As many of you probably know I am Scottish. I was in Chiang Mai at New Years Eve and I decided to celebrate in the Scottish way and imbibe some whisky while attired in my kilt.

I did have a few worries before I went out, I believe there are a few Scots in Pattaya that wear kilts at that time of year but I hadn't seen or heard of anyone else wearing a kilt in CM. No sooner had I walked into the foyer of my hotel was I mobbed by people wanting photos with me, especially the ladies. Being the generous sort as I am I posed with all and sundry for ages, till it got to the point that it was interfering with my drinking time.

I opened a bottle of Highland Park whisky that I had brought for the occasion and I managed to get about an hour of drinking time in before I walked down to the Taepae Gate for the Bells. I had a few people from the hotel with me and I managed to get down there relatively unmolested. I went into one of my regular haunts, John's Place, and the photo merry-go-round started again. Fine, I was in the mood for a party, drank a lot more of the Highland Park, then went down to the stage show at the Gate. It was really busy, that suited me as I wasn't getting too much attention in the crowd. The Bells went off well, the fireworks were great, and then I noticed I had lost my travelling party.

Knowing Chiang Mai well, I headed down to Linda's Bar, ( mistake ) where I ended up having another photo shoot with every bad girl in Loih Kroh, I was drinking on and the ladies were getting a bit too frisky, it's a pain having people trying to lift your kilt every 10 seconds, so I headed up to Jack's Bar to get some peace, ( it's not as busy since Spicy moved round the corner). Anyway after I cracked into my second bottle of whisky and after some more photos, I realized it was getting late so I started heading home much the worse for wear.

This is where it all went wrong, I was drunk, mao mak, seriously gone, big mistake, and I couldn't find a tuk tuk, so I thought I would walk home along the moat.. Some gorgeous creature emerged from the shadows and did that "hellooooh, where you go?" thing. Remembering the old adage that if it is so beautiful you cannot believe thing in Thailand, it's a Ladyboy, I mumbled I'm going home. In came a request for a photo so that was fine, but within a minute I was surrounded by loads ( don't know how many ) ladyboys wanting a pic. I started getting harassed by the kilt lifting and the usual stupid "why you wear skirt, what under kilt questions?". Feeling under pressure I tried to get away but the next thing I was bundled into a car and told "we go party".

All I can say is that I was the star attraction at the party and they found out what Scotsmen wear below the kilt, I was held down and used as a pin cushion by I don't know how many Ladyboys and for how long, and it seemed there was an endless stream of Ladyboys arriving all the time. I don't know how long I was held for and I don't remember much. I must have fallen asleep and as soon as I woke I got out that door as fast as I could, I do know CM well but I didn't have a clue where I was, some giant decrepit building with broken down lifts and boarded fire escapes. It was just after day break and I wandered around aimlessly ( and painfully ) trying to find a tuk tuk, totally lost, and still drunk.

Eventually I got one, got back to my hotel, got showered, crashed out for hours and went about in a daze when I woke up. The people that I had lost the night before grilled me about where I had gotten too, and of course I couldn't tell them the truth.

I went to see the clinic for tests and they were clear, but they recommended doing it again in 30 days ( something to do with HIV antibodies? ) and they were clear too thank god.

So the medical side looks like it's going to be OK, Now I'm back in Scotland and my mind keeps wandering back to the memories of that night, of being used like a pin cushion in Chiang Mai, and I need your advice.........

Shall I wear red kilt or a blue kilt next year?

Me thinks you jest Jock.

Good story.

wear Pink !!!

lol

I'm a bit of a bull shitter myself, but sometimes I ike to sit back and listen to an expert.

Though one point is made clear in this entertaining parable,

this would / could only happen to a drunk.

Although you made this into a joke or should I say; Jock, I know this story to be true, because we have evidence from one of your friends who actually snapped a photo of you after the event

Wear a suspender belt this time too. Matching colours of course

Good story

Wear a suspender belt this time too. Matching colours of course

Good story

or even a pair of these under your kilt to keep the Ladyboys out !

If you can`t get a woman get a clean old (scots) man.......hope the ring sting is better..great story

as a story teller you are up there with the best.

i'll stay true to form and ask for a photo to add to the mental image you have portrayed

maybe a toscar nominee?

an audition for Hangover 3?

i'll stay true to form and ask for a photo to add to the mental image you have portrayed

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Let's try this over in The Farang Pub. Topic Moved.

I think I've heard this joke before - did you wake up with a ribbon tied around your apparatus?

great story...you ought to get a collection of kilts and wear them around Thailand to gather material for another one...

Why don't I feel pity for the OP? I think he was foolish.

an audition for Hangover 3?

I thought the Hangover2 was a documentary??....???

Wear a suspender belt this time too. Matching colours of course

Good story

or even a pair of these under your kilt to keep the Ladyboys out !

Don't let Mrs Boater see that photo.....you'll put an idea into her head

After your initial post i was so disappointed the other night when I was attacked by a bunch of what I THOUGHT were ladyboys in Chiang Mai. It turned out it was just a bunch of horny hookers with no clients. They violated me all night until I ran out of my whole stock of Viagra. And, you should see my electric bill this morning after all those showers! It seems that Tourism is down on Loi Kroh road.

OK so you are GAY and a heap of ladyboys had their way with you, you should be happy. You should have a ball in San Francisco

OK so you are GAY and a heap of ladyboys had their way with you, you should be happy. You should have a ball in San Francisco

Whoooooooooosh!

OK so you are GAY and a heap of ladyboys had their way with you, you should be happy. You should have a ball in San Francisco

Whoooooooooosh!

Correct

After your initial post i was so disappointed the other night when I was attacked by a bunch of what I THOUGHT were ladyboys in Chiang Mai. It turned out it was just a bunch of horny hookers with no clients. They violated me all night until I ran out of my whole stock of Viagra. And, you should see my electric bill this morning after all those showers! It seems that Tourism is down on Loi Kroh road.

I THOUGHT were ladyboys

This phrase may require a stewards enquiry Ian

Although you made this into a joke or should I say; Jock, I know this story to be true, because we have evidence from one of your friends who actually snapped a photo of you after the event

It's not often you get free NSA sex in Thailand beetlejuice

boner achieved. So.... if I want to get raped by ladyboys, all I have to do is wear a kilt? As an American, do you have any advice on pulling it off. I have very sexy and hairy legs by the way!

Used like a pin cushion by ladyboys = ouch!

boner achieved. So.... if I want to get raped by ladyboys, all I have to do is wear a kilt? As an American, do you have any advice on pulling it off. I have very sexy and hairy legs by the way!

1. Survey potential Ladyboy hotspots.

2. Wear a kilt.

3. Get drunk and walk aimlessly around said hotspot.

Used like a pin cushion by ladyboys = ouch!

Luckily the average Thai condom size is amongst the smallest in the world. It would be a lot worse somewhere like Jamaica.

Jamaica?? No, she did it of her own accord.

Jamaica?? No, she did it of her own accord.

The Ladyboys Jamaicad me!!..........trust me, I will never wear a kilt while drunk in the Caribbean. Never. Ever.

Oh no. No way.