lappami1 Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 any man who beats a woman is a coward and a loser. I can't see the connection. Brave and succesful men don't beat women? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 any man who beats a woman is a coward and a loser. I can't see the connection. Brave and succesful men don't beat women? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sucessful yes, brave no! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Good luck. I strongly suggest that if you are lacking in confidence, get some before you go into your next relationship and if your next relationship is with an Asian man, than show him that confidence, that assertiveness, that feistiness that will make him realize that you are one of us and can't be walked on. Go into the relationship believing that he is lucky to have you. Unfortunately it seems too late in the day to solve your current problem, but just remember that love isn't just blind - it is also blinding and your feelings for him could override the good advice you have been given by those who have replied and can see the situation from an objective point of view. Whoever hinted that this could end in tragedy was not joking either - it has happened before... Jealousy and emotion are not dealt with well by Thai men and the whole 'lose face' thing and a tendancy to bottle up emotions and also to drink has resulted in many a tragic ending before. No matter how much you love your job, don't take risks and get other Thai's on your side. Like I said, good luck and do keep us updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deus ex machina Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Good luck.I strongly suggest that if you are lacking in confidence, get some before you go into your next relationship and if your next relationship is with an Asian man, than show him that confidence, that assertiveness, that feistiness that will make him realize that you are one of us and can't be walked on. Go into the relationship believing that he is lucky to have you. Unfortunately it seems too late in the day to solve your current problem, but just remember that love isn't just blind - it is also blinding and your feelings for him could override the good advice you have been given by those who have replied and can see the situation from an objective point of view. Whoever hinted that this could end in tragedy was not joking either - it has happened before... Jealousy and emotion are not dealt with well by Thai men and the whole 'lose face' thing and a tendancy to bottle up emotions and also to drink has resulted in many a tragic ending before. No matter how much you love your job, don't take risks and get other Thai's on your side. Like I said, good luck and do keep us updated. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> So, there you have it: Barbara Cartland or Shakespeare. The choice is yours? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bkkmadness Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 I think what the OP needs to do is call someone from home, a close friend or family and ask some advice. It's all very well turning to a bunch of people on the internet and everyone I hope is here to offer you sound advice but really your obviously very upset and its at times like this you really do need to speak to someone you know well, and more importantly knows you well. Please call someone immediately and explain your predictment, don't feel ashamed coz before you might have gone about this guy being the 'perfect guy' or whatever, just get it done, I'm sure they can offer you much more support than any of us and I think it's what you need to do. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Very sensible advice cv I think what the OP needs to do is call someone from home, a close friend or family and ask some advice. It's all very well turning to a bunch of people on the internet and everyone I hope is here to offer you sound advice but really your obviously very upset and its at times like this you really do need to speak to someone you know well, and more importantly knows you well. Please call someone immediately and explain your predictment, don't feel ashamed coz before you might have gone about this guy being the 'perfect guy' or whatever, just get it done, I'm sure they can offer you much more support than any of us and I think it's what you need to do. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thaibebop Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 (edited) Spoken like a wife-beating piece of garbage. Lets meet up for a lesson you will not forget In Finland there is an old saying that you should keep your wife between the fist and the stove <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Edited October 25, 2005 by thaibebop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteShiva Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 any man who beats a woman is a coward and a loser. I can't see the connection. Brave and succesful men don't beat women? <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Sucessful yes, brave no! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> You beat me to it, Britmaveric. And a man beating a woman is not successful - at least not at the things that matters in life.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 I think what the OP needs to do is call someone from home, a close friend or family and ask some advice. I daresay she may have tried that already, but what could they do other than to offer emotional support and tell her to get out, come home, etc..etc.. It's all very well turning to a bunch of people on the internet and everyone I hope is here to offer you sound advice but really your obviously very upset and its at times like this you really do need to speak to someone you know well, and more importantly knows you well. If you need any kind of Thailand related advice, who you gonna call - your mum? That's why she, I assume, turned to us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lappami1 Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Let's make it clear not one beating is acceptable behaviour. I think there are differences in cultures. If Arab wife embarasses her husband in public it's not only acceptable to beat your wife but must. Otherwise no one respects you in that society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Let's make it clear not one beating is acceptable behaviour. I think there are differences in cultures. If Arab wife embarasses her husband in public it's not only acceptable to beat your wife but must. Otherwise no one respects you in that society. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I can't see the connection between that fact and this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 and doesn't actually make it right either, just another f*cked up country with bad womens rights Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 and doesn't actually make it right either, just another f*cked up country with bad womens rights <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Agreed!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Let's make it clear not one beating is acceptable behaviour. I think there are differences in cultures. If Arab wife embarasses her husband in public it's not only acceptable to beat your wife but must. Otherwise no one respects you in that society. I can't see the connection between that fact and this thread. Perhaps he is trying to justify a Thai man beating his wife? ie in this culture it is ok so therefor she should just live with it, or maybe he thinks she must have done something to "deserve" a beating because in Thai culture it is acceptable. Neither which is true. Yes, men beat their wives here, just as they do in the US, Canada, the UK and Europe as well as anywhere else in the world, for that matter. Just because some men do it doesn't mean all do and just because very few people get involved doesn't mean they think its ok. Just means that they don't want to get involved. A not uncommon attitude even in the US where up until the last 10 years or so the police didn't get involved in 'domestics'. So, lets cut all the high handed "farang men don't beat their wives" crap or the "thai men are all scum" crap and especially the "its a cultural thing" crap. None of which are helpful and all of which are hurtful. Most helpful is to (yes I agree) call home. There is nothing like family support if you have ones that give it. Second is to listen to (most!) of the advice given here. Get out while you still can. A man who beats you does not really love you, does not respect you and does not care about you. He cares about himself. Care about yourself and give yourself the respect you deserve. Leave him while you still can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph Posted October 26, 2005 Author Share Posted October 26, 2005 thanks for the sound advise guys, dont have much time at the moment, but will be back online tomorrow - been away and have a clear head. Bye for now (free inet up) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Girlfrombar Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 In Finland there is an old saying that you should keep your wife between the fist and the stove <{POST_SNAPBACK}> old saying in italy (my hubby said this to me) you shall never beat the women even with the flowers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lappami1 Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 and doesn't actually make it right either, just another f*cked up country with bad womens rights <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Agreed!! <{POST_SNAPBACK}> I think women's rights are still bad in most of the countries. In Scandinavia women's right are very good compared with some Southern or Eastern Europe countries not to mention Asia, Africa, South America... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 A man who beats you does not really love you, does not respect you and does not care about you. He cares about himself. Care about yourself and give yourself the respect you deserve. Leave him while you still can. Oh so true. I know I often argue the point that we are all animals and we try to believe we're not, this is proof that we all are. So although it may be a natural instinct in some respects to hit who you want, <deleted>, steal from and whatever else comes to the mind of one who doesn't want to fit into the civilised society we have created, it is not the way the majority of us human beings have chosen to work. There's been times I've had the urge to hit a woman but I've never done it. There's been times I've felt the urge to kill a man but I've never done it. This guy obviously has no auto cut off switch in his noggin. I think there are differences in cultures. If Arab wife embarasses her husband in public it's not only acceptable to beat your wife but must. Otherwise no one respects you in that society. It's the same with many Asian, especially middle Asian countries, but hey - they are all 'behind' us in terms of social evoloution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteShiva Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 (edited) In Finland there is an old saying that you should keep your wife between the fist and the stove <{POST_SNAPBACK}> old saying in italy (my hubby said this to me) you shall never beat the women even with the flowers <{POST_SNAPBACK}> So I guess we all now know the difference between Finnish and Italian husbands....... I my relationship, the tables are turned - my wife once told me that I should not fight back, unless I wanted to get hurt. Edited October 27, 2005 by WhiteShiva Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyinRed Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Can't believe this thread is still going - the logic of beating people up is pretty simple: that is, beating up your spouses/ partners is not an acceptable way of behaviour in a relationship, and is not the best way to solve any problems, regardless of which sex is receiving the beatings. I've also known guys (Thais/ farangs) who have pretty violent girlfriends. It still baffles me as to how they keep their relationship going despite all the shinanigans. As for lappami1, all I can say is good luck to your partner. I wish the both of you happinness for all eternity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph Posted October 27, 2005 Author Share Posted October 27, 2005 Well, I have been away for a few days, mainly shopping and picking up nice things for myself to make myself feel better (oh yep it helps!) Spent some good time on my own thinking about things. When I got back yesterday, he called me, so I told him I would like to meet him, but not in the house, somewhere public (not that that seems to make much difference to him) I told him its is over, we cannot stay together another minute as im a young girl and dont want to die. He sat there saying nothing at all, just tears rolling down his face. The only time he spoke was to say that he understands that we cant be together, as he is basically a nutter, so he knows the crack and knows what needs to be done. At one point he started bawling, saying what about me (him), what shall I do, where will I stay - which <deleted>*king annoyed me - he is Thai for gods sake, this is his country, deal with it, so I told him so. This was the point I decided I couldnt give a toss about the loser. And I realised that most of the time, I think I am just with him as I worry so much about what will come of him, as at the end of the day he is nothing and has nothing and will probably end up living on the street! (although he is also a lucky sod who always lands on his feet) He has offered to help me move house and find someplace new, but im not sure if ill take him up. He has also talked about leaving area, which I very much encouraged him to do. So now all is calm and we are clear with each other. Now I just need to be stong, not let him back in my life, and get on with being me on my own and with my independance. Ladyinred, that could the end of the thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Insight Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Hey Soph, great to hear (Funny how his true colours come out in the end). I wouldn't accept his help, just move on and part company. Give him any reason to linger and he'll jump on it, and God knows how that'll turn out eventually given his track record. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lappami1 Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 As for lappami1, all I can say is good luck to your partner. I wish the both of you happinness for all eternity. <{POST_SNAPBACK}> Through your wishes I see you think I'm for violence or I beat up my GF. I've been only saying that violence in relationships is very common and just to finish relationship because of violence is not so easy although you all very nice and non-violent people seem to think so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BambinA Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 I've been only saying that violence in relationships is very common <{POST_SNAPBACK}> ohh my goodness ..do you think so??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jai Dee Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Congratulations Soph. It appears your eyes have been opened just a little bit more to the true nature of your ex. Time to start writing yourself a new chapter in life. Good on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 good to hear soph & I wish you all the best. Let us know how you are getting on & good luck with the move. There will be more excuses for retail therapy once you have a new house so more positive endorphines from shopping to help you get over the break up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phibunmike Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 How refreshing that a thread like this has a happy ending (even if it doesn't seem quite so easy just now, Soph) Well done Soph, and now how exciting to start planning your new freedom - a new chapter in life's fascinating journey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gentleman Scamp Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 (edited) I do like happy endings and I don't usually expect to read conclusions here on the forum. Fair play Soph. Edited October 27, 2005 by The Gentleman Scamp Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 Insight is absolutely right, a clean break is needed otherwise you will never really be rid of him. Glad to hear you decided to do what's right for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meemiathai Posted October 27, 2005 Share Posted October 27, 2005 It's far from a happy ending yet! My advice for anyone leaving a person with a history of violence would be to do it secretly and without a trace rather than having a discussion. I should've posted earlier perhaps things would've been a little different. But I think the OP is in quite a dangerous situation. The calmness the guy showed is scary. I hope she doesn't end up in the News Forum. Are there any Women's rights organizations out there for her? As for lappami1's posts, I think he was merely pointing out facts which a lot here misunderstood as him condoning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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