Need Some Thai Womans Advice Here Please

[scorpio]

my wife is litterally driving me crazy with her mood swings, she is thai, i met her in pattaya ( x bar girl) at first everything was fine, she was outgoing and funny, after 5 years we have a beautifull 2 year old daughter. i have all my mney tied up in my wifes name in thailand, 2 houses and a car. i would leave her only for my daughter i dont want anyone else bringing my daughter up and treating her bad, my wife i think would be foolish and take any man who came along. she doesnt cheat behind my back or anything but she throws terrible tantrums and has a fiery vicious temper, it is allways me to go to her and say sorry even though it was her fault, she gives me the silent treatment for 4-5-6 days on end and it makes me go nuts. when she has her period it is really terrible every month, should i go away for a week to let her know what she wants from me ? shoud we go back to thailand and sell everything ? should i leave her for good and try get custody of my baby ?

im lost and need advice. thanks

[g00dgirl]

It's well possible that it is hormonal. I also suffered from such mood problems. I am very sure that it is also related to diet and exercise which again influences hormonal balance. In times where I exercise at least an hour daily and eat well (fruit, veg, unprocessed food, low fat and not many carbs and absolutely no sweets, nothing with sugar in it, chocolate at all these mood problems are completely gone and my entire attidute and stress level improves, it's incredible.

It's very hard to start such a routine unless the person really wants to and even then .. you probably can't do much more than suggest it to her. Maybe tell another friend or family friend of hers to also suggest it to her.

[Boo]

I'd get a full blood work done, make sure no hormone imbalance but I would also see about some councilling, often bg or ex bg have this terrible temper & aggression & imo, it is a way of expressing their anger at the life their have lived & the things they had to do or were done to them. I'm not a psychologist but I a a woman & if I found myself in that line of work through whatever reason it would mess with my head & emotions too, even if it isn't the reason it will help her manage & control the anger. Hope it all works out.

[kurnell]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

[sbk]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

Actually, in my 22 + years of experience in Thailand, speaking Thai and living among Thais I would have to say this is not true of my experience.

I agree with Boo: get counselling and hormone tests.

[Sheryl]

Is there any possibility she is using drugs? ("ya baa" and the like...)

[LadyHeather]

Do the mood swings only occur when she is having her period or do they happen at random times during the month? Do you notice a time of day when it is worse? How old is she?

[kurnell]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

Actually, in my 22 + years of experience in Thailand, speaking Thai and living among Thais I would have to say this is not true of my experience.

I agree with Boo: get counselling and hormone tests.

You need to get out more

[sbk]

lol yeah right.

[AngelofDeath]

my wife is litterally driving me crazy with her mood swings, she is thai, i met her in pattaya ( x bar girl) at first everything was fine, she was outgoing and funny, after 5 years we have a beautifull 2 year old daughter. i have all my mney tied up in my wifes name in thailand, 2 houses and a car. i would leave her only for my daughter i dont want anyone else bringing my daughter up and treating her bad, my wife i think would be foolish and take any man who came along.

At first, she was outgoing and funny. Did she display this mood swinging behaviour before your marriage or did she had this behaviour during the first 4 years of your relationship? Seems to me that you and your wife is having some serious problems. Also, I don't understand this part which says, "I would leave her... any man who came along." I'm interpreting it as, "For the sake of my daughter, I wouldn't mind leaving my daughter. However, you don't want anyone else to bring your daughter up for fear of her getting ill treated by "the newcomer". Also, you think your wife would be a fool if she takes any man who comes along. Am I getting it right?

Secondly, all your money, 2 houses and a car is tied up in your wife's name in Thailand. If she wants money from you, she already got everything. Moving back to Thailand seems like a bad move if she decided to dump you there. Also, it's obvious that your wife have you under her control. Please learn to be assertive and not being a pleaser.

Thirdly, you left out something important. You didn't say what you had done to improve the situation or her behaviour. Being henpecked is not a solution. Nothing was mentioned about having a face to face talk with her to find out her underlying concerns and issues. Since both of you are in another country (I suppose your native country), could the problem be difficulties in adjusting to new cultures or maybe she misses home, or maybe she has some medical problems. Have you brought her to see a doctor yet? Once again, not much details has been given regarding this. I don't see how leaving her alone for one week will help the situation. Communication is a two-way street.

Lastly, your relationship with her doesn't seems to be very strong if you can easily propose leaving her and fight for custody of the child.

[scorpio]

Is there any possibility she is using drugs? ("ya baa" and the like...)

NO SHE DOES NOT !!!!!! I AM NOT THAT STUPID

[scorpio]

Do the mood swings only occur when she is having her period or do they happen at random times during the month? Do you notice a time of day when it is worse? How old is she?

she is 34, it comes and goes at random, mostly every month but lots of times in between,

[ludditeman]

Is there any possibility she is using drugs? ("ya baa" and the like...)

NO SHE DOES NOT !!!!!! I AM NOT THAT STUPID

Amphetamine psychosis can be a permanent condition, years after drug usage stops.

[Samuian]

the teaser and the firecat!

get a medical check up, been through something similar - Dr.Jekyll as Mr.Hide effect sort of things... but turned out incureable, so I decided to bounce off fast, far and quickly!

Some ar just like it.... "moody" to excess, unable to communicate otherwise, just stuck with a tiny, fragile ego, hidden behind this wall!

Obsessed with the "I must win, I must win..." formula!

[bdw]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

I wouldn't say ALL, but a vast majority of them, at least towards their partner.

Actually, in my 22 + years of experience in Thailand, speaking Thai and living among Thais I would have to say this is not true of my experience.

I lived with several TGs in my 16 years in LOS & most of them had the same problems outlined in the OP at one point or another, so maybe you missed the mood swings by not living with a TG as a wife or LTGF.

[fletchsmile]

Scorpio,

Dmax had a very similar thread a while back, and his situation was very similar. Not sure if the link below will work. If not it's on page 2 of this section, with Mossfin last posting in July.

You're not alone, and it's pretty common. I'd say read that thread, and hang on in there, until the little one is ready for nursery/ pre-school, which may give you time to work thru things better between the 2 of you.

[Sheryl]

Is there any possibility she is using drugs? ("ya baa" and the like...)

NO SHE DOES NOT !!!!!! I AM NOT THAT STUPID

No need to yell. I ask because it has happened more than once that a poster with exactly your problem was unaware that hsi spouse was using.

One does not have to be "stupid" to be unaware of this. Drug abusers can be quite skilful at hiding what they are doing, and spouses and other close family members are not infrequently the last to know something like this.

But I'll take your word that you are certain this is not the case with your wife. In which case, and assuming these mood swings are severe and outside the range of what could be called normal, various psychiatric disorders need to be considered, including possibly PMDD, post-partum depression, and biploar disorder.

[andrewbkk]

"moody" to excess, unable to communicate otherwise, just stuck with a tiny, fragile ego, hidden behind this wall!

Obsessed with the "I must win, I must win..." formula!

Excellent post.

Been there, seen it, done it.

Most foreigners don't understand that many of these women really are moody, jealous, vindictive and controlling.

Like you say "tiny, fragile ego".

[RickThai]

scorpio,

I have been married to a Thai lady for 36 years. She is mostly a very sweet and caring person, however she does have a quick temper which can flare unexpectedly.

What I found out over the years, is that my wife internalizes things like worrying about her family in Thailand not having enough money, our grown son who hasn't made the best choices in life, work issues, etc.

This makes her seem moody at times, until I do something or say something, that causes her to explode. I generally just try to ride it out when that happens. Trying to talk it out with her using logic only seems to make things worse.

Also, being Thai, it is very easy to hurt her feelings by doing something that causes her to lose face. I've learned not to be critical of anything she says or does. Since I am an engineer, that is much harder than you might think.

As an example, last weekend my wife and I were camping and fishing. I had fished for about two hours in one spot, and although I had caught one fish (a catfish) when I first set up, the bites had stopped after a few minutes, and I had no more bites for over an hour and a half.

My wife had been fishing from the bank near where we camped.

I was just about to give up and go back to camp, when I looked up and saw my wife smiling at me. She had come to join me so we could fish together side-by-side.

Without thinking, I said, "This spots no good. I'm getting ready to go back to camp".

Instantly her smile vanished, and I could tell that my response had upset her. It took me a long while to make things right.

What I should have done was shown her how delighted I was to have her show up, and then continue to fish with her for a while until she realized the fish had stopped biting.

I had hurt her feelings by acting like I wasn't happy to see her.

Bottom line, is that it is very easy to hurt a woman's feelings, by responding in a logical way, rather than an emotional way.

Although, I try and talk to my wife if she is upset, the best that I can do is show her that I love her, and try to be thoughtful and more supportive in our daily life.

If I think she is worried about someone in the family, I might ask her a question about so-and-so, to try and get her to talk. Many times she'll then open up and I find out what's really worrying her. I seldom try and give advice (she doesn't like it when I do), but I do ask her more questions about what does she think we should do, if anything, etc.

As for your wife, she might be homesick or have other problems worrying her. If you can get her to see a doctor (not always easy with my wife anyway) or confide in a mutual friend it might give you some insight.

For a Thai, who may be used to living in an extended family group, living in another country can be boring and depressing, especially if she doesn't have a lot of friends (Thai and non-Thai).

I wish you both the best.

RickThai

[sbk]

Or you could have just said, there are no fish biting here darling, lets go find a better place together and made it a "we" issue instead of a "me" issue. Don't think her response to what sounds rather abrupt and exlusionary has much to do with being Thai or western.

And yes I have lived with Thai women, yes I know them quite well, I have lived in my community side by side with Thai women for 23 years. I speak Thai and hear the stuff they would never tell you. Please do not lecture me about how little I can know. What I do know is its a gross generalization to say they are all like this when it is patently not true. Really. All 33 million or so of them?

Yes indeed, some are, some are not. Personally, I find it is getting worse with the younger women who watch the violent tripe on Thai soaps and somehow begin to believe that that is the way they should behave. My 50 year old sister-in-law (who lived 2m away for 15 years) was never moody, never shouted or lost her temper or threw things and finds this kind of behavior absolutely appalling.

[RickThai]

Or you could have just said, there are no fish biting here darling, lets go find a better place together and made it a "we" issue instead of a "me" issue. Don't think her response to what sounds rather abrupt and exlusionary has much to do with being Thai or western.

..

sbk;

I'll try that next time (alhthough I never call her darling, my pet name for her is monkey-dear. Not a racist term but goes back to a time when we first went to live in Italy and she said, "We are two monkeys, all alone in the world."

And I agree that Thai women are a lot like all women, and aren't really that different from men in many ways.

But I do think that Thai culture plays a big part in how a Thai woman (or man) might respond differently than a westerner.

For example, I have found that (polite) Thai people will usually not say things to someone directly if they think it might embarrass the person (or cause them to lose face). They often will avoid admitting to things that would cause them to lose face as well.

Westerners are much more direct (admittedly sometimes to the point of being rude).

One of my wife's uncles has a daughter that (based upon inference) is working in Pattaya as a bargirl. No one in the extended family ever asks Naa Onk or Naa Luang about what kind of work the girl does. The fact that she works in Pattaya is all that is ever said with no questions asked.

In contrast, my neighbor's 14 year old daughter told me the other day that her older sister was working as a stripper. That statement would probably have never been uttered by most Thais.

Rick

Edited August 26, 2011 by RickThai

[spidermike007]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

That is a bit like saying all women have a temper. It is as far from the truth, as you could possibly be. It is a reflection of your rather unfortunate experience. I have known very even tempered Thai women, who would put the most even minded westerner to shame. My girlfriend of 6 years come to mind. She is very strong willed, fiercely intelligent, and can get a little hot once in a while. But, I know how to deal with that, and it happens rarely. She is incredibly rational. I realize I am very fortunate to find someone that even tempered. But, on the other hand, one must know how to deal with these moods. If you face heat with heat, you will get nowhere, and will live a life of misery. One must use a little wisdom.

[RickThai]

All Thai women seem to have a foul temper, x bar or not.

That is a bit like saying all women have a temper. It is as far from the truth, as you could possibly be. It is a reflection of your rather unfortunate experience. I have known very even tempered Thai women, who would put the most even minded westerner to shame. My girlfriend of 6 years come to mind. She is very strong willed, fiercely intelligent, and can get a little hot once in a while. But, I know how to deal with that, and it happens rarely. She is incredibly rational. I realize I am very fortunate to find someone that even tempered. But, on the other hand, one must know how to deal with these moods. If you face heat with heat, you will get nowhere, and will live a life of misery. One must use a little wisdom.

In my experience, Thai people (men and women) do seem to have a temper that can "flare up" without warning. Maybe, as a 'falong' I just don't see the subtle warning signals. My son (who is half Thai) also has a very quick temper. As for myself, I generally do a slow burn and make it pretty obvious I am getting pxssed, before going off.

I do tend to believe that genetics can play a part in an individual's natural propensity to having a quck temper, but I really don't have any real references or studies to back up that belief.

RickThai

[sbk]

I've seen Thai people "flare up" but its been after what has been a fair amount of provocation so I can't say it can really be considered "flaring" if they have tolerated a load of BS and then decided enough is enough. Everyone has a temper, but to suggest that all Thai women routinely go off their heads with a "foul temper" is more than a bit generalistic and speaks to me more of a lack of communication and understanding than it does about Thai women specifically.

[andrewbkk]

Everyone has a temper, but to suggest that all Thai women routinely go off their heads with a "foul temper" is more than a bit generalistic and speaks to me more of a lack of communication and understanding than it does about Thai women specifically.

How many Thai girlfriends have you had?

[sbk]

Everyone has a temper, but to suggest that all Thai women routinely go off their heads with a "foul temper" is more than a bit generalistic and speaks to me more of a lack of communication and understanding than it does about Thai women specifically.

How many Thai girlfriends have you had?

Puleeze.

[jubby]

My wife suffers pre, post and during Menstrual Tension. 3 weeks out of 4 she's a Dragon.

I suspect its not just Thai Ladies that suffer with it.

if its really that bad, then get away for a few days like I do.

Lots of Hormonal related Disorders too, which probably can be treated if ; and its a big IF; you can get her to the Doctors.

Otherwise just live with it and look forward to her change of Life when it may get decidedly worse . Now where's my Tin Hat and flak jacket