Divorcing Thai Husbands

[sunchild10]

I am from the UK and I’d like to divorce my Thai husband. We have a 2 year old child and have bought together land, house and cars in the South of Thailand. He is not willing to split any of it so it looks likely that we’ll have to settle in court. The grounds for divorce are adultery and he now has his young Thai girlfriend living with him in our house. Now I live with my daughter and work in Bangkok.

I’d like to hear from other farang women who have gone through divorcing their Thai husbands. What settlements were agreed on and how much the lawyer’s cost? Has anyone out there lost their case? Why? Also what other little nasties should I prepare myself for? I know he will fight for custody not because he wants the child but just to try and make me back down. I'd appreciate any advice on what can I do to make my child safe as possible with me and my case as solid as possible?

[monochaser]

I'm not sure about the custody thing but I don't think you have any rights to the assets being that they are in Thailand. Good luck

[meemiathai]

My advice (my belief only) would be to get the child back to the UK as soon as possible and deal with everything later.

I would leave the rest for other members who know much more than I do.

Just let us know anything you need here.

I'm sure many people will help here.

[monochaser]

That advice from meemiathai is outstanding; I agree 100% with him that you should get the kid out of the country quickly first and foremost

[Nam Kao]

I think you should remember you are not divorcing a Western male. It

wont take much to set this guy off. Violence is the norm here. 10,000 baht

can make "problems" go away if you know what i mean. Police wont care.

good luck and be careful

nam

[Farma]

A few little ideas before you go into a court divorce.

Try within reason to avoid the Thai divorce court system.

Expect the case to last at least 1 year.

Weigh up the advantages of offering a little extra cash to the other party for a quick Umphur divorce against the cost of a good lawyer.

Consider the time and stress factors involved in a contested divorce against a quick Umphur divorce.

CHOOSE A VERY GOOD THAI LAWYER. They are hard to find and generally avoid family law cases like the plague.

Establish an agreed fixed fee with your lawyer. This may cost slightly more, but definitely worth it in a drawn out case. Agree to pay a fixed amount to see the case through to the end. This amount should include everything associated with the case, translation fees, your lawyer’s travel and hotel accommodation, in-court translator fees etc with no time restrictions. Translation costs can exceed lawyer fees.

Expect to attend court for 1 day. (You will need a qualified translator with you in court. All questioning is in Thai)

Keep copies of EVERY piece of correspondence you make or receive related to the case. That includes bank transfers, payments etc. A diary of events from date of separation is invaluable.

Thai legal documents are F4 size. A4 foreign legal documents are accepted by the court.

Definitely expect every dirty trick in the book from the other party and their lawyer.

Any correspondence between wife and husband should be done through lawyers. Direct correspondence can be used by either party as an excuse in court to delay the case by showing the 3 year separation has not occurred.

DO NOT discuss matters involving your case using your usual email addresses.

Set up an email account under a fictitious name to be used exclusively for dealing with matters of your case with your family or legal representatives in your home country.

Always deal with your lawyer via fax or post. Email and phone conversations do get hacked in Thailand.

Foreign legal documents ARE accepted in Thai courts. They need to be notarized, translated by a qualified translator, legalized and stamped by the Thai consulate in your home country. Your lawyer will tell you what he needs.

Always trust your instinct when dealing with your lawyer. Sudden changes in his attitude may indicate he has been corrupted by the opposition.

Lawyers make mistakes too. Question them if you are not sure of a decision or strategy they suggest.

Expect private investigators to follow, video, hack and attempt by any means legal or not to gain information about you in Thailand and elsewhere. This includes subtle discussions with your friends and neighbors. Your children are an easy source of information.

If either party is living in a permanent relationship with another person during separation, the injured party can claim compensation from the new person in their separated partner’s life.

These were just a few points to consider.

Remember all cases are different.

[solo siam]

I'm not sure its a good idea for people to suggest that she kidnap her child and take her to the UK. She lives, works and was married in Thailand and she should abide by its laws - Not run back to the UK and hope they will protect her.

Also suggesting that her husband is going to kill her for 10,000 baht is pretty disgraceful, the OP married this guy and it may have not worked out but give her some benefit of the doubt in that she didn't choose a murdered for a husband.

My advice, Get a good Thai lawyer, you can bet that he probably doesnt - I'm sure you earn more than him and are the mother so its most likely custody will be awarded to you. You can claim his infedility as the reason for divorce as he is still with the woman (if he gave her up you couldn't) so I dont see any real problems. As a couple all of both your assets belong to the two of you, so I'm sure will be distibuted equally.

[GuestHouse]

My advice is get a good lawyer in Bangkok, the best you can afford and then go out after custody of the child above all else, I'll lay a pound to a penny that he will use custody of the child as a bargaining chip.

Get custody and get a signature on a life long permission to travel document (Hague).

If your lawyer believes you have a chance of obtaining a financial settlement then consider that as an option, but I think without a doubt full custody of the child is your first priority.

[GuestHouse]

Oh and if you go for a finacial settlement try to get a one off large payment rather than a continuing support agreement. The latter is not worth paper it is written on.... cash is king.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

That advice from meemiathai is outstanding; I agree 100% with him that you should get the kid out of the country quickly first and foremost

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Safest and easiest advice IMHO. Hit the toe for your homeland asap. Argue from a place you are safe and have support.

[Nam Kao]

>>>>Also suggesting that her husband is going to kill her for 10,000 baht is pretty disgraceful, the OP married this guy and it may have not worked out but give her some benefit of the doubt in that she didn't choose a murdered for a husband

Ever read a newspaper?

[chownah]

I think that mostly everyone here is jumping to conclusions based on things we've heard and experienced and not necessarily on the specifics of her situation. It is good for her to see the advice you are giving but I hope that she understands that some of the action suggested is extreme and might be warranted....but then again might not. Taking the child out of the country is an option but it has been pointed out that this is very much like kidnapping...and a point I haven't seen mentioned is the father's rights and the child's needs.....does a father have some right to help in the child's upbringing? does the child benefit from spending time with its father? We have heard only one side of the situation and actually have heard very little about it at all and nothing on the other side. It is good to inform her about her options but the tone of many of the responses is a bit too knee jerk in my opinion.

This is all we really know about the situation:

"I am from the UK and I’d like to divorce my Thai husband. We have a 2 year old child and have bought together land, house and cars in the South of Thailand. He is not willing to split any of it so it looks likely that we’ll have to settle in court. The grounds for divorce are adultery and he now has his young Thai girlfriend living with him in our house. Now I live with my daughter and work in Bangkok. "

If this was happening in the US or England or France would you suggest that she take the child to another country for safety? I doubt it. Read the following edited text and see what your advice would be:

"I am from Thailand and I’d like to divorce my English wife. We have a 2 year old child and have bought together land, house and cars in the South of England. She is not willing to split any of it so it looks likely that we’ll have to settle in court. The grounds for divorce are adultery and she now has her young English boyfriend living with her in our house. Now I live with my daughter and work in Birmingham. "

Edited October 16, 2005 by chownah

[Nam Kao]

>>>Ever read a newspaper?

For every one that makes the paper theres 100 unreported

[jackr]

I'm not sure about the custody thing but I don't think you have any rights to the assets being that they are in Thailand. Good luck

Not sure about that. Surely they'll look into who's been putting the money in and split the assets on that thinking. This is Thailand but they're not completely inept!

[lopburi3]

Adultery by a husband is not divorce material in Thailand. Only the fact he is openly living with GF will give you cause I suspect. And he can come back to argue that you have deserted him.

As with others I do not see much good happening in court and all kinds of negative repercussions if things turn nasty. As for the property it is in his name and was never yours so I would not expect to that to even be considered joint property by courts. I believe you have everything to lose by taking this to court (child I believe is your main concern) if there is any chance of settlement.

By all means get professional legal advise but do not expect the same entitlements you may have seen in the UK.

[jackr]

The 10k thing does seem to take the hassle out of it all, but maybe a bit suspicious given the circumstances.

[wamberal]

You are doing a sensible thing by asking for advice. Do you have any close Thai friends who are both well educated and worldly? They will give you the best advice.

From many years experience living in and observing life in Thailand, I would say that it is a man's country, and specifically a Thai man's country.

As a female farang, you are well down the influence chain.

I would be tempted to prioritise my needs, and act accordingly. Frankly, I wouldn't give a bugger about ethics, Thai law, or anything else. Thais don't seem to, frankly, when the chips are down.

You should do what is in your and your child's best interests. If you can re-locate safely and retain the ability to earn an income elsewhere, then it might be best to cut your losses and do that.

There was a case a few years ago when a non-Thai academic at Chula sacked one of his staff. The next day the guy turned up with a gun and shot him.

Bear in mind that what seems important to you is trivial to somebody of a different culture. And vice versa.

I would put the value of my life and child above all else.

[sunchild10]

Thanks for all the comments.

If I take the child and run then try to divorce him from another country he would say that I had violated his rights.

I have a good job here but I am looking for work back in the UK. Can’t really consider moving anywhere if I don’t have a job to go to, I’d also like to get this sorted, don't really want it coming back and haunting me in years to come.

Having also now spoken to a lawyer I know I cannot divorce him for adultery but I can for the fact his g/f is living with him. Although I moved away he was actually staying with his g/f before I packed up so does that mean he deserted me or would I have had to put up with that sh*t for over a year? Scarily the lawyer’s advice was also to get out of the country whilst I can because once I start court proceedings with custody case myself and child cannot leave the country. He said his fee would be around 100k-150k and that didn’t include court appearances which would be about 30k each. I forgot to ask him what would happen if my X just didn’t turn up to court, does anyone know.

I’d really like to be able to come to an out of court agreement but he won’t even pick up the phone. Despite him now being a compete tosser some of his family seem fairly normal so I might try to approach them.

I’d really like to just have him out of my life!

[Farma]

Sunchild10

IMHO

It sounds like you’re in for a long haul judging from your husband’s reaction.

If you go for the court option, you’re looking at your lawyer appearing in court once a month on average. It depends on how full the court appointment book is. I expect you won’t come out of this with change from 500k.

If your husband’s lawyer plays dirty, the number of court hearings will increase. Each time expect delays of a month or more. You’ll still be paying your lawyer to appear. Your lawyer will be rubbing his hands with glee.

Expect 12 to 18 hearings. You are only required to attend once. The hearings will be in a court house closest to where he lives. Your lawyer will need to travel there for each hearing.

The judges may call the husband and wife to the bench and attempt to mediate a deal prior to their accepting evidence from the parties involved and arbitration. Part of that mediation may include recommendations the husband pay a lump sum to the wife or child in place of monthly child allowances, maintenance etc.

Your husband can then appeal the courts decision. If that appeal is rejected, he can apply to the Supreme Court for permission to appeal the appeal courts decision and if granted, you are looking at a further 18 months to 2 years for a judgment from them. As a general rule, the Supreme Court upholds the appeals court decision.

I can’t offer advice on child custody as I have no experience.

I recommend you buy yourself a copy of the Thai civil code and read Chapter 26 Civil Litigation.

I refer to my earlier post regarding negotiating a fixed, all expenses included, fee with your lawyer.

I also recommend you seek advice from other lawyers prior to committing yourself to action. If possible, work out a deal with your husband. Sometimes it’s better to cut your losses and start afresh hassle free.

Each case and situation is different.

Good luck.

[camerata]

Scarily the lawyer’s advice was also to get out of the country whilst I can because once I start court proceedings with custody case myself and child cannot leave the country.

As far as I know, you can't take the child out of the country anyway without the written permission of the biological father. I had a friend in a similar situation and she ended up having to pay the husband for a divorce and later pay him again to get the children out of Thailand. Better check with your embassy or a lawyer.