deejah Posted May 6, 2011 Share Posted May 6, 2011 i have been reading and meditating on and off for years but feel like an absolute beginner before i search the internet for the best forum for (no-)self improvement i thought i would start here, as thai visa is and was my first and only forum in my many decades on the earth and thorough many fantastic and spiritual experiences i realized that i have never had a clear/empty mind, ever, at all, or for only a split second it is time for me to reach out to others with similar interests and hope to get some feedback support and fellowship in my journey a journey of values that have little or nothing to do with the everyday outside world or what we are taught and learn in society and culture in fact aux contraire i know what i want lies inside of me but i feel alone in my path and, well, like i am not really getting anywhere or if i am progressing, evolving, developing, it is a very very slow process so that's my 25 satang for today thanks for reading Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deejah Posted May 7, 2011 Author Share Posted May 7, 2011 75 views thoughts, feelings, reflections, feedback, conversation??? anyone???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huli Posted May 7, 2011 Share Posted May 7, 2011 75 views thoughts, feelings, reflections, feedback, conversation??? anyone???? I was a bit intrigued by your posting and sent you a pm yesterday. I don't see any reply from you so far. I imagine that is because you didn't get it. I thought that would be the preferred venue for a conversation versus a public forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xangsamhua Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 What specifically do you want to discuss, Deejah? Your personal history sounds interesting ("many fantastic and spiritual experiences" over "many decades"), but you feel you are getting nowhere. Nowhere towards what? That might be a good place to start. Myself when young did eagerly frequent Doctor and Saint and heard great Argument About it and about: but evermore Came out by the same Door as in I went. (Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, XXVII) Maybe there's nowhere to seek and find. Perhaps just where you are now in its fullness and depth is Buddha-nature, just waiting for you to find it. You might like to have a look at Shunryu Suzuki's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind to clarify this and perhaps to be affirmed in who and where you are right now. You feel like an absolute beginner. That may in fact be a condition for enlightenment. Again, what are your specific questions and insights, Deejah? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fabianfred Posted May 8, 2011 Share Posted May 8, 2011 I also love the Rubaiyat.. "'tis all a chequer board of nights and days, where destiny with men for pieces plays, hither and thither moves and mates and slays, and one by one, back in the closet lays." to the OP... your first sentence..."i have been reading and meditating on and off for years but feel like an absolute beginner"..... it is the 'on and off' which is why you feel you have made no real progress. If we try to boil a kettle and keep unplugging it it will never boil. Intensive practice is the key.....which is why intensive retreats are the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawnie Posted May 16, 2011 Share Posted May 16, 2011 Your original post has some inconsistencies, but not to worry. They are that you've been on a path for years and had many spiritual experiences...but no progress. This is pretty contradictory. Since you'er looking for feedback, I'll provide a few thoughts. Since you've been practicing on your own, it's likely that you've made very little progress - sorry to say it. It is always advisable to associate yourself with some form of sangha, or group of dharma practitioners, and especially if they group is headed by a legitimate master. So, I think that's the next step for you - associating with a functioning sangha. It could be a Thai sangha, but there are others, though if you're in Thailand, that's all you'll find. The point is that it's nearly impossible to make real progress on your own, you need a teacher. There is a type of person in Buddhism who is able to progress on their own without a teacher, but my guess is that you aren't one of them, otherwise you wouldn't be here asking. Hope this doesn't sound to harsh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deejah Posted May 20, 2011 Author Share Posted May 20, 2011 great stuff i have been put in my place thanks folks mak mak lately i am finding my chi and center i have a chilling and deep connection with nature i am only beginning to grasp does anyone else have this know this feel this i think it is very special recently i felt compelled to follow words of the toa and lo and behold it is all about noticing nature and the nature of things!!! also big wow i read susziki ZMBM decades ago!!! this has stuck with me all these years from that book: to have no opinion and to mind your own business Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xangsamhua Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 great stuff i have been put in my place thanks folks mak mak lately i am finding my chi and center i have a chilling and deep connection with nature i am only beginning to grasp does anyone else have this know this feel this i think it is very special recently i felt compelled to follow words of the toa and lo and behold it is all about noticing nature and the nature of things!!! also big wow i read susziki ZMBM decades ago!!! this has stuck with me all these years from that book: to have no opinion and to mind your own business Looks like you're on the right track, Deejah. Re the "deep connection with nature" (not sure about the "chilling" bit), I had this sense strongly, of a real connectedness with nature, 20+ years ago during a time of some anxiety (had just put quite a bit of money into a business). But it went away and hasn't really ever come back with anything like that intensity. I think it was what Maslow referred to as an"oceanic", mystical or nature experience. It was actually very nice to go out running with this embracing sense of oneness with nature. As emotional equilibrium was regained, however, the non-duality was lost and the world became an "I - other" place again. Some years later I took up the classic position of sitting and looking at the waves rolling in from the Pacific and tried to recapture that sense, but it didn't happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onionluke Posted May 21, 2011 Share Posted May 21, 2011 I also love the Rubaiyat.. "'tis all a chequer board of nights and days, where destiny with men for pieces plays, hither and thither moves and mates and slays, and one by one, back in the closet lays." to the OP... your first sentence..."i have been reading and meditating on and off for years but feel like an absolute beginner"..... it is the 'on and off' which is why you feel you have made no real progress. If we try to boil a kettle and keep unplugging it it will never boil. Intensive practice is the key.....which is why intensive retreats are the best. I also love the Rubiyat and it reapears every now and then , thank you . Come fill the glass and in the fire of spring the winter garment of repentence fling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulthailand99 Posted May 31, 2011 Share Posted May 31, 2011 My gift to you Onion Luke Chok Dee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawnie Posted June 2, 2011 Share Posted June 2, 2011 And this is why we go to very public internet chat rooms and forums, asking for feedback, to tell people this? ...to have no opinion and to mind your own business Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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