Rainbow AND Gaymarch Columns

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Pattaya One Rainbow

Counting The Pattaya Blessings

By James Barnes

That eminent American social scribe and confirmed bachelor, Eric Hoffer, once said, 'The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.' He obviously never visited Pattaya. Here, no complex calculation is required to tot up the countless blessings that are abundantly bestowed upon the gay man who has chosen to make his home or holiday in the city. Pattaya is now on the brink of another high season, enjoying the most pleasant weather of its year and full of optimism about the fresh influx of cash happy tourists who will check in, while the home countries of its visitors are mostly mired in the cold and miserably bleak desperation of winter. They are suffering the onslaught of commercial overkill promising the fake and ersatz spirit of Christmas past with unhappy family reunions and worrying about how to pay the fuel bills and service the credit cards.

The warm sea breeze that blows reassuringly through Pattaya is more than enough to sweep away the chill wind memories of home. The elegant and graceful palm trees that fringe pools and Dong Tan beach are so much more appealing than those naked winter branches back in London, Hamburg, Chicago or wherever. The sizzling and smoking street food stimulates the senses and puts no stress on the wallet. Pennies for a baht bus or a motorcycle taxi will deliver you to your chosen department of heaven. A stroll through Boyztown, Sunee Plaza or Jomtien Complex offers no end of neon buzzing gay entertainment, brilliant bars, sensational shows, rafts of restaurants, marvellous massage et al. Their host of handsome young touts all offering the sort of temptations it would be patently churlish to refuse and that have a unique Pattaya style that has no comparison, let alone equal, back home.

Back home, hordes of grim faced commuters are braving their cold, dark morning, cold, dark evening commutes to and from the insecurities of employment in jobs that they would rather not do but are desperate not to lose. Here you are in Pattaya. Feeling smug? Enjoy it. You have earned it. You deserve it. However, the biggest and best blessing of all is free and available to all in Pattaya with just one small qualification. Try it out. Next time you are bouncing in the back of a baht bus along with a handsome young Thai guy; or pass some sexily lithe hunk on the street or beach, just smile. Look him in the eyes and smile. The open, million dollar, Hollywood beam that is returned to you in a flash of brilliant white teeth is devoid of inhibition or reserve. Now that's a blessing that you can count on.

James Barnes is editor-in-chief of OUT in Thailand Magazine.

GAYMARCH

Jomtien Complex, a collection of three sois off Thappraya Road, opposite the Hanuman Statue, is home to more than twenty gay and gay friendly businesses, including host bars, cabaret shows, massage venues and several fine dining choices. You won't find go-go bars here. However, many find the Complex a laid back and sophisticated alternative to Boyz Town or Sunee Plaza. One of the more popular clubs in Jomtien Complex is The Venue, a large, beautiful night club offering three nightly cabaret shows, showcasing good-looking guys and glamorous ladyboys in stunning costumes and featuring Broadway show tunes, as well as hosting special tributes and theme nights. The Venue also offers guest rooms at attractive prices. Ganymede is a Greek themed host bar and guest house, across from the Pagoda Restaurant. You'll love the Greek gods (the ones on the walls, as well as the ones serving you). Rumor has it that they'll soon be adding a karaoke and sauna to their facility. SugarNSpice, next door to Ganymede, replaced the ladies with guys recently.

Jomtien Complex offers several beer bars/massage parlors. The ever popular Question Mark has just expanded and taken over the former girlie bar next door. Next door to Question Mark is Two Faces, which offers breakfast and sandwiches, along with booze, boys and massage. Several other beer and massage options include Festival Boy Club and Duo House. These are located near the popular eatery, Dick's Café.

Derby Men's Club, also adjacent to Dick's, offers steam, sauna, exercise equipment and, of course, boy massage. For a 'legitimate' massage, try the Thai Blind Massage Institute, on the same soi as Ganymede.

If you're hungry, there are lots of places to sate your appetite. Delicious meals can be enjoyed at Poseidon (same management as Casa Pascal), which is also a guest house. Aquarius, L'Arc and Pagoda also offer delicious dining choices. Da Claudio, which just reopened, serves tasty Italian fare. L'Olivier has a set menu and a salad and appetizer bar. ANTZ offers delicious Thai food at very reasonable prices; and of course, there's the aforementioned Dick's, for food, drinks, coffee and people watching.

Not far, on Jomtien Beach, is The Bondi Beach Bar. The Bondi boasts a contemporary lounge with lots of cute waiter/hosts, has musical entertainment at night, as well as a monthly Quiz Night. They also have reasonably priced guest rooms. Around the corner is Bamboo Bar, which seems to have been around forever; and is a popular place to stop for a beer and a boy after an afternoon at the beach.

TAKE CARE!!, the volunteer organization that distributes free 'safer sex' packs to bars and other gay venues throughout Pattaya, will be having a gala fundraiser at Cafe Royale in Boyz Town on Thursday 9th December. They'll be celebrating six years of continuous service to the gay community. Dr. Philippe Seur, of Heart 2000, will be guest of honor. Entertainment will include the popular EL DUO and 'B-BOYS' dancers. Dinner will be available for 750 baht, 250 of which will go to TAKE CARE!! The volunteer group will also get a cut of all drinks sold. Advance booking is recommended.

DAVID, a new go-go emporium, on Pattayaland Soi 1, has opened up in the former Star Boys. The transvestite boss, from Bangkok, has done a great job refurnishing and decorating. There's comfortable, sofa seating and a big stage in the front. More than twenty hunky Davids were on display. Nonalcoholic drinks went for 120 baht; while the inebriating types were 160. Give it a try.

Lots of stuff is planned at KRAZY DRAGON male table top dancing den of iniquity in Sunee Plaza. They'll be turning on the Christmas lights on 15 December and have Christmas and New Years parties planned for 24 and 31 December.

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-- Pattaya One 2011-12-11