Tales From The Hotel Trade

[mca]

A number of us on the forum are (or were ) in the hospitality trade and, if my own experiences are anything to go by, have a shedload of funny tales to tell. I'll start the ball rolling and please feel free to add your own.

About a decade ago I worked in one of the international 5 star joints in BKK and every morning there'd be a HOD and managers meeting with the GM where the various departments would update him about anything that had happened overnight.

When it came to the security manager's turn he relayed this incident.

In the early hours the signal board in the security room had lit up showing that one of the fire exit doors on the guest floors had been opened. One of the security officers had been dispatched to check it out and had discovered an Indian guest of about 40 in the fire exit stairwell "pleasuring himself".

Turns out he'd been in a disco and had become rather excited at the sight of all the young Thai girls.

When being told that what he was doing wasn't acceptable he explained that he couldn't use his room because his father was sleeping in there.

The GM and myself had admirably managed to control ourselves while the security manager gave his rather stern faced report up to the point where the poor security manager, obviously having gleaned it from a dictionary, referred to the onanist's actions as " misterbating"

All semblance of blank faced politeness went out the window as both myself and the GM cracked up.

To use the well worn phrase" I could write a book...." on what I've witnessed.

[simon43]

I could relate a few stories ...

On second thoughts, I'd better not

Simon

PS - Are we referring to funny stories about the hotel guests, or about the hotel staff??

[bkkjames]

Are referring to th or any hotel in the world. Come on, give us a few good local stories!

[mca]

Staff or guests simon - all welcome

I'd like to keep it to Thai hotels james so we can hopefully keep it in general and not relegated to the pub. Seems to get more hits here.

Another one that springs to mind was a room attendant, upon entering a room inhabited by 2 Middle Eastern gentlemen, discovered a steaming great turd sitting dead in the centre of the living room. Upon their return and after being confronted by the front office manager who informed them that they'd have to pay for a room clean up, fumigation and loss of earnings for the room being closed for a few days, loudly proclaimed their innocence and insisted the room attendant must have done it.

bizarre

[autan]

A few years ago, I was the Assistant Manager of a hotel in the Lake District (England). At around 10am on my shift I recieved a phone call from a distressed young lady, who required medical attention.

Its seems she awoke from her slumber and went to the WC to pee, in her haise, she slipped and fell on to the toilet brush. The handle of the toilet brush had entered her anus and she was too embarrased to call 999 so she called me. I advised her that these thing happen all the time and that she should remain calm, take deep breathes and wait for medical help to arrive.

I raised the alarm and she was taken to hospital where the offending item was removed (it was never returned to the room) and she was free to leave, with her bill settled by the hotel management.

As far as I am aware she made a full recovery, sadly she never rebooked.

[DocN]

I was on a hotels inspection once in a very well known 5star- property [details removed]. Accompanied by the FO manager, I was shown the rooms, the restaurants etc.- with the exception of the lead in- category (i.e. the cheapest one).

To all of us in the travel business, this "cheapest" category is of some importance, because-let's face it- most of our clients book them.

The FO manager said that he was sorry, the only room available in that category, had not been "made up" as guests just checked out an hour ago.

I told him to nevermind, because just to get an impression of the room, I wouldn't need to have straight bed sheets. It went back and forth 2 or 3 times and I got the feeling, there was something involved, he wouldn't like to mention.

So I firmly told him again, to please show me the room, I really wouldn't care...so he said "Sir...you don't understand! The guests that checked out were Japanese!"

And he was right: I didn't understand! I still wanted to see. After all: how bad could it be.

He finally lead me to that room...and I swear to god: I have never seen such destruction! This room needed a complete make over, including a new bed (as it was broken down) and a new TV (as it was smashed). I asked the FO manager, if the customers were part of a rock band and he answered, they had been a "normal couple"!

I will never ask a hotel again, to show me a "not yet cleaned room", if the customers were Japanese!

(No racism here...I know by now, that it could have been Russians, Indians, Koreans, Chinese, Thais....etc...by now)

[bonobo]

I have a friend who worked as a butler at one of Phuket's finest hotels, and they are supposed to research each returning guest to see what they ordered for food before, what they did, what time they got up, etc. One of her customers was a well-off western gent from Hong Kong who would check in with a Hong Kong movie star for a few days at a time. When he booked again, she set up the room for him and included the special things his companion liked for the bath and such.

When the front desk told her he had arrived, she waited just inside the front door of the cabana for him. As he walked into the open door, she wai'd and started welcoming back him and his companion, only seeing as she came out of her wai that the companion was not the companion, but an older Chinese lady. She halted right before saying "back" and chaged it to just "Welcome, Mr. so-and-so." The guy hurriedly introduced the woman was his wife. Without missing a beat, she welcomed the wife, saying it was great that both of them were staying. She started showing them the cabana, and when they were looking at the private pool, she faked a message and went into the bathroom, where she threw the things she had gotten for the girlfriend and the little welcome note out the window. Then she finished showing both of them the cabana and asked the wife what personal spa things she wanted for the bath. The waiter arrived with the guy and his girlfriend's favorite drinks, so she then had to send him off, much to his confusion, and she apologized for the waiter getting the "wrong cabana."

Later the guy told her that he had planned on coming with his girlfriend, but when his wife found the reservation, he told her it was a "surprise" trip he had wanted to take her on. My friend never told me, but I imagine her tip for the stay was pretty good.

[GrahamF]

There once was a guy who refused to put his room service tray outside his room door for easy pick up, he told management that he had paid for the room service and should not have to take the tray to the door and he was also saving somebodies job. The biggest problem though was that he was far too important to let anyone come into the room and disturb him and he insisted that the maid could remove the tray when she cleaned the room after he had left for the day, he called down later that night complaining of a rotten food smell in his room.................

[mca]

We had a guy once who threw an astray through the TV after an argument with his girlfriend and was quite adamant that he didn't have to pay for the damage because he'd " already paid for the room"

[guru]

Riff Raffles - Days in the life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

by Kevin Meacher

A hilarious read about the author's hotel in Pattaya.

[doggie888888]

Riff Raffles - Days in the life of a Pattaya Hotel Owner

by Kevin Meacher

A hilarious read about the author's hotel in Pattaya.

I believe there was another account of shenanigans at a resort which made it to the bestsellers list. I think it was called Hotel Babylon.

[James3113]

Worked hotel reception/security in 2 hotels. We had a refined man often stay with us and check in with 2 large suitcases for the weekends only. He was well dressed and a tall, broad fellow.

A few hours later, he would come down the stairs all made up as an elegant woman. Head to toe, all immaculate and dashing!

[scorecard]

Several years back I stayed at a 6 star in Kuala Lumpur, booked by my client who had arranged the most expensive suite possible which included a personal aid, on stand-by and supposed to be at the door within 3 minutes.

On arrival I was ushered with haste to my suite for the check-In process (in fact just my signature). But after one hour the personal aid / butler had not come, meanwhile I was getting late to attend an evening meeting. All attempts to get the normal lobby staff to come and get the signed check-in form were fruitless. I eventually took the form to the lobby when I left for the meeting. I explained that I had been waiting, no attempt at an apology.

About 3.00am on the second evening I woke up with unbelievable pains in my side and I fell off the bed. I slowly got to the phone and called the operator and said "I'm quite ill and I can't get up from the floor, how can I get to a hospital?" Answer "Take a taxi" with an immediate hang up.

I called again several times but nobody answered. I slowly got dressed and very slowly made my way to the lobby. Plenty of staff around but nobody made any attempt to give any help and it was obvious I was in pain and needed assistance.

Standing all bent over I asked the concierge for a taxi to a good hospital. I went to the hospital.

Next morning I called my own office in KL and told the local manager the situation, this was just before being taken to the op. room to have my gall bladder removed.

When I came back from the op. room there were about 5 managerial staff from the hotel waiting for me with more flowers etc., than in the local market. They were all full of 'sincere' apologies. I told them to disappear quicksmart and take their flowers with them.

Bottom line - the hotel was blacklisted by my client (who had used it very often in the past), and blacklisted by my own company, in every country in SE Asia.

[maidu]

My first trip to Thailand, in the late 80's, I was lucky enough to share a hotel room with a lovely Thai woman, who was also a teacher. Before getting intimate, she would take several minutes making sure the curtain covered every tiny space of the window (for privacy) even though we had a room at the top of the guest house, with a view of nothing but sky and trees.

I asked her whether she was worried that birds, or a passing airplane might see us kissing.

[BookMan]

My GF told me that just last week a tour rep came to her hotel to look at rooms that they would be booking their clients into. The hotel was full so apologies were made that they would have to show the rep a room that hadn't been cleaned yet.

The manager escorted the rep to the room and entered without knocking, interrupting two guests, who had checked in 20 minutes earlier, in the middle of having sex.

Guests checked out an hour later demanding a refund. Not sure what the tour rep thought.