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Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship


theblether

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The problem with that if ones moves to a Western country she is going to meet a lot of handsome, young, successful guys and might decide that she can do better in life with very little effort on her part.

Maybe bring her to the Phillipines where there are enough seedy Western losers hanging around to make an average fellow seem a little more attractive and it might even be cheaper to live than here.

isnt this an admission that you have nothing to offer a woman but money?

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Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

Absolutely x 2 true. Worse thing any farang can do AND get her a farang passport. angry.png

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its not an insult when someone states facts and people indentify themselves in the negative category. In fact they would feel good about my message if they had worked on themselves during their lives. Some people strive at being better human beings and some other save all their lives to buy a wife here and then comment on how everyone else is in the same shoes as them just to make themselves feel better by lowering everyone to their level in their mind/internet.

Top #1 reply is the "other thais will teach her how to become sucessfull without you".. What? what kind of people are you guys marrying lol.

Edited by thaiIand
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Have you noticed that some Thai women learn to enjoy farang food – sometimes almost straight away , sometimes over a period of time – and others never like it and will only rarely eat it, if at all, and only then when they have no other choice.

It’s the same with us – some of us love Thai food and can eat almost anything, others can eat it occasionally or take or leave it and still more will rarely, if ever eat it.

I honestly believe that much of this is due to the person’s state of mind, and whether they are open to new tastes and new experiences or whether their mind remains completely closed; they know what they like and they are simply not prepared to try something new and experiment.

Whether or not farangs embrace Thai food or Thais embrace farang food, at the end of the day – in their heart of hearts – they will invariably prefer the food they were raised on, rather than the food the learned to enjoy in later life.

A similar situation arises on whether or not a Thai lady would be prepared to embrace a new life and culture on the other side of the world. Some will reject the notion out of hand, some are prepared to give it a try and a few will be chomping at the bit to get over there.

Once there, the same thing happens again; you will get the full gamut from loving it, to loathing it and everything in between. I once knew a Thai woman in London who had been living there, without any trips out of the country, for over 20 years, yet barely spoke a word of English. She was completely immersed in the London Thai community and worked as a cook in a Thai restaurant and had no interest in straying outside of it.

I knew of others who worked in offices, factories, and hospitals and were well assimilated and spoke excellent English; many had non-Thai friends and had adapted very well. Some had even started successful businesses.

This state of mind is very important in trying to assess whether your wife would be happy in a western country. Is she adaptable? Is she confident when amongst farangs and is she confident with her spoken English? Is she terrified of losing face and as a result, scared to say anything to strange farangs? What is her attitude when you suggest moving back home? Is she horrified at the very idea, or is she prepared to consider it as a real possibility? Would she be loath to leave the comfort and security of her family and friends or she quite independent and adventurous?

If the answer to the above questions/tests is all pretty negative, then I’m afraid you are going to have your work cut out to make a real go of it. And yes – as crazy as it sounds – start with the food test – not critical in itself, but it indicates a state of mind.

And as with us farangs – no two Thais are ever exactly the same. Only you really know her and only you can decide. But be ruthlessly honest about your wife or you may live to regret it.

But whatever you decide, I simply cannot conceive anyone taking a Thai wife to live with them in another country without first taking her for a visit of several weeks, so that she can see what she is getting into. Don’t make any final decisions until she has met your family in your home country and sampled the way of life there.

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It’s the same with us – some of us love Thai food and can eat almost anything, others can eat it occasionally or take or leave it and still more will rarely, if ever eat it.

I honestly believe that much of this is due to the person’s state of mind, and whether they are open to new tastes and new experiences or whether their mind remains completely closed; they know what they like and they are simply not prepared to try something new and experiment.

Whether or not farangs embrace Thai food or Thais embrace farang food, at the end of the day – in their heart of hearts – they will invariably prefer the food they were raised on, rather than the food the learned to enjoy in later life.

This is off topic, but I do not agree. I love Mexican, Japanese and Chinese food, but was not raised on them and only discovered them as an adult. When it comes to Thai food, I have never been crazy about it, but the longer I live here, the more dishes I discover that I enjoy. I still hate the stuff that I hated when I first got here that is much easier to find. smile.png

Edited by Ulysses G.
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It’s the same with us – some of us love Thai food and can eat almost anything, others can eat it occasionally or take or leave it and still more will rarely, if ever eat it.

I honestly believe that much of this is due to the person’s state of mind, and whether they are open to new tastes and new experiences or whether their mind remains completely closed; they know what they like and they are simply not prepared to try something new and experiment.

Whether or not farangs embrace Thai food or Thais embrace farang food, at the end of the day – in their heart of hearts – they will invariably prefer the food they were raised on, rather than the food the learned to enjoy in later life.

This is off topic, but I do not agree. I love Mexican, Japanese and Chinese food, but was not raised on them and only discovered them as an adult. When it comes to Thai food, I have never been crazy about it, but the longer I live here, the more dishes I discover that I enjoy. I still hate the stuff that I hated when I first got here that is much easier to find. smile.png

Maybe I wasn't clear. What I am saying is that you can learn to love all manner of foods from all over the world, but most people also still hanker for the food they were brought up on as well - they are somehow indelibly enmeshed on their taste buds. We food lovers are simply widening our horizons and tastes in food, and yes, of course there will always be some that we will never like.

But some folks - Thais and farangs, never have any desire to explore different culinary tastes.I'm sure you know a few - I certainly do...

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I have been married to a Thai since 2003,who I met and married in th U.S, she had been in the U.S. for 5 years, came with her than Thai husband who was working in the U.S. as a flight engineer, his problem with alcohal caused their marriage to end in divorce.When I met her she had been in the U.S. 5 years, mostly on overstay, after dating for a year we married and she received permanent residency, in 2006 I retired and we moved to Thailand to be close to her aging father. We have since traveled back and forth between living in Thailand and the U.S. about six months each, we have a home in both countries, we have an equal amount of Thai and American friends in the U.S. she has always pulled her weight finacially working and contributing to our finances, I have never given or have I been asked for money for her family, we have on accasion loaned money always to be repayed. We are now bothretired and finacialy set we travel, both in Asia and the U.S. and love it, our biggest problem has always been comunication, although she is fluent in english because of the cultural differences we sometimes have a hard time really understanding one another. What I have learned from our experiences togther patience and understanding helps a lot.I read many threads on these expat forums which would lead the inexperienced to beleive all Thai people are money hungry users, it is not so, I have never felt used or looked down on as a farang in Thailand, my wifes family and friends have more than welcomed me into there communities, but then again I was smart enough not to marry a bar girl.

Good luck with what ever you do, but remember a successful marriage to a Thai takes work,commitment,and understanding as does any marriage.

Didn't you know no one here on TV has ever married anyone other than a "good girl from a good family" oh yeah with a university education" Just look at all those good uni students from good families you can find clubbing in and around Bangkok.

Just an opinion. Background does not matter it will work or not work where ever you choose to live! Mine has worked for 12 years 10 of which have been married.

Au contaire my good friend. My wife comes from Baan Nok, Nakhon Nowhere, has no university anything and her (our) family doesn't rank up there in the social standings. We are well liked, but in the enviroment there doesn't seem to be much upward mobility in that respect. 'Bout the only good thing is that she has disdain for the nuevo-rich and does not flaunt. She does like helping people out but first smell of smoke and that person gets cut off so the wife doesn't get burnt.

Oh and she doesn't have any Chinese in her; but is it just as fashionable if as far as I can tell her family originally comes from Nagaland?

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It’s the same with us – some of us love Thai food and can eat almost anything, others can eat it occasionally or take or leave it and still more will rarely, if ever eat it.

I honestly believe that much of this is due to the person’s state of mind, and whether they are open to new tastes and new experiences or whether their mind remains completely closed; they know what they like and they are simply not prepared to try something new and experiment.

Whether or not farangs embrace Thai food or Thais embrace farang food, at the end of the day – in their heart of hearts – they will invariably prefer the food they were raised on, rather than the food the learned to enjoy in later life.

This is off topic, but I do not agree. I love Mexican, Japanese and Chinese food, but was not raised on them and only discovered them as an adult. When it comes to Thai food, I have never been crazy about it, but the longer I live here, the more dishes I discover that I enjoy. I still hate the stuff that I hated when I first got here that is much easier to find. smile.png

I have to agree with you UG.

I was brought up on porridge, peas, fish fingers, burgers, chips (not all on the same plate)

I quite like chips, but most of my meals are by preference, fully Thai.

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First, as said many times, every relationship is different. I think to uderstand each other behaviours it would be important for BOTH to live in the country of the other for some time but i know this cannot be achieved many times.

But i know cases where the relationship broke when bringing the Thai partner to germany, for example. This depends greatly on the situation the wife will be thrown in. Do you think she will be happy if, for example, you will work 10 hours/day and shes alone in the house, without her Thai freinds to chatter and have sanuk?

Also, do you think you can keep up with your friends lives? For example, if yourself would be an 70 year old fatty and shes the beautiful 24 year old, and you bring her to your country and show your younger, goodlooking, well earning friends and still be able to keep per on your side? Or even your own younger son?

Please, i dont know you and certainly dont have you in my mind when writing this, but that are my experiences and just examples to think about.

Where do you live, in a small village where she would run into trouble with the neighbors? (many ppl sadly have an opinion already about Thai wifes, difficult to watch away from it when she repeadetly gets annoyed by them).

Do you have the money to pay for her family, even shes not in Thailand? Do you really understand her beeing Thai? Its a little bit different then one might first think.

I for myself, even if im young (middle 30s) and able to keep up with some, i wouldnt want to put her to germany. At the moment i try all to get a job there, i think the relationship have more luck in Thailand compared to germany. Even myself, who is born here, have trouble to find the same way of happinessin germany compared to the one in Thailand. So how can i think that she will be ok? Im not so selfish, sorry.

I think a relationship that could go well in Thailand without a lot of money, would need a lot more to keep her happy in europe (or any western country). She will miss so many thinkgs after a while, if she dont find friends soon or has to do something because there are kids, she will get bored fast imo.

Edited by Saenchai
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My Thai wife and I have been together about eight years. We have discussed many things including what would happen if the Thai political situation would force me to leave Thailand. I'm sure she would go with me but I would really hate to do that to her. She is very happy here out here in the boonies and would miss the farming and her family. When we first got together, we lived in my condo in Jomtien. The day I agreed to move upcountry to her home was probably the happiest day of her life. I admit that it took many trips up here for me to decide that I would try it. As it turns out, it was a good decision. I am content and she is happy. Had someone told me ten years ago that I would some day be living in the boonies of Loei province, I would have told them that they were insane.

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Where do you live, in a small village where she would run into trouble with the neighbors? (many ppl sadly have an opinion already about Thai wifes, difficult to watch away from it when she repeadetly gets annoyed by them).

I have an opinion already about Thai wives.

I have a wife who just happens to be Thai.

dam_n, I'm conflicted!

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I have been married to a Thai since 2003,who I met and married in th U.S, she had been in the U.S. for 5 years, came with her than Thai husband who was working in the U.S. as a flight engineer, his problem with alcohal caused their marriage to end in divorce.When I met her she had been in the U.S. 5 years, mostly on overstay, after dating for a year we married and she received permanent residency, in 2006 I retired and we moved to Thailand to be close to her aging father. We have since traveled back and forth between living in Thailand and the U.S. about six months each, we have a home in both countries, we have an equal amount of Thai and American friends in the U.S. she has always pulled her weight finacially working and contributing to our finances, I have never given or have I been asked for money for her family, we have on accasion loaned money always to be repayed. We are now bothretired and finacialy set we travel, both in Asia and the U.S. and love it, our biggest problem has always been comunication, although she is fluent in english because of the cultural differences we sometimes have a hard time really understanding one another. What I have learned from our experiences togther patience and understanding helps a lot.I read many threads on these expat forums which would lead the inexperienced to beleive all Thai people are money hungry users, it is not so, I have never felt used or looked down on as a farang in Thailand, my wifes family and friends have more than welcomed me into there communities, but then again I was smart enough not to marry a bar girl.

Good luck with what ever you do, but remember a successful marriage to a Thai takes work,commitment,and understanding as does any marriage.

You must remember that you are lucky and met your lady outside LOS and she knows how stuff works.

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Where do you live, in a small village where she would run into trouble with the neighbors? (many ppl sadly have an opinion already about Thai wifes, difficult to watch away from it when she repeadetly gets annoyed by them).

I have an opinion already about Thai wives.

I have a wife who just happens to be Thai.

dam_n, I'm conflicted!

No comment on that :-)

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Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

What kind of nonsens is this. If you are that dumb and can´t pick a decent girl and just try to find them in sleezy bars then its your own **** fault. Of course there are Thais who can manage it when they move but it´s up to you to either find a decent girl or educate them how it works and what the outcome can be.

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Taking your partner to your own country is the beginning of the end. They become westernized very quickly and realize they dont need you any more. It is the worst possible thing you can do. Believe me, I have experienced it. They become even more greedy. They also meet other thais who teach them how to be successful and its does not include you.

spot on mate my very good friend has just found this out it took 8 years but that was due to her getting permament stay in the UK i think like all Thai ladies should have a sell by date on them
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Ijustwannateach has brought forward some interesting points in regards to recognizing inherent weaknesses in the relationship from the beginning, it's impossible to read the minds of our partners but it is possible to interpret signals. The only problem with that is that when you are under that spell called "love" ( real or imagined ) then nothing anyone could say would make a blind bit of difference to you.

"When emotion meets logic emotion always wins"..........

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I used to believe for years that bringing your Thai wife/partner to the UK was not a good idea,it would seem that over 30,000 resident Thais would not agree with me,and have made their home in the UK,and don't miss Thailand that much,and have settled in well,most of the Thai Ladies I have met,who have been here for many years have taken on the culture very well,and have no intention of going back,to Thailand,having firmly established themselves here,they appreciate the difference,and gains of UK Life.

One I know has been here 20 years (and never been back) speaks perfect English,and as she and her friends do not have to live up to anything,they avoid the Young Thais that are always bragging how Rich they are/or English husband is,to put one over on those that are not so materialistic,and the relatively new comers use it to establish their power ranking and face,whilst impressing no one.

So yes they can change and accept another Counties Culture,but some effort must be made to steer them away from,undesirable friends who may influence them,and make them unsatisfied with their lot in life,especially in the early days of coming into the Country.

For the Older Guys,with younger wives/partners especially,there will be many problems ahead,if your younger wife falls in with the wrong crowd.........it's best to live away from Cities,and Towns with too much Night Life, you can be sure her new youngThai friends will be enticing her to ditch you,and find a younger man (which has been the case with several of my male friends) down at the Night Club or local Disco, and next day they will be up at your place eating all day,and talking amongst themselves about the host,and what a <deleted> he is! (you).

The same mischievous ones,will be training her up to learn biased anti Male UK laws,which may be of benefit to them later on.

Thankfully most of the Thais I have met in the UK are of a class above this,but the others are there,to be aware of.

Most people will accept the fact,that there is a large age gap between you,but be prepared for some sneers and remarks,mostly by Proxi,of course, most wouldn't say anything much to your face.

Your wife/partner is going to need lots of Thai food,while she is adjusting her tastes to more western food,which will come in time,meantime become acustomed to paying ridiculous Thai food prices,to keep her happy, e.g £2 ( 96 bt) for a small Mongo,£3 (144 bt) for a bottle of Thai Fish Sauce,etc etc. But let's be fair how many times have we been yearning so much for Farang food we have also paid silly prices.And wherever you live in the Country, there will be a shop available that sells Thai Food or Chinese food imported.

Just when you think you have seen pretty well most Tourist style attractions and events,then you will need to think of your wife/partner who will find everything, is new to her,so the rounds will need to done,boring and expensive for you,but exciting for her.

Boredom can also set in for her,depending on how high her expectations,of living in another Country were in the first place,so if you have done your homework properly,you should have gotten her a NI Number,in the first 3 months,and now might be a good time to help her get that part time job,with no problem of Employers worrying about employing an illegal immigrant! most employers dont know that she is entitled to work from day one,no work permits necessary(assuming a Settlement Visa) they will want to see her Passport,and Visa,and if working with children she will have to have the usual Criminal Record Checks,even if only doing menial work,and not directly working with children.

Which brings me around to their Driving in the UK,they are entited to drive on their Thai Driving licence for the first year,and after which they will need to take a UK Driving Test.

Also they will need to be Registered for National Health Treatment,...Registered with a local GP,...and a local Dentist,all of which are your job!

One of the nice things is that your spouse/partner,assuming she/he is a typical friendly outgoing Thai,will be a minor attraction with English people,and will make a lot of same sex English friends,something to be encouraged,even if you are left on your own,more than you wish.

So in answer to your question:Is getting your Partner out of thailand the key to a sucessful relationship?

IMHO I would say,its not going to be the key,its still the same relationship, which needs to be worked at the same as in Thailand,every situation, or new Country comes with its own problems,some new and some the same same,a period of relationship readjustment will certainly be necessary!

Excellent post, and there have been many excellent posts on this topic. I take the point that it is incumbent on us to make the transition as smooth as possible amongst many other excellent points that you have made.

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And yes – as crazy as it sounds – start with the food test – not critical in itself, but it indicates a state of mind.

I must admit that Mobi's comments ring true for me.

My first Thai gf I bought to my home country refused to eat bread or red meat ... staples of most Western diets.

When we were living together in Thailand, I asked her to order the food because this opened me to new and exciting dishes that I have never tried before ... and some I wished I never had.

Maybe it was the copious amounts of Singa at the time ... but I never noticed that almost always they were either Fish or Chicken and a pork dish if it was just for me.

Each day we live and learn and become wiser.

A couple of great posts in there Mobi clap2.gif

I supposed it's the demographics of the members of the Forum here (most contributors living in Thailand) but I would like to read more from those who have taken their Beau to the promised land and have had a successful relationship ... or not.

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All depends on who/what your Mrs is/was in my very humble opinion. Touching 24 years now happily married. Any faults in the marriage are/were my own fault. As a percentage, 98% happy. Not many couples can have that rating,

As to responses from folks like Ulysses. G .....Well, anyone with 27,000+ posts obviously has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is and is in my opinion in no position at all to comment on others. Simple as that..

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