Just got inspired from a previous post of mine....What would be the golden rules that anyone here would offer first timers to Phuket?

Mine are

(Being an Australian)

1) Dont Change money in Aus

2) Dont use Tuk Tuks or Jetskis

3) If it looks too good to be true then its a bloke

Never deal with an Expat owned company here.

Lie, cheat and steal better than any thai.

5) He who has the Gold - makes the rules.

6) Welcome to Thailand, your welcome to an opinion....but it wont make any difference

7) After your holiday in Thailand and you think you can become a millionare here on your return...come as a billionare

Dont believe the smiles!

Never deal with an Expat owned company here.

Lie, cheat and steal better than any thai.

I have to disagree - not all expat owned companies are like that! You get good and bad owners from all races so just be careful who you work with.... sorry if you had a bad experience but dont taint the rest of us!

Don't fall in love.

1. Have a good time--- you're on holiday

Never let your stupid, drunk friend wonder into a taxi stand at 1:30 AM.

n) Bigger vehicle has right to go first on cross roads

wrap it in rubber .....

Trust no one

If she may be a ladyboy then she is.

Even if you need to get downstairs quickly, don't jump off a balcony -- use the stairs.

Golden rule for first timers to Phuket would be... don't go to Phuket !!!!

Never rely on a taxi to have change for a 1000 Baht note. Carry small notes for bars and taxis.

Always agree on the price of beer before commencing a drinking session with five mates

If she may be a ladyboy then she is.

I thought that was covered in rule #3

Post flaming another member removed. Please keep this topic civilised, thank you.

Don't take any wooden 5 baht pieces.

Be polite. if the local doesn't understand, yelling will not facilitate comprehension.

Set a good example by not littering or tossing cigarette butts on the beach.

Never ever say you are wealthy. It is not important to impress the bar or hotel staff.

Try and leave a donation for one of the reputable animal charities (e.g. soidog, gibbons, Royal sponsored wildlife rehabilitaion). The people that they employ and the good that they do spreads goodness.

arrive early at the airport during peak travel times. It's a zoo at checkin.

If she may be a ladyboy then she is.

I thought that was covered in rule #3

1. Beware the huffing and puffing of farang Thai defenders – humour them and trust your own judgement.

2. Thai television soaps are mind numbingly dreadful, but they will inform/educate you as what it will be like should you choose to have a TGF and associate with her family.

3. Patong to the airport is possible in 18 minutes.

4. Never steal another man's rhubarb.

5. Cover up on the beach – flabby sunburnt tits, ones that look like old witches leather purses or rotten apples will offend the locals and make the soi dogs howl for hours on end.

6. Understanding Thai phrases:

"I no work bar – I only hab work cashier" - I work bar.

(insert your own here...)

you are not a handsome man ....

7) After your holiday in Thailand and you think you can become a millionare here on your return...come as a billionare

Yep after coming here since 89 and spending in time about 11 years the best way to make a small fortune here business wise is start with a big one ,I've heard so many "sob story's" about farangs who came here with good intentions only to finish up broken in body and soul ,just too bad most think with what is between their legs and not their ears :lol:

Beware the huffing and puffing of farang Thai defenders – humour them and trust your own judgement.

2. Thai television soaps are mind numbingly dreadful, but they will inform/educate you as what it will be like should you choose to have a TGF and associate with her family.

3. Patong to the airport is possible in 18 minutes.

4. Never steal another man's rhubarb.

5. Cover up on the beach – flabby sunburnt tits, ones that look like old witches leather purses or rotten apples will offend the locals and make the soi dogs howl for hours on end.

6. Understanding Thai phrases:

"I no work bar – I only hab work cashier" - I work bar.

(insert your own here...)

I think Ive seen rule 6 before in Falangland..."im a receptionist in a brothel" or "I only strip to get through university"

6. Understanding Thai phrases: (cont.)

“No Hab” - oft quoted and usage varies; essentially ‘not available’, even if the required object/task is plainly visible in front of you both. Pushing the point home will only result in a most fearsome bout of sulking from the respondent and the possibility of a good kicking for your troubles. Forget about it, buy a mirror and gibber quietly to yourself.

“Phet nit noi” (spicy a litta bit) Thai humour here and the dish on offer is to be treated with grave caution. Partake only if you’ve an asbestos coated tongue and have medical insurance that covers colon transplants.

If her lips are moving, she's lying.

never stop for an accident unless you are directly involved...you will get blamed for it...also giving directions is confusing enough in English...let alone on a telephone to a Thai emergency services operator....leave that to the locals

Don't sound your horn or give the finger to that idiot driver who suddenly decides his vehicle should occupy the space your currently in.

He could have a firearm and considers he has reason to use deadly force.