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Thai Mil Talking About Sin Sot For 13 Year Old Stepdaughter ..


coolhandjoe

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Bangkok, private school, [several] van that goes around and picks up a small group of kids from each area and drives them home after the day is over.

Not cheap, but safer.

True.

But most thai do not live a hiso lifestyle.

Safer? Does that word have a thai translation?

Life is a supermarket? Take what you like, leave the rest on the shelves?

Take "it is thai culture" when it suits you /// take "oh no, we are farang" when it suits you?

Believe it or not, but i am not telling you what is right or wrong, i am searching for answers.

Bur at least, i have questions, said the philosopher.

And. I do know that i do not know. Therefore i know more then most other people.

Sorry, it's not "Hi So", it's just a middle class problem. If you don't know it, traffiic is a nightmare is Bangkok

Pls be aware that what you do know is ... so pls be modest in your assumption

i do not understand what you mean.

please elaborate.

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But most thai do not live a hiso lifestyle.

Safer? Does that word have a thai translation?

Life is a supermarket? Take what you like, leave the rest on the shelves?

Take "it is thai culture" when it suits you /// take "oh no, we are farang" when it suits you?

Believe it or not, but i am not telling you what is right or wrong, i am searching for answers.

Bur at least, i have questions, said the philosopher.

And. I do know that i do not know. Therefore i know more then most other people.

Sorry, it's not "Hi So", it's just a middle class problem. If you don't know it, traffiic is a nightmare is Bangkok

Pls be aware that what you do know is ... so pls be modest in your assumption

i do not understand what you mean.

please elaborate.

I am still waiting for your explanation.

Perhaps I am thick.

But at least I am not rude.

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1,000 is not enough. This YOUR daughter. Would you be even having this discussion if she was 100% farlang? She is enjoying the attention back in Thailand, but is emotionally, intellectually, physically,and sexually, too young to be getting married, and does not yet have the maturity to make all her own decisions. You and your wife have already given her a chance to be different from her peers, by living in the UK. By giving in to a custom that has no place for women or Thailand in 2011 you are simply repeating the same old pattern and denying your intelligent daughter the opportunity to have a better life. Be a father, and make some clear decisions that are in 'your daughters best interests' - not the families.

'Acting in a child's best interests'- is a basic legal principle in British law, are you doing that ?

Actually it's not his daughter, and he is giving money to her for nothing, pretty generous really.

The school argument is completely fatuous, school is free in Thailand, uniforms and books are supposed to be free, but can cost 4000bht a year.

Maybe the Thai father of the girl should be paying for her!

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1,000 is not enough. This YOUR daughter. Would you be even having this discussion if she was 100% farlang? She is enjoying the attention back in Thailand, but is emotionally, intellectually, physically,and sexually, too young to be getting married, and does not yet have the maturity to make all her own decisions. You and your wife have already given her a chance to be different from her peers, by living in the UK. By giving in to a custom that has no place for women or Thailand in 2011 you are simply repeating the same old pattern and denying your intelligent daughter the opportunity to have a better life. Be a father, and make some clear decisions that are in 'your daughters best interests' - not the families.

'Acting in a child's best interests'- is a basic legal principle in British law, are you doing that ?

Actually it's not his daughter, and he is giving money to her for nothing, pretty generous really.

The school argument is completely fatuous, school is free in Thailand, uniforms and books are supposed to be free, but can cost 4000bht a year.

Maybe the Thai father of the girl should be paying for her!

WOW!

Someone with the balls to get right to the heart of it.

Where is the thai dad. why is he not paying for his kid.

The rest of us were reluctant to ask this because talking about a thai "man" working or being responsible is almost as taboo as talking about the royals.

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1,000 is not enough. This YOUR daughter. Would you be even having this discussion if she was 100% farlang? She is enjoying the attention back in Thailand, but is emotionally, intellectually, physically,and sexually, too young to be getting married, and does not yet have the maturity to make all her own decisions. You and your wife have already given her a chance to be different from her peers, by living in the UK. By giving in to a custom that has no place for women or Thailand in 2011 you are simply repeating the same old pattern and denying your intelligent daughter the opportunity to have a better life. Be a father, and make some clear decisions that are in 'your daughters best interests' - not the families.

'Acting in a child's best interests'- is a basic legal principle in British law, are you doing that ?

Actually it's not his daughter, and he is giving money to her for nothing, pretty generous really.

The school argument is completely fatuous, school is free in Thailand, uniforms and books are supposed to be free, but can cost 4000bht a year.

Maybe the Thai father of the girl should be paying for her!

WOW!

Someone with the balls to get right to the heart of it.

Where is the thai dad. why is he not paying for his kid.

The rest of us were reluctant to ask this because talking about a thai "man" working or being responsible is almost as taboo as talking about the royals.

no, we'd be calling the Thai dad a cheapskate as well.

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Yeo, 1000 isn't enough.

YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil.

I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai.

Farangs can skip the sin sod all together :)

Funny everyone thinks that is unfair :)

I only think it is funny as you clearly don't place much value on your daughters! Daughter for sale...only US$30K.

Whatever...

Why is it i feel sick to my stomach,does anybody know

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no, we'd be calling the Thai dad a cheapskate as well.

Indeed.

Something is wrong when the OP lives in the west and the family might have 2 western incomes and they pay less to her daughter/his step-daughter per month than I and many others do to our xwifes/our kids per month while earning income mighty a 5th of the size...

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Yeo, 1000 isn't enough.

YOU or your WIFE need to handle the sin sod negoitiations. NOT the mil.

I set the price at 1 mil for my daughters if they marry a Thai.

Farangs can skip the sin sod all together :)

Funny everyone thinks that is unfair :)

I only think it is funny as you clearly don't place much value on your daughters! Daughter for sale...only US$30K.

Whatever...

Why is it i feel sick to my stomach,does anybody know

Ethnocentrism, quite common on Thai Visa.

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1000฿ a month is definitely too low.

And I'm sure you don't really expect anything from the Thai father, care of the girl might be partly his responsibility, but his irresponsibility doesn't absolve you of responsibility either.

I've been living in a homestay in Isaan for the past few months, and pay 3000฿ a month, which I thought is an absolute bargain compared to what I'd spend (even in Isaan) living by myself. Admittedly I'm sure I eat a lot more than your step-daughter would, but then that 3000฿ isn't going towards clothes or anything either.

As for the Sin Sod, god that'd be fun to actually have a real say (based on the cultural norms etc) on who your daughter marries. Means you can ensure you get a son in law who, at the very least, isn't a bum. And if your daughter loves a guy and he seems respectable enough, then you can always drop the price or give it back to him afterwards. For now when she's 14, you of course wouldn't want to even enter into negotiations, but at least you know you've got a say in things later on.

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no, we'd be calling the Thai dad a cheapskate as well.

Indeed.

Something is wrong when the OP lives in the west and the family might have 2 western incomes and they pay less to her daughter/his step-daughter per month than I and many others do to our xwifes/our kids per month while earning income mighty a 5th of the size...

I'm a bit more understanding of the OP. There seems to be a common belief that you can live in Thailand on 30 baht a day (or whatever it is), especially up country. Easy to be sucked into believing that.

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no, we'd be calling the Thai dad a cheapskate as well.

Indeed.

Something is wrong when the OP lives in the west and the family might have 2 western incomes and they pay less to her daughter/his step-daughter per month than I and many others do to our xwifes/our kids per month while earning income mighty a 5th of the size...

I'm a bit more understanding of the OP. There seems to be a common belief that you can live in Thailand on 30 baht a day (or whatever it is), especially up country. Easy to be sucked into believing that.

"Caveat emptor" is a 2,000 years old saying meaning being stupid is not an excuse.

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no, we'd be calling the Thai dad a cheapskate as well.

Indeed.

Something is wrong when the OP lives in the west and the family might have 2 western incomes and they pay less to her daughter/his step-daughter per month than I and many others do to our xwifes/our kids per month while earning income mighty a 5th of the size...

I'm a bit more understanding of the OP. There seems to be a common belief that you can live in Thailand on 30 baht a day (or whatever it is), especially up country. Easy to be sucked into believing that.

"Caveat emptor" is a 2,000 years old saying meaning being stupid is not an excuse.

Erm, actually it means "Buyer beware"

I think the Op has 3 options:

1) Bring the girl back to the UK and tell her she can make that decision when she is 18 - by then she will have Bitish friends and the decision may not be as easily won.

2) Decide whether she is YOUR duaghjter ot just your wife's: If the former then 1000B is not enough pure and simple

3) If the latter - then leave it to the Mrs to sort out with her money.

I think 3,500 Baht a day for school trip is a bit much - maybe you should ask some other parents - there may be a cheaper, but same standard, pickup offered by another guy/techer etc. Mine used to be 1,200 per kids (times two) for an nice aircon minivan with less than capaccity in it - one day someone at the school told me that a teacher runs the same route. I found out it was 1,000 a month each for a brand new mini van with air con and even less kids going in it - and as its a teacher they are at the school - small fry, but saves 400 Baht a month. Lunchges though I gave them 100 each (they saved the change aspoclet money - whcih I think is good too).

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Most folks say Thais believe in "family first" but yet we see here a mother that is willing to agree 1K Baht a month for the welfare of her child is enough.... simply amazing

Things may be really tight for the OP back home, I don't know his situation..... but 1K seems like a pitance. I feel for the guy, most folks want something back for their money. So maybe better communication between the two famileis or something.

regardless, I wish him luck

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Just to clarify a few points ....

Thai in laws live near school and are self sufficient food wise (own farm) No transportation costs deducted from the 1000bht.

The Mil is not a hag!

The step-daughter is not a brat!

There will be no sin sot negotiations EVER! Wife has made this perfectly clear to Mil, doesn't stop suiters knocking on the door though.

Wife and I both in 30's with one average income and she is the best mum and wife .

Yes, the Thai father is a waste of space who has contributed zero, however the daughter thinks the sun shines out of his a**e.

Caveat emptor is Latin for buyer beware.

I am not a cheapskate just careful.

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Just to clarify a few points ....

Thai in laws live near school and are self sufficient food wise (own farm) No transportation costs deducted from the 1000bht.

The Mil is not a hag!

The step-daughter is not a brat!

There will be no sin sot negotiations EVER! Wife has made this perfectly clear to Mil, doesn't stop suiters knocking on the door though.

Wife and I both in 30's with one average income and she is the best mum and wife .

Yes, the Thai father is a waste of space who has contributed zero, however the daughter thinks the sun shines out of his a**e.

Caveat emptor is Latin for buyer beware.

I am not a cheapskate just careful.

Apologies for previous rave. Didn't read the thread carefully enough to discover this is a stepdaughter. Difficult situation, but I still think she needs some consistent and strong messages about growing up and not too much choice.

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