cigarette and drink away the day while ogling, and groping, every girl within reach. My Heroes. As soon as I reach that magical age then I too will start the daily migration to the water hole. And when I am totally unconcious to the world, having no control over my brain, speech, movement or bowels then have no fear. I have made arrangements to be wheeled down the bar and intravenously hooked up to a bottle of bourban a day, while pureed hamburger is dribbled down my throat. For me it won't end with a bang but a Whimpy.

What you don't realize is that those old boys are only in their 40's and 50's. They are just burned out, that's all.

[GarryP]

But seriously, I think about this sometimes. I do not wish to be a burden on anybody, nor do I wish to hang around senseless. The problem is, as others point out, by the time it is time to check out you will probably be too gaga to realize it.

[longstebe]

Love playing football with the kids in our village.

Hope that's answered your question bangkokcitylimits.

There's nothing wrong with wearing green tights. Nothing right with it either!!!

[slapout]

I have been harshly accused of being a burden/pain many times in my life but never dependent, by those same folks. I have always admired those folks who remained independent and have tried to follow their lead. I like some others, realize that by the time we realize our quality of life has tanked and it is not going to recover, we will probably be unable to dictate what our treatment will be. All we can do is let those close to us know our wishes, put it in writing and hope we go quickly with a semblance of our normal mental capacity. I hope when my times comes it is winter time/cold. A bucket of charcoal, a bottle of good spirits, looking at natures beauty?

[Xangsamhua]

I have already discussed this with my wife and a couple of friends.

I am building a folder on my computer of who to cantact and what to do when I am gone.

These are two good ideas. We talk about incapacity and death as though they're a long way off, but it's good to make some preparations.

Mrs Xangsamhua and I have made our wills and filled out Power of Attorney forms, but haven't done what Billd766 suggests - have a proper discussion and start to put a file together of what accounts we have and how to get into them, who to contact etc. I think I'll do that.

In response to the OP's question, when the signs start to appear and hopefully before too late it'll be back to sunny Queensland for us.

[moe666]

Hopefully I want forget the combination to the gun safe.

[Kwasaki]

n/a I'm goner live forever.

Yes, I like that idea. My mother died at 94 sitting in an armchair in the spring sunshine, in a small country town in Australia. Most of her friends lived there as well. Way to go! I wish. But although I always have wanted to do something similar, its unlikely, as the big C seems to be giving me a much shorter lifespan. Still, now I am not dependent on anyone, I love life, work, family, and Thailand. What more can anyone want?. Life is much simpler than we think it is. Live in the present, its all you really can know.

I watched my Dad died of cancer, he never stopped joking right to the end don't mean to be funny but when you say Big C is giving you a shorter live span stay out of that shop man and you can save some more life and some money too.

May your God bless you buddy my thoughts are with you.

[jaideeguy]

To answer the op in a more serious manner.....I'm dealing with this very thing in caregiving my 91 yr old father....who is beyond 'old and dependent'. Now stuck in bed and luckily can still make it to the toilet, but the day will come when he can't make it there and he will be more and more dependent on me and hired help to eat, poop and all the other normal activities that we take for granted. He used to threaten to jump in front of a bus to end the misery of aging in a quick manner, but is now in no condition to end his life if he wanted to....either chemically or physically.

In the last 4+ yrs with him in my care, I've observed that the older we get, the harder we hold on to what little [miserable] life we have left.

I do say the same as most posters about ending my life in a dignified manner, but fate mostly doesn't always work that way and we cling to the last thread to our miserable lives or just forget that we want to depart and become oblivious to all the effort that goes on in keeping us alive and comfortable.....that's my father now.

It may be a different scenario if we were told that we had a fatal disease and had 6 months to live...but my father [and a few other unlucky people] have healthy organs that keep the vitals running on and on and on.....until we just rot........a scenario I don't wish on myself or my loved ones.

Having said all that 'heavy stuff', I think we owe it to ourselves to live a hard and happy life to it's fullest and hope for a big quick heart attack.

I've often thought that the best way to go would be to take a big dose of viagra with a big dose of nitrates and call the wife for one last BIG one.......but she is not agreeable, so I may have to call in a 'stranger'....but wife is not agreeable to that either. Life is a 'No win situation'!!

[StreetCowboy]

To answer the op in a more serious manner.....I'm dealing with this very thing in caregiving my 91 yr old father....who is beyond 'old and dependent'. Now stuck in bed and luckily can still make it to the toilet, but the day will come when he can't make it there and he will be more and more dependent on me and hired help to eat, poop and all the other normal activities that we take for granted. He used to threaten to jump in front of a bus to end the misery of aging in a quick manner, but is now in no condition to end his life if he wanted to....either chemically or physically.

In the last 4+ yrs with him in my care, I've observed that the older we get, the harder we hold on to what little [miserable] life we have left.

I do say the same as most posters about ending my life in a dignified manner, but fate mostly doesn't always work that way and we cling to the last thread to our miserable lives or just forget that we want to depart and become oblivious to all the effort that goes on in keeping us alive and comfortable.....that's my father now.

It may be a different scenario if we were told that we had a fatal disease and had 6 months to live...but my father [and a few other unlucky people] have healthy organs that keep the vitals running on and on and on.....until we just rot........a scenario I don't wish on myself or my loved ones.

Having said all that 'heavy stuff', I think we owe it to ourselves to live a hard and happy life to it's fullest and hope for a big quick heart attack.

I've often thought that the best way to go would be to take a big dose of viagra with a big dose of nitrates and call the wife for one last BIG one.......but she is not agreeable, so I may have to call in a 'stranger'....but wife is not agreeable to that either. Life is a 'No win situation'!!

I know exactly what you mean. Our dear old grandmother came to live with us for her last few months at the end of the seventies, and she lasted almost another tweny years. It does put a stress on your filial piety, without a doubt. THe trouble is that our hard-living lifestyle, which we hoped would help us die young, actually does a better job of helping us age young.

I think your final, slightly tongue in cheek suiggestion is selfish in the extreme, and not something I would wish on my loved ones or any stranger - except perhaps a confirmed necrophiliac.

SC

[StreetCowboy]

Robbie WIlliams sang

"I hope I'm old, before I die

I hope I live to relive the times gone by"

It's a fine course to steer, and foresight will be of little use in steering it, I fear

SC

[mahtin]

Choose one: Bang ( ) Whimper ( )

[tim armstrong]

n/a I'm goner live forever.

Yes, I like that idea. My mother died at 94 sitting in an armchair in the spring sunshine, in a small country town in Australia. Most of her friends lived there as well. Way to go! I wish. But although I always have wanted to do something similar, its unlikely, as the big C seems to be giving me a much shorter lifespan. Still, now I am not dependent on anyone, I love life, work, family, and Thailand. What more can anyone want?. Life is much simpler than we think it is. Live in the present, its all you really can know.

I watched my Dad died of cancer, he never stopped joking right to the end don't mean to be funny but when you say Big C is giving you a shorter live span stay out of that shop man and you can save some more life and some money too.

May your God bless you buddy my thoughts are with you.

Thanks Kwasaki, very much for that. Like other people in a similar position, I don't think about it too much, as I'm still not hindered by it yet. So I think, why get hung up and depressed by all the things you might miss out on, just go for it and live your life to the full ! ... and much easier to do in Thailand tnan most other places I know.

[elkangorito]

I don't expect to live beyond 60.

I don't have any known diseases at the moment but skin cancer may become a problem.

If I do manage to die at or before 60, I will die knowing that I was not a burden upon anybody else. Not only this but I believe that the world is over populated, so my later than normal death* will not be so bad compared to living into my 70's or 80's.

For me, being compos mentis until death, is of utmost importance.

If, when the time comes, I am in pain, I hope that the relevant pain killers are available.

later than normal death* - it is purely by the intervention of medicine that we can live abnormally long lives...& everybody suffers as a result.

[Xangsamhua]

I don't expect to live beyond 60.

If I do manage to die at or before 60, I will die knowing that I was not a burden upon anybody else. Not only this but I believe that the world is over populated, so my later than normal death* will not be so bad compared to living into my 70's or 80's.

For me, being compos mentis until death, is of utmost importance.

For anyone thinking that 60 might be a nice age to pop off, with all mental functions in good shape, I suggest taking a look at W. Somerset Maugham's short story, "The Lotus Eater". You can read the whole thing here: http://maugham.class...net/lotuseater/

Themes:

1. Man's quest for happiness

Thomas Wilson wants to live a happy life and goes through the trouble of preparing himself financially until he is 60 years old. When he is 60, he realizes that he is incapable of taking his own life. He is then forced to leave his home and to live on the charity of others. He lives in a very pitiful state. Wilson does find happiness but has to pay a very high price for it during the last few years of his life.

2. Man proposes, God disposes

Man only has limited control over his destiny. Thomas Wilson plans carefully to make sure that he leads a happy life until the age of 60, after which he decides to kill himself. However, when the time comes, he could not commit suicide. Despites his careful planning, he has no control over his fate and destiny.

http://paduka2.blogs...et-maugham.html

[ballpoint]

The author Terry Pratchett was on Hardtalk a month or so ago talking about his options now that he's been diagnosed as having Alzheimers. He has written a very thought provoking article in The Guardian. Some quotes:

"As I face Alzheimer's, I want to die at a time of my choosing. We need a better way of assisting loved ones who wish the same"

"And so I have vowed that rather than let Alzheimer's take me, I would take it. I would live my life as ever to the full and die, before the disease mounted its last attack, in my own home, in a chair on the lawn, with a brandy in my hand to wash down whatever modern version of the Brompton Cocktail some helpful medic could supply. And with Thomas Tallis on my iPod, I would shake hands with Death."

The article is at http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/feb/01/terry-pratchett-alzheimer-assisted-suicide

[Xangsamhua]

The author Terry Pratchett was on Hardtalk a month or so ago talking about his options now that he's been diagnosed as having Alzheimers. He has written a very thought provoking article in The Guardian. Some quotes:

"As I face Alzheimer's, I want to die at a time of my choosing. We need a better way of assisting loved ones who wish the same"

"And so I have vowed that rather than let Alzheimer's take me, I would take it. I would live my life as ever to the full and die, before the disease mounted its last attack, in my own home, in a chair on the lawn, with a brandy in my hand to wash down whatever modern version of the Brompton Cocktail some helpful medic could supply. And with Thomas Tallis on my iPod, I would shake hands with Death."

The article is at http://www.guardian....ssisted-suicide

A thought-provoking article. I guess advanced Alzheimer's is the scariest condition, as it seems like a living death, and the choice to end it before reaching the brink is attractive.

To keep within the topic, however, the question for Thailand-based readers of this forum is whether one would remain in this country or not. Terry Pratchett could speak of his own home, his own lawn and a comfortable chair. For some on this forum, "home" is here; for others it might mean a return to one's place of origin, which could be unsettling. There's truth in the saying "you can never go home again". "Home" for some of us may be simply wherever we hang our hat.

[stevehaigh]

i'm going thai style, guilt my wife's daughters into taking care of us

[stevehaigh]

....we are not allowed to commit suicide in Canada... even if we want to.

What's the penalty for commiting suicide and how do they enforce it?

reincarnation as a Mexican (or wait a min, that's for Americans, who do Canadians look down on?)