To Share Or Not To Share

[JurgenG]

If your wife earns a decent salary, do you expect her to share the common expenses ?

A recent debate among friends showed a clear divide between Thais and Foreigners, Foreigners go Dutch while Thais feel it's the husband duty to provide for the family and that the wife, if she chose to work, is entitled to keep her salary for herself. It seems it's a matter of cultural difference, different views of the duty and responsibilities of husband and wife in a couple as even Thai men seem to agree that the wife is entitled to keep her earnings for herself.

Do you have any experience in this domain ? What is your opinion

Edited September 26, 2011 by JurgenG

[robblok]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

[paulian]

As you stated in your post, I think this is a very cultural thing, I believe, especially in LOS. My opinion is that a family is a family and income should be pooled for use of the entire family. I know a number of Thai couples and families from working with the City. and ..... I know for a fact, they pool their money for the entire family. However, I suppose the issue is a Thai and Farang marriage and not a Thai married to Thai. I can see their reasoning, as you probably already know most Thai's mistakenly think we're all millionaires anyways and can always find a source for money if we run low. Wish that was the case.

[Thongkorn]

up to them, I provide for my wife , she has two jobs, she offtern pays for things by choice, its called being Married and not thinking about whats hers or mine.

[longstebe]

Share.

Money goes into the bank from both parties and you spend accordingly.

[robblok]

up to them, I provide for my wife , she has two jobs, she offtern pays for things by choice, its called being Married and not thinking about whats hers or mine.

What you say contradicts itself.

If there was no difference between what was hers and yours you would share. Now you say i provide for her and she pays some things by choice.

[Bangkokhatter]

Interesting subject, especially on here. Not married but was, my view was she should pay some bills as she was earning ok money, as I was earning more then I paid the lion's share. She did pay some bills, but I did get the impression she was not too happy about it

[robblok]

Interesting subject, especially on here. Not married but was, my view was she should pay some bills as she was earning ok money, as I was earning more then I paid the lion's share. She did pay some bills, but I did get the impression she was not too happy about it

Its only natural that the one earning the most would pay the most.

I would only pay to support an 18 yo drop dead gorgeous coyote dancer. Id call that renting. And would not expect that that is love. Just a rent agreement where she can live for free and get free food and such.

If your really a family then costs should be shared then you know at least its not a money thing.

[Moonrakers]

Share

If I had to treat the misses like a kid when it comes to money, she wouldn't be my wife.

[kerryk]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

[phuturatica]

I personally think you should share the incomings equally.

[Moonrakers]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

you make her pay 50%.

Make her pay? She might be delighted to be able to contribute.

What a horrid way to look at it.

[robblok]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

Ah someone who pays for girls to stay with him how queer. I knew you would come your a true defender of sex pats.

It makes me in a normal relation where everyone contributes to the relation. If i paid id feel that she is with me for money (as many girls are with older ugly guys). Now at least i know its not money that draws her to me. Its genuine.

You are looking at it totally wrong, she is just paying her share of expenses as is normal in a relation. If there are reasons for her not to work (taking care of kids ect.) The guy pays it all. But if she is able to work why not contribute ?

Look that you are trying to get a clean conscience about paying a girl of to stay with you and thinking because your such a "hansum guy" is ok with me. Don't let reality hit you to hard.

[MEGALITHIC]

There's reality and there's nonsense. Let's deal with the nonsense first:

Ninety percent of the guys coming on this site claim that they're in the perfect relationship with a Thai woman and money is never an issue.

Now the reality:

A relationship with an educated, financially self supporting, high income earning (by Thai standards) Thai lady = costs and living expenses can be shared.

A relationship with a lady with a limited education level from a poor background = you pay for just about everything.

Don't come on here and try and convince me that it's not so, because it aint.

[mca]

It's never entered my head as to how the contributions are split. Paying for stuff just happens from either myself or my wife automatically. For instance, last week our health insurance renewals dropped through the post and I said to my wife " If you're going into town just sort this out will you?" while later in the week I noticed the car needed a new set of front tyres so I just ran to the garage myself.

[lovelomsak]

Call me old fashioned but I still subscribe to the understanding a man is the bread winner and the wife is the caregiver.

So with that in mind when a man gets a good woman who will nurture him and take good care of him, he should in return pay the bills.My mother never had to work outside the home and I didnot grow up in Thailand

It bothers me guys come here and talk up how cheap it is to live here, then still want the wife to assist with home costs.

The only way I can see both sharing is if they are both young professionals and are persueing careers. In the average household a good wife can be kept quite busy just keeping things in order.

In my humble opinion if you really love the woman and want a good home life together, the woman should stay home and be taken care of by her husband.

[kerryk]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

you make her pay 50%.

Make her pay? She might be delighted to be able to contribute.

What a horrid way to look at it.

Robblok wrote, "If she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money." I don't know maybe she is delighted to be able to contribute although most Thai ladies I know keep their own money and hubby pays the bills. But the way Robblok states puts it, it seems like she does not have a choice.

[robblok]

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

you make her pay 50%.

Make her pay? She might be delighted to be able to contribute.

What a horrid way to look at it.

Robblok wrote, "If she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money." I don't know maybe she is delighted to be able to contribute although most Thai ladies I know keep their own money and hubby pays the bills. But the way Robblok states puts it, it seems like she does not have a choice.

Yes we all know in what kind of circles you travel. And yes you are right she does not have a choice, this is the kind of girl im after. One that is independent and can pay her own way so there is no need for her to stay with me for money. It will be an equal relationship (as far as any relationship can be totally equal). I will also let her have her own friends and i will have mine (novel concept maybe kerry). I don't need to be joined at the hip with a girl.

I don't need to attract them with money like a lot of guys. They do that to bridge the age gap or the difference in looks.

[kerryk]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

Ah someone who pays for girls to stay with him how queer. I knew you would come your a true defender of sex pats.

It makes me in a normal relation where everyone contributes to the relation. If i paid id feel that she is with me for money (as many girls are with older ugly guys). Now at least i know its not money that draws her to me. Its genuine.

You are looking at it totally wrong, she is just paying her share of expenses as is normal in a relation. If there are reasons for her not to work (taking care of kids ect.) The guy pays it all. But if she is able to work why not contribute ?

Look that you are trying to get a clean conscience about paying a girl of to stay with you and thinking because your such a "hansum guy" is ok with me. Don't let reality hit you to hard.

Robblok, normal in Thailand is the man pays the bills and if the lady works she keeps her own money. It seems normal to me also as my mother or grandmother never worked outside the home. Dad and grandfather paid the bills. What is normal to you is not necessarily normal to everyone.

Perhaps you did not understand what I was saying. I am not talking about an allowance. Most men in Thailand pay the rent, food, utility bills etc... (and to show you how generous I can be in a discussion lets not even say most but a large number of both Thai and Farang pay the household bills.)

In your case you are making (you said you would leave if she didn't pay) her give you money for the household bills because she is not young and attractive. You said, quote “I would only pay to support an 18 yr old drop dead gorgeous coyote dancer.”

[robblok]

Call me old fashioned but I still subscribe to the understanding a man is the bread winner and the wife is the caregiver.

So with that in mind when a man gets a good woman who will nurture him and take good care of him, he should in return pay the bills.My mother never had to work outside the home and I didnot grow up in Thailand

It bothers me guys come here and talk up how cheap it is to live here, then still want the wife to assist with home costs.

The only way I can see both sharing is if they are both young professionals and are persueing careers. In the average household a good wife can be kept quite busy just keeping things in order.

In my humble opinion if you really love the woman and want a good home life together, the woman should stay home and be taken care of by her husband.

It kinda depends of course, if there are kids at home that need to be raised i can see your point. If its just you and her, then i laugh a bit because there is not that much to be done in a house. I kept it clean and cant say that is a lot of work.

Also if my wife would only make a pittance money wise id set up a company (one that could succeed) so she could make her own money. Its more about making her independent and equal.

My mother never worked outside either but when it talk with her sometimes she wished she had. Would have given her a lot more self esteem.

Also if i were a pensioner and id be free all day i might think different about this subject. But we all know what kind of relations i am talking about.

[robblok]

Wife makes a decent income and we share if she did not id move on and look for an other. I don't need a girl staying with me for my money.

If i was a lot older as my wife and not good looking (comparative) then i might pay because then you pay for having her. If your in the same age bracket / looks department i feel sharing is normal.

But id share not 50/50 it is of course income dependent

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

Ah someone who pays for girls to stay with him how queer. I knew you would come your a true defender of sex pats.

It makes me in a normal relation where everyone contributes to the relation. If i paid id feel that she is with me for money (as many girls are with older ugly guys). Now at least i know its not money that draws her to me. Its genuine.

You are looking at it totally wrong, she is just paying her share of expenses as is normal in a relation. If there are reasons for her not to work (taking care of kids ect.) The guy pays it all. But if she is able to work why not contribute ?

Look that you are trying to get a clean conscience about paying a girl of to stay with you and thinking because your such a "hansum guy" is ok with me. Don't let reality hit you to hard.

Robblok, normal in Thailand is the man pays the bills and if the lady works she keeps her own money. It seems normal to me also as my mother or grandmother never worked outside the home. Dad and grandfather paid the bills. What is normal to you is not necessarily normal to everyone.

Perhaps you did not understand what I was saying. I am not talking about an allowance. Most men in Thailand pay the rent, food, utility bills etc... (and to show you how generous I can be in a discussion lets not even say most but a large number of both Thai and Farang pay the household bills.)

In your case you are making (you said you would leave if she didn't pay) her give you money for the household bills because she is not young and attractive. You said, quote “I would only pay to support an 18 yr old drop dead gorgeous coyote dancer.”

Different circles Kerry different circles. I am talking about girls that are educated and studied so they could make money. They are changing, not all of them of course but most are.

I seen it with all my friends and her friends, they share in the costs. No they are not Hi so Thai/Chinese girls.

I would only support a woman if there was a real big age gap and she was drop dead gorgeous. The point i make here is that it would not be a wife it would be a paid live in.

[robblok]

There's reality and there's nonsense. Let's deal with the nonsense first:

Ninety percent of the guys coming on this site claim that they're in the perfect relationship with a Thai woman and money is never an issue.

Now the reality:

A relationship with an educated, financially self supporting, high income earning (by Thai standards) Thai lady = costs and living expenses can be shared.

A relationship with a lady with a limited education level from a poor background = you pay for just about everything.

Don't come on here and try and convince me that it's not so, because it aint.

That is kinda it, but if the girl was poor id make sure she had some kind of better income.

But anyway its not really about this was more a swipe at the some kind of relationship. We all know the kind i mean. I dont mean everyone that lives together where the wife does not pay a thing.

[andrewbkk]

Not married but was, my view was she should pay some bills as she was earning ok money, as I was earning more then I paid the lion's share. She did pay some bills, but I did get the impression she was not too happy about it

I lived with my son's mother for more than ten years. I always encouraged her to contribute about 60% to routine expenses, while I took care of the other 40%.

I think this is fair because we foreigners accrue additional expenses from our businesses and travel/visa requirements.

That said, I took care of my son's school fees and managed the big ticket items such as furniture (and Burmese teak is far from cheap, by the way).

I paid a small deposit for the car, and she handled the monthly repayments by herself.

I think a 50-50 split is fair if you don't travel a lot and your children go to government schools. Otherwise, I think the woman should pay slightly more.

[IMA_FARANG]

Well, in my household it's not a matter of preference...it's a matter of necessity. I am retired, living on a pention, with 7 memebers in my Thai family (inclusing myself). Two Thai family members and myself are working now and earning money. So everyone had to put in what they can to the family expenses. Fortunately, we have no rent to pay as my Thai wife owns the house where we all live. That cuts the expenses down drasticaly.

Of course, I still put in the lion's share for the household expenses. But my wife's daughter and her husband both work and provide for their teenage daughter who is a student.

But for me, it's not a matter of choice, it's a necessity to share those expenses.

Edited September 27, 2011 by IMA_FARANG

[kerryk]

If you were an old guy you would pay but since you are young and attractive you make her pay 50%. I am guessing 20,000 baht a month.

Think about it a second before you jot down an angry reply. You are charging your wife 20,000 baht to live with you. What does that make you?

She could live with you for free if you were old and ugly but since you are not you charge her. Right?

Ah someone who pays for girls to stay with him how queer. I knew you would come your a true defender of sex pats.

It makes me in a normal relation where everyone contributes to the relation. If i paid id feel that she is with me for money (as many girls are with older ugly guys). Now at least i know its not money that draws her to me. Its genuine.

You are looking at it totally wrong, she is just paying her share of expenses as is normal in a relation. If there are reasons for her not to work (taking care of kids ect.) The guy pays it all. But if she is able to work why not contribute ?

Look that you are trying to get a clean conscience about paying a girl of to stay with you and thinking because your such a "hansum guy" is ok with me. Don't let reality hit you to hard.

Robblok, normal in Thailand is the man pays the bills and if the lady works she keeps her own money. It seems normal to me also as my mother or grandmother never worked outside the home. Dad and grandfather paid the bills. What is normal to you is not necessarily normal to everyone.

Perhaps you did not understand what I was saying. I am not talking about an allowance. Most men in Thailand pay the rent, food, utility bills etc... (and to show you how generous I can be in a discussion lets not even say most but a large number of both Thai and Farang pay the household bills.)

In your case you are making (you said you would leave if she didn't pay) her give you money for the household bills because she is not young and attractive. You said, quote “I would only pay to support an 18 yr old drop dead gorgeous coyote dancer.”

Different circles Kerry different circles. I am talking about girls that are educated and studied so they could make money. They are changing, not all of them of course but most are.

I seen it with all my friends and her friends, they share in the costs. No they are not Hi so Thai/Chinese girls.

I would only support a woman if there was a real big age gap and she was drop dead gorgeous. The point i make here is that it would not be a wife it would be a paid live in.

I understand what you said my only query is why are you making her support you? I am not talking about an allowance but contribution to the household expenses.

Thai women are a market and Farang men are a market. There are different segments of the market, some upscale and some downscale.

An attractive educated Thai women can assume that she will have a man who pays the bills especially if it is a Farang.

I think you are thinking like a Farang and not a Thai. The Thai men I know pay the food and rent.

To be sure not all but a majority. I live with a Thai Engineer I pay the rent and utilities, I always have both in Thailand and the West.

I would suggest if you can't pay the household bills that you can't afford a wife in Thailand.

[lovelomsak]

Kerryk if I may I would like to add one more thing to this staement you made

"I would suggest if you can't pay the household bills that you can't afford a wife in Thailand. "

I would suggest if youcannot afford pay the household bills you cannot aford a wife anywhere.

[kerryk]

Kerryk if I may I would like to add one more thing to this staement you made

"I would suggest if you can't pay the household bills that you can't afford a wife in Thailand. "

I would suggest if youcannot afford pay the household bills you cannot aford a wife anywhere.

With very few exceptions I would agree with you. It seems to be a source of pride for some men here to talk about how much money they can get out of their wives and they blow off the obvious that that is not really the norm.

[Forethat]

Clearly, this is a matter of cultural differences. Problem is, many Farangs doesn't know which culture to apply, and an all fairness who can blame them? Is there a rule somewhere that says you have to live according to Thai culture because you married a Thai national..? What if the couple moves to Farang-land, does the culture preference change...?

[Bangkokhatter]

The statement KerryK made about the Thai women and Farang man being a market is utter crap, they are the same as woman the world over. 1 size cannot fit all in this topic. Sure if you are married with children it's likely the wife will stay at home and the man will take care of all bills. But if both people are working then why should the lady not contribute to bills based on a % of her earnings.

Can't see why culture should effect this. Say you are earning 100,000 baht and she 50,000, would you pay all the bills of say 50,000 ( example ) and not expect her to pay anything ?

I like AndrewBKK 's style, but not sure I'd have the balls to adopt it

[JurgenG]

Clearly, this is a matter of cultural differences. Problem is, many Farangs doesn't know which culture to apply, and an all fairness who can blame them? Is there a rule somewhere that says you have to live according to Thai culture because you married a Thai national..? What if the couple moves to Farang-land, does the culture preference change...?

It seems the rule is that it's the culture of the country of residence that applies. We have many friends, mix couple Thai/western, living abroad, in "farang land", UK, Canada, Australia ... and they usually live according to western culture . For couple living in Asia, Thailand but also neighboring countries, Thai rules apply.

I think it has to do with peer pressure. It's more easy to have someone accept a culture when all the neighbors share the same rules.