Helping Out

[Nunki]

Hi I am looking for some advice I was in Thailand for my daughters wedding this last month.

I was on my own as my daughter’s mother and I have been divorced for 20 years during my time in Thailand I was offered many times to join the bar girls. I declined the company for the first 8 days of my 15 day stay.

One night I was in a pub with some English and Thai friends which I had made and I was approached by a girl who was pregnant and was asking where I came from we struck up a conversation and I was introduced to her friend a stunning 36 year old Thai girl who was from the country side and had been on the holiday island for 2 weeks.

She was really shy and had a few drinks with me after a while of small talk she asked if she could stop with me as she was staying with her pregnant friend and sleeping in the same bed as her and in her condition it was no good

I thought there was a scam on but she assured me there was not, after a lot of questioning from my self, I agreed to allow her to stay with me for one night the next day she left in the afternoon and asked if she could call me, which she did that evening where I met her for a drink and she ended up staying with me for the remaining 6 days or so.

During this time she never asked for money, not once the whole time she stayed with me, in fact she bought me one or two drinks,

I bought clothes presents etc for her and often had to insist she let me buy them for her .

During her stay with me she told me her life story and how she did come to the island the intention of been a bar girl but could not bring her self to go with just any man and wanted to go home, but had no money for a flight.

I was asked if I could help out, again, I thought there was a rabbit away but after finding out the cost... which was no real money I agreed to do this for her so when it was time for me to go home she came off the island with me and at Bangkok airport I put her on a plane to the nearest airport to her home town where her sister and brother in-law picked her up and drove her to her home town.

She has since telephoned me many times in England and I have spoken to one member of her family who relayed to me how grateful her family is for my help.

She has also asked me to visit her in her home town.

She has also asked would I be her boy friend,

I am not a lonely man in the female company department and I am not in love with this girl. But I agreed that it would be ok.

She has since asked if I could give her financial help until she gets her self employment she has not asked for a specific amount just what I thought was enough help.

I would like to help her and will probley visit her in the future.

My request is could any one advise me an amount of money to send her as she has her own home and transport but needs some help in payments fuel etc..... or am I a fool

Thanks

Nunki

[Explorer]

She didn't mention about the "sick buffalo" yet?

Explorer

[Nunki]

She didn't mention about the "sick buffalo" yet? 

Explorer 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No not yet but I have a feeling that ther may be a couple of chickens as well

[siamesekitty]

I'll just say "Proceed with caution", if proceed at all. Try doing a search of similar previous threads to find some horror stories.

I'm no expert on these matters, but I'm sure other ThaiVisa members would soon share their concerns (that's a nice way of putting it ).

[daleyboy]

She has since asked if I could give her financial help until she gets her self employment she has not asked for a specific amount

Until this point i was thinking what a sweet story, then you see the bit above and the alarm bells start ringing.

If i was you mate i would read some of the stories on here about experiences with giving money to Thai girls. Like explorer said has she told you about the sick buffallo/grandmother/father/mother any other family member.

If i was you i would be very cautious, about giving this money. If you can afford it and dont mind possibly being taken for a ride then go ahead and do it.

At the end of the day it is entirly upto you, after all who are we? just some anonymous names on a public forum that doesnt even know the girl you are talking about.

How do you feel about it? Does everything feel right about giving this girl money? If it doesnt feel right then it probably isnt. At the end of the day you are the one that is speaking to her.

Whatever you do i hope it works out for you, just be very very very careful

[Davey]

You obviously know this women better than anyone of us, so you are the only one who can determine if she is genuine or not.

If you feel comfortable sending her your money then it all depends on where she lives, as prices in Thailand vary dramatically depending on where you reside. There is a post I think in this section titled 'mia noi' if I remember correctly which asks a similar question, you may find that topic useful too.

I think the general consensus is about 15k baht per month which isn't a great deal but it all depends on you and your own fanancial situation.

There are a lot of stories about naive farangs who come to Thailand and fall for the first girl they meet and basically being screwed by these women, in more ways than one though . So expect a few cynical poster's who will reiterate this. Me, however, I'm an optimist so good luck.

You mentioned in your post that she asked if you would be her boyfriend ...did you accept? because if you didn't why are you supporting her? I know it's nice to help out people less fortunate than you, but there are limits I think.

[Nunki]

You obviously know this women better than anyone of us, so you are the only one who can determine if she is genuine or not.

If you feel comfortable sending her your money then it all depends on where she lives, as prices in Thailand vary dramatically depending on where you reside. There is a post I think in this section titled 'mia noi' if I remember correctly which asks a similar question, you may find that topic useful too.

I think the general consensus is about 15k baht per month which isn't a great deal but it all depends on you and your own fanancial situation.

There are a lot of stories about naive farangs who come to Thailand and fall for the first girl they meet and basically being screwed by these women, in more ways than one though . So expect a few cynical poster's who will reiterate this. Me, however, I'm an optimist so good luck.

You mentioned in your post that she asked if you would be her boyfriend ...did you accept? because if you didn't why are you supporting her? I know it's nice to help out people less fortunate than you, but there are limits I think.

I agreed that it would be ok to be her boyfriend but I was thinking in the British relationship way

As far as her integrity I have mixed feelings after reading some of the posted articles on this site. But I believe her genuine in as far as she needs help. Just how much help in cold cash is the question

[daleyboy]

Ok mate if all you want to know how much in cold hard cash, couple of questions

Where does she live?

Countryside or town?

What sort of life does she lead? Does she drink? Does she have kids?

What sort of work is she looking for?

Most importantly

How much money do YOU want to send?

[Nunki]

Ok mate if all you want to know how much in cold hard cash, couple of questions

Where does she live?

Countryside or town?

What sort of life does she lead? Does she drink? Does she have kids?

What sort of work is she looking for?

Most importantly

How much money do YOU want to send?

Ok she lives in village near Khon Kaen but has since informed me that she is to move in with a friend in Khon Kaen city to save on petrol etc,

Her friend has managed to get her a job in a restaurant as A chef …in which she tells me she is fully trained in Thai cookery… yes she takes a drink and when with me seemed to enjoy her self in the usual ways dancing etc she has one 17 year old boy and a mother and father who are both alive and in there 80’s she also has 5 brothers and sisters.

I was not thinking of sending hundreds a week but an amount that would help her out with general expenses..... Quote " Motor bike, payments shampoo ect "

[Rj 81]

She has since asked if I could give her financial help until she gets her self employment she has not asked for a specific amount

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Until this point i was thinking what a sweet story, then you see the bit above and the alarm bells start ringing.

If i was you mate i would read some of the stories on here about experiences with giving money to Thai girls. Like explorer said has she told you about the sick buffallo/grandmother/father/mother any other family member.

If i was you i would be very cautious, about giving this money. If you can afford it and dont mind possibly being taken for a ride then go ahead and do it.

At the end of the day it is entirly upto you, after all who are we? just some anonymous names on a public forum that doesnt even know the girl you are talking about.

How do you feel about it? Does everything feel right about giving this girl money? If it doesnt feel right then it probably isnt. At the end of the day you are the one that is speaking to her.

Whatever you do i hope it works out for you, just be very very very careful

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This is good advise Nunki. Like daleyboy says, at the end of the day it's your decision on how you proceed. In my opinion, it does sound like another sob story from her, but then again how the ###### am I supposed to know. Only you can establish this.

But my advise would be, if you like this girl then go with what your heart tells you. Send her money every month if you can afford it. Just remember to keep asking yourself the same questions which are niggling at you. If she is tring to take you for a ride, you'll find out soon enough. Then again you might have met someone who will change your life for the better.

Goodluck

Rj

[daleyboy]

Ok so she will be sharing with someone else so this will cut the cost of her rent down quite a bit, i dont think motorbike payments would be more than about 4k baht a month. She is probably giving her family a couple of thousand a month, not too sure about her son, probably another couple of thousand.

If i was you i would probably send her about 10-15k baht a month, would be a good amount to send, would make you look quite generous without costing you an absolute fortune.

I am sure there are some other posters on here that can give you exact figures but i reckon i wont be far out with my estimate

Just a word of warning if she starts asking for more and more each month, get shot and forget about her, but you sound like you know what you are doing so good luck with everything and i hope it works out well for you.

[meemiathai]

I did not read through the whole thing thoroughly. But why on earth do you feel the need to help her? I don't know why. There are lots of people that need help on this planet. Is there some other things in mind apart from just helping?

If you do decide to help, do it voluntarily and don't start saying all thai gals are cheats if things went sour.

If all you want to know is how much, ask her.

[Nunki]

I did not read through the whole thing thoroughly.  But why on earth do you feel the need to help her?  I don't know why.  There are lots of people that need help on this planet.  Is there some other things in mind apart from just helping?

If you do decide to help, do it voluntarily and don't start saying all thai gals are cheats if things went sour. 

If all you want to know is how much, ask her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would like to thank all those who have offered me advice and I have taken on board the possible pit falls which could befall me, I will help this girl, and see how things work out. Thanks again to you all

Best regards

Nunki

[bendix]

Big mistake in my view:

1) She asked to stay with you, hours after meeting you. No 'good' thai girl would do that. She's a seasoned player

2) She didnt take money from you during the following days. Good on ya girl . . make him think you're not after his money.

3) She wanted you to give her airfare to go home. Mmmmmm. . if she wanted to go home that much, 200 baht bus would have got her there. Instead, she was testing your willingness (in a nice, innocent, way) to give her money.

4) 'Be my boyfriend' means 'be the lonely sap living 1000s of miles away who will bankroll me, my family and [most likely'] my arse-scratching, sam song drinking husband'.

Mission accomplished. She got herself a farang fool and is probably (literally) laughing that she's managed to do it all again because - with those skills and at 36 years old - she's certainly done it before.

[RamdomChances]

Big mistake in my view:

1) She asked to stay with you, hours after meeting you.  No 'good' thai girl would do that.  She's a seasoned player

2) She didnt take money from you during the following days.  Good on ya girl . . make him think you're not after his money.

3) She wanted you to give her airfare to go home.  Mmmmmm. . if she wanted to go home that much, 200 baht bus would have got her there.  Instead, she was testing your willingness (in a nice, innocent, way) to give her money.

4) 'Be my boyfriend' means 'be the lonely sap living 1000s of miles away who will bankroll me, my family and [most likely'] my arse-scratching, sam song drinking husband'.

Mission accomplished. She got herself a farang fool and is probably (literally) laughing that she's managed to do it all again because - with those skills and at 36 years old - she's certainly done it before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Much as I hate being cyinical, I agree with most of what Bendix has writen.

Thai women do not just come up to you and ask if they can sleep with you, she could of easily cought a bus home and once she is home she goes and stays with a friend in Konh Kean. Sorry mate it just does'nt look good

[sriracha john]

How quickly the balloon deflates with just the recent 2 posts.....

p.s. just for the record, I'm with them....

[Dragonman]

Big mistake in my view:

1) She asked to stay with you, hours after meeting you.  No 'good' thai girl would do that.  She's a seasoned player

2) She didnt take money from you during the following days.  Good on ya girl . . make him think you're not after his money.

3) She wanted you to give her airfare to go home.  Mmmmmm. . if she wanted to go home that much, 200 baht bus would have got her there.  Instead, she was testing your willingness (in a nice, innocent, way) to give her money.

4) 'Be my boyfriend' means 'be the lonely sap living 1000s of miles away who will bankroll me, my family and [most likely'] my arse-scratching, sam song drinking husband'.

Mission accomplished. She got herself a farang fool and is probably (literally) laughing that she's managed to do it all again because - with those skills and at 36 years old - she's certainly done it before.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Much as I hate being cyinical, I agree with most of what Bendix has writen.

Thai women do not just come up to you and ask if they can sleep with you, she could of easily cought a bus home and once she is home she goes and stays with a friend in Konh Kean. Sorry mate it just does'nt look good

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Likewise. I'm the first to give benefit of the doubt to most girls, but this smells fishy to me. If she'd wanted to go home the bus would have been the way to go for every girl I know. Sounds like the old thai rope em in trick. You don't seem that keen on having her for a girlfriend, so why send her money. I did, but I was hopelessly in luv

[TheAceFace]

You here these stories time and time again in Thailand Nunki, I can understand it is bugging you, however like other posters before the advice and conclusion seems to be telling you to be careful.

Only you can decide if you want to go ahead and take the trip. My personal advice would be if you have nothing to lose and it's affordable then come and see for yourself where and what she is doing now, you never know.

[HarryHacker]

I'm sure I read this story before on here a couple of years back??? No??

[bangbuathongben]

QUOTE(RamdomChances @ 2005-09-05 14:14:56)

QUOTE(bendix @ 2005-09-05 13:47:29)

Big mistake in my view:

1) She asked to stay with you, hours after meeting you.  No 'good' thai girl would do that.  She's a seasoned player

2) She didnt take money from you during the following days.  Good on ya girl . . make him think you're not after his money.

3) She wanted you to give her airfare to go home.  Mmmmmm. . if she wanted to go home that much, 200 baht bus would have got her there.  Instead, she was testing your willingness (in a nice, innocent, way) to give her money.

4) 'Be my boyfriend' means 'be the lonely sap living 1000s of miles away who will bankroll me, my family and [most likely']my arse-scratching, sam song drinking husband'.

Mission accomplished. She got herself a farang fool and is probably (literally) laughing that she's managed to do it all again because - with those skills and at 36 years old - she's certainly done it before.

Much as I hate being cyinical, I agree with most of what Bendix has writen.

Thai women do not just come up to you and ask if they can sleep with you, she could of easily cought a bus home and once she is home she goes and stays with a friend in Konh Kean. Sorry mate it just does'nt look good

I am with these guys!!

Sounds like you are being taken for a ride.

Bang.........

[Turok]

You asked if you are fool?

Yes big time.

Dude stick with the short time love affairs.... like 2 hours. Dont get involved in the lives of these type of people.

You are a big fool if you continue to persue this.

Turok

[bendix]

Just one more thing to add Nunki.

Nobody on here likes being cynical, but some of us have seen this sort of thing happening too often and I'm sorry if we're not being fair on this girl, but it just smells wrong. All the signs are there if you look for them. You seem like a nice guy with a good heart so you're not focused on looking for them; but I've seen this type of thing too often not to be suspicious.

Some of these girls are incredibly devious and - frankly - she sounds like one of them.

[chownah]

Nunki, If you just want to help her out and want nothing in return then just send her whatever you want. If she's working at a decent job then she's making some money on her own...is she's a scam then she's making alot of money on her own...either way if you don't want anything in return then send her whatever you want and I'd suggest that in either case, since she's making some money on her own then 5,000 baht would be a lot of help.

On the other hand if you expect something in return then get your head together and decide just exactly what it is you want in return....if you want faithfullness then there is a good chance that you can't buy it...it could happen but just as likely not....no way for you to know for sure without hiring a private detective to check up on her regularly....so either learn to live with the uncertainty and be ready for disappointment...or else bail out now. If you want to continue to pursue her and you want to try to give her enough so that if she's for real you can 'reserve her' for you then the already suggested 10,000 to 15,000 should be enough...if she's not for real then no amount will be enough....you can hope for the best but be prepared for heartbreak.

[phibunmike]

I did not read through the whole thing thoroughly.  But why on earth do you feel the need to help her?  I don't know why.  There are lots of people that need help on this planet.  Is there some other things in mind apart from just helping?

If you do decide to help, do it voluntarily and don't start saying all thai gals are cheats if things went sour. 

If all you want to know is how much, ask her.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I would like to thank all those who have offered me advice and I have taken on board the possible pit falls which could befall me, I will help this girl, and see how things work out. Thanks again to you all

Best regards

Nunki

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you are only giving her what you can afford to spare, and not expecting her to wait for you, good on you ! Even if she is "on a scam", she will probably spend the money on food for her kid, her parents and anything left over for her. What harm in that ? Good karma.

[bendix]

Is it 'good karma' to allow yourself to be taken for a ride? I don't think so.

[chownah]

Is it 'good karma' to allow yourself to be taken for a ride?  I don't think so.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It's only a ride if you expect that it is going somewhere.

[thaiflyer1]

my arse-scratching, sam song drinking husband'.

.............love it bendix.

OP sorry to be harsh but ditch the biatch, shes playing you.