NedKelly Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I am interested to hear from others who have gone through the marriage thing in Thailand. Especially about your reactions, thoughts ideas in relation to being asked to pay for your wife. For example, my friend paid over 500k baht plus gold jewellry to his wifes family. Farang culture is different I know, but how do we adjust to this sort of thing ? Consider that you are marrying someone who is not from a bar, but whos family is from up country and holds traditional views. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thetyim Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Everyone has his own idea about this. You must make up your own mind. We have had endless discussions about this on this forum before. The only thing we all agree on is that a dowry is only for the first marraige, second husband pays zero. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tuky Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 My wife's family haven't asked for one baht off me in dowry, they told me all they want is for their daughter to be looked after. But, my wifes younger sister married a Japanese guy and they asked for 200k baht. The only thing we all agree on is that a dowry is only for the first marraige, second husband pays zero. Strangely enough this is surely my wife's first marriage Thetyim, you have got me wondering now about why I wasn't asked to contribute. Perhaps because my wife and I are paying the house hold bills. the Japanese guy did marry the younger sister when she was 17 (with all sorts of special permission) perhaps that is why he was asked to pay. I wonder if oneday it will be sprung upon me??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 When my husband and I got married I could have asked for a dowry if we had a traditional thai wedding, complete with my parents to do the ceremony. Since I wasn't too keen on a 1000+ people at my wedding we opted to just register at the amphur and had a small ceremony for my family in my home country. According to my husband, if you don't have the big wedding, you don't get the dowry. Maybe I should have changed my mind! But no, unfortunately for me, you can't go back later and ask for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pongster303 Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 if the lady s family is in a decent manner, all the dowry will be given back to a couple anyway..i ve seen it all the time as i m a thai chap..but every now and again, i got to see families who took all the dowry.. which always amazed me, how much they like their daughther to be married or to have that dowry themself..but, hey, if the girl s family s poor, you ve got to help them out more or less Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the gentleman Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I was lucky - paid 200k, got it back the next day as a wedding gift A Thai mate of mine married a lady and paid 3 mil, didnt get a cent back. Just to let you know it is not just the farang, its the culture - if you love the girl get the price down a bit and pay, my Thai mate said you can barter the price. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marquess Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Pay and be damned! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 I am half chinese half farang grew up in HK. Before marrying my Thai wife, knew nothing about Thai culture(and of course not the dowry thing). But it was common sense(Chinese culture) for me to ask her how much it cost to marry her. And when she asked for 30,000 HK dollars(170k baht), it was such a relief.(me think how cheap!) I gave her the dowry and my mother bought her aprox. 60k baht of gold. It'll cost much much more for a girl in HK! ..but, hey, if the girl s family s poor, you ve got to help them out more or less For me, my wife's family becomes mine. And I don't think I can feel happy to see them live in poverty. And that's why me and my wife do work hard to try to provide them a decent life, and of course provided they try hard themselves as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TRIPxCORE Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Their country, their rules my friend. I had to pay it also to my wifes family but to be honest, I think its a load of BS. I didnt say anything about it but IMO, you're taking the resposibility of taking care of this person out of the hands of the family or father. He should be grateful that someone is going to look after his daughter and take care of her now. But what do I know????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Mist Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 My Wifes' parents are both dead and this was second marriage for her, so no dowry from me. When her sister got married her husband gave her some money the morning of wedding and she returned same in the evening. Has anyone heard of this tradition? (or did I misunderstand again?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwiz117 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 I am a South Asian and married to a Thai recently. We were living together for around 3 Yrs. Her family knew me and I visited them frequently. Never ever asked a single Bht from me. [May be they knew that I do not have money.. ] All they wanted from me is to marry her and to take care of each other. I have heard all these Dowry Stories in Thailand. Have any of you heard that the same system works other way around in South Asia? The Girls parents have to give a Dowry to the Guy. Sometimes they marry the Girl and spend the night with her and following day chase her out from the house if she has not delivered what her parents agreed upon before the Marriage. Sometimes, girls can not get married if they are poor. If a girl born as a first child, they consider her as bringing "Unluck" to the family. On this basis, I think the Dowry System practice in Thailand is better than the worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink Mist Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Or in India kwiz get the dowry and mother in law kills the bride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThaiAdventure Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Don't get married. Then you don't have to pay a dowry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwiz117 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Sorry for stealing this thread.. I am really cluless from where this Dowry practice came to Asia. Can anyone here tell me whether any practice similar to this had in England those days? Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pnustedt Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 Can anyone here tell me whether any practice similar to this had in England those days? It was the other way round in England - the bride's family paid a dowry to the groom's, particularly in "well off" families. Even today it is traditional that the bride's father pays for the wedding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NedKelly Posted December 17, 2003 Author Share Posted December 17, 2003 Well chaps, to bring this back into line. My girlfriends said her mother was going to ask me about when we would get married and was goingto ask for 300k baht. then the next dayI hear my girlfriend having a heated discussion with her father on the phone. I asked he what that was about and she said...'he wants to buy a car'.......I thought to myself....there goes any chance of me seeing my money again. I have worked hard to save my money (not rich) so I dont want to give away one satang. It is my future and the future of my wife. I would consider her family to come second after her and would try to help them out as well. But I am an Aussie and we dont like freeloading. Thats my culture. If I givemoney to marry and then her family blows it away on shitty consumer items I would never forgive myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pongster303 Posted December 17, 2003 Share Posted December 17, 2003 wow..wouldn't mind gettin married with enlish lass then.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capital Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 The only thing we all agree on is that a dowry is only for the first marraige, second husband pays zero. Spot on. I add one more thing, Hooker or ex hooker: NOTHING!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 Spot on. I add one more thing, Hooker or ex hooker: NOTHING!!!Why bother mentioning? How would a decent high-class person like you ever get involved with a hooker or ex-hooker? No? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nitroII Posted December 19, 2003 Share Posted December 19, 2003 Some of you might consider this splitting hairs, but... There is no dowry system in Thailand (I wish there were). "Dowry" means the bride's family pays (as in India). In Thailand, the bridegroom's family pays; this is called a "bride price". In traditional Southast Asian culture, the man brought his wealth to the bride. If the marriage turned sour, the woman kept the wealth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwiz117 Posted December 20, 2003 Share Posted December 20, 2003 Can anyone here tell me whether any practice similar to this had in England those days? It was the other way round in England - the bride's family paid a dowry to the groom's, particularly in "well off" families. Even today it is traditional that the bride's father pays for the wedding. Thanks..This is the same practice in South Asia. [but now gone to extreme] I am not sure from where this odd system came to Thailand. The parents of the bride should be happy to see her starting a happy family life with some stable financial background. I can not understand the way some Thai people think? Specially regarding this, I feel they are stupid. It's like selling..they can call it whatever the term they like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seethreepio Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 I am a Thai lady educated and worked in USA so maybe you will find this interesting. I am from a poor farming family, but I won a scholarship to go to university. When I married my family never considered asking my American husband for money. It is like prostitution and not very honorable to do it. Decent people are too proud to ask. Any way, how could a poor farmer guy pay 100,000 baht or more? Even 10,000 baht will take years to save. However it is true that some people want it just to make their face big and then to give it back as a wedding present after showing it everybody in the village. Some want it to show their daughter is not marrying a no-hope guy with no money or job and they usually give it back also. Why do people want such a lot of money? I can tell you the answer easily because there are so many girls from my village working as hookers in Bangkok. Most of them when they bring a farang home they tell everybody they met him somewhere else and they don't work in one of these places. But everybody knows they don't tell the truth because so many families have someone do the same thing already. So you should know most people in my village have no respect for farang, who they think only come to Thailand for sex with hookers. They only tolerate it because they can get a lot of money from the farang. But everybody laughs at the farang when he visits the village and calls him a Buffalo (meaning they think he is stupid). This has given me and my husband a lot of problems but there's nothing we can do about it. Probably every village in Thailand is the same as mine. But anyway the bride price should not be so high as some people here say they pay. Farm families who have such big money will only use it in a bad way, get drunk and gamble and visit brothels. They really have no use for such a lot of money and have no idea how to spend it wisely - I've never seen anyone do it. Many stop working on the farm because they think the money will keep coming. So no body should pay more than 100,000 baht. As for family support after - unless the family has a big problem and really need help dont send any more money. Buy them farmland and a new tractor or things for the farm which will help them, if you want to, but if they ask for a new big house or a car you know they are taking you for a fool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the gentleman Posted December 24, 2003 Share Posted December 24, 2003 Hi seethreepio, Its nice to get your side of things you wrote - Why do people want such a lot of money? I can tell you the answer easily because there are so many girls from my village working as hookers in Bangkok. Most of them when they bring a farang home they tell everybody they met him somewhere else and they don't work in one of these places. But everybody knows they don't tell the truth because so many families have someone do the same thing already. So you should know most people in my village have no respect for farang, who they think only come to Thailand for sex with hookers. They only tolerate it because they can get a lot of money from the farang. But everybody laughs at the farang when he visits the village and calls him a Buffalo (meaning they think he is stupid). I am guessing you come from North Thailand, Isan way? As it is my experience in Southern Thailand, that the Farang who marries a local southern girl, isnt looked on as a stupid farang if the girl is from a "respectable family" - I speak Thai, so I converse with people on the same level as you - all I hear is good things with sincerity when I go to the inlaws homes - In two years they havent asked for a cent and actually gave me 10 Rai on the lake -nice They not rich, they are just normal working class people from a rural area. I do sympathise with you and your husband as once out of the inlaws village, THEN its a different story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NedKelly Posted December 28, 2003 Author Share Posted December 28, 2003 Khun Seethree pio.....thankyou for your reply. It makes a lot of sense and raises my level of awareness about the issue. I too am like you. i come form a working class background, put myself through Uni, worked endless hours at the same time as part time Uni to get where I am and for years. Any money I have in the bank is hard earned and to give it away would be just crazy. A friend of mine paid 550,000 baht to marry his girlfriend and he has not seen any of it since. I understand what you said about the attitude towards farang in up country villages. I sometimes wonder how Thailand can have such a friendly reputation at the same time as being so patronising to visitors and residents. Throw enough mud and some of it will stick........to yourself ! Anyway, for now I am refusing to ay anything by way of a bride price (thanks for the correction on that). Will just wait to see the family reaction. The bad taste in my mouth is almost enough to make me remain single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boon Mee Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 Working class chick or society class if the farang don't pay he's gonna always be labled as a "Cheap Charlie" If she's been married before some nice gesture towards her family but not a pot of cash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
issan2 Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 When we married, four years ago, my wife offered to pay the dowry from her savings as I was paying for the wedding, the rings and many other things. I thought it was a very even handed guesture. She has always kept the families demands at bay. It cost 55k which was basically all she had. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candyflip Posted December 30, 2003 Share Posted December 30, 2003 I dont think I could ever get married! I asked my father " dad, how much do you want for the dowry if someone stupid enough to get married with me?" " 10 millions" Damnnn he thought i was a princess or something? I hope he was kidding but if you ask my mom, she would say " free and we give the guy money too" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 Are you trying to tell people you are single? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maerim Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 On reflection with the nightmare it was of being married to my first Thai wife. It would have been better all round giving her family a couple of million baht NOT to marry her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TizMe Posted December 31, 2003 Share Posted December 31, 2003 On reflection with the nightmare it was of being married to my first Thai wife.It would have been better all round giving her family a couple of million baht NOT to marry her. My ex-wife cost me about 20 million baht. But the charge was deferred until the end of the marriage instead of at the start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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