Ben Trein For Pm #2

[bentrein]

For part one, please check here.

Part TWO - No, I'm not really running; I couldn't fake a Thai birth certificate after all. A Hawaiian one was hard enough...

A Thai general election is under way; the date is set. The parties are campaigning, and so are many others. I have a large network of friends and foes within every political party in Thailand, and will shed some light on the bits and pieces that hit the news in the months to come.

As with every election, posters and boards have hit the streets. In the course of the coming months, I expect that – as with every general election – all streets will be littered with the signs advertising the different candidates, making Thai roads look like the garbage bin of the world. I commented on this while having a noodle soup by the roadside last night.

“Isn't it a shame?” I asked. The woman selling the soup did speak a bit of English, but I didn't really understand what she was on about. Here's what I heard; you make of it what you want.

“Is no mall! Evely time we have big erection. This time vely very hard. We don't know who can do.”

The soup was exceptionally good though...

One of the signs by the side of the road are advertising for a man looking an awful lot like Chuwit Kamolvisit – a man who got rich through high-end massage parlours, which in Thailand is synonymous to brothels. The reader should know that technically, prostitution is illegal in Thailand. But the Thai attitude to that is similar to the Dutch attitude towards drugs. I remember last time, Chuwit advertising with a huge hammer, saying he would crush corruption. No one believed him.

This time his signs read something like: “Bored with politics, yet we have to vote!” He named his party: 'Love Thailand'. I guarantee you, if he becomes Prime Minister, politics will never be boring again; or if it is, life won't. Pubs will be open again all night. Massage parlours will be open – and as common – as 7-elevens. What more does one need?

Another party running in the election is the current largest opposition party Puea Thai (For Thai). This party has always openly supported ousted and banned former Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawat(ra). Recently it has elected said criminal's sister – YingLuck Shinawat(ra) – to lead the party. One serious newspaper in the country commented: “With Yingluck’s candidacy it should be clear to everyone that we’re ready to break away from the old politics of elitism, nepotism, cronyism and the shady dealings of powerful families.” And that's all that can be said about that...

This party – as far as I can find – has two main policies once it will for a government.

Firstly, they've promised to give every child a tablet computer. This sounds awesome, and I went to an early campaign event, and talked to some party executive. This party is very much like the Thai military, and has tonnes of 'executives'. I forgot the name of this one; there was free booze available. I did ask him what the budget was for this project.

“One billion baht. We are getting the first version of I-pad for a discounted price of ten thousand from Apple. We are very happy with that.”

I quickly did some maths. Somewhere between five and six million children in Thailand, ten grand a tablet...

“One billion baht? Is that enough?”

“But of course! We're not giving every child in the whole country a tablet computer. There are many that will never have the need for computer skills, so they're not getting one of course. And we're also excluding many of the undesirables, such as the Akha, Hmong and Karen that hide in the bushes in the north. They don't have a need for computer skills either. Bushes grow without electricity anyway.”

“That still includes more tablet computers than you can buy for a billion...”

“Well, first of all, they go to the children of the people who helped us buy our way into power. Then to our own children, and then, if there are some left, we hand them out to international school children that don't have one yet. They will need computer skills in later life.”

People at Apple Thailand have no knowledge of an offer being made to Puea Thai.

And so, the table is set for an exciting election. See you next time for my inside information on the different election campaigns – and the second point in Puea Thais campaign!

[Maestro]

You will find a topic about the upcoming election in Thailand in the forum "Thailand News". Please be so kind as to post your comments on this topic there, but make an effort to refrain from trolling.

Thank you.