Collingwood Sucks

[cdnvic]

A bloke on his way home from work comes to a dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself, this traffic seems worse than usual. He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window.

"Officer what's the hold up?"

The officer replies: "It's a Collingwood fan, he's just so depressed about losing to the Lions, being knocked out of the grand final, and the prospect of winning f***k all after raving on all year, he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire.

I felt a bit sorry for him, so I'm walking around taking a collection for him."

"Really?" says the executive "How much have you collected?"

"So far," replies the policeman, "only half a gallon, but a lot of people are still siphoning."

=========================

Little Johnny was in his prep school class when the teacher asked

the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical

answers came up; fireman, policeman, salesman, politician. Johnny was being

uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father's an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes

in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer's really

good, he'll go out with a man, a cheap room and......

The teacher hurriedly set the other children to work on some colouring

and then took Little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about

your father?"

"No," said Johnny, "My father plays football for collingwood, but I was

just too embarrassed to say"

===========================

Q: What is the difference between Collingwood and an arsonist

A: An arsonist would never waste 22 matches

===========================

Einstein goes to a party. He walks up to a bloke and says to him "What is your IQ?". the bloke replies "250". Einstein says" Thats good, we can discuss physics, the universe and similar topics". Later he walks up to another person and poses the same IQ question and recieves a reply of "200". He says "Wonderful, we can discuss maths, law and politics". Sometime later he asks another person what his IQ is and the latest bloke says"50". Einstein replies, "Oh, how is Collingwood going?"

===========================

Did you know the toothbrush was invented in Collingwood?

Yeah, if it were invented anywhere else they would have called it a 'teethbrush!"

[Nickerelastic]

What is Collingwood?

Edited November 24, 2005 by Nickerelastic

[cdnvic]

What is Collingwood?

People at the trophy shop are always asking that.

Collingwood is a ne're do well team of malcontents who play in the Australian Football League, and are supported mainly by the residents of a crime ridden, rat-infested suburb of Melbourne, and others who inexplicably aspire to be like them.

cv

[Nickerelastic]

Thank you for your speedy response.

[cdnvic]

Thank you for your speedy response.

We aim to please.

cv

[Nickerelastic]

Thank you for your speedy response.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

We aim to please.

cv

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you got a twin

OOOooooooooops you were using The Royal Weeee

[cdnvic]

A man walks into a bar in Melbourne's CBD. Turns out, this is the first bar in Australia to have a robot bartender. The robot takes the man's order, and pours a perfect cocktail, mixed to the exact right porportions.

"Here you are sir." The robot says befor inquiring "What is your IQ sir?"

"210" the man replies.

The robot then makes appropriate conversation with his customer. "Tell me sir, do you really think that Einstein's theory of general relativity can ever be proven?"

A little while later another man enters the bar, makes his order, and the robot pours a perfect pint with just the precise amount of head required.

Again he inquires, "What is your IQ sir?"

"120" says the man.

"I see." says the robot, "Do you think Howard will serve out his full term, or retire to give his successor a better chance to build a following before the next election?"

Shortly afterwards a scruffy man enters the bar, orders a shandy which the robot makes as perfectly as one can.

"There you go sir." said the robot as he set the shandy down. "What might your IQ be?"

"46" the man replied as he grabbed a straw for his shandy.

"I see." the robot replied, "Who do you think Malthouse will start on Saturday?"

[Pink Mist]

and the worst thing about the woods, the president "eddie everything". I have eddie blocking on my TV which switches channels automatically when he comes on.

[cdnvic]

and the worst thing about the woods, the president "eddie everything". I have eddie blocking on my TV which switches channels automatically when he comes on.

I do miss the footy show though. If only for Sam's man in the street interviews.

cv