How Not To Build A House

[PattayaOneTeam]

That's Not What I Meant!

Now that there are thousands of unattached, lonely men in town and I have a wider audience, it is the opportune time to pass on some valuable advice. I can offer guidance on a whole range of subjects but this advice is for those men looking for more permanency in the Land of Smiles; those who, for whatever insane reason, seek to build a lasting monument to their stupidity in Thai bricks and mortar.

Yes folks, there are many foreign men longing to build a house or buy a condo in Thailand. I admit, there are a few success stories, but in most cases, success came at a price. That price is diligence, patience and perseverance. Let me explain with three examples.

Tony decided to build a house on his girlfriend's land up in Korat. It was not going to be an extravagant house and it was well within his budget. He did the right thing and made sure he had a legal, irrevocable 30-year lease in his name on the property so, if they ever split up, her family could not throw him out of his home or sell it from under him. So far so good. Tony and Lek agreed to the house plan with Tony having one stipulation; it had to have a farang toilet, not a squat Thai facility.

Just as the house was ready for the plumbing to go in, Tony drove to the city and purchased a very nice porcelain pedestal to be installed in his almost completed bathroom. Then he made a BIG mistake. He had to leave the country on business for a couple of weeks so left everything in the hands of the builders who assured him the house would be finished by the time he returned.

And it was. And it was beautiful. As Lek proudly showed him through their new home and the furnishings she had bought, he made his way to the bathroom to see how his farang toilet looked. It was installed and in perfect working order … except for one thing. It has been recessed into the ground and the seat was at floor level. His beautiful pedestal was now a farang squat toilet!

Max thought the ceiling in his condo was too high and decided to have a cosy false ceiling installed with new lighting to match. He also wanted the room repainted and organised a contractor for both jobs. To explain to the contractor exactly what he required, he drew a design in pencil on the wall which was going to be painted anyway. Drawing lines and pointing to the ceiling he felt sure the nodding Thai man knew what he wanted. It would take a full day, Max was told. Then he made a BIG mistake. Not wanting to be around while the work was going on and not wanting to stay in the condo overnight with the smell of fresh paint permeating the room, he arranged to stay with a friend for the night.

Next day, around noon, he went back to his condo to see how it all looked. He opened the door and almost fainted. The false ceiling was so low only a Hobbit could live there! He could not stand upright in his living room. Furious, he called the puzzled contractor who came right over. It seemed that, when he was explaining about the false ceiling he drew one horizontal line too many on the wall, and the contractor took that as the required level for the ceiling. When he shouted, “What the hell have you done!” the contractor gave him one of those 'well you're the stupid farang' looks. [more…]

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-- Pattaya One 2011-01-12