Riches To Rags?

[IsaanAussie]

There have been a number of topics dealing with returns and profits made from farming here in Thailand. I think we, the members should make up a list of generic differences we have encountered between "our" idea of what an investment is and the counter thought from our Thai families. Lets see what we can collate, make a statement as yourself, then supply the thoughts of the Thai side. You never know we could all get a good laugh. Lets keep it light hearted and if possible based on personal experience. Such as:

Farang to father of the bride and assembled family

I would like to marry your daughter and help with the family farm, perhaps buy some more land and a tractor. I know I can make her happy and I am prepared to work hard.

Thai side

Father: Work hard? Have you seen his hands and feet? Not a farmer backside, but OK if he has a money tree.

Brother and BIL: This is making me thirsty. Tell the boys it is time for a very big drink.

Mother: How many baht and how much gold is he going to give me? Smart girl my daughter!

Sister: How long do you think it will take him to like me better?

Isaan Aussie, in the hope someone can do better than this

[farmerjo]

My mama and papa have looked after me very well in that house with no doors and no windows and worked hard to give me and education to year 10.

Can we give them all your money so they can plot our lives for us???

I can laugh now issan/a only cause common sense prevailed

[thrilled]

people like to put people down.

[IsaanAussie]

people like to put people down.

Where I come from its called the Tall Poppy Syndrome. Here the petty jealousy of some villagers is not only annoying, it can be destructive. Property burnt down and false or inflated complaints laid again those that just appear to be successful. It pays to be aware and remember "Get angry, you lose!"

But it is a good thread for others to pick up on. Surlely there are a few expensive lessons that have been learnt out there?

[farmerjo]

people like to put people down.

If you think i dont like my family you are wrong.

However i, like alot of others dont like to waste money.

But living as an expat it will always happen in a variety of ways.

Farang= your papa is 48 and very fit,here's 10000 baht for him to look for a job as the farm is not viable yet.

Next day and on Farang=why is your papa still turning up everyday?

[tim armstrong]

Farang = I need some old timber to make a work bench. FIL == There is a big tree on the boundary fence that someone else will get if we don't cut it down. Naieve farlang= Ok 'Dad'. FIL = I have a friend who can do it cheaply. Very naieve farlang = how much; FIL =10,000 baht including cutting it into planks ! Farlang: err?! thai wife = that's cheap Tim. Farlang = OK then, grumbles! Tree cut down planks made, complete with bends and twists. Farlang contributes to treecutters dodgy old chainsaw repair -about 1,000baht. Planks stacked for drying. Farlang goes off to another part of Thailand for work. Comes home every 2 wks. Notices that its getting easier to see over the pile of planks. To wife - whats happened with the wood? Wife: We needed to make a Sarla at the side of the house, but we also need to buy some new timber for it as the other stuff is not straight. - Stupid farlang =ok darling,here's 5,000 for extra timber. Sarla built. Farlang goes off to work again, comes home.

Now you CAN c learly see over the planks, because the buggers have all gone!!. What happened to the bloody wood!?? Wife: Oh father gave some to his mate. What!!!! Wife: you don't like my family! Farlang now on the verge of a major brain explosion, but manages to control it. Wife: By the way, FIL's mate (who was given the wood), says he can make you a really good workbench for about 1500 baht!!

[IsaanAussie]

Tim,

Great story, I can relate to that so well. But you just gotta tell me, is the tree feller the same fella who had the wood for free and could build the bench?

In my case about eight years ago I cleared a block we had acquired and felled some 100 trees. Trunks hidden in the bush out of sight of the BIB, and the limbs given away as firewood. A guy with a huge radial saw cut all the timber up into house building sizes for 7,000 baht. Actually it was worth the money to see a guy with a chalk line and a hand held saw cut so well. It wasnt repairs but the sharpening of his saw I got hit for, 500 baht. Interesting as it was a carbide tipped blade but I said nothing. We went back to BKK and the wood was all dumped in the klong to "cure". About a year later the SIL rings the wife and says that the termites had eaten half the wood and they had burnt the peices effected. I didnt even know that termites could swim, again I just copped it sweet. A few weeks later we went back to the village to find the roof frame up for the sisters new house. The remainer of the wood was in a pile, not a stack, and a very small pile at that. It was bent and twisted beyond use. A quick estimate of the remainder and the amount used in the roof frame added up to about half the original amount. Maybe the termites paid for their lunch and that was enough money for the footings, concrete columns and the concrete blocks that were now the sisters new house.

As I said earlier today, get angry, you loose. But it just proves the point that life wasn't meant to be easy. The family has wood, the sister needs a new house, sell enough to buy whats needed, use the rest, leave some for the farang but he builds furniture and doesnt need long straight bits. The rest was clearly a fabication to appease the farangs sense of personal ownership, my money, my wood. "You have so much to learn about Thai people." says the wife.

Edited December 17, 2010 by IsaanAussie

[slapout]

We were putting the irrigation system in the fruit orchard, having purchased the various pipe, fittings, etc and delivered to farm. Wife hired labor to cut, fit and install, as per my instructions with drawings. One young fellow came to work and told the crew (including wife) he was a fruit tree/irrigation expert and the farang was putting the sprinkler heads too close to the ground, they would not cover the area under the trees, unless they were raised up to a 5 foot height,pipe on site wrong and not enough. Thus having this knowledge and vast experience he should be foreman and be paid accordingly.

Having seen the fellow around the village several times, never working but always around when booze was available, I just told the wife to ignore him and lets get to work. He was a real work stopper as far as talking to others, needing a break, hungry, thirsty, need a smoke, etc. We got to a point in the system that enough was installed with cut off valves that I started the pump and and turned on sprinklers to 30 trees. I replaced a low sprinkler with a higher one and the crew allowed it was working just like planned and the additional pipe, change in size,etc would be a waste.

The want to be foreman kind of just disappeared that evening and had someone ask for his pay a couple days later as he had a better job. It was mentioned that he would be back to help on some proposed fencing later. I told the wife that he had cost us about 3 days pay for no work just by keeping others from working , much less himself. This along with him being work brittle, I did not want him on the property again. Most of the village people are workers, but there are always a few like this fellow, we have found probably a half dozen over time. You just have to be on site or have someone knowledgeable who looks after your interest. I prefer the former if at all possible.

[farmerjo]

Farang = I need some old timber to make a work bench. FIL == There is a big tree on the boundary fence that someone else will get if we don't cut it down. Naieve farlang= Ok 'Dad'. FIL = I have a friend who can do it cheaply. Very naieve farlang = how much; FIL =10,000 baht including cutting it into planks ! Farlang: err?! thai wife = that's cheap Tim. Farlang = OK then, grumbles! Tree cut down planks made, complete with bends and twists. Farlang contributes to treecutters dodgy old chainsaw repair -about 1,000baht. Planks stacked for drying. Farlang goes off to another part of Thailand for work. Comes home every 2 wks. Notices that its getting easier to see over the pile of planks. To wife - whats happened with the wood? Wife: We needed to make a Sarla at the side of the house, but we also need to buy some new timber for it as the other stuff is not straight. - Stupid farlang =ok darling,here's 5,000 for extra timber. Sarla built. Farlang goes off to work again, comes home.

Now you CAN c learly see over the planks, because the buggers have all gone!!. What happened to the bloody wood!?? Wife: Oh father gave some to his mate. What!!!! Wife: you don't like my family! Farlang now on the verge of a major brain explosion, but manages to control it. Wife: By the way, FIL's mate (who was given the wood), says he can make you a really good workbench for about 1500 baht!!

Classic tim,

Some of are here funded by other governments and some of as are not,so i'm not sure where on that marrige certificate it says you married 1 wife 3 of her sisters and 4 of her brothers plus a mum and dad and any siblings,plus your own you chose to have.

Anyway tirik=my fathers day coming,what should we do?

Farang=lets give him 10000 baht to change the original papers for the land we brought for us back to your name which it should have been in the first place.

Tiruk=ok but papa not gonna be happy.

Farang= ok we will put new tyres and shock asorbers on his car to keep it going and a new tappet cover gasket.

Tiruk=ok but you will probably have to take over the payments as work is slow at the moment

Farang= ok 2 payments then they sell the car

Waiting for thrilled's response??????

P/S feeling better now the aussies are back in the cricket,not easy trying to get a ball by ball description on the net.

[afarang]

Very easy farmerJo, cricinfo is the go/

[IsaanAussie]

Picking up on Slapout's "Expert" theme.

When I started building the house extensions here I asked the family to find some guys who had worked on steel fabrication before. Surprise, surprise, most of the fume heads were experts in that field. As always there was one stand-out. His expertise was using the dropsaw, so away we went. Within ten minutes he had taken massive chunks out of two brand new 16" Makita fibre blades and was busy putting the last blade I had onto the shaft.

Me: I have used saws like this for many years and only ever broken one blade by doing something stupid. You have broken two blades very quickly is there a problem?

Expert: I have used these for a long time too. No, there isnt a problem that always happens.......... Oh, by the way we need more blades.

[IsaanAussie]

I just got this via email from a friend in Oz. Leads me to think maybe we should get a few entries from the locals with us as the focus. These are the winners of the Darwin Awards....

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [if someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M. , flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce..

[grimleybob]

Picking up on Slapout's "Expert" theme.

When I started building the house extensions here I asked the family to find some guys who had worked on steel fabrication before. Surprise, surprise, most of the fume heads were experts in that field. As always there was one stand-out. His expertise was using the dropsaw, so away we went. Within ten minutes he had taken massive chunks out of two brand new 16" Makita fibre blades and was busy putting the last blade I had onto the shaft.

Me: I have used saws like this for many years and only ever broken one blade by doing something stupid. You have broken two blades very quickly is there a problem?

Expert: I have used these for a long time too. No, there isnt a problem that always happens.......... Oh, by the way we need more blades.

Ozzie Aerospace Expert

Bruce the first Oz spaceman is preparing to be sent up from Woomera with a Monkey.

With the countdown almost finished they.are given their final instructions in two envelopes

The monkey opens his. It gives six pages of very detailed and technical instructions about which controls to press and what to do in case of an emergency

Bruce opens his. It says FEED THE MONKEY

[tim armstrong]

Oh some great stories. I especially liked the Darwin award and the morning Burger King one. IA - yes indeed the tree feller is the bench builder. Needless to say I still haven't got a workbench. There is another twist - The FIL for sometime has 'borrowed' my circular saw (Thai translation -just take it, don't ask, don't give it back, and never say thankyou) Anyway I wanted to use it recently, asked the wife where it was, -its broken she says, no power. Had a look, sure enough no power. WIFE= but you can borrow father's saw. "I didn't know he had one?" Got father's saw. Surprise, surprise, his saw is absolutely identical to mine. Question: Is the broken one really mine? (Maybe I'm just too cynical or becoming wiser) Never a dull moment in Thailand.

[IsaanAussie]

Oh some great stories. I especially liked the Darwin award and the morning Burger King one. IA - yes indeed the tree feller is the bench builder. Needless to say I still haven't got a workbench. There is another twist - The FIL for sometime has 'borrowed' my circular saw (Thai translation -just take it, don't ask, don't give it back, and never say thankyou) Anyway I wanted to use it recently, asked the wife where it was, -its broken she says, no power. Had a look, sure enough no power. WIFE= but you can borrow father's saw. "I didn't know he had one?" Got father's saw. Surprise, surprise, his saw is absolutely identical to mine. Question: Is the broken one really mine? (Maybe I'm just too cynical or becoming wiser) Never a dull moment in Thailand.

Come over one day and I'll build the bench for/with you. I'll bet yours is the broken one. I'll also bet that there was a heated discussion involving its breakage between daughter and father and it was replaced. It will only become yours if you push the point.

When I purchased some piglets I had to find accomodation for them for a month. Luckily there was a small sty in the village that was empty so a deal was struck to use it. Two days in and the ancient water pump gave up the ghost. I offered to get it fixed and was told that since I had broken it, I should replace it with a new one. This I did, but when I went to pick up the old one to get it fixed I was prompted reminded it wasnt mine it was the sty owners, leave it where it is.

Moral: When you are so rich, why worry yourself about such little things? Muffled Fart...... sorry but no appropriate emoticon...

IA

[tim armstrong]

Oh some great stories. I especially liked the Darwin award and the morning Burger King one. IA - yes indeed the tree feller is the bench builder. Needless to say I still haven't got a workbench. There is another twist - The FIL for sometime has 'borrowed' my circular saw (Thai translation -just take it, don't ask, don't give it back, and never say thankyou) Anyway I wanted to use it recently, asked the wife where it was, -its broken she says, no power. Had a look, sure enough no power. WIFE= but you can borrow father's saw. "I didn't know he had one?" Got father's saw. Surprise, surprise, his saw is absolutely identical to mine. Question: Is the broken one really mine? (Maybe I'm just too cynical or becoming wiser) Never a dull moment in Thailand.

Come over one day and I'll build the bench for/with you. I'll bet yours is the broken one. I'll also bet that there was a heated discussion involving its breakage between daughter and father and it was replaced. It will only become yours if you push the point.

When I purchased some piglets I had to find accomodation for them for a month. Luckily there was a small sty in the village that was empty so a deal was struck to use it. Two days in and the ancient water pump gave up the ghost. I offered to get it fixed and was told that since I had broken it, I should replace it with a new one. This I did, but when I went to pick up the old one to get it fixed I was prompted reminded it wasnt mine it was the sty owners, leave it where it is.

Moral: When you are so rich, why worry yourself about such little things? Muffled Fart...... sorry but no appropriate emoticon...

IA

Good idea, thanks . Actually on a minibus recently I noticed the no smoking sticker. Except on closer inspection the drawing was a no farting image. Another good idea.

[IsaanAussie]

I think the following was originally set in Ireland, but it seems appropriate here just as much

The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local “Lady of services” drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The “Lady of services” then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is exactly how a Thai village makes ends meet.

[bina]

that last one is actually how a kibbutz works;;; every branch will try desparately to show they had revenues the last quarter even if it means charging other branches for services rendered, and then the other branch is in debt.... but its essentially all from the same bank account-- its mine and his and hers, ie.the kibbutz's.

bina

[RedBullHorn]

I think the following was originally set in Ireland, but it seems appropriate here just as much

The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub. The publican slips the money along to the local "Lady of services" drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him "services" on credit. The "Lady of services" then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveler will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is exactly how a Thai village makes ends meet.

I told this story 4 years ago to the most smart ass elder in the village and he said if only it'd be this way in Thailand

Edited December 22, 2010 by RedBullHorn