Thai Funerals, Bizzarre !

[prakhonchai nick]

On the contrary Banzai. I think we all wish to enjoy now what our Thai relatives have in store for us when we go.

[cardholder]

You know when there's a load of old people on a Forum, they have an obsession with death and funerals.

mai chai, Banzai - I have an obsession with LIFE - death and a funeral signals the end of it.

[otherstuff1957]

I've been to two Funerals in Thailand so far. The one was for a student at my school who died of cancer at age 7. The other was my wife's 97 year old Grandfather.

Grandfather's funeral does sound rather similar to the OP's experience, however, we only had to pay about 12 or 15K. There was actually a bit of a confrontation about this, as her oldest uncle, who hosted the funeral wanted everyone to pay more, but the other uncles said that as he inherited all of the property (about 100 rai or so of farmland) he should pay the lion's share. In the end, he agreed and the uncles and some of the older cousins all coughed up the above mentioned 12-15K. This was down in Nakhon Sri Thammarat, so the uncles and cousins weren't a bunch of happy, smiling Issan guys, they were a bunch of tough, grim, unsmiling fellows who looked like pirates.

The only really unusual part of the funeral came from the fact that grandfather was unusually tall for a Thai man of his generation (about 5'10 or so) and so his coffin wouldn't fit into the crematorium. After we carried it up to the door to the crematorium, an old fellow who had been carrying a saw got to work and sawed off the last 10 or 15 cm of the coffin! (we'd open it up and someone (not me!) had pushed his feet up out of the way of the saw ) We then pushed the shortened coffin into the room & turned off the gas.

My avatar is the door to the crematorium. If you look closely, you can see a little orange dot in the center, which are the flames visible though a little peephole.

[onionluke]

I was informed , on another thread recently , that the wats only partially cremate the dead and the bones are left mostly intact .

[snader]

Thanks for the detailed story. Its good to know how it can be.

[cardholder]

I was informed , on another thread recently , that the wats only partially cremate the dead and the bones are left mostly intact .

The bones are often retained and placed in the walls of the wat, dispersed at sea or just kept in the house.

It always find it amusing after the ashes have been laid out, and adorned with clothing, to see the clamour to try and find a piece of bone. You are considered very lucky if you find a tooth.

[HerbalEd]

Ah huh! exaggerated truth I'm sure.

Actually, it sounds about right to me.

[scorpio]

The funeraltok place in that kanto, kalsin province, my wife's family are poor farmers. 70℅ of people there I had never seen before in my 6 years in the village, yes free food and whiskey all round and free cinema, music and dancing kept the spongers and cling ons in my garden 24/7. I was surprised to see one neighbour there drinking because 4 years previously my wife told me she sent her father 30,000 baht and he had the money in his pocket ( probably showing off) and this neighbour was said to have stolen the money out of his pocket while he was drunk, I told my wife to tell this guy to get off my property but she said Mai pen rai 'I not want problem ' anyway stories over now and as I say it was just my expirience and I'm sure not all Thai funerals are like this. Btw. I would rather go the Thai way with singing and dancing than the uk way where u go into the cold ground with everyone standing about moping :-)

Edited November 27, 2011 by scorpio

[scorpio]

I was informed , on another thread recently , that the wats only partially cremate the dead and the bones are left mostly intact .

When we went to collect the bones most were still very much intact, even his clothe he was wrapped in still hadn't burnt properly, so maybe the monks removed his skull etc as I didn't see it funny enough, I wondered what they would have done with it. We the family all to turns and washed his bones then we each picked one out and put them in an urn for family to keep.

The bones are often retained and placed in the walls of the wat, dispersed at sea or just kept in the house.

It always find it amusing after the ashes have been laid out, and adorned with clothing, to see the clamour to try and find a piece of bone. You are considered very lucky if you find a tooth.

[IAMHERE]

Thanks OP for letting us know how it went down. I think I can handle the money pressure better if I know what is coming. The shock if you aren't aware beforehand of all this would be a lot to take. Thanks for the time and effort on your part for letting us know so that we will at least be prepared for something similar. Often it isn't the money so much as the unexpected method.

[scorpio]

Thanks OP for letting us know how it went down. I think I can handle the money pressure better if I know what is coming. The shock if you aren't aware beforehand of all this would be a lot to take. Thanks for the time and effort on your part for letting us know so that we will at least be prepared for something similar. Often it isn't the money so much as the unexpected method.

Thanks iamhere, that's what this forum is all about :-)

[prakhonchai nick]

I was informed , on another thread recently , that the wats only partially cremate the dead and the bones are left mostly intact .

The bones are often retained and placed in the walls of the wat, dispersed at sea or just kept in the house.

It always find it amusing after the ashes have been laid out, and adorned with clothing, to see the clamour to try and find a piece of bone. You are considered very lucky if you find a tooth.

I would regard that as morbid rather than amusing Cardholder.

Never hang around for the actual cremation - leave with the rest of the herd. Certainly don't come back to pick over the bones!

[onionluke]

I was informed , on another thread recently , that the wats only partially cremate the dead and the bones are left mostly intact .

The bones are often retained and placed in the walls of the wat, dispersed at sea or just kept in the house.

It always find it amusing after the ashes have been laid out, and adorned with clothing, to see the clamour to try and find a piece of bone. You are considered very lucky if you find a tooth.

I would regard that as morbid rather than amusing Cardholder.

Never hang around for the actual cremation - leave with the rest of the herd. Certainly don't come back to pick over the bones!

Yeah , come to think of it there is a bit of some old venerated uncle in one of my wife's amulets, a bit of his forehead , skull as I remember .

[kokesaat]

The morning after my mother-in-law's funeral, the monks performed a short ceremony at the cooled off crematorium. The tray was pulled out, a monk used his hand to shape the ashes in the rough form of a human body. Baht coins were places at strategic body locations. The monks chanted some prayers. The ashes were scooped up for the family to take home. Only small remnants of bones remained.

Several years ago, I took some young American students to the Ban Chiang museum. After touring the museum, I took them next door to a temple to explain a few things about temple customs. As I was showing them how Thais place the ashes of their loved ones in the wall pillars of the temple, I noticed that every jar was exactly the same.....every jar was a Nescafe Gold jar with the label removed.

Finally, the pièce de résistance of the 50++ Thai funerals I've attended: The monks finished their chants. The coffin was carried to the top of the crematorium. The top was removed and coconut water was poured over the body by family members. All attendees dropped incense/candle/flowers on the now closed coffin. The coffin was placed inside the oven, but the door remained open. From a distance of probably 30 meters or more, a wire had been strung between the inside of the oven and to a remote area of the parking lot. Someone lit a rocket that traveled along the wire, into the crematorium and the rocket lighted the funeral fire. The door was closed and a series of rockets exploded overhead. Most impressive!

[Soboringtochooseaname]

People die, it's just normal right ? So why having to fly there ? Has it been useful ? Thai are not even sad when someone die, so no need to play their game !

[ALFREDO]

-Cardholder- good said about the circumstances

"Actually, i am no longer sex-starved and delusional - I am enjoying the best sex of my life and my money is going further than it ever did"

-Scorpio-

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

I know that such Isaan funerals can be same you wrote and can go a bit out of hand. More civilicised-also easy possible.

Anyway, I tried not to be involved in all the funerals and marry partys in the village.

Paid respect to the Grandfathers coffin and body and went immideately back to my ladys house-my rented place.

Nobody comes there as it is Falang rented property and I have big European dogs.

Edited November 27, 2011 by ALFREDO

[bobbysan124]

My lady's mother passed away earlier this year. She asked me for very little. As has been stated, people and approaches are different.

[David48]

Tomisaan, the post was to give people an understanding of what its like to go through this, just my expirience, I'm not saying for one minute all Thai funerals are like this, its you who is spitting the dummy, some negitive are****les on here, you sem to be angry with life, go take your anger out in the ring like I do and be a man instead of slagging people off behind a computer screen :-)

Hey Scorpio +1 ... thanks for sharing your experience and I agree, that is what this Forum is good at.

From the experiences of the others, yours was an unusual event but it's good to know what to expect in all circumstances.

For my part I've only been to one Funeral, and that was by chance because I was visiting the son of my gf's sister at the Temple and a Funeral was of a distant relative and accordingly, the family, including myself attended the ceremony. All very sedate during the day.

Things seemed to liven up at night time though and a few of the boys had a spirit of a different kind in them and keen to practise their English ... or most likely a new drinking buddy who will 'come to the party' (excuse the pun) with the whisky ... fortunately I was saved by the gf and her sister.

We revisited the same Temple a few days later and it was the actual cremation ceremony ... I was never asked for any money ... all they asked for was my respect.

Edit (post script) ... I did read somewhere once that a guy made it a practise ONLY to date girls who were orphans ... think of the reduced obligations!

Maybe a bit extreme ... but also maybe he was onto something!

Edited November 30, 2011 by David48

[norrona]

So sorry for the OP's inconvenience. Not a mention of his wife's father...you appear to be a very selfish person, "my t.v, dvd, money, etc." Take your own advise and stay living where you are since Thai culture doesn't suit you at all.

The father of my wife died last year and the funeral lasted seven days. On the last day there was a parade to the Wat where he was cremated.

At the funeral there was alcohol and tons of people, family & friends, all helping with cooking, etc. There were loud speakers & live music (Mualam) with no one getting out of hand at any time...I knew my father-in-law for more than twenty years and he rarely spoke. He worked hard everyday in and around the rice fields and he will be missed by many..

q

What are you on? I'm a very selfish person? Maybe I'm just not a bufallo!!! Don't have a clue what your on about ' my TV, DVD, money etc ' please explain yourself since you know so much about isaan culture, I'm waiting.

Explain myself to someone who "doesn't have a clue" ? This forum is getting worse by the day with "clueless", selfish and insensitive people. oh, forgot to include 'crybabies' with hair triggers. It appears you're incapable of any basic understandings of Thai culture so 'keep waiting' and complaining. You come on to a world wide forum and cry about a couple days of inconvenience and a few quid to "inform others"

can't wait for the book.....'All things Thai and the culture as explained by Khun Tomissan' I bet you do refer to yourself as Khun as well!

[norrona]

Scorpio well done for sharing with us this experience, my wife is one of these 'poor farm girls' that most on here like to sling muck at and talk down....so now I know what to expect as and when.

But I definetely won't be buying or building any house in her village :jap:

[Mosha]

The bit that gets me is at all the funerals I've attended, including a military one. Is the unseemly stampede to look at the body when they are preparing the body for cremation.

[haveaniceday]

How true is it that the wealthiest family members have to pay in Thailand?

Nothing to do with this chaps family, just a general question?

[vpi78]

As far as the "show" or "movie screen" goes, for Isaan funerals that is often a summary of the person's life, their "story" more or less in pictures.

For my mother-in-law that involved my wife and her 4 sisters preparing a PowerPoint show from all of the pictures they had collected over the years. There were hundreds of them and it was pretty entertaining the first few times seen, but it was put on a loop and ran continuously and was not as interesting the 10oth time.

I did learn more about the old girl from that PP show than I had the previous 6 years I had known her.

[pgs]

I've been to two funerals in our village - both I would prefer to have not happened. Wife's youngest sister a few years back and her mum last year, both of whom I was very attached to - and still am.

Little sister's was the worst for the family, as she died in Korea & her Korean husband didn't even want he family knowing she was sick, let alone dying. We found out she was in hospital through some other locals working in the same factory who made a very strong & much welcome effort to contact the family about it. After she died, none of her papers, belongings or ashes would he allow the family to have. Word came out later he remarried within a few months - paid for with the help of a very large insurance payout.

All we had to send off were some photos & clothing. We keep the memories.

Mum had been mostly paralysed following a series of strokes over a few days about 4 years back. She died last year a week or so before her birthday.

During the warm months, she stayed at her home, being moved to ours for the wetter ones. As we are not there as often as we'd like, either place was lonely for her during the day - even with a stream of visitors & helpers each day. One Thursday morning last September (2010), she asked to be taken home. Within 4 hours, she was gone.

Both of these resulted in rush flights from Sydney, followed by a seemingly longer-than-usual bus to Chaiyaphum, then the trip to the village.

I'm not sure if there was insurance within the family for little sister, but I know there was for mum. Both funerals went for a few days, with mountains of people, food & drink. In neither case was I asked for money. I was asked to "push the button" to start mum's fire. That I was not able to do. If it had been the first MiL, no problem at all - but not for this one.

For my funeral, well assuming I can be found I'm happy enough to be croc or shark food. They have to eat too.

To the misery-guts' on TV - don't bother flaming with the usual "doesn't happen" posts.

Just beacuse something doesn't happen to/for you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to/for others.