Shaving A Babys Head

[rio666uk]

Hi - My thai wife and I live in the UK and have 2 daughters, 1 is 2.5yrs the other 7wks. Yesterday she announced that next Tuesday she is going to shave our babys head, she had been speaking to her mother on the phone and her mother was very insistent that she should do this and that it has to be next Tuesday.

Now dont get me wrong if we were living in Thailand I wouldnt dream of standing in the way of beliefs and traditions unless it was something more extreme, but we arent, and despite knowing that her hair will grow back, I am having some issues with this and dont want it to go ahead on principle - we didnt do this with our first either.

Ive made my feelings known but there is no compromise on this, so bar staying home from work and physically taking our baby out, this looks as though its going to happen. Im not happy about this, but am I over reacting?

Opinions appreciated.

[bkkjames]

Confucious says: better to let mommy shave baby's head and have it grow back in two months, than have all future bad luck blamed on you because you said no.

Confucious also said, man who argues with woman all day, gets no peace at night

[venturalaw]

Don't like to read that even if you say no way, without staying at home she will proceed. To me that is more troubling than the haircut. Concerning the haircut, you can't guard your child forever from her mother. So what will you do? You asked for an opinion - I would not give in.

Edited January 20, 2011 by venturalaw

[bkkjames]

My opinion is why start a war over something that is culturally / traditionally important to her. Not affecting the child's health. She may even laugh at the photos when she is older. I let my wife do it to our son (i actually did the shaving with an electric trimmer thingy I bought). I dont geographic location matters. Anyways you are in the UK right? Look on the bright side, your child will fit in. Just get a couple of scouse looking fake tattoos and bobs your uncle

[MikeyIdea]

The grand mother got the Tuesday next week thingie from a munk. It is indeed bad luck not to do it - in the belief of the grand mother - but probably not as much in the mothers mind. Personally I wouldn't worry about it and let the mother do it if she wanted. The child is not old enough to care, no one is going to tease her, the hair will get slightly thicker. UnLess... the mother has a tendancy not to care what you say also in other matters If that problem exist, then take a day off from work and take the child out and watch her like a hawk until midnight

Why don't you make a deal with the mother, if she doesn't shave the head, then you will not let the child cut her hair on Wednesdays (no hair cutting on Wednesdays acording to old Thai tradition), but the mother will have to try to help reminding you. Recommend not telling the mother that she didn't do it

I lile what BBKJames says but whatever you decide to do Good Luck

[wolf5370]

Both my kids were born in the UK (9 and 11 years ago) - we took them to ou Thai temple and the monk cut the firs strand of hair (because they are girls) - my sister and their mum finished them off. Baby's birth hair is very fuffy and often wear holes in the crib (back of the head) - shaving it allows it to grow back strong - within a couple of monthys both had heads of hair again. The mrs kept their locks too (like baby teeth). Baby didn't give a toss, made everyone happy - bit of a ceremony like a Christening. No problem. So, I think you are worrying about nothjing, and shoiuld just enjoy the occasion like its a Christening etc - at least she isn't insisting on a circumcision!

[canuckamuck]

I feel badly for the OP, I have no advice because I would never be in that position, but still how many more compromises will made to appease fairy stories and old wives tales. OP better start claiming some territory of his own.

[bkkjames]

We are not talking about a life changing decision <deleted>. Its important to her. You never have her say ok to something important you?

[MikeyIdea]

We are not talking about a life changing decision <deleted>. Its important to her. You never have her say ok to something important you?

Unless the mother doesn't care what you say in many things...

It's not a bad thing she is asking to do, it's a good thing. Everybody wants the little childs best, it's OK, let her do it

[rio666uk]

Thanks for replies, its seems that a compromise has been made after a few phone calls in which my wife will just cut her hair, as in a centimetre or so, not shave it to the scalp... I am far happier about this, and as long as she doesnt feel cheated out of tradition/belief then everyone is happy.

[cdnvic]

It actually comes in much better after the cut. A month or two later you won't even notice.

[NanLaew]

^ Exactly! It's baby hair. What's left of the fine hair that covers the entire baby's body inside the womb and is sloughed off at the birthing. It's weak, wispy hair and no great loss. Some babys are born bald, some with 'thick' hair but it's pretty weak stuff really.

I would recommend to the OP that further to the recent 'compromise' of just a trim, he now tell his wife that she can go the whole hog and shave his daughters head as originally planned. Then he come back and tell us how his wife's face lit up with happiness and he got all sorts of unasked for extra considerations for being such a cool dad. MiL will also be less of a harpy when she next visits.

[bifftastic]

It's important to have principles, I just don't understand what your objection to this is based on.

Why make a big thing out of it? Let her do what she wants to do.

[canuckamuck]

Not all baby hair is the same, I have seen babies more than a year old who barely had hair at all. Our youngest came out with hair like a rock star. but his sister's hair didn't really grow the first 8 months (but she had some at least).

It would be a shame if the girl child's hair was shaved off, if it was the kind that wasn't going to grow for a year. That would be a whole year of the parents strapping ribbons to the child's head hoping to give some indication that it is a girl. Is is a vanity thing? Yes. But moms really project a lot of their own self esteem into the comments people make about their baby. What they want hear is, "awww she is so cute;" Not, "is it boy or a girl?"

I am glad the OP found a compromise and his own opinion was considered in the decision.

[villagefarang]

Thanks for replies, its seems that a compromise has been made after a few phone calls in which my wife will just cut her hair, as in a centimetre or so, not shave it to the scalp... I am far happier about this, and as long as she doesn't feel cheated out of tradition/belief then everyone is happy.

So you have a second child already, congratulations. How time flies. My wife doesn’t really believe in all this stuff but acknowledges that many people in the village do the little snip rather than the head shave. It follows the spirt of the tradition without being overly intrusive.

She also suggested that you tell grandmother whatever you wish but in the end do what the two of you agree on. Sometimes a little white lie reduces the pressure on the wife who is caught between two cultures. Anyway, it looks like you have found a good compromise.

[cdnvic]

I removed a crude, ill-mannered reply from a crude, ill-mannered poster. The thankfully measured replies went with it.

The irony displayed in the deleted post was amusing, but we won't stand for insults here.

[Forethat]

Just to point out from a scientific point of view that hair on the scalp of a baby is not the same thing as the hair covering the baby's body at the time of birth (Lanugo) which falls or rubs off; usually during the first 4-6 months. It is not unusual to see some babies suffer from partial hair loss after birth; the reason is not clear but some evidence points towards fluctuation in various hormone levels.

Also, there is NO scientific evidence that shows that shaving a hair aids growth or makes the hair thicker, although it is common that people claim this. In addition, it doesn't make the hair grow faster.

To answer OPs question directly; I think you’re entitled to an opinion the same way the mother is entitled to hers, but I think your reaction is way too strong. Think of the ritual as an opportunity, a way to cleanse your daughter (which is part of the ritual). When my daughter was 1 month she had her head shaved by a monk (well, he snipped a few strands and then I finished the job), it was a deeply emotional ritual, I took lots of pictures and this is something I can hopefully share with my daughter when she gets older.

I say: embrace the traditions and the heritage of your wife and your daughter’s culture.

[elektrified]

It's not such a big deal. It's a tradition and not anything related to Buddhism. My g/f (who is not a Buddhist) and I shaved our sons hair off I think when he was 30 days old if I remember correctly. She said from the time he was born that it was a tradition and she wanted to do it. I saw no harm in it all. His hair looked much better after it grew back.

[Thailaw]

I feel badly for the OP, I have no advice because I would never be in that position, but still how many more compromises will made to appease fairy stories and old wives tales. OP better start claiming some territory of his own.

We celebrate Christmas in our home (tree with lights, Santa Clause, presents under the tree, and all), one of the biggest "fairy tales" around, because I want my kids to experience it. In a bicultural/biethnic home, there needs to be tolerance (indeed appreciation) for the partner's morays, attitudes and beliefs, whether grounded in faith, tradition or culture. I wasn't thrilled with the hair shaving thing, but, as has been said, it grew back, probably better than before. This is not a subject for "turf battles", unless you've really run a muck (which it sound like you have).