RodneyAkin Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Hi all, Some logical though onthis please, love is so blind. I have a lady, she is university educated with a teaching certificate, come from a good family and has not been around. We have known each other for over a year met in Thailand for some months and love each other. I am sure she has genuine love for me,however when marriage came up I was asked to show 1 mill at the wedding and half would be returned. We chat for 4 to 5hours a day on the net and she has been the one in the middle with lots of tears as the father will not move on the price of 500,000 sin sod. When we marry she will come with a car and some land to build on, if I wanted to. I am not happy to paythat amount also trying to negotiate, that father pays the wedding of 100,000B he would not move. His answer is that I am farang and older than his daughter, andI need to show security that I can take care of his only daughter, so I shouldpay. I said ok I will give the family 300,000 and put 200,000 into her accountthat is security for her. No was the answer, he wants all 5000000 I asked her what if Idon't pay; she said her father would not allow her to marry. She then said thatwhen I arrive in Thailand she would marry me anyways in BKK, and did not wantgold or a wedding to save me money. Knowing her status inthe village she would have to have a wedding and gold shown even if we didmarry in BKK, even though she has said she does not want any. I told her that 500000Is a huge sum of money to pay and to show 1 mill is ridicules, what if I can'tshow 1 mill? Replied that's all right just show what you can and pay father 500000. Last night she tells me her half sister cousin or whatever, is to marry to a Thai he is to pay 150,000. He has no house and the cousin has a local store so he marries to the sisterthat is coming with a shop and he will live there with her. So again the tears as the sin sod requested from me was discussed again. She said just pay father 500000 and no wedding and no gold and I will marry you in BKK when you arrive. I do believe that the father is the hard nut here, but why so much, greed? If it was for security why does he want all the money? Ok I can walk away but as said she is a great lass and the best girl I have met, albeit that I couldfind another with 500000 in my pocket. Not to mention the cost I will have toget her a visa and honey moon, wedding and gold. If I had to pay the sin sod and wedding we are talking closeto 1 mill. I did say I would pay500000 but I wanted it to go to her not family. Is this the Thai trap closing in? Yes I am older thanher not ugly, and have my own house in the UK. So why the excuse thathe needs security? Any advise on how todeal with this. If we married in BKK Icould be in for problems and have to pay full sin sod. I have no problem buying her gold for the wedding or paying for the wedding but not if I have topay 500000 sin sod. Please some logicalthought here I am totally in love and confused. Just as a foot note a few days ago, she said her father wanted me to send half the wedding costs 50,000B to them before I arrived in BKKas she was going to meet me at the airport. What’s all the rush about? Am I being seen as a buffalo. I told her no way we can talk about that when i arrive. Since then she has said does not want a wedding or gold and will mary in BKK. I feel i cant talk about this on the net to her and would rather sit down with the family and talk Edited January 2, 2011 by RodneyAkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 run Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Hey That makes me the first to reply to a sin-sod thread in 2011. I think that's me done for the year now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I was trying to ignore it but as you didn't here l am. OP, if your not a troll they are all ' great lasses '. Remember you ' millionaire farang ' , will cost you more. Any tears from her then look elsewhere, READ BETWEEN THE LINES, PLEASE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InterestedObserver Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Sin Sod is customary in Thailand. The amount is negotiable according to social status in the village. You are a foreigner, therefore rich and expected to pay top price. If your true love was married before or has a child, the father would be willing to accept less. You are going to have to pay something, it's all about saving face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wallaby Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Don't do it. I have had similar with my girl. Just not quite that large amount. I dug my heals in and said there is no way her 'mother' is getting that amount. If the family don't 'allow' the marriage I have said that their are thousands of girls that would be happy and willing to be with me and their daughter can marry a thai man. Mother soon changed her tune. The amount is too much anyway. Look at it this way. You say she is bringing land and a car to the relationship. All well and good but she isn't bringing land into anything, she will always own that land, you won't. What she will do is all you to build a house on HER land which she will benefit. So really, she's only bringing a car, which I assume is in her name anyway. What I have said with my gf is that we will marry at a registry either in Thailand or Australia, bugger all cost. But we will not be having a Buddhist wedding unless her parents are reasonable. Lucky for me she has agreed with that. For you, I would dig my heals in, get a 3rd party to negotiate. Your age and being farang are just being used to con you out of your hard earned. Let them know that you love their daughter and want to marry her but it is against your custom to pay ANYTHING but you are willing to put up a nominal amount for show but most of it is to be returned to you so that you can care for her. The father is just greedy and taking the piss. Just tell him, 'this is the amount I'm paying, if you don't accept it then I'll sadly have to find another girl'. Up to you. But I strongly urge you to get a 3rd party to negotiate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deserted Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 They are taking you for a ride mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
apetley Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Arrange to get married in the west and tell the old man it's traditional for the father of the bride to pay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lorin Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 All those "advance" requests for money just showing you what your married life will look like from now on. Just take an earlier advise and run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metisdead Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 To the OP: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP25 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 I asked her what if Idon't pay; she said her father would not allow her to marry. She doesn't need anyone's permission to marry. If she really wanted to the two of you could go register your marriage right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunholidaysun1 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Even if you did come up with the money , chances are 100% that it will only be a village ceremony blessed by the village elder or a monk or 3 . It basically means you have shown face and everyone knows you are together, she can sleep with you with the blessing of the family. In real terms , its only an engagement and means NOTHING. Once you have done all that , had the rope tied round your wrists etc etc and paid for the party for all , you then have the freedom in time to marry legally . Getting married Legally will need alot more paperwork done through your Embassy, then on to the Thai ministry for them to agree you are eligible (single ) to marry , then off you go to the local Amphur (government office) fill in a couple of forms , hand over your docs from the Thai ministry of marraige (sorry forgot the name) and hey presto your legally married as the same as in your own country . As for the amount of Sin Sot(Dowry) upto you ,pay it or not ,get engaged or not . My advice is , come here spend alot of time together , work her out and see if shes for real . If your lucky enough to retire here without working in your own country all the better, if not then I suggest you get a job here and live together first. Many fall foul of the tricksters that they can be but NOT all . Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP25 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Also, it might not just be him (and possibly her) trying to scam you out of money. He could be asking for such a large amount, because he hates you and doesn't want you to marry his daughter. Sometimes this is done to try to break up relationships. Then when it ends he can tell his daughter he was right about you all along, you're no good, blah blah blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chunky1 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) you are supposed to get back whatever you pay so what does it really matter? pay as much as your wife asks, it only leaves your bank account for an hour or so. better yet, just get a certified check from your bank account to her name so that you don't have to worry about handling real money. Edited January 2, 2011 by Chunky1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 you are supposed to get back whatever you pay so what does it really matter? pay as much as your wife asks, it only leaves your bank account for an hour or so. better yet, just get a certified check from your bank account to her name so that you don't have to worry about handling real money. Your living in marshmallow land. ooops, sorry, you were joking. ( I hope ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Ha ha, I got mine for free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Either give sensible advice or ignore the thread. Rubbish has been removed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hhgz Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 "Some logical though onthis please..." Are you incapable of saying "no"? Are you unaware that you'll be paying her family, one way or the other, for the rest of the relationship? Sin sod is simply a down payment on misery. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardholder Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Pay the dosh - you seem to be getting a lot for the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Sin Sot for me is something I wanted to pay, but am not a rich guy and actually already married my girl, we are gonna have the wedding party in March and her Mum has told me not to worry about the Sin Sot, she will lend it to me. Her Mum trusts me, and likes me, we have already got two condos together through the Banks using my wife's maiden name, and also a car that her Mum bought for her, my wife pays her Mum back every month for it. Edited January 2, 2011 by beano2274 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaicbr Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Chunky is actually correct. traditionally it was to show the family you had the money to look after the daughter.. but as most things connected with money here its been changed. personally i would walk the family sound like complete pricks. When you say village, i take it that she is not bkk born. 1 mill is almost hiso prices. (i am wondering. How the hell you first met. considering you were on holiday it's dam_n hard meeting a "good girl") Edited January 2, 2011 by thaicbr Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mallyrd Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Not only did I not pay Sin Sod I would ever even consider paying it. You are marrying the girl not the family, don't get sucked into this. I have a step daughter who is now married to a Scandanavian guy and Sin Sod was never raised by my wife or her family. It's a blo-dy rip-off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RodneyAkin Posted January 2, 2011 Author Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the replies. Ok I have said I will pay sin sod evenagainst my principals of 500000 if they pay the wedding out of it and the goldcomes out of it too. Now if we marry in BKK as she says shewants to, what would be the consequences if I did do as said here and delay thepayment, bank late money or for whatever reason and live with her, as she hassaid she wants to stop work as soon as I arrive so I will be supporting herfrom then on. What would happen if after we marry in the Amphur office? Then I say no money for sin sod as I didsay I would pay on conditions. What way out this? Marry her in BKK and live with her for sometime? Don't marry and live with her? Who can I get to do the sin sod negotiations? Are their any people that do that? Trying to do it via the net and her translation was a foolish thing I needed to be there. I would it mean to Thai's by me breaking my word as i did say i would pay if conditions were met but i will not pay all Thanks for any advice Edited January 2, 2011 by RodneyAkin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mallyrd Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Sin Sot for me is something I wanted to pay, but am not a rich guy and actually already married my girl, we are gonna have the wedding party in March and her Mum has told me not to worry about the Sin Sot, she will lend it to me. Her Mum trusts me, and likes me, we have already got two condos together through the Banks using my wife's maiden name, and also a car that her Mum bought for her, my wife pays her Mum back every month for it. I guess you have a sort of Hire Purchase agreement!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP25 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 you are supposed to get back whatever you pay so what does it really matter? pay as much as your wife asks, it only leaves your bank account for an hour or so. better yet, just get a certified check from your bank account to her name so that you don't have to worry about handling real money. Your living in marshmallow land. ooops, sorry, you were joking. ( I hope ) That's normal, just using it for show at the ceremony. Or instead the parents might use the money and buy property for the new couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano2274 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 Sin Sot for me is something I wanted to pay, but am not a rich guy and actually already married my girl, we are gonna have the wedding party in March and her Mum has told me not to worry about the Sin Sot, she will lend it to me. Her Mum trusts me, and likes me, we have already got two condos together through the Banks using my wife's maiden name, and also a car that her Mum bought for her, my wife pays her Mum back every month for it. I guess you have a sort of Hire Purchase agreement!! Very true for the Car, the missus I do not want to give back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inmysights Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 run The sin sot thing was never raised when I married my THAI husband. I asked him how much he was willing to pay my parents in England as a joke, and he told me 'well, they never asked' LOL! You farang men are, judging from the many threads on this forum re this topic seem to be expected to pay. I would be interested to learn if any race (including Asians), other than us whities are expected to pay up? To whit, is it simply because we are Caucasian and thus perceived (erroneously) to be wealthier/cashed up than Thais? Who are, of course the poorest people on the planet ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the replies. Ok I have said I will pay sin sod evenagainst my principals of 500000 if they pay the wedding out of it and the goldcomes out of it too. Now if we marry in BKK as she says shewants to, what would be the consequences if I did do as said here and delay thepayment, bank late money or for whatever reason and live with her, as she hassaid she wants to stop work as soon as I arrive so I will be supporting herfrom then on. What would happen if after we marry in the Amphur office? Then I say no money for sin sod as I didsay I would pay on conditions. What way out this? Marry her in BKK and live with her for sometime? Don't marry and live with her? Who can I get to do the sin sod negotiations? Are their any people that do that? Trying to do it via the net and her translation was a foolish thing I needed to be there. I would it mean to Thai's by me breaking my word as i did say i would pay if conditions were met but i will not pay all Thanks for any advice The trick is to never break your word, but just never get round to doing anything you agreed to. In Thailand you are not supposed to be confrontational. Agree to everything. Do nothing. Just as a matter of interest what job does she do? have you visited her at work? how much does she earn? have you seen her pay slips or bank statement? have you met her in person? if you met her, did she go to work every day and leave you? Edited January 2, 2011 by pjclark1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neverdie Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Hey That makes me the first to reply to a sin-sod thread in 2011. I think that's me done for the year now. I was going to give you a medal, but I realised that you don't have a chest to pin it on. ps: There should be a special cateogry and a fee payable for all sinsot threads.....sheish Edited January 2, 2011 by neverdie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaicbr Posted January 2, 2011 Share Posted January 2, 2011 "as she has said she wants to stop work as soon as I arrive " why? are you actually coming to live in Thailand full time? if yes are you going to work here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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