'The Principle Of It'

[deejah]

Deejah-

could you please get your "return" key repaired thank you very much

L

M

A

O

Edited January 17, 2011 by deejah

[Wallaby]

You will get slammed for writing that, but I think you have it right even though I am unable to to fully comply. Where I go wrong is that I often cave in, just like so many others do. Sometimes its that inherent sense of right and wrong that many of us have, the compassion aspect. At other times, its a way of buying some peace against the constant barrage of "must have", "why not" and "this is Thailand and what we do". My looming crisis coming at me like a slow moving freight train at 1 km/h is the issue of family living with me. I so do not want someone's mom living in the same house as me. Even though she is older than me, I just can't handle it. We've already had the first serious discussion. I've stated my side of the argument that even though I have an elderly fatherly, the man would never dream of moving in with any of his kids. Independence and all that. That doesn't mean I didn't do chores for him or call or visit. My grandmother lived on her own right up until she died. And yet, the argument here is that the children must look after the parent by being present 24/7. I said, keeping separate living space doesn't mean neglect or abandonment, it means keeping my sanity and the answer was "cannot". I want to walk around in my boxers or if I am feeling really naughty, naked. It's not something I can do if there is the MIL or staff standing about. I value my privacy and yet, I watch as this belief vital to my way of life comes under attack. I might cave in to keep the peace, but I know this will sow the seeds of misery and bickering. I am very typical of some foreigners where we take on too many things that we are just not geared for.

Another argument is the handling of debt. I don't take on debt and I don't spend if I don't have the cash. That's just me and I have the luxury of no kids. However, try and explain that to someone that is demanding a car. Can you afford the car payments I ask. No problem is the reply. Really I ask? You have never made a household budget and yet after we calculated your monthly expenses a while back, you were spending 40,000 baht per monh and your income really doesn't cover that... The response? The classic smile and "you don't understand". So much for that university education and management position the person has, Right. I don't understand. Am I alone on this? Nope. Am I the classic case of the foreigner that just assumed that a person's education and a good job indicated common sense? You bet. Sometimes, i think the bar girl or som tam vendor that has led a hard scrabble life and that has has had to make ends meet has more in common with the a hard working foreigner than a "respectable" lady.

A very very good post and I wholeheartedly agree.

[eljeque]

Rule 4. Understand and comprehend the real meaning of the word 'investment'. An investment returns dividends

.........and the original investment

[happyrobert]

Deejah-

could you please get your "return" key repaired thank you very much

L

M

A

O

Lacking

Maturity

And

Onor?

Sorry, Deejah, honor has an "H."

[Moonrakers]

Deejah-

could you please get your "return" key repaired thank you very much

L

M

A

O

Lacking

Maturity

And

Onor?

Sorry, Deejah, honor has an "H."

L

M

A

H

[happyrobert]

Deejah-

could you please get your "return" key repaired thank you very much

L

M

A

O

Lacking

Maturity

And

Onor?

Sorry, Deejah, honor has an "H."

L

M

A

H

are

you putting

letters in

Deejah's

mouth?

[bermondburi]

Yes so true and I can only imagine the kind of overpriced dumps most people who live here must have lived in before coming here to think this is such a great place and paradise to live in.. Speaks volumes really...

We weren't all born with a silver spoon and I for one have a far better life here and I live in a far nicer, safer, cleaner, warmer place,

It's what you know at the end of the day. I'll take Thailand any day. Long live the king !!

[bermondburi]

You will get slammed for writing that, but I think you have it right even though I am unable to to fully comply. Where I go wrong is that I often cave in, just like so many others do. Sometimes its that inherent sense of right and wrong that many of us have, the compassion aspect. At other times, its a way of buying some peace against the constant barrage of "must have", "why not" and "this is Thailand and what we do". My looming crisis coming at me like a slow moving freight train at 1 km/h is the issue of family living with me. I so do not want someone's mom living in the same house as me. Even though she is older than me, I just can't handle it. We've already had the first serious discussion. I've stated my side of the argument that even though I have an elderly fatherly, the man would never dream of moving in with any of his kids. Independence and all that. That doesn't mean I didn't do chores for him or call or visit. My grandmother lived on her own right up until she died. And yet, the argument here is that the children must look after the parent by being present 24/7. I said, keeping separate living space doesn't mean neglect or abandonment, it means keeping my sanity and the answer was "cannot". I want to walk around in my boxers or if I am feeling really naughty, naked. It's not something I can do if there is the MIL or staff standing about. I value my privacy and yet, I watch as this belief vital to my way of life comes under attack. I might cave in to keep the peace, but I know this will sow the seeds of misery and bickering. I am very typical of some foreigners where we take on too many things that we are just not geared for.

Another argument is the handling of debt. I don't take on debt and I don't spend if I don't have the cash. That's just me and I have the luxury of no kids. However, try and explain that to someone that is demanding a car. Can you afford the car payments I ask. No problem is the reply. Really I ask? You have never made a household budget and yet after we calculated your monthly expenses a while back, you were spending 40,000 baht per monh and your income really doesn't cover that... The response? The classic smile and "you don't understand". So much for that university education and management position the person has, Right. I don't understand. Am I alone on this? Nope. Am I the classic case of the foreigner that just assumed that a person's education and a good job indicated common sense? You bet. Sometimes, i think the bar girl or som tam vendor that has led a hard scrabble life and that has has had to make ends meet has more in common with the a hard working foreigner than a "respectable" lady.

Good reply, Gkid. Reality is what happens when you are making plans.

What you wrote can happen in any country. I had my Australian mother in law move in with my wife and family for 6 months. The woman drove me batty and I had to actually move OUT of my home and into my camper just for some peace. I have a long list of the strange things she did that I won't bore you with. Both my ex-wives had no concept of money, debt and interest. I tried so many ways to teach them and never could. It was one of the major issues of my marriages. At least my second wife was not as bad as the first wife. Now I just stay single. You can't do that if you want to raise rug-rats.

There is a stark difference between the North American family and a Thai family. In Thailand, you don't marry just the woman. You marry the whole family. In Europe and North America the kids grow up and move out when they become adults. If you've given them a good upbringing then they get jobs and raise families of their own. In Thailand you seem to have adopted lazy brothers, fathers who sit around drinking and don't work, and sisters in law that think the farang should pay for everything.

A lucky few farangs don't have that problem, but the majority do. And, there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it. In all other situations a good wife will put up with it because it's "family" tradition.

People make these sweeping statements about most foreigners having loads of problems with the wife's family and I just don't think it's true. Maybe your mates having problems are more an indication of your choice in friends .

[sunholidaysun1]

Go with the flow, take it slow, if in doubt, bail out.

[metisdead]

A couple of posts have been removed from view as speculation, comments and discussion of either a political or personal nature are not allowed when discussing HM The King or the Royal family.

[ChristopherWilliamsBKK]

"I'm sorry if you're having girl problems son, I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one"

-Shawn Carter

"If ya havin' girl problems I feel bad for ya son -

I got ninety nine problems but a bitch aint one...... HIT ME!

Sorry to be pedantic Chunkstarr

Edited January 18, 2011 by ChristopherWilliamsBKK

[IanForbes]

A couple of posts have been removed from view as speculation, comments and discussion of either a political or personal nature are not allowed when discussing HM The King or the Royal family.

I didn't think anyone was referring to the King of Thailand. There are other Kings and it was more a figure of speech. I'm not questioning moderation and anything that needs cutting should be. I just didn't read the post that way.

[IanForbes]

People make these sweeping statements about most foreigners having loads of problems with the wife's family and I just don't think it's true. Maybe your mates having problems are more an indication of your choice in friends .

Why would it have anything to do with me, or anyone for that matter, if friends are having problems? Do you dump your friends when THEY are having marital problems? That says a lot more about you than it does about your friends. The stories of broken marriages between farangs and Thais are legendary and most occur for exactly the same reasons as do the 50% of marriages that fail in western societies.

On the other side of the coin, just because many Thai-farang marriages fail does not mean that all are going to fail, or even a high portion are going to fail. I personally know of many long term Thai-farang marriages that appear to be quite happy.