A Tale Of 3 Thai Chicks

[saxpirant]

About a year ago I went through a divorce, and in Australia that can be severe, financially. Whilst I didn't have to look for a cheaper place to live, I thought it would be desirable, and since I'd spent quite a bit of time in Thailand over thirty years, but only on vacation, I thought it may be a possibility. I've been a lurker here for quite a long time and observe that the positives from expats living there seem to outweigh the negatives. I'm 60 yo and retired, and still well off financially despite the bust up.

With a plan, I decided that I might start by looking at Thai women whom I have always found very attractive, and places I may consider living. I have to say at this point that it was women who got me into this mess, or probably more accurately, my association with women. I've always liked Chiang Mai, so thought with an established expat community, it may be the place to consider, but had never gone east previously. I resolved that I would look at establishing contact with women in CM and also over Udon way and check out Udon and Nong Khai at the same time.

I registered with TLL 6 months ago, and was flooded with offers. I'm not the best looking guy in the world, maybe a little above average, depending on who's giving the opinion, so was surprised to be inundated with offers from women as young as 19 through to 60's. I don't pretend for a second that I would be attractive to a 19 yo here, so why would I be there, other than for money?? I am a realist. My target group was 35-50 (and even 35-40 is a touch on the low side), had to be attractive, slim, sexy, and speak at least some English. I discarded anybody too young or who didn't otherwise fit the criteria, and over some months established dialogue with about 20 possibles, and another 10 who would be nice to meet if I had time, and a few weeks back, I launched for Thailand.

The first I met was a 42 yo divorced with 2 teenage kids, living in Bangkok, not exactly the target area, but she's in business for herself, and said she would have no difficulty in moving the business anywhere she chose to live. She fitted all the criteria, sharp dresser and elegant woman, spoke better English than I'd been prepared to accept (although it had improved dramatically over three months I chatted online with her), was good company. When I raised the subject of assisting her family and that it wasn't part of my culture, and therefore wouldn't be prepared to get involved, her response was, "I see", which indicated that she probably wanted that but may be prepared to forego it for a good man. She took me to restaurants that she could, or maybe would, never afford herself, but that was OK, they weren't expensive for me, and she enjoyed one beer, and only one. Overall I thought she had possibilities and a good relationship could have been established over time. She was over the top possessive and wanted to spend every minute with me and constantly quizzed me over "how many Thai ladies you have."

The second was in Udon, 25 yo (way younger than I wanted to consider) and very, very attractive, a farm worker. I'm not elitist so considered what I may have in common with a farmer and resolved that it was probably little, but I do know a university lecturer who is married to a cleaner and it's survived a long time, so nothing was impossible. She'd been married and deserted a year ago and had a 2 yo son. There was a surprise on the English speaking front. Her sister had been messaging me because she couldn't speak much English, and whilst I'd seen her on Messenger, the headset was broken so she couldn't converse and had to type. I also know a guy in Darwin who became fluent in another language because his wife was having difficulty with English, so this was still a possibility. We managed with the communication issue. What astounded me was her capacity for food; she was like a catepillar, never stopped eating, although she'd order and then leave half or more because she was full, so I'd finish it off for her. We'd have breakfast, and by 10 she'd be ordering again. What was more of a concern was that she stopped at almost every dress/shoe shop, looked at me with those beautiful doe eyes and would ask 'money'? Over the five days I was with her I probably spent $150 on clothes and shoes, but this was all part of a fact finding exercise for me. Almost fortunately, she came down with a heavy cold on day 4, so wasn't shopping on the last day. Additionally on day 1, she announced that her cell 'phone had no credit so needed a top up which I covered. She then borrowed my 'phone a dozen times a day to report back to her sister. Gifts had to be bought for her mother and father also. When I put her on the bus the day I left, she again looked at me with the big eyes and asked for money which she didn't get. She was possessive beyond belief and asked me a few times how many Thai gf's I had. There was even some evidence that she'd gone through my bag and found the printout with pics of those I'd chatted with on TLL.

The third, in Chiang Mai, was a mix of the first two, 39 yo, been married and divorced but no kids, a very attractive woman also, and had near perfect English. She intimated that her parents needed, or would need, some help, and seemed put out when I said it wasn't part of my culture and wouldn't be happening. She was an office worker, earned about B8000/month and constantly gave hints that she really wanted to be spoiled by her man, and that could only mean financially. She took me to restaurants that she wouldn't normally go to, but once again, this was fact finding mission and there is a cost. . She was possessive also, but not to the same degree as the first two.

Now you might think this is joke about the boss interviewing three applicants who were all eminently suitable so which one did he choose? The one with the biggest tits. It's not. That's not only because they were all like fried eggs, but because I didn't have to choose any. This was reconnaissance.

On my last night in Udon, with # 2 down with the flu in bed at the hotel, I went out to eat and got chatting with a guy who was running a food stall in the market, an Iranian who had been in Thailand for 15 years and married with a family. I'd commented on him not being Thai when I ordered so during a slack time he sat down and struck up a conversation. It was though he knew my mission and told me of the hassles his wife had been causing wanting to keep the entire family and how he never had any money as a consequence. This, he said, was the way it was in Thailand, and if you want to live in Thailand and take up with a Thai woman, then you'd better accept it as a way of life. His view was that the best thing to do was live there, but don't take a partner, just hire one in when you need one. That doesn't suit everybody of course, and some of us need, and need to make, commitment, to feel fulfilled.

It seems to me that 'love' in Thai society is very much money oriented, and the T shirts that proclaim "No Money, No Honey" aren't far wide of the mark. I'm not a tight ar$e, and can take good care of a partner, nice house, clothes and travel, but have difficulty with the concept of keeping the hangers on. Assist when required with a loan but on condition it be repaid would be the way I would go. Normal gift giving is part of the deal.

I haven't decided on whether I will make the move or not, and don't have to, but think it might be a good thing to do, at least for a few years.

I just didn't have time to chase up any more on my list, and a group of three could never be considered representative, so I'm interested in what TLL members have to say, their observations on successful relationships with Thai women, and anything else they may feel like offering.

Edited October 11, 2011 by sbk
no need for a detailed description of your sex life,thanks

[Renoir]

Hi,

I meet a few women when I was in Thailand for a month and I also had a feeling that money was very much on their mind. I did meet them online before meeting them in Thailand just as you did. Maybe that was our mistake. Maybe it is possible to find better love offline while living in Thailand. This is just a supposition. Maybe you have a better chance of meeting a nice Thai lady if you learn Thai.

Renoir

[TheWalkingMan]

Good story and good luck in your search.

[poanoi]

Most men have chosen to just rent a gf a few hours as needed, it's cheaper.

[ludditeman]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

There is no law that says you have to support their entire families, but their children and mother doesn't cost much and makes it a fair deal.

Just exclude everyone else.

Edited October 11, 2011 by ludditeman

[saxpirant]

The girls that spoke English have been rented many times before.

TLL is 90% working girls.

There is no law that says you have to support their entire families, but their children and mother doesn't cost much and makes it a fair deal.

Just exclude everyone else.

That's a broad brush you use ludditeman. I don't believe that any of the three were 'working girls'. They all had jobs, and didn't ask for payment in the same way a working girl does. I have been wrong before though.

I have no difficulty with assisting with keeping kids if a woman with whom I for a relationship has them. It's the extras I have difficulty with.

As an aside, I found it astounding that each was prepared to have sex without condoms. Not for me, and a jacket went on in each case.

Edited October 11, 2011 by saxpirant

[ludditeman]

As an aside, I found it astounding that each was prepared to have sex without condoms. Not for me, and a jacket went on in each case.

No condom is the norm.

Don't say 'they had jobs' until you have turned up UNEXPECTEDLY at their work place and seen them working. Working girls who pretend not to be working girls are tricky.

The one in CM might have been legit, the other two weren't.

Most real jobs are long hours six days a week, unlikely that they could get time off to hang with you for a week. So how come they had all that free time?

Edited October 11, 2011 by ludditeman

[stardancer]

OP, You have almost the same story as me in Australia.

I met my wife on TLL and we have a son and living back in Australia. So my addvice would be to you is forget TLL and just move there and over time & establish a circle of friends both Thai if you can and farang. You will meet someone for sure, some one who is not desperatly looking for a farang...

I have also learnt by my own mistakes and that is to get some one as close to your own age as possible, forget about your rating system if you want a life companion. Just take your time, there is no hurry.

Good luck anyway..

[Checker]

Totally agree with stardancer. I have been married for 12 years and met my wife in a Bangkok restaurant back in 1998. She was dining at the table next to mine. We have lived in Thailand and Australia and she also refuses to financially support her family . . . (until we win lotto that is).

[sbk]

OP edited, You know, we really DON'T need a detailed description of your sex life. You may find it fascinating but it is certainly not appropriate for this forum.

Keep it clean

[brewsterbudgen]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

[IanForbes]

As an aside, I found it astounding that each was prepared to have sex without condoms. Not for me, and a jacket went on in each case.

No condom is the norm.

Don't say 'they had jobs' until you have turned up UNEXPECTEDLY at their work place and seen them working. Working girls who pretend not to be working girls are tricky.

The one in CM might have been legit, the other two weren't.

Most real jobs are long hours six days a week, unlikely that they could get time off to hang with you for a week. So how come they had all that free time?

You touched on a very real problem when meeting legitimate, office working girls. I've met several that I might have struck up a longer term relationship with, but their job came before romance... unless the MAN was legit. Most men want sex without complications. The normal 6 day a week job working 8 hours a day doesn't leave much time for romance. Many Thai girls/women ARE practical. Money IS important.

[robblok]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

Im so surprised that Thai girls want a relationship with a farang without totally refusing the farang culture. No wonder so many relations fail.

How about both make some compromises.

I dont finance my wife or her family, and would not do that for any girl. But then again i only want girls that are financially independent. No need to buy love with money that way.

Edited October 11, 2011 by robblok

[kerryk]

Obvious answer. Go back and meet a lady with larger breasts.

[johnnyj]

surely its the same as everywhere else? you can play the "lottery" with online dating and hope you find the right person, or you can do it like its' done everywhere in the world and meet through a circle of friends. I'll note, I'm not knocking online dating here, I have friends both male and female who have met their partners through online dating and are very happy, but also have heard many a horror story as well (and some very funny ones) interesting that you put out there, you're not interesting in helping out the "hangers on", I know in my culture its certainly the right thing to help out your family when they need it, if you can... that may not always be monetary (in fact sometimes its letting them face the consequences of their actions), seems a bit brutal to me that you come out and tell them on what is effectively a first date you have no interest in supporting the family, but maybe I'm misreading it, and theres certainly an attraction to getting all expectations out in the open in the beginning...

[ludditeman]

ludditeman, the CM and Bangkok women both had full time jobs and I visited both at their workplaces. I also visited the home and farm of the one outside Udon. They first two didn't hang out full time, they continued working, the one in Bangkok has a clothes shop that opens for only three hours a day five days a week, catering to office workers during lunch rush. The one in CM works in the office of a travel agent, not a travel agent herself, but office worker, and she does work 6 days a week, and I have no doubt that the one in Udon is really a farm girl, quite muscular, and works on her parents' farm so time off wasn't an issue. Maybe I was just lucky getting three out of three who weren't on the game, or just maybe I was the victim of a con. We may never know. What I do know is that I didn't come home with something I didn't want.

The key is UNEXPECTED visits to their place of work, all the girls without jobs have friends with jobs who will allow them to 'pretend' to work there for a while.

Plenty of pretend hair salons, beauty shops, somtan stalls that only open when a potential foreign boyfriend is in town.

Jobs on the family farm don't count, they can come and go as they please, it's not a real job.

You have to come and live here for a few months if you are serious about a relationship.

Guys who pop over for a few weeks invariably end up with girls running a string of sponsors.

[saxpirant]

thanks for further clarification ludditeman.

I did call on the Bangkok and CM women, unexpectedly, at their workplaces, and it was legit. You did say that the most legit to you was the CM one, but earlier that those who speak the best English would be hookers. She spoke the best English by far, almost perfect, even knew the difference between 'practice' and 'practise' (Americans disregard).

I hear what you say about the farm girl, so we may never know on that one, but she certainly looked the part.

It seems the best policy would be to take them on a case by case basis, plenty of research, skepticism and cynicism, and hopefully make an informed judgement at the other end??

Edited October 11, 2011 by saxpirant

[JohnnyFeelIt]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

Culture? lol.. How many Thai guys would put up with that sh1t?

[ludditeman]

thanks for further clarification ludditeman.

I did call on the Bangkok and CM women, unexpectedly, at their workplaces, and it was legit. You did say that the most legit to you was the CM one, but earlier that those who speak the best English would be hookers. She spoke the best English by far, almost perfect, even knew the difference between 'practice' and 'practise' (Americans disregard).

I hear what you say about the farm girl, so we may never know on that one, but she certainly looked the part.

It seems the best policy would be to take them on a case by case basis, plenty of research, skepticism and cynicism, and hopefully make an informed judgement at the other end??

But I quite like hookers for girlfriends and long time partners.

Usually very honest, upfront and skilled in bed. Just get one that knows you know.

Thai culture

As far as I can see if you were to fully accept it as the way to go, it would involve learning to beat the shit out of your gf whenever you got drunk. Then using hookers whenever you had enough money to pay for them.

Edited October 11, 2011 by ludditeman

[johnnyj]

I think you are hanging out with the wrong crowd of Thai men, if beating their wives / gfs is acceptable behavior.

Or I'm blissfully naive.

[GreenSnapper]

You just met 3 chicks.

Meet and bed a hundred and you will have some experience here. Stay out of the bar scene but internet dating isn't as bad as some here claim. Always get much younger girls as you will regret it later otherwise ( just observe the forum postings from the bitter moralist guys). Ideal age is 25-35.

[eslteacher]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

Those girls are not what you'd call traditional thai girls. They are most likely working girls who are solely out to meet foreigners so they can get provided for. Nothing to do with accepting their culture because that isnt part of their culture.

[saxpirant]

johnnyj, there is a lot of merit in laying cards on the table, i.e., if I'm not prepared to support family, then it's best known early, just as if she doesn't do oral, it's best established early. Sorry sbk, but had to use the example.

When these things are established early, there can be a lot of time and anguish saved at the other end.

I'm seeing conflicting opinion on best ages relative to the man's, whether beating is acceptable or not, and others. incidentally, beating a woman (or a man for that matter) is not acceptable to me, drunk or otherwise..

I've noted over the years that women from different Asian countries are desperate to find a foreign man, but reasons differ. SE Asian countries, it's often because they want better (financial) circumstances. I found when I was living in japan that many Japanese women wanted a foreign man, but because they are treated so badly by Japanese men.

Keep it coming. I'm enjoying the reading.

[brewsterbudgen]

I find it astonishing that anyone would want to have a Thai girlfriend/wife but refuse to accept their culture and use this as a condition of the relationship. Totally selfish and I'm not surprised at the OP's lack of success.

Those girls are not what you'd call traditional thai girls. They are most likely working girls who are solely out to meet foreigners so they can get provided for. Nothing to do with accepting their culture because that isnt part of their culture.

Rubbish. The need to take care of your parents/family is part of Thai culture.

[thaimate]

After 22 years ,my best advice is come over here ,set yourself up and wait untill you meet the right woman ,not all Thai women are looking for a money tree ,only the poor ones(and i dont blame them )just take your time and look around ,otherwise your hand will always be in your pocket.

[dingerbel]

This is the way it should be done, just like in your own country. The amount of blokes who turn up wanting this and that and have a "criteria" will only leave dissapointed.

Personally I met my wife 12years ago in Kuwait, it just happens she is Thai, didnt matter to me, I liked her because she was who she was, beautiful with the personality to match. I have never paid a penny to her family and they have never asked, I have taken them on holiday and bought meals, but really that is it.

Its not all about money, it really isnt, but if you are with the people that dont have any...it's going to be!

OP, You have almost the same story as me in Australia.

I met my wife on TLL and we have a son and living back in Australia. So my addvice would be to you is forget TLL and just move there and over time & establish a circle of friends both Thai if you can and farang. You will meet someone for sure, some one who is not desperatly looking for a farang...

I have also learnt by my own mistakes and that is to get some one as close to your own age as possible, forget about your rating system if you want a life companion. Just take your time, there is no hurry.

Good luck anyway..

[zzaa008]

I've noted over the years that women from different Asian countries are desperate to find a foreign man, but reasons differ. SE Asian countries, it's often because they want better (financial) circumstances. I found when I was living in japan that many Japanese women wanted a foreign man, but because they are treated so badly by Japanese men.

Keep it coming. I'm enjoying the reading.

I used THAIFRIENDLY.COM. It works.

But I didn't use the site for window shopping or as a kind of Ebay or Amazon. I used it as a tool.

I figured that I wanted a girl aged 32-35.

Any younger than that, and the age difference is too big.

Any older than that, and there may be problems starting a new family.

I wanted a woman with children. There is a huge difference between women in their early thirties who have children and women who don't.

I wanted a woman who is university educated; I wanted a woman with a good job.

After chatting to these women on Thaifriendly, I invited them to be friends on Facebook. This is an excellent way to get to know people better.

I dated three women.

The first was greedy and had a bad attitude.

The second was cheap and slutty.

The third was perfect.

My tips

1. Never date Thai women who drink or smoke

2. Never date Thai women who have more than 1 foreign friend on Facebook

3. Never date Thai women who shave their vaginas

[ludditeman]

I agree with 3, my gf says only hookers and ex-hookers do that.

I agree with your choice of ages too, early to mid 30s is good for reproduction.

I would add

Don't chase fertile women if you have had a vasectomy or don't want children.

Don't chase women that can already speak English.

Edited October 11, 2011 by ludditeman

[saxpirant]

Rubbish. The need to take care of your parents/family is part of Thai culture.

So what's the deal if you can't do so, insufficient income, etc. If you can't, you can't, but what happens? Are you ostracized from the clan, punished, just regarded as a loser, what?

[zzaa008]

I would add

Don't chase women that can already speak English.

Why do you say that? I think you are wrong.

There are lots of educated women here in Thailand who speak wonderful English.