Rugby Jokes

[cdnvic]

How can you tell the referee's dressing room from the others?

The sign on the door is in Braille.

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Overheard on the touchline: "He's an honest referee alright. Once he's bought, he stays bought."

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Why do rugby players like smart women?

Opposites attract.

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Rugby player in Chinese restaurant:

"Waiter, these noodles are a bit crunchy."

Waiter: "That's because they're the chopsticks, sir."

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A man went to the doctor one day and said: "I've just been playing rugby and when I got back I found that when I touched my legs, my arms, my head, my tummy and everywhere else, it really hurt."

So the doctor said: "You've broken your finger."

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There's a man sitting in the front row at the Rugby World Cup Finals, but amazingly, there's an empty seat beside him. Another man spots it, goes up to him and says: "Do you mind if I sit here?"

"No, not at all," replies the first man. "It's my wife's seat, but she died recently.."

"So why didn't you get one of your family to come," asks the second man out of curiosity.

"They're all at the funeral."

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The club president, coach, a prop and a wing are taking a charter flight to the national Finals when the engines cut out.

The pilot enters the passenger compartment and says, "We're going down. There's only four parachutes! Since I'm the pilot I'm taking one," and then jumps from the plane.

The coach says, "Without me the team won't have a chance, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out.

The winger says, "I'm the fastest and smartest man on the pitch and without me the team can't win a game, so I'm taking one," and he jumps out of the plane.

The club president looks at the prop and says, "You take the last parachute. The team needs you more than it needs me".

The prop grins and shakes his head, replying, "We can both take a parachute. The smartest man on the pitch just jumped out of the plane with my kit bag on his back."

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During one International match, the referee found himself constantly being barracked by one particular member of the crowd. This spectator shouted, "Oi, ref- that was a foul! Are you blind or something!"

Feeling fed up, the referee strode over to the stands and yelled, "What did you say just then?!"

"Blimey!" commented the spectator, "he's not only blind - he's deaf as well!"

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Rugby player: "Doctor, doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror - I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?"

Doctor: "I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect."

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"Sorry for missing that penalty kick, Skipper," said the loose-forward to the captain after the game. "I don't know what went wrong - it was such an easy shot! I could kick myself!"

"I shouldn't bother," said the captain acidly. "You'd probably miss!"