Twilight Zone

[siamliving]

I don’t know where to post this. But I need some feedback.

This is about a relationship…and in Thailand it seems things are a bit off-centered for many reasons.

First of all this is about a farang-farang relationship. I’m the female.

I’ve been involved with a man here for over 8months…now we are off.

These are the things that concern me and none of them include thai women surprising enough.

He lives with an older woman who has been his friend for many years. That was a good with me and we all got along. But as things got more serious between us and he was contemplating marriage and kids he would include her in our future as far as being financially responsible for her. I was open to most of it. But in a recent break up and meeting people who knew the 2 of them before I found that out that they were in a relationship and he was always free to have other women. That was hard for me to believe as his friend is quite old and motherly looking and they simply don’t match. They both denied the relationship and told me that she had asked him to lie about being her boyfriend so that she had an easier stay in Bangkok as He was a manager of a bar at the time and there was concern for her safety as there are apparently a lot of sexual freaks here. That again is hard to believe as a motherly looking women who looks as she is in her 50’s isn’t in that much danger here with all the available women…I believe…but perhaps someone else might have insight. What is the point of lying either to me or to everyone they used to be in contact with. Any comments or insight?

Secondly, there has been a couple of incidents of his violent temper. I know what all the women are going to say. And yes I agree there is no excuse for violence. He is now taking the steps to address his anger issues. A former girlfriend spoke to me recently and he was violent with her as well. Now there are 2 sides to every story and I am one to see everything from all angles and knowing that people do make mistakes. One needs to have compassion and as long as the person tries to make amends there is forgiveness in everything. With this issue I would like to know if there is an anger management program here in Thailand. Or something that would help him quell his temper. This is for him as there is little possibility of being together again. This is also for any other women who may get involved with him.

He says that Bangkok is full of “undesirable people” and has got out of the “scene” because of it. Now I agree that it can be a bit of a twilight zone here at times but is it really that bad. There is apparently a lot of back stabbing, gossiping and danger(due to corruption) and since the foreign community is small it’s better to stay away from bars and clubs completely. I don’t have a desire to start actively going out as I am here for work purposes and like to keep busy in other pursuits rather than going to bars and clubs but is it really that small and meddling here. Or does this man have an issue other than anger?

[siamliving]

If anyone has more personal insight on any of this and doesn't want to post due to private information please email me instead.

Thanks

[Firefan]

That is certainly a bizar chain of events....

Leave him alone with is older girl friend and his anger issues, there are plenty of decent guys here in BKK - I know at least ONE

Cheers!

[Mighty Mouse]

If your relationship with this man is "now off," then it would appear that you have already made your decision, and taken action that you feel is the best for you.

In any relationship there must be trust. It seems that there is very little trust in the situation that you described. No trust...no love.

The best place for this man to learn about anger management is in the square ring with a professional Thai kick boxer.

[siamliving]

Yes the trust is lost. True.

I am trying to forgive and move on but there are so many resonating unanswered questions. It is difficult when a relationship ends and there was a possibility of a beautiful future.

I am old enough to know that everyone has issues and a past.

I guess what I am trying to find are answers...there's been alot of confusion and I would like to know whether this is something I am over reacting on.

[siamliving]

His issue with me is that I don't trust him anymore and seem to take on the beliefs and words of others. But it was really the two of them that lied to everyone in his former bar. He says that was a lie for people who didn't matter and it keep things uncomplicated for him and his friend as they were left alone.

One side of me wants to believe this and yet the other doesn't understand why it was necessary to lie to anyone about a phoney relationship.

I guess this is what disturbs me the most as if there is evidence of one lie how many others things was he lying about and what was real.

I sound like a foriegn man that is ending a relationship with a Thai Hooker who he thought was a normal girl.....LOS...strange reality

[Khun Jean]

It is not really worth your time and sorrow to think about his problems and his lies and finding out why.

I've been there and it only makes you sad and feel inadequate to solve these problems. Point is these are not your problems and you don't have to solve them. You already made the decision to be apart so it is better to focus on what you want to do and how you want to live.

If you keep circling around in the same thoughts you waste a lot of time and feelings on something that can not be changed by you.

Forget the bad things and focus on the good things. Get busy to take your mind of it. Slowly it will sink to the back of your mind and you will be able to look at it with a more clear mind. Then you will realise that you are way better of and much happier and more capable to see through these kind of people faster.

Be careful not to think other people are the same as him.

[englishoak]

You are already giving yourself the real answers by highlighting your concerns.

1. Two's company three's a crowd

2. Violent nature normally does not change, do you want the risk ? didn't think so.

3. All good relationships have trust, if it's gone then so should you.

4. Better to be on your own than with a constant drama/concern.

5. Remember it's never the same 2nd time around either or better.

6. Your heart/head or something told you to walk away, TRUST YOURSELF.

Good luck

[Thaipwriter]

meeting people who knew the 2 of them before I found that out that they were in a relationship and he was always free to have other women.

Do the people who told you this have any motives for telling you this?

Why would they lie?

Why would he be including her in your future together?

anger issues as well.....time to move on i think.

[siamliving]

meeting people who knew the 2 of them before I found that out that they were in a relationship and he was always free to have other women.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Do the people who told you this have any motives for telling you this?

Why would they lie?

Why would he be including her in your future together?

anger issues as well.....time to move on i think.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He claims that alot of people are jealous of him and against him.

A former girlfriend apparently spread vicious rumours about him around the city.

He believes that some people in this city are just out to get him and want to ruin any thing good in his life. He talks as if Bangkok is a city of 5000 people who all know each other but he says the foriegn community is so small it is like a small village.

I guess in terms of his "friend" he believes he owes her alot as she has stood by him throughout his adult life when others didn't...I don't know. I mean the only reason why I can't believe that they were together is because he is quite vain and in good shape and she is aged and wrinkly not a women who had keep herself well. But anything really does go and other people seemed to have believed it. I might think that could be his type as some men do find older women attractive but I don't fit into that profile if that was the case.

[chownah]

Not wanting to offend anyone...do you think he might be gay?

[siamliving]

He's not gay I assure you...

[bendix]

He sounds like a right freak to me.

Putting aside the violence and anger he's also showing signs of a persecution complex ('people are out to get him') and extreme hedonistic tendencies ('people are jealous of him'). Why people would be jealous of a bar owner, I have no idea.

Anyway, ditch the freaknik and move on.

Oh, and by the way, he's probably got a mother fixation thing happening as well.

[camerata]

He claims that alot of people are jealous of him and against him.

A former girlfriend apparently spread vicious rumours about him around the city.

He believes that some people in this city are just out to get him and want to ruin any thing good in his life.

This paranoia and other things you've mentioned remind me of the characters in many of the "true crime" books I've read about wife-abusers and wife-killers. This guy probably likes being around an old and unnattractive woman who is no threat to his ego. But as others have said, the violence will never end, and is likely to get increasingly worse. Get as far away from this creep as you can.

He talks as if Bangkok is a city of 5000 people who all know each other but he says the foriegn community is so small it is like a small village.

This is an exaggeration. It may seem like that to a paranoid bar-owner who suspects everyone is against him. If you don't socialize with Thais and only hang out at one or two nightspots, you'll keep meeting the same people, for sure. But the expat community is pretty big and spread out these days.

[siamliving]

He is not even a bar owner....

He was a manager of a bar 3 or 4 years ago

[Auntie Dah]

In the world the man a lot like a monkey in the forest, and in the world not have a secret. Why he stay with her? You have to think and respect yourself and don't listen to any gossip. Don't let the romantic lead you to do anything. Listen to your love.

[camerata]

He is not even a bar owner....

He was a manager of a bar 3 or 4 years ago

Sure, but for anyone who is or was running an entertainment venue, the world often does seem pretty small, with everyone knowing everyone. But that isn't reality.

What does this guy do for a living now?

[Nickerelastic]

I suspect the op is a troll

[siamliving]

In the world the man a lot like a monkey in the forest, and in the world not have a secret. Why he stay with her? You have to think and respect yourself and don't listen to any gossip. Don't let the romantic lead you to do anything. Listen to your love.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What ???

[siamliving]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sure, but for anyone who is or was running an entertainment venue, the world often does seem pretty small, with everyone knowing everyone. But that isn't reality.

What does this guy do for a living now?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He's trying to get motivated to work. Has a few ideas for potential products

Sells a few products from Thailand to the west.

[SiamOne]

In the world the man a lot like a monkey in the forest, and in the world not have a secret. Why he stay with her? You have to think and respect yourself and don't listen to any gossip. Don't let the romantic lead you to do anything. Listen to your love.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

What ???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that was by Eric Cantona trainer