Private Posts AND By The Numbers

[PattayaOneTeam]

Kris and Noi's Private Posts

Mea Culpa?

Being fairly new to Thailand, I have become an avid--if new-- reader of your very helpful column, and pleased that it has re-appeared in this new publication. My problem, because I know so little about Thais and nothing of the Thai language, has to do with my Thai girlfriend--or “wife” as Noi prefers to call herself, though we are only living together. So, acceding to Noi's wishes, I call her my wife (mia) in the presence of family and Thai friends. But a couple days ago Noi got all bent out of shape during a family gathering when I called to her across the room, “Mia Noi.” First she went into a tantrum, then went all silent and hasn't talked to me since. What did I do wrong?

H. Peesauce

More than a few married Thai men have a regular lady on hand for extramarital nooky. Unlike Western men, they do not appear to make any effort to hide their presence; in fact, the way these ladies are flaunted by wealthy, influential men at parties and official functions, it would seem to be de riguer to have “Supporting a regular totty” listed on a man's CV. Such a kept lady is known as a mia noi--meaning minor wife. So your Miss Noi would have been mortified when you implied to her family and friends that, instead of being your beloved, she was in fact just the farang's bit of spare. However, profuse apologies, an explanation of your mistake and, most importantly, a decent gift, will no doubt restore your relationship. And call her faen instead of mia; less chance of confusion. Thanks for the nice words about the column, as well as the tittersome tale.

Bar Room Boors

My husband and I enjoy Pattaya's night life atmosphere, and make regular visits to bars. He chats with his friends, and I talk with the girls in the bar, who are very nice with me. I have got to know several of them very well, and I make no comments about their chosen way of life; we just have a good natter and a laugh. But I do think that the attitude of some, not all, expats, towards the girls is awful. They talk rudely to them, grope girls as they try to walk past, and talk about the girls' looks as though they were buying farm stock. They like to call the girls stupid, whereas I think it is them who show their ignorance.

Leanne Perrins

Most expats treat the girls in a decent, friendly manner, but there are also some out and out tossers amongst the punters. However, the girls mostly know how to put up with their slobbery and ill-manners, and can handle it well enough--and probably get their revenge with a less than stellar performance when hitting the mattress. The girls may be uneducated, but are often smarter than some customers; the dumbest acts you will witness in a bar are almost always performed by expats.

BY THE NUMBERS

25 billion baht, the estimated value of exports from the Thailand border crossing of Mae Sot into the town of Myawaddy and beyond in Burma in 2009. In July 2010 the Burmese government closed the border crossing.

700 the approximate number of African elephant tusks seized by customs officials at Suvarnabhumi airport in the six months from February to July 2010. The Director of the Customs Department claimed the value of the seized tusks was around three billion baht. He stated the value of all elephant tusks confiscated in 2009 amounted to around 65 million baht. Since 2006 Thailand has been on a watch list of countries that the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Wild Fauna and Flora (a mouthful thankfully better known simply as Cites) believes is engaged in the illegal wildlife trade. According to some sources, a pair of intact and complete tusks can be worth anywhere from 300,000 to 500,000 baht. The only problem is that to get a set intact, the elephant has to be deceased.

9,000 the number of M-60 machine gun rounds discovered 'missing' from the Army Ordnance Department compound in Lopburi in early September. Also missing were 10 RPG-2 rockets. Although a lowly sergeant and three civilians were arrested in connection with the missing weaponry no-one really knows just who stole it or where it's all gone. We will have to wait for the next big bang to get an idea of just who had the deadly material away.

22 the world ranking of the Royal Thai Navy's aircraft carrier HTMS Chakri Naruebet in terms of size. It is acknowledged as the smallest operational aircraft carrier in the world weighing in at just 11,400 tons. There are currently nine navies with 22 operational aircraft carriers. Naturally, the United States with 11 carriers heads the list. Some unkind souls have suggested the HTMS Chakri Naruebet, built in Spain, commissioned in 1997 and based at Sattahip, was a waste of money, when everyone knows it's a symbol of might and power and gives a bunch of Vice and Rear Admirals something to crow about.

25,000 the estimated number of troops who make up the United Wa State Army (UWSA) fighting the Burmese government just across the northern Thai border in the Golden Triangle region. The UWSA is a known illicit drug producer and considered a bane for Thailand because of the amount of illicit drugs trafficked into the Kingdom.

3,000 cubic metres of water per second, the acknowledged capacity of the Chao Phraya River. In 2006, heavy rains sent an average of 4,000 cubic metres per second down the river, causing it to burst its banks and flood the central plains. The heavy rains of 2010 apparently reached a similar figure of 4,000 cubic metres of water per second. That's one speedy water slide ride.

77 the number of provinces in Thailand. The latest addition to the provincial numbers occurred in August 2010 when Bung Kan, an area of 4,300 square kilometres containing a population of around 400,000 people in the Mekong-flanked province of Nong Khai, was officially created. Consisting of eight former districts of Nong Khai, one of the districts was known as Bueng Kan. This particular district had previously been known as Chaiburi when it was part of the province of Nakhon Phanom. In 1917 Chaiburi was moved into the province of Nong Khai. The district was then re-named Bueng Kan in 1939. If this new province was a person, all this moving about and name changing over the years would be enough to appear suspicious.

42 million people, the estimated number of people claimed to have travelled through Suvarnabhumi Airport in 2010. The director of the airport, Nirun Teeranatsin, has said he intends to develop the facility to the extent that it will eventually be rated among the top 10 in the world.

The first item on the race to the top 10 agenda appears to be a strategy of calling Suvarnabhumi the 'Airport of Smile'. According to some unkind reports the strategy is working well as a singular smile is about the best you will get, especially in the Customs queue. We are not sure of the truth of the rumour that when it was pointed out to a senior official that the correct English should read 'Airport of Smiles' he nodded knowingly, smiled, just once, and then curtly pointed out he knew precisely what the difference between 'smile' and 'smiles' happened to be.

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-- Pattaya One 2011-12-06