In our Daddy Issues series, a father of a young daughter seeks guidance, hoping to raise a strong woman. He looks to women for insight.

When you're the new father of a daughter, you hear that Chris Rock joke a lot. You may know the one—something about your biggest duty as a dad is to keep your daughter off the stripper's pole.

OK, funny the first time. But when every guy you know says it, it gets old. Fast. I seriously must have heard that joke — no joke — 50 times.

Then if your daughter arrives and appears even halfway adorable, every older woman you know is going to say something along the lines of, "Better get a shotgun!"

What is it with people and girls? Have a boy and people will mumble things about football or baseball — "What an arm!" But have a girl and she's either destined to be a ho or you're going to find yourself on the front porch at midnight, clutching firearms to hold at bay the inevitable zombie invasion of hormonal teenagers.

If raising a girl is so damned important, why can't people offer you some serious advice?

I'm not talking about those sappy Hallmark sentiments "Be Honest! Be Brave!" — those are a given. I'm talking serious life skills, useful crap she can call upon as she gets older and finds herself in new or awkward or frightening situations.

So I'm starting a list — the Top 10 Things a Dad Should Teach His Daughter.

1. How to change a flat.

I was late picking up my daughter from school last week because I had to stop to change a flat. My jeans were a mess and my hands were soiled black. The kids gathered around to examine my hands and wanted to know all about it. One teacher said he would have just called AAA. On the way out of class, my daughter asked if I remembered to put the lug nut lock back in the trunk with the jack. She may not be strong enough to physically change a tire just yet, but she knows what to do. This is going to be useful on some country road some day, I just know it.

2. How to pee on the trail.

We take a lot of hikes, getting out of the house as much as possible on sunny days or throwing on rain boots to go stomping in puddles after a storm. But what do you do when you're a mile away from the trailhead and your daughter suddenly has to pee? You wouldn't think twice about sending your boy behind a tree, so why not your little girl? I've been on hikes with people who turned back, speed walked to the car and drove away instead of letting their girls pee on the trail. I think that's just plain weird.

3. How to use a reciprocating saw.

OK, maybe this is too specific. The point is, kids should learn how to safely use power tools. The saws-all is just a kick-ass piece of equipment that will help her out of a carpentry jam sometime in the future. I also taught my daughter how to use our sewing machine. I see no difference between it and other tools. With all of them, you do a boatload of measuring first and only then do you flip the switch.

4. How to negotiate the price of a new car.

My daughter listened in as I called around to different dealerships, looking for the right car at the right price. (Negotiating by phone is so. much. easier. but she should also learn to do it in person.) If anything, I hope she learned you can be polite and be demanding at the same time. It's business, not personal. If you don't get what you want, shop around.

5. How to bake a cake.

Or a cupcake. Or a dutch baby. Anything. I think it's important to have at least one memorized recipe to call on, so you can help a friend in a pinch, cook up an easy dinner party dessert or just have some fun in the kitchen every now and then. When I'm hiking with my daughter in the late summer, we look for blackberries so we can hurry home to make a clafoutis — the one thing I have memorized.

6. How to save.

When I was younger, I threw money away left and right, buying crap I can't even remember 20 years later. When I got older, I got into trouble with credit cards and their mounting late fees. I wish I had been smarter with money, and it's something I hope to impart to my daughter. And apologies now, kid, but you're going to have to pay for some of your higher education. Money management is key to independence.

7. How to throw a flying arm bar.

She should be well rounded. I like to sew dresses with my daughter. And I like to wrestle with her UFC style after dinner. She knows how to lock in a leg triangle and she knows how to put someone in an arm bar. Now we're working on a flying arm bar because, well, it's just fun and she likes to do it. Some girl friends of mine said their fathers taught them how to throw a punch. And I think this follows the same line of thought. I don't want my daughter going around knocking people out, but I want her to feel confident that she can get herself out of a physical jam if nothing else works.

8. How to be parallel park.

A friend of mine got to test out one of those self-parking cars a few years ago, before they actually hit the market, and she said when she pushed the button and then just waited for the car to park itself, she could still hear her father in her ear, yelling, "Turn, Jessica! Turn the wheel!" I hope to be slightly more patient when the time comes, but this is a skill that will save her countless hours when circling the block in search of a parking space. My mom actually taught me how to parallel park and now I can squeeze an old Buick into a space big enough for a Smart car. Important. Life. Skill.

9. How to do the dishes.

This may seem like some throwback to the era of 1950s housewives — girls, get in the kitchen! — but you will make more friends and save more relationships by simply getting your ass in front of the sink and doing your part. If someone cooks, you clean. I don't care if you're a boy or a girl. You should get in there and give the host a break after a party or help your spouse out after a long day.

10. How to drink.

Look, I'm an alcoholic. I gave up drinking three years ago because I didn't want to be a drunk as our family grew up together — neither my wife nor my daughter deserve that. I may not be the best person to offer this life lesson, but I still think it's important to learn to drink properly — whether that means knowing the difference between whiskeys or simply knowing when you've had enough. Tabletops are made for drinking on, not flashing on.

I could go on and on with these. A lot of girl friends said that "being aware of your surroundings at all times" was the most important skill, while a couple of my guy friends said they wanted their girls to know that "just the tip" is a freaking lie.

Anything you'd add to the list? Would love to hear some input!

Mike Adamick writes at Cry It Out!. He thinks a curve ball is also a thing of glory.

Read more: http://jezebel.com/5705486/10-things-every-dad-should-teach-his-daughter#ixzz176rcLUpz

However... if she does indeed embrace the chrome pole, she must always get the cash up front no matter how cute the punter looks, how chummy he is with the manager or how big his tab is in the 'Champagne Room'.

That's not a bad list. My daughter was born independent and all I had to do is guide her a bit. She can cook, sew, swing a hammer, use power tools (she has her own) and program a computer. She's also a pretty good mom to her two children. She saved money on her teacher's salary of $12 / hour when friends making twice as much were in debt.

All children really need to know is to be independent, have confidence, and believe in themselves. There's nothing they can't accomplish. But, it DOES take effort on the part of parents. What it takes is love, discipline and consistancy. By discipline I don't mean spanking. I mean learning to be responsible for their own actions. The more a child is exposed to the more they are going to learn. That is why we took all sorts of trips from air travel to camping and hiking. Yes, my daughter learned to pee and poop in the woods. I took her rock climbing, fishing and skiing. She always did well but decided she's not an outdoors person. But, at least she experienced it and made her own choices in life. She and my younger sister are two of the more rounded women I know. You can Google my younger sister and what she's been up to. ... Leslie Forbes - writer.

What it takes is love, discipline and consistency. You may be a swell guy IF but I feel like I'm reading Reader's Digest after some your posts.

What it takes is love, discipline and consistency. You may be a swell guy IF but I feel like I'm reading Reader's Digest after some your posts.

:lol:

Well, if old age is worth anything at all, it's that some of us have learned a few things along the way. Surprising as it may seem, it really DOES take those 3 ingredients to start the process of raising children. It's the same process that a good dog trainer uses. There is an old saying that still holds water... Give me a child from when it is weaned until it is 6 years old and I will have molded it for the rest of its life. There are going to be wars when the child reaches puberty, but if the basic grounding is in place then the child will turn into a responsible adult capable of making good decisions. I've seen both sides of the coin within my own, immediate family siblings and my own offspring. There is a wonderful book by Barbara Coloroso called "Children are worth it." She now travels North America and gives free speeches that attract thousands.

Oh, and if what I write sounds like something out of Reader's Digest it's because I'm a retired magazine writer and my stuff just comes out that way. I can't help it.

Edited December 5, 201015 yr by IanForbes

I have a daughter who just turned 35.

When she was early teens, I told her that men would do and say anything to get intimate with her, and suggested ways she could might be able to weed out the bullshiters from the real deal. I may have been too effective, I don't know, but even at 35 she's never had a steady guy for more than a short while - most of the time being comfortably independent. I even wondered out loud whether she might be gay, but she said 'no.' Actually, I think she's set her sights a bit too high, because when she mentions the qualities she looks for in the man she might settle down with, I think, 'wow, that's got to be some dude who's pretty darn close to perfection.' ....a tough standard to achieve for even the most decent guys I know - which probably doesn't say much for the attributes of my men friends.

So I may never be a grandad, though at 58, there's still time. In the meantime, there are little boys and girls in my life to fill that space (friends' kids) - so I get to put out a plate of snacks or take them to the zoo - once in awhile - with a smattering of their Thai or hill tribe relatives in toe. Some old guys like doing simple things like that - even though, in the States (where I'm from) any interaction of any sort, between a grown man and a child who is not his blood relative - is looked at with alarm. If a man even grins and/or waves a hello to a kid in a shipping mall, chances are the security guards will get called. That's how nutzoid things have become in the good ol' US of A.

I told a friend of mine, the father you are will determine the husband your daughter chooses. Treat her like dirt and she will choose men who devalue her. Treat her like an independent woman who can think for herself and respect her and she will choose men who value those traits in a woman.

I have a daughter who just turned 35.

So I may never be a grandad, though at 58, there's still time. In the meantime, there are little boys and girls in my life to fill that space (friends' kids) - so I get to put out a plate of snacks or take them to the zoo - once in awhile - with a smattering of their Thai or hill tribe relatives in toe. Some old guys like doing simple things like that - even though, in the States (where I'm from) any interaction of any sort, between a grown man and a child who is not his blood relative - is looked at with alarm. If a man even grins and/or waves a hello to a kid in a shipping mall, chances are the security guards will get called. That's how nutzoid things have become in the good ol' US of A.

Good story, brahmburger. It is one ot fhe sad realities of North America that they over react and throw the child out with the bath water. That is one of the beautiful things about Thailand... it IS possible to interact with children... and what a delight that is. When I first came to Thailand 15 years ago I was worried that the so called "unattended" children might be a risk of paedophiles. But, I soon learned that there ARE eyes watching every move. For the most part, the children are protected. If anyone is going to harm them it will be a relative that does it.

I told a friend of mine, the father you are will determine the husband your daughter chooses. Treat her like dirt and she will choose men who devalue her. Treat her like an independent woman who can think for herself and respect her and she will choose men who value those traits in a woman.

I think you are right, sbk. That is why I feel I've been a good parent. Both my offspring (now in their late thirties) are well adjusted with good partners. It shows in my lovely grandkids. My kids broke the cycle of abuse from my parents and grandparents.

Perhaps a frivolous response, but in the technical age perhaps not.

How to negotiate a chat room.

Chat rooms being not only anonymous but a breeding ground for misinformation.

What he says he is

and what he really is.

Oh, and if what I write sounds like something out of Reader's Digest it's because I'm a retired magazine writer and my stuff just comes out that way. I can't help it.

Great ... I'll remember your platitudinous advice next time I am in the dentist's waiting room.

Oh, and if what I write sounds like something out of Reader's Digest it's because I'm a retired magazine writer and my stuff just comes out that way. I can't help it.

Great ... I'll remember your platitudinous advice next time I am in the dentist's waiting room.

:lol:

Or, you can continue stumbling around in the dark making your own mistakes like all the amusing threads on thaivisa. At least you followed your mommy's advice about getting your teeth fixed; they needed it.

Continue stumbling around in the dark ... Continue? I won't even bother, Mr. Natural.

Edited December 6, 201015 yr by jazzbo

Back in 1958, when my mother left home to go to secretarial college, her father lined up glasses of orange juice some with different sorts of alcohol added to them, so she could tell if someone tried to spike her drinks! These days, I believe you are more likely to have tasteless drugs slipped into your drinks, so the advice is never to leave them unattended.

Continue stumbling around in the dark ... Continue? I won't even bother, Mr. Natural.

So what you are suggesting is to never offer any advice, and if I do answer then only reply with sarcasm. Yup, I'm sure that will work. I'll fit right in with the rest of the crowd here. Maybe I'll give it a try for a month or two. It might get me the occasional "holiday" but at least it will give people something to complain about. They seem to enjoy that.

Continue stumbling around in the dark ... Continue? I won't even bother, Mr. Natural.

That's the fattest bird I've ever seen Ian with - and the first time I've seen him grumpy

SC

Nothing wrong with fat, mind... nor grumpy. We've all been there

(nothing wrong with fat, mind - no-one ever accepts that as an apology, do they?)

That's the fattest bird I've ever seen Ian with - and the first time I've seen him grumpy

SC

Nothing wrong with fat, mind... nor grumpy. We've all been there

(nothing wrong with fat, mind - no-one ever accepts that as an apology, do they?)

Not fat, but us old folks DO need our "Depends". You never can trust a fart. :lol:

So what you are suggesting is to never offer any advice, and if I do answer then only reply with sarcasm... I would say it is indeed proper for you to offer suggestions from your ample life experience ... or the use of words like 'maybe' or 'possibly' ... but when you start to cloak it such as the '3 imperatives for a happy child hood' like Dr. Spock or Oprah Winfrey then you should not be surprised that you get some sarcasm in return ... as in 'advice sucks'... no one comes on ThaiVisa for unsolicited advice

... also anyone who posts almost 6000 times in less than 2 years should expect a little flack instead of everyone just saying to themselves 'Not another one from that old f---'

Edited December 6, 201015 yr by jazzbo

How did you get a photo of me?

Edited December 7, 201015 yr by brahmburgers

As any good parent should know, the time to go to the dentist is when you DON'T need to get your teeth fixed ... But you get to read those silly advice magazines while you are waiting

As any good parent should know, the time to go to the dentist is when you DON'T need to get your teeth fixed ... But you get to read those silly advice magazines while you are waiting

I'd actually interpreted the comment about getting your teeth fixed as an obtuse threat, and I was a bit puzzled, but since it was not aimed at me (I don't think...) I thought I would let it lie...

SC

Who knows ... my Mommy was too smart to ever give out advice ... BTW now 86 and world-ranked bridge player.

I told a friend of mine, the father you are will determine the husband your daughter chooses. Treat her like dirt and she will choose men who devalue her. Treat her like an independent woman who can think for herself and respect her and she will choose men who value those traits in a woman.

Hmm..on this one i have to disagree. Or at least, i dont agree that its this is a given.

I consciously have chosen men VERY DIFFERENT from my father. Ive made one poor choice in a relationship, but the other two main relationships in my life were with very considerate men.

Ive also known women who have had great fathers but who chose to be around the worst kind of men.

I suppose sometimes its a case of choosing the opposite of what your father represented.

Even if i were to never have a concrete idea of what i want (because i feel you should take a person at face value and not have a criteria list), at least i know what i do NOT want.

I'm with eek on this one, I always chose the "bad boys" or men that were less intelligent or educated than my father. I even married one.

But the one I really fell for, 20 years ago, was a man just like my dad. Polite, well spoken, good job, nice car, nice house - the only problem was that he had a wife and toddler back home in England!! We saw each other about 8 years ago and the flame was still there, but too much had gone on in our lives to even think about starting again.

Might happen again in another 8 years... I am an old romantic. And even writing this I have an image of him in my mind....

Edited December 8, 201015 yr by Patsycat

Its not a given but it is pretty well proven by research that many women who were abused as children end up with abusers as partners. It doesn't mean it has to apply to anyone specifically just that it is a well documented trend.

I suppose the key word might be "more IikeIy to"..? ..as in, couId be said that women/men who were abused when young are more IikeIy to end up as abusers or in an abusive/unheaIthy reIationship.

Well yes, that is basically what i said. The point here being that there are always exceptions to everything but it is more common than not for girls to learn what makes a man from their fathers.

Well yes, that is basically what i said. The point here being that there are always exceptions to everything but it is more common than not for girls to learn what makes a man from their fathers.

And why so many women from abusive family backgrounds get screwed up as adults. It's hard to break the cycle, but it CAN be done. My mother was sexually abused by her father (my birth grandfather) when she was 12 after her mother died. I know it had a direct bearing on the relationship my mother had with my father.

I told a friend of mine, the father you are will determine the husband your daughter chooses. Treat her like dirt and she will choose men who devalue her. Treat her like an independent woman who can think for herself and respect her and she will choose men who value those traits in a woman.

But we can still be fooled....

My father always told me "don't even think about being a secretary - be the boss WITH a secretary". He was right, even though up until the age of 15 I thought he was wrong. Thank god I realised the wisdom of his words in time!

That should be number 1 in your list.

I only realised after I'd grown up that he only felt this way about ME or at least my future life.

It took adulthood to realise that he had 'women's lib' thoughts about ME because my mother stood up for herself and took no nonsense from him (and of course, he loved me). How do I know this? 'Cos after they divorced (long after I'd left home) and he remarried, he hit the new wife.....

I married a man I thought respected women and their right to be equal - it took a few years before I realised he thought nothing of the sort. He thought he did, but his actions said otherwise.

Don't get me wrong, he never hit me, but I'm pretty sure it was only because he didn't dare. But that's not the point, he did as little as possible around the house and actually told me a few years after we'd married, when I asked when he never remembered to put the bins out - "I've more important things to think about"

He was basically a good man, but having been taught by his mother that women run around after men - never subconsciously gave up the idea...

Edited December 9, 201015 yr by F1fanatic

You've made me think though about things a father should teach their daughter:-

1. Do not aim to be someone's lackey at work - aim to be the boss.

2. Get to know someone v well before marrying them. You still won't really know them, but you stand a better chance.

3. How to change a plug.

4. How to do the ordinary things on a car.

etc. etc.