coolhandjoe Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 This is a weird one.... Facts... Married for 7 years to thai wife have 3 children together, everything perfect. I paid towards building a new house for Thai mother in law 6 years ago, nothing since. Thai step-daughter now 13 stayed in Thailand last year on holiday from the UK for a variety of reasons after living in the U.K for 3 years. Wife phoned home last week - mother in law talking about sin sot offers from local families(to me unbelievable) Then she is saying the 1000bht a month i send is not enough for the high school costs. MIL has 6 children all in good jobs earning and contributing to her retirement. My questions are is she taking advantage of everyones good nature ? Is she possibly blackmailing myself and wife by potentially talking about selling my wifes daughter into marraige when we agreed last year that she would continue her studies till she was 18 and get a good job? Is she just trying it on for a few quid which she has done in the past with my thai brother in laws? Wisdom and advice appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheWalkingMan Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Sounds like a problem and the simplest solution might be to bring the 13 year-old back to the UK. If that is not on the table then I think that this will be an on going problem as you and the wife are not in country. I hope you can get this cleared up. TheWalkingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyDrinker Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 My advice sadly is going to sound harsh but get you wife to tell her mother where to get off and bring your step-daughter back to the UK. It sounds like she is using this as a screw to get more £££ out of you but don't stand for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lannarebirth Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Why did you send the girl back to that environment? Wouldn't it be better to have her finish her studies in the UK? What does your wife have to say about what your MIL reports? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coolhandjoe Posted February 5, 2011 Author Share Posted February 5, 2011 Why did you send the girl back to that environment? Wouldn't it be better to have her finish her studies in the UK? What does your wife have to say about what your MIL reports? Step - daughter didn't settle here too well, when she returned to her old friends and family on holiday she was adamant about staying. Maybe because she was treated live a movie star or didn't like being 1 of 4 children and wanted to be number one. She was top of her class in the UK and she is top of her school in thailand. She will secure a good job in Thailand with the right guidence. Wife does not see anything sinister in her mothers comments, maybe i'm taking them out of context? Just looking for some feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 You should never allow anyone to look after your female children in Thailand, just yourself and your wife. (Maybe your mother) Just my Thai ladies opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 1000bht a month is not enough to feed and cloth the kid let alone pay for school fees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JurgenG Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 13 ? Married ? Is it even legal ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 So.. Clearly all the attention gets drawn to the marriage idea, but... 1000 baht... 20 quid or so a month? Don't you suppose they actually have a point? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 13 ? Married ? Is it even legal ? You can get married at age 13 in Thailand with a judges permission Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H2oDunc Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I also think the 20 quid a month for a young female teenager isn't enough. For a week maybe but not for a month. Just my 2 satangs worth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samran Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I think the easy and genuine answer here is that you aren't paying enough. 1000 baht/month doesn't go to far these days. Actually hasn't for a while. Regardless of the fact that there are other family members with good jobs, she is your daughter (albeit step) and hence your prime responsibility. Other thing you are probably missing is that despite your step daughter wanting to go back to thailand, she is a teenager now so 'wants' are increasing - as is normal for a teenager. Secondly, she probably has had the taste for some nicer things from the west and is putting a bit of pressure on ole grandma there to get them for her. If all this is teenage daughter induced, then I say she gets the option of going back to the UK to get them. Having said that, grandma has a point, 1000 baht a month is going to stretch the finances. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark45y Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I was involved in a Sin Sot discussion as a family member about five years ago. The girl was 14 and the offer was 100,000 baht (the guy was Thai and about 50 years old). After I figured out what was going on and why I was at the table talking about it I was aghast at the whole situation. I said, “my God she is only 14 years old are you all nuts?” The father looked at me seriously and nodded his head as did the man making the proposition. The suitor said, “Falang is right she is only 14, OK 500,000 baht.” The Father looked at me and I shook my head no. The Father said, “1 million baht.” The suitor got a little miffed and ended the discussion. A year later the girl ran off with a taxi driver. I think the father is still a bit upset with me. I did learn that Sin Sot is not only paid for marriage but for a mia nois as well. I know that some teachers offer that kind of money for star pupils that they like to live with them. I know of a couple of families that have turned down such offers. You might want to find out what the Sin Sot is for and from whom. As far as the 1000 baht a month, is the child going to a government school? And what kind of activities is she involved in? If it is a government school and they provide lunch the only things you are looking at are uniforms, transportation and costumes for school functions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
garyh Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 How far would that 1000 Baht go if the daughter was in UK? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samran Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 A year later the girl ran off with a taxi driver. I think the father is still a bit upset with me. Crappy choice was made, but at least it was hers to make. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Yeo, 1000 isn't enough. YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil. I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai. Farangs can skip the sin sod all together Funny everyone thinks that is unfair Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samran Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) Yeo, 1000 isn't enough. YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil. I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai. Farangs can skip the sin sod all together Funny everyone thinks that is unfair I only think it is funny as you clearly don't place much value on your daughters! Daughter for sale...only US$30K. Edited February 5, 2011 by samran Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thongkorn Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 As far as i am aware, She is not 18 , they have to ask her parents not her grand parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Yeo, 1000 isn't enough. YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil. I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai. Farangs can skip the sin sod all together Funny everyone thinks that is unfair I only think it is funny as you clearly don't place much value on your daughters! Daughter for sale...only US$30K. Whatever... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
geriatrickid Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 1000bht a month is not enough to feed and cloth the kid let alone pay for school fees. Agreed. My Thai friend spends more on his dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JurgenG Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 1000bht a month is not enough to feed and cloth the kid let alone pay for school fees. Agreed. My Thai friend spends more on his dog. for sure 3 days ago, special promotion, ALPO 23 kg : 860 Bahts Sometime I feel embarassed when I buy meat at the market, I look for bones and left over for my dogs but often it cost me more than what other people pay for they family .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark45y Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 My kids all worked in my restaurant after school and on weekends. I paid them a decent wage. When we lived on a farm they worked on the farm. I never gave them an allowance if they wanted money they worked for it. I was a caddie when I was 14 made big bucks. You guys are softies. If the kids want money let them work for it. PS all my children are now adults and gainfully employed. It is nice that in the States child labor laws don't apply to your own children. Don't know about the UK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kropotkin Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 1000bht a month is not enough to feed and cloth the kid let alone pay for school fees. Agreed. My Thai friend spends more on his dog. 1.000 is not very much, agreed. but the OP did donate (towards) a house to MIL. perhaps MIL could send receipts to show the cost of school etc? One can have different opinions about sinsod, but talking about selling a 13 year old is just NOT DONE,not even as a way to get more than 1.000 for school fees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tim armstrong Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 1,000 is not enough. This YOUR daughter. Would you be even having this discussion if she was 100% farlang? She is enjoying the attention back in Thailand, but is emotionally, intellectually, physically,and sexually, too young to be getting married, and does not yet have the maturity to make all her own decisions. You and your wife have already given her a chance to be different from her peers, by living in the UK. By giving in to a custom that has no place for women or Thailand in 2011 you are simply repeating the same old pattern and denying your intelligent daughter the opportunity to have a better life. Be a father, and make some clear decisions that are in 'your daughters best interests' - not the families. 'Acting in a child's best interests'- is a basic legal principle in British law, are you doing that ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronniem Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 That is about 33 baht a day . What can u get for that these days ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Yeo, 1000 isn't enough. YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil. I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai. Farangs can skip the sin sod all together Funny everyone thinks that is unfair What if she met a good guy who didn't have that money? Would you not allow your daughter the right to choose for herself who she marries? Anyway..... OP. 1,000baht/month, that's 250baht a week. Or in a 30 day month, 33 baht a day. Do you think 33 baht a day is enough? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gburns57au Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I thought it was marriage at 15 with parents permission......A court order would be required for younger Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Actually. My wife via the family has let it be known that the sin sod for a white skinned beauty with little or no work habit is 1 mil. I figure this will keep the riffraff away. If it is a decent enough boy I'll raise it to 2 mil when it becomes serious and negotiate towards 1 mil to give him a break. Sin sod is waived completely if he can talk about the NFL intelligently. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbeam1 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 You say that she is an intelligent girl top of class? She is also thirteen years old and under parental control, so bring her back to England, tell her to finish her education, get a decent career. Then she can think about returning to Thailand, in say 7years, with good prospects. Hey 1000bt a month are you for real? jb1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonrakers Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Actually. My wife via the family has let it be known that the sin sod for a white skinned beauty with little or no work habit is 1 mil. I figure this will keep the riffraff away. If it is a decent enough boy I'll raise it to 2 mil when it becomes serious and negotiate towards 1 mil to give him a break. Sin sod is waived completely if he can talk about the NFL intelligently. I see. Personally, I'd let t be known that she's my daughter and under no circumstances will anybody, ever, put a price on my daughters happiness and if they aren't happy with that, they can suck my fat one. As her father, I think my daughter has a right to expect me to look out for her. But then that's just me, each to their own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now