Can It Possibly Work? I Am 42 She Is 20. :)

[chiang mai]

Yes go ahead- if you can live with your wife playing around sometimes behind your back. I see so many young asian lady/old farang man marriages where the wife is having affairs with mostly younger thai/farang men. Yes, asian women married to farang man their same age may also cheat, but it happens much much more when the farang is old and their wife/gf is young.

Just go to any of the higher end clubs in Bangkok on a given night- Q bar, bed supper club etc. many younger girls going home with the young farang dudes who are open/happy to tell you their older farang husband is at home and doesn't enjoy going to clubs but lets his wife go out for 'a girls night out'

You seem to have remarkable insight into this particular issue, obsessive almost or perhaps paranoid!

[trogers]

Mate! There's only 3 yrs difference between me and the misses............. , I often wonder about a younger model!!!

And both of you have frequent arguments...

A common problem with couples having age difference of 3, 6 and 9 years.

[Nawtier]

If you are worried about age...I'll swap you mine for her.....7 day refund period

[William Osborne]

Chances are she will have at least one sprog.. same as Thailand... girl gets knocked up, moves in with the guy... Relationship goes to shit so she gets knocked up again to try an keep her loser boyfriend around... he bails and she offloads the kids to her mother and goes off looking for farang husband

Edited November 3, 2010 by Rimmer
Quoted reply from deleted post

[Rimmer]

One offensive flame removed from view.

[sidjameson]

Thanks for all the replies. Far more positive than I would have imagined.

Of course I am not saying I am ready to marry this girl. Such is my cautionary nature I am asking if it can work before I invest my feelings.

I wonder if after the obvious lust I feel, can you have a marriage based on kindness and love, but very little conversation? lol

Actually the biggest obstacle may be her being Filipina. Just don't fancy living there. And I am not sure about taking her back to England. I work in Japan, but thats hard as well. But as has been pointed out, this is all way down the line.

[Heng]

I usually make 'I'm 35, she's 18-22' work pretty well a few times a week.

[craigt3365]

As has been pointed out here many times, the age difference is not really a big deal. It has more to do with her and how mature she is...as well as how you two "connect". My wife is 29, I am 53. There are small problems. She wants to go out and dance, I don't really want to. She wants to buy stuff, as we all did at that age, I don't care about new clothes or new stuff. She likes pop music, I listen to jazz. Conversations about politics or finance are tough as she is just not into that stuff. She did go to college for 2 years, but could not finish due to lack of funds. I have a masters. That makes it a bit tough at times, but no big deal. My ex had a masters and we never got along. My wife is extremely dedicated. And a great cook!

Also beware of family commitments. As you know, here in Asia, the mother is very important...as is the whole family. And you marry the family, not just the girl. In our case, it's really not that big of a deal, but some guys hate to spend a penny on their wife's family. If you are in that boat, do some research first. I have no problems fixing up my wife's mother's house...or helping out with some small medical bills. My father did the same for my mother's family back in the US. No biggie.

It could work out great, or it could be a big problem. Meet her first. Take a week off and visit her and travel around the PI. That will tell you a lot. After that, you are in a better position to decide what to do.

Here in Asia, you are a catch to these girls. Their way out of poverty and, hopefully, to a life in your home country. This is more true in the PI than here. They all want out. Plenty of gals there. If you visit, you will see how many are interested in you. It's unreal. So don't rush. And you are right, I would NOT want to live in the PI. Some like it, most don't. I spent about 6 weeks traveling all over the islands. Great fun, but just not my cup of tea.

Be wary of those you contact or contact you on those online dating sites.

Girls you meet from the Philippines, Eastern Europe and Africa are renowned as number one in the world for passport, visa and travel fare money scams.

The person convinces the guy that she is going to fly out to him and to send money for a passport, visa and airfare, then conveniently disappears and is never heard of again.

Do a Google search of the email address, name or any other details you have and see if it is listed on any scammer information sites.

http://www.filipinaromance.com/blog/

For sure, this is a big deal. I remember when I first came to Thailand I was single and stayed near Nana. I would go to the internet cafes and watch the girls get help writing emails by the guy who worked there and could read/write English. They would do a "cut and paste" and just change the first line. Dear Frank. Next one, Dear Henry. Next one Dear Hans. All with the same content. "I miss you. When will you come back. I can't wait to see you again." Too funny....

I met quite a few girls on the internet in the PI. I visited there and met them in person. Big difference. Looked great in the photos, but some were obviously 2-3 year old photos. You need to meet them in person and spend time with them. Don't rush! But it for sure is worth the effort.

Yes go ahead- if you can live with your wife playing around sometimes behind your back. I see so many young asian lady/old farang man marriages where the wife is having affairs with mostly younger thai/farang men. Yes, asian women married to farang man their same age may also cheat, but it happens much much more when the farang is old and their wife/gf is young.

Just go to any of the higher end clubs in Bangkok on a given night- Q bar, bed supper club etc. many younger girls going home with the young farang dudes who are open/happy to tell you their older farang husband is at home and doesn't enjoy going to clubs but lets his wife go out for 'a girls night out'

Girls from the Philippines rarely behave like this, the girls are usually devout catholics.

Even here in Thailand, "good" girls don't do this. Many of the gals at those clubs in Bangkok were players when they met their husband. They are players now. If they are married and going home with other guys, they probably worked at Nana last year...or were freelancers. I know of few Thai gals who would do this...but some for sure. And the ones who would do this were in the game when they met their husband.

[sidjameson]

Thanks Craig, you sound very similar to me. I am going to visit her later this month. That will be the test. Your words really were good to read. I so wish she was Thai, I could happily live in Thailand teaching English, but my couple of visits to the Philippines doesn't inspire the same feelings at all.

Not rushing is the key of course. Naturally it would take me a year to get to know some one well enough, but hard to imagine spending a year in Mankila just to get to know a girl!

Not sure how the family situation is. Her mom lives in a provence without electricity even. Hard to believe, but at this stage I am taking her word for things.

[craigt3365]

Thanks Craig, you sound very similar to me. I am going to visit her later this month. That will be the test. Your words really were good to read. I so wish she was Thai, I could happily live in Thailand teaching English, but my couple of visits to the Philippines doesn't inspire the same feelings at all.

Not rushing is the key of course. Naturally it would take me a year to get to know some one well enough, but hard to imagine spending a year in Mankila just to get to know a girl!

Not sure how the family situation is. Her mom lives in a provence without electricity even. Hard to believe, but at this stage I am taking her word for things.

I remember when I was heading over here, I visited several internet dating sites. Blossoms.com was one, and they even have listing in Russia, Ukraine, etc. I remember looking up one of these gals...what a stunner. And then I thought...man, I wouldn't want to have to go back every year...or more...to visit family there. Just not my cup of tea. I'm lucky my wife is from Thailand. I do love it here.

I don't think you have to spend a year with her. Just a one week vacation...then hopefully you can get her over here for a period of time. You will pretty much know after that if it will work out or now.

I've been in some really rustic villages in the PI. I can believe some don't have electricity.

[chiang mai]

Craig makes a good point, if you think you see poverty in Thailand then wait 'till you see the PI, it can be heart wrenching stuff. Understand that part of things then you're one step closer to understanding some of the motivators of some of the females.

[silverdales]

I give one bit of advice....just do what your heart says is right ..you know? My wife is 42 and Iam 37 people always think I should have some 18yr old in tow but I love her same same!

[sidjameson]

Yea for sure. Actually thats what makes it tricky for me. Cuz I feel I am half way between being an older guy that of course money would have to be a prime motivation and a younger decent looking guy who can still use some charm to win affection.

Hmm ok, much more than half way to geezer. But I was picked up by a really nice looking 18 year old Aussie chick not so long ago on holiday in Japan, so part of me thinks it may actually be the real thing that this girl is claiming to be experiencing.

But unfortunately my libido is that of a 42 year old guy and that is one thing I worry about for sure.

[MAJIC]

Yes go ahead- if you can live with your wife playing around sometimes behind your back. I see so many young asian lady/old farang man marriages where the wife is having affairs with mostly younger thai/farang men. Yes, asian women married to farang man their same age may also cheat, but it happens much much more when the farang is old and their wife/gf is young.

Just go to any of the higher end clubs in Bangkok on a given night- Q bar, bed supper club etc. many younger girls going home with the young farang dudes who are open/happy to tell you their older farang husband is at home and doesn't enjoy going to clubs but lets his wife go out for 'a girls night out'

So if thats the way they treat their husbands,then not much hope for a sincere relationship for the Young Farang Bucks either then, eh?

But of course you wouldn't be that cynical? would you?

Edited November 5, 2010 by MAJIC

[craigt3365]

I give one bit of advice....just do what your heart says is right ..you know? My wife is 42 and Iam 37 people always think I should have some 18yr old in tow but I love her same same!

Big age differences can have their own set of problems. It's not always easy being married to a much younger woman. If you love your wife, she loves and respects you...consider yourself lucky! As they say, the grass is always greener on the other side...not necessarily true. I have friends with very young wives who are truly stunning. And they are very unhappy...

[sarahsbloke]

Even here in Thailand, "good" girls don't do this. Many of the gals at those clubs in Bangkok were players when they met their husband. They are players now. If they are married and going home with other guys, they probably worked at Nana last year...or were freelancers. I know of few Thai gals who would do this...but some for sure. And the ones who would do this were in the game when they met their husband.

Yes they do!

[XXpate48USA]

You have about three important questions that need to be answered here:

The first is whether a 20 year old female and a 42 year male can have a successful relationship and the answer to that question is a resounding yes, in my book.

The more important questions, I think are, can you expect to have a lasting relationship with someone whom you've only met on-line, if notes exchanged via the web are the sole basis for you thinking that you've met a good match then I think that's folly.

The third question is, do you really understand what's involved in a relationship between a western male and someone from a very poor country such as the PI. When you combine all three factors, age, poverty and an internet only relationship I think you're into a potentially high risk scenario.

So really this is not about the age difference it's about the other factors involved hence you perhaps need to refocus on them and not just on the age issue.

Also, always remember that you will lastly on the list of importance and if you use your head and think about it, you are there for support and not love(at first anway) if you are verrrry lucky you could find a nice girl but most of the "online meeting" be careful and don't get too invilved until you ALL of what is going on. This is very hard because of the lanuage barrier and also the whole culture difference. It is very hard for a falang to understand why or what is happening.

But the most important thing is to remember you are married to her whole family AND YOU are not the one in control of any decisions that are between you and your new asian wife. This is something that we falang's just are not used to especially if we have been married before to a western woman. Things are more equal in the west believe it or not. In a Thai relationship with a falang you will find yourself being the follower and going along with whatever story your wife tells you and you WILL do it because you don't want to make a problem as thier culture is just that. You will have to live in that culture for many years before you come to understand how and why things are done or said. Throw all you know and have learned out the wondow. This includes honesty, intefrity, charactor and sense of fairness. Just let them all take full advantage of you until you have had enough. Buy a ticket home and learn from your travels or become one of them. Becoming a Thai will never happen! You will always be an "Outsider"and seen as a goon that will supply what is needed. You will have no rights as to owning anything except posibly a condo. After you have had enough of looking over your shoulder and keeping on your toes 24/7 , you will know then. You are not one of them and never will be. You will be told what sounds good to you and never be fully let in on the family discussions and you will have nothing that is private between you and your wife. This is even about very private things that should be known only to you and your wife. This will be known right down to every detail by the whole family. Nothing is sacred and private. ...let me see, hmm i can go on but I think I made my point.....buy the ticket early for falangland. Save yourself a whole lot of heartache and Money....If someone else comes along with more money YOU are dispensable as the family will decide you can be excused now.....good luck to anyone who can do this without becoming ....hmm don't know a word for it.....Brain dead?....or honor dead, disillusioned with everything....

[jaideeguy]

More important than actual age differences is the level of maturity differences and cultural differences. Age is not really that important in Asian culture.....the Asian women mostly prefer a mature [$ecure] man for obvious reasons, but the cultural differences will always be there as well as emotional maturity.

The average 20 yr old Filipina [or Thai] will have the emotional and experiential level of a 13 yr old Amerikan girl. That's where the challenge and difficulties really come into play......can be overcome by lots of patience and compromise on both sides. Same can be said for cultural differences as well.

WE are miles apart from their culture and life experience and maybe that is part of the attraction after the initial physical attraction wears off.

I feel qualified to say that being married 10yrs to a Thai woman of the ripe old age of 40.....I'm 63. And I spent the first 7 yrs of my 20 yrs in Asia chasing 'LBFMs' in the Phil.....my rule of thumb was 'no girl over 25 yrs or over 45 kilos'. Loved the play and it was the perfect remedy for recovering from a bad marriage to a too mature & complicated Amerikan woman......but I finally grew tired of the simple talk and emotional instability of young girls/women.

Bottom line............ it's not the age of the woman that will be hard on a lasting relationship, but the emotional maturity and your flexibility.

Oh, and as other's have posted.......if you have money...PLAY A POOR MAN!!

5 pesos please!!

[jaideeguy]

More important than actual age differences is the level of maturity differences and cultural differences. Age is not really that important in Asian culture.....the Asian women mostly prefer a mature [$ecure] man for obvious reasons, but the cultural differences will always be there as well as emotional maturity.

The average 20 yr old Filipina [or Thai] will have the emotional and experiential level of a 13 yr old Amerikan girl. That's where the challenge and difficulties really come into play......can be overcome by lots of patience and compromise on both sides. Same can be said for cultural differences as well.

WE are miles apart from their culture and life experience and maybe that is part of the attraction after the initial physical attraction wears off.

I feel qualified to say that being married 10yrs to a Thai woman of the ripe old age of 40.....I'm 63. And I spent the first 7 yrs of my 20 yrs in Asia chasing 'LBFMs' in the Phil.....my rule of thumb was 'no girl over 25 yrs or over 45 kilos'. Loved the play and it was the perfect remedy for recovering from a bad marriage to a too mature & complicated Amerikan woman......but I finally grew tired of the simple talk and emotional instability of young girls/women.

Bottom line............ it's not the age of the woman that will be hard on a lasting relationship, but the emotional maturity and your flexibility.

Oh, and as other's have posted.......if you have money...PLAY A POOR MAN!!

5 pesos please!!

A few afterthoughts.....

Go for it, but don't make any long range comitments until you have been together 6 mo or to be safe a year. Manila is a big city and maybe she might be a little more sophisticated than a provencial girl, but that kind of big city sophistication could work against you.

Ask yourself....or her [but take the answer with a grain of sale, as she will tell you what she thinks you want to hear]

How long has she been playing the internet dating game??

Has she met any 'dates' yet??

Is she a virgin??

Does she have kids....if the answer to the last was 'no'....if the answer was 'Yes I'm a virgin, but have kids' then she MAY be lying.

And don't fool yourself......ALL Filipinas want to get out of their country, contrary to Thais who are comfortable living in their home country.

Yes you can bring her to LOS, but she will have to make visa runs and that can get expensive and time consuming. Or marry her, but not too soon.......don't know how that works on a work permit.

If you can bring her here, she willmiss the philippines and Filipinos , so you might want to get networked with the Catholics, as there are a lot of Filipinas here and that's where they all meet.

Mabuhay and good luck

5 more pesos please.....

[jfchandler]

to the OP, anything is possible between 2 people, but Id say the odds are against u, so please be cautious and careful.

I think 20 year age differences can work fine, but I think the odds are a lot better with a 50-30 than a 40-20, becuz the 20 yr girl most likely doesnt know her own mind yet. Despite the body, shes still pretty much a kid.

And as noted above, age may not be the biggest challenge compared to your intellectual, cultural, social, economic and location differences. Its a very long list.

Also, since the OP said hes working in Japan, Im wondering if it wouldnt be more likely and productive to seek a relationship there.

Lastly, my Thai wife and I have a 20 year difference and so far we are doing fine. but she had/

had both a decent job and decent education by Thai standards...

However, Im the one who wants to go out dancing and shes the one who wants to stay home... :-)

[Hawaiian]

Previous posters have said cultural differences and immaturity are usually the biggest obstacles to overcome. Very true. No matter what the age difference, if you have many interest in common and truly enjoy doing things together, then that is a big plus.

As far as infidelity and devout Catholicism goes, a straying Filipina may feel visiting the confessional box will make it okay.

My ex wife of 20 years was from the Philippines. I gave my ex-MIL more respect than her daughter. My ex treated her mother like a maid. She lavished herself with fancy clothing and then passed them on to her mother as hand me downs. After six years of this my ex-MIL went to live with one of her sons on the U.S. mainland. We still have a good relationship.

My advice is not to rush into marriage. Make sure the expectations of your future wife are

realistic. Do not agree that you will be the savior for her impoverished family. One Philippine academic told me that once you give they will never stop asking for help, even when the financial crisis is over.

There isn't much promise that things in the Philippines will get better anytime soon. The population growth is unsustainable. Personal security is a major problem, especially for "wealthy" foreigners. Don't blame the OP for being turned off.

[sidjameson]

To satisfy the posters who answered my question.

It didnt work.

She asked for money. AND SHOCKINGLY i gave it. I can't believe it, but I did. I, a guy who has rarely paid for even dinner found myself running to western union. lol.

The thing is, her situation is probably true. My radar is strong enough to know when I am being lied to and I doubt I was. She was just penniless and I gave her some pennies.

Ironically it wasnt even the money that was the death nail, I just realised that I njoyed her company ONLY because she looked so good. She seemed nice, but if I wasnt being funny than were had nothing to talk about. Not sure a marriage can be based on a stand up comedy show.

Still, it was hard to end it. The best body I have seen for a long time. If she had of told me she was a virgin (she wasnt 2 bf before) I am not sure I could have been so logical.

[jfchandler]

And therein arrives, a fitting end to our story... :jap:

[elliss]

Mate! There's only 3 yrs difference between me and the misses............. , I often wonder about a younger model!!!

only three years difference in ages ,

your a pervy .

30 years difference , that will do n :jap: icely .

[neverdie]

Theres 12 years between my misses & I. The relationship I had before this one, she was 9 years older than me. I've had a few relationships over the years, its always the same <deleted>.

I've often thought about trading in this one for a newer model but then I think about all the hard work with 'training' & all of that......errr, no thanks. Plus it cost me a fortune to kill off this girls family so I wouldnt have to deal with rubbish family issues, Im not sure I want to go through all of that again, you know sitting in the scrub late at night waiting for the perfect opportunity to take one of the family out with my trusty 308. Of course I say this in jest, or do I?

OP get yourself a ute and a dog and hit the road, don't look back. The single life is the way to go, no cares and no worries.

Edited December 27, 2010 by neverdie

[sarahsbloke]

Sad to hear that but .... newsflash .... every Thai will ask for money at some time.

That's the way it works.

If you can't handle that, you can never have any relationship with a Thai ....... male or female.

PS

It's not because you are a foreigner, they ask each other for money all the time too.

PPS

Nothing wrong with only wanting her for her body ...... Hugh Hefner is about to wed a 24 year old ..... think he is interested in her brains?

Edited December 27, 2010 by sarahsbloke

[somtampet]

If you met online how do you know she isn't chatting to 20 guys at once?

Happens a lot.. but guys do the same.

Test the water mate,get a couple of mates signed on and let them speak to her,see how the conversation goes

Edited December 27, 2010 by somtampet