Getting Back Sinsod After Divorce

[JurgenG]

Will the Thai lady look after him, love him, take care him..after he gives to everyone else and has no money left?.............i think not

She won't.

I wouldn't be so cynical, I you believe that you shouldn't get married at the first place.

Actually there is an other problem, it's when the wife dies and the husband is rejected by the in-laws. A lot of folks are really dependent of their better half, especially the aging ones. What future do they have in Thailand when the main reason of their stay, and their main support, passed away. But that should be the subject of an other thread.

[zzaa09]

The thing that astounds me most about Thai thinking is that just because a guy can pay a large sinsod (once) then the Thai belief is that he obviously has so much money that it can NEVER possibly run out.

Why cant Thais understand that the man who SAVES money (instead of throwing it away on a whim) is more likely to be rich...simply because he DOESNT spend..its not rocket science..to be rich you have to be able to save money, not just throw it around trying to impress everyone.

An unfortunate commonality that might be missed by many, as it applies to Thai/Thai sinsod situations.....you'd be surprised at the percentage of the prospective groom's family that are forced to attain a bank loan to settle up and square things. This always is a financial burden...think about it, not too many folks have anywhere from B80,000 to 500,000 cash-in-hand.

[Gippy]

The thing that makes me laugh is that a lot of these girls have either been married before or had previous childrem, so you shouldn't be paying a single baht as a sin sot in the first place..

This seems to be a widely held belief but in parts of the county it's not the case. I know of pregnant divorcees getting remarried who not only got sin sot the second time around, they got more than from the first marriage! This is Thai - Thai marriages, no farangs involved.

[ozzieovaseas]

The thing that astounds me most about Thai thinking is that just because a guy can pay a large sinsod (once) then the Thai belief is that he obviously has so much money that it can NEVER possibly run out.

Why cant Thais understand that the man who SAVES money (instead of throwing it away on a whim) is more likely to be rich...simply because he DOESNT spend..its not rocket science..to be rich you have to be able to save money, not just throw it around trying to impress everyone.

An unfortunate commonality that might be missed by many, as it applies to Thai/Thai sinsod situations.....you'd be surprised at the percentage of the prospective groom's family that are forced to attain a bank loan to settle up and square things. This always is a financial burden...think about it, not too many folks have anywhere from B80,000 to 500,000 cash-in-hand.

Yes this situation also exists, and it only solidifies my point.

The differance being...in the Thai/Thai wedding both parties are aware of the financial issues and lack of money on the grooms behalf, yet they will be prepared to work together, seeing that they can communicate effectively in the same language...hence unlikely there will be any further financial expectations on the male AFTER the wedding.

In the case that the farang had little money and had to borrow for sinsod (and the female was aware of it) i doubt the marriage would even eventuate in the first place.

I guess therein lies the differance between love and....well....whatever they call it when farang and Thai marry

[ozzieovaseas]

Will the Thai lady look after him, love him, take care him..after he gives to everyone else and has no money left?.............i think not

She won't.

I wouldn't be so cynical, I you believe that you shouldn't get married at the first place.

Actually there is an other problem, it's when the wife dies and the husband is rejected by the in-laws. A lot of folks are really dependent of their better half, especially the aging ones. What future do they have in Thailand when the main reason of their stay, and their main support, passed away. But that should be the subject of an other thread.

The only reason a Thai family would ever reject a (farang) son in law would be if he refused to hand out money willy-nilly and didnt play the game. If he was rich and threw money around like confetti he would be likened to the incarnate sporn of Bhudda...and not even then would that ensure him any favours after the wife had passed on.

But i do agree with you, if someone managed to keep his wifes attentions WITHOUT that of the in-laws then on the wifes passing he will surely be stuffed.

[Debothai]

For ladies with previous ex-husbands and previous children, a sin-sod is not necessary but it is considered polite to get 1 or 2 baht gold chain for the mother in law as a kind of 'kha nom' which literally means the price of breast milk of the mother who brought this female child to the world...However, thai girls marry farangs and do get 100k + sin sods regardless of previous ex-husbands and/or children...Sin - sod must be avoided- it is only relevant for an unmarried - and (GOD FOBRID) -virgin girl....

One must be prepared to pay sin-sod, but let's be realistic about it....A used wife is a used car...So the price should be less...However used cars in Thailand have a high resale value!

Oops -maybe my remarks were not very PC..I apologise...

[Bangkokhatter]

maybe we should run a thread on Farang's not having forward thinking abilities...

You still look like my ex-father-in-law, Samran, to whom I refused to pay sin-sod.

Now, excuse me, I'm at Starbucks, a baeuty just walked in and smiled at me and I must go strike up a conversation with my future-ex-wife.

How's that for forward thinking?

PM me if she has a younger sister, OK?

am thinking Mrs mills is a cock..does she have another sister ?

[richieudon]

My wife married a local guy when she was 18 years old. She did it for the money, to help her family. The sin sod was 40,000 baht.

And many years later, she discovered Farangs, a never ending stream of income, smart girl.

And a second lot of sin sod, no doubt.

Afraid not. No sin sod from me

[richieudon]

My wife married a local guy when she was 18 years old. She did it for the money, to help her family. The sin sod was 40,000 baht.

And many years later, she discovered Farangs, a never ending stream of income, smart girl.

And a second lot of sin sod, no doubt.

I'm sure she married some young handsome Thai guy for the money and not love , then a few years later she married some wrinkly old Farang for love not money !

Gotta laugh sometimes.

I wouldn't call myself wrinkly.

Your assumptions amuse me. You really are a lot of sad bastards. This happened 20 years ago when my wife was 18.

We are 3 years apart in age. She's not a whore, never has been. It's just the way things are done in Thailand sometimes.

She probably did want me for financial security initially but I know we love each other.

A friend of our family got married today. He's 28, she's 19. Both Thai. He MET her A WEEK AGO! He paid 100,000 sin sod.

Was it love?

Edited May 12, 2011 by richieudon

[moe666]

In your dreams.

Sin Sod is a seal of your commitment to marry and make it work. You failed so now it's the price of failure.

It might help you think it through a bit better next time.

Sin sod is just a way for an otherwise undesirable guy to get a wife. Why else would you pay knowing full well that sin sod should normally be returned (original way)

Sinsod is not normally returned, that is not the original way. It is true that it is often returned when the groom is a farang and makes a big stink about it, but it says more about the Thais ability to adapt. Thais also pay sinsod, and as much as farangs.

Sorry you got the wrong info. My friend married a girl from Plok and she is from a upper middle class family and they got the money back they put in. Her brothers and sisters also put money in so that during the parade it looked like a lot. Her sister married a Thai guy from Bangkok a few years earlier the family was highly pissed at the guy when he wanted the sinsod back right after the wedding since the usual holding period is about 6 months. This Thai guy isn't well liked by the family because of his unfrienlyness.

This family doesn't need any of the money from sinsod as they are well off and all of the brothers and sisters are either engineers, nurses, or business owners. They also treat the farange husband as part of the family helping their sister and her husband remodle their house and including the husbands mom and dad as part of the family.

The only reason this family made a show about the sinsod is because of the cultural aspect it was all face as my friend described it later.

Edited May 12, 2011 by moe666

[moe666]

Will the Thai lady look after him, love him, take care him..after he gives to everyone else and has no money left?.............i think not

She won't.

I wouldn't be so cynical, I you believe that you shouldn't get married at the first place.

Actually there is an other problem, it's when the wife dies and the husband is rejected by the in-laws. A lot of folks are really dependent of their better half, especially the aging ones. What future do they have in Thailand when the main reason of their stay, and their main support, passed away. But that should be the subject of an other thread.

The only reason a Thai family would ever reject a (farang) son in law would be if he refused to hand out money willy-nilly and didnt play the game. If he was rich and threw money around like confetti he would be likened to the incarnate sporn of Bhudda...and not even then would that ensure him any favours after the wife had passed on.

But i do agree with you, if someone managed to keep his wifes attentions WITHOUT that of the in-laws then on the wifes passing he will surely be stuffed.

You really donot know many Thai families do you

[IanForbes]

Sorry you got the wrong info. My friend married a girl from Plok and she is from a upper middle class family and they got the money back they put in. Her brothers and sisters also put money in so that during the parade it looked like a lot. Her sister married a Thai guy from Bangkok a few years earlier the family was highly pissed at the guy when he wanted the sinsod back right after the wedding since the usual holding period is about 6 months. This Thai guy isn't well liked by the family because of his unfrienlyness.

This family doesn't need any of the money from sinsod as they are well off and all of the brothers and sisters are either engineers, nurses, or business owners. They also treat the farange husband as part of the family helping their sister and her husband remodle their house and including the husbands mom and dad as part of the family.

The only reason this family made a show about the sinsod is because of the cultural aspect it was all face as my friend described it later.

Good post, Moe666. It just points out there are various interpretations of how sinsod is handled depending on the families involved. Discussing it here is just blowing hot air but there is no definitive answer. It's just a dowerie similar to many throughout the world.

Me, I'll pay for sin, and I'll pay for sod (providing I need a nice lawn), but I won't pay sinsod because I don't want to marry some Thai family. Both my marriages in Canada cost me more than most sinsods in Thailand would cost. Who cares what it costs if you wind up with the right woman? And, if you CHOOSE the wrong woman then you only have yourself to blame.

[honkytonklagoon]

If you ask nicely, with a big cheesy grin, i'm certain you will get it back :D:D

[zzaa09]

The only reason a Thai family would ever reject a (farang) son in law would be if he refused to hand out money willy-nilly and didnt play the game. If he was rich and threw money around like confetti he would be likened to the incarnate sporn of Bhudda...and not even then would that ensure him any favours after the wife had passed on.

But i do agree with you, if someone managed to keep his wifes attentions WITHOUT that of the in-laws then on the wifes passing he will surely be stuffed.

You really donot know many Thai families do you

Needn't be so harsh, Moe. As this manifest from lack of greater exposure and broader experiences. Tends to be easier to generalize from two or three witnessed situations.

[tartempion]

I've always had the understanding this was exactly what the sinsod is for - a kind of replacement for the alimony wives would get in the west that they don't get here - so of course it won't be returned.

Not sure what the sinsod exactly is for...

GF older sister (poor rice farmers) married to a farmer boy, sinsod was 30K.

I overheard mother saying "hardly enough to pay for the wedding" (a tent was set up and food/alcohol distributed to village folks, some donated 20 baht...total collected end of day around 5k baht)

I don't know where the money went, besides rent tent/food alcohol, did not see any improvement in life style or new furniture, but the 30k surely did not make them rich.

[craigt3365]

One derogatory post removed from view. Please keep replies civil.

[craigt3365]

I've always had the understanding this was exactly what the sinsod is for - a kind of replacement for the alimony wives would get in the west that they don't get here - so of course it won't be returned.

Not sure what the sinsod exactly is for...

GF older sister (poor rice farmers) married to a farmer boy, sinsod was 30K.

I overheard mother saying "hardly enough to pay for the wedding" (a tent was set up and food/alcohol distributed to village folks, some donated 20 baht...total collected end of day around 5k baht)

I don't know where the money went, besides rent tent/food alcohol, did not see any improvement in life style or new furniture, but the 30k surely did not make them rich.

My sinsod was more than that...and well worth it. What a party. Absolutely fantastic. The sinsod paid for the party....as well as a western toilet for me when I visit!

But a huge chunk was returned the next week....

[robblok]

I've always had the understanding this was exactly what the sinsod is for - a kind of replacement for the alimony wives would get in the west that they don't get here - so of course it won't be returned.

Not sure what the sinsod exactly is for...

GF older sister (poor rice farmers) married to a farmer boy, sinsod was 30K.

I overheard mother saying "hardly enough to pay for the wedding" (a tent was set up and food/alcohol distributed to village folks, some donated 20 baht...total collected end of day around 5k baht)

I don't know where the money went, besides rent tent/food alcohol, did not see any improvement in life style or new furniture, but the 30k surely did not make them rich.

My sinsod was more than that...and well worth it. What a party. Absolutely fantastic. The sinsod paid for the party....as well as a western toilet for me when I visit!

But a huge chunk was returned the next week....

Craig, that is how a sin sod should be, not a way to cheat money out of a guy. Just to cover the expenses of the wedding and some money for show later to be returned. I would not have any problems with a sin sod like that.

I have not paid a dime in sin sod and the inlaws did see me as a kwai with some money to start with but that all changed when i stayed firm in my beliefs and did not loan them any money. Now we respect each other and i have told my wife on a few occasions that i wanted to bail one of her brothers out. She told me not too as it would only encourage them to get more into trouble.

We take her family out for moo kataa a few times )(sizzler was no success). The wife makes her own money and works hard so if she wants to donate to her family its up to her. But she has learned that loans will not be returned and stopped giving them to the persons that wont return them.

If the wife works for her own money and pays part of the bills then she somehow is more careful of her money (and mine). I can imagine if a wife does not work or put an effort into getting money then its easier to spend the husbands money on the family.

I am of the understanding that the more you help the more they will rely on you and get into trouble more. All kinds of foolish schemes were asked in the beginning, but not anymore so it does help not to spend money on the in laws. (if there was real need i would help of course)

[JurgenG]

In some part of the country, people are more cynical. When their daughter marry very young, they know the husband will disappear, the girl will probably have to go to work somewhere and the kids will stay with them. The sinsod is just money in the bank to help raise the kids.

I'm not talking about BG marrying a foreigner, just a country girl marrying a local guy.

[zzaa09]

In some part of the country, people are more cynical. When their daughter marry very young, they know the husband will disappear, the girl will probably have to go to work somewhere and the kids will stay with them. The sinsod is just money in the bank to help raise the kids.

I'm not talking about BG marrying a foreigner, just a country girl marrying a local guy.

You're not really suggesting that the sin sod cash is put away for a rainy day, are you? Please....

[Orac]

There is an interesting situation that has developed in our village when one of the local girls has been hit by her husband - this has happenned about 3-4 times now. She has left him and gone back to her parents who have told him that if he wants her back he must remarry her (local ceremony not amphur) and pay sinsod again. If he hits her again she will leave him permenantly apparently.

First time i have heard of sinsod being paid twice by the same guy for the same woman!

[Mirth]

I wouldn't call myself wrinkly.

Your assumptions amuse me. You really are a lot of sad bastards. This happened 20 years ago when my wife was 18.

We are 3 years apart in age. She's not a whore, never has been. It's just the way things are done in Thailand sometimes.

She probably did want me for financial security initially but I know we love each other.

A friend of our family got married today. He's 28, she's 19. Both Thai. He MET her A WEEK AGO! He paid 100,000 sin sod.

Was it love?

Nopes, it's blackmail. Either marry or go prison for rape. Happened to someone i knew few months back, he pretended to be rich and single, slept with a young lass and next day, her parents appear and demanded marriage now that their daughter is "damaged". It became police case cos the guy is married with a son and on top on that, have only thb500 in his name. End up taking a loan from sharks to pay the girl and police. THB50,000 for the girl, THB50,000 for the parents and another THB100,000 for the police to drop the rape charge.

[Semper]

There is an interesting situation that has developed in our village when one of the local girls has been hit by her husband - this has happenned about 3-4 times now. She has left him and gone back to her parents who have told him that if he wants her back he must remarry her (local ceremony not amphur) and pay sinsod again. If he hits her again she will leave him permenantly apparently.

First time i have heard of sinsod being paid twice by the same guy for the same woman!

Old wives' tales.

[Orac]

There is an interesting situation that has developed in our village when one of the local girls has been hit by her husband - this has happenned about 3-4 times now. She has left him and gone back to her parents who have told him that if he wants her back he must remarry her (local ceremony not amphur) and pay sinsod again. If he hits her again she will leave him permenantly apparently.

First time i have heard of sinsod being paid twice by the same guy for the same woman!

Old wives' tales.

Actually true - friend of my wife. Sinsod has been set at 8000 baht!

[richieudon]

I wouldn't call myself wrinkly.

Your assumptions amuse me. You really are a lot of sad bastards. This happened 20 years ago when my wife was 18.

We are 3 years apart in age. She's not a whore, never has been. It's just the way things are done in Thailand sometimes.

She probably did want me for financial security initially but I know we love each other.

A friend of our family got married today. He's 28, she's 19. Both Thai. He MET her A WEEK AGO! He paid 100,000 sin sod.

Was it love?

Nopes, it's blackmail. Either marry or go prison for rape. Happened to someone i knew few months back, he pretended to be rich and single, slept with a young lass and next day, her parents appear and demanded marriage now that their daughter is "damaged". It became police case cos the guy is married with a son and on top on that, have only thb500 in his name. End up taking a loan from sharks to pay the girl and police. THB50,000 for the girl, THB50,000 for the parents and another THB100,000 for the police to drop the rape charge.

Maybe with your friend this was the case but I can assure it wasn't here. Lovely wedding, everyone happy no police.

I do know what you're saying though, it's happened many times ...

[JohnnyMoo]

SinsodTraditionally, what might be called a dowry is paid by the groom to the bride’s family. The groom is in effect ‘paying for the mother’s milk’ or the upbringing of his bride. If the bride has had a good upbringing then the amount of sinsod will be higher. If the bride has not been married before, has no children, is well-educated, has a good career and stable family life, then this will be reflected in the amount of sinsod asked for. It also goes to show that the groom is financially capable of looking after his wife and indeed, his wife’s family if needs be. It is important to stress how crucial the concept of family is in Thai life. If you are marrying a Thai, you are also marrying in to that person’s family and everything that may entail.It’s impossible to say how much is the right price to pay for sinsod because there are so many variables involved. Some Thai families may see their daughter marrying a foreigner as the equivalent of winning the lottery. Despite the fact that the groom may not be a rich man in his home country, he will be deemed to be a rich man in Thailand and a vast amount may be asked for. By contrast, some Thai families may appreciate that the prospective son-in-law comes from a different culture and may not ask for sinsod in return for a solemn promise to take care of their daughter. In some cases sinsod is accepted by the bride’s parents and is given back the following day as a wedding present to the newlyweds.It can be quite a thorny issue for Western men marrying Thai women, but it should be understood that if you are marrying in Thailand it is something you will very likely have to come to terms with. If you are considering marriage to a Thai national you should already be aware that Thai culture is very different and should not feel insulted if asked for sinsod. One thing that many Thai grooms do is to pay the sinsod in small denominations (i.e. 100 Baht notes) so that the amount on show looks even more impressive when it is spread out.The most important aspect is ‘face’. This can’t be stressed enough. Keep your cool and liaise with your wife-to-be and her family to reach a mutually agreeable amount. Sometimes the amount paid in sinsod will be returned by the bride’s family to the wedding couple. By having a large amount of sinsod paid, the Thai family don’t lose face with their friends and peers. It might not be important to you what other people think of you, but it matters to Thai people and that should never be forgotten in any aspect of Thai culture.

[MrsMills]

Tell me patronus,

Have you ever been to or spent any significant amount of time in Thailand, or is your experience of Thailand gained through hours spent on an anonymous internet forum trawling through endless posts written by bitter and twisted old men who never go out anymore and who hate everything and everyone no matter where they are on the planet earth. ?

[nocturn]

Tell me patronus,

Have you ever been to or spent any significant amount of time in Thailand, or is your experience of Thailand gained through hours spent on an anonymous internet forum trawling through endless posts written by bitter and twisted old men who never go out anymore and who hate everything and everyone no matter where they are on the planet earth. ?

how was yer holiday you dirty old boot?

[princessazuma]

Sinsod - think of it as a deposit. After marriage, like after buying a house, you are unable to get the deposit back because the sale has already been closed after the wedding. Lesson learned: you should know exactly what you're buying before paying or closing the deal!

[Travel2003]

Dear JurgenG

A month has now past.

Did he ask for the money back?

If yes, what was the reaction?

Btw, who are "we" in your OP?