Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[pauljones]

We best not install that super slippery ceramic tile in the bathroom. Someone could get hurt.

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai farmer to thai farm worker:

...well its written in english on the label but I have it figured out.... the mix is 9 litres of pesticide to half a litre of water...so get mixing.

Thai woman on apartment balcony...directly above falangs balcony:

...hey I am so sorry...you see my son is a terrible bedwetter...and I just have to wash and dry his blanket every morning...so I am truly sorry about the urine tainted water dripping down onto your work shirts.....

Thai bar girl:

.....yes its taken me years to perfect the 50 yard stare.......

[KIWIBATCH]

Falang sitting in bar to thai bar girl drinking water........

F. ..what are you drinking......

TBG....tequila shots.....

F. ...looks like water to me.....

TBG...ahh I am only drinking this water inbetween to cleanse my palate.......

[macksview]

I've had a great idea Somchai, let's ask a farang how to do it.

ah my dear Thaddeus, that is probably the greatest truth so far, never never could a farang actually know more than somchai.

[macksview]

government spokesman "due to complaints about long lines at the ministry of corruption, we will redeploy 50 staff from the ministry of anti-corruption to ease the back log"

[macksview]

shop girl at siam paragon 2nd floor to friend "isnt that nice, that farang bought his brown skin grandaughter to shop here"

[macksview]

my wife to me when watching the cricket "oh it is raining, they will have to use duckworth-lewis, its such a simple way to make the game fairer"

thai bargirl to me "you buy me dink, if i explain mandelbrots theory in laymans terms to you"

[Thaddeus]

I've had a great idea Somchai, let's ask a farang how to do it.

ah my dear Thaddeus, that is probably the greatest truth so far, never never could a farang actually know more than somchai.

The greatest truths do smart sometimes, most of the time in fact....

After never hearing that one, you will also never hear...

"It was my fault, I take total responsibility and shall resign immediately"

[mrjohndub]

Employer to employee: "There is a national holiday tomorrow. No work, cheers."

Employer to employee: "There is a meeting tomorrow. You'd best plan to attend."

Employer to employee: "That's okay, we already have a copy of your passport on file."

Employer to employee: "The boss won't be here for a week, or something like that. Not to worry, we know exactly when he/she will return from the urgent business."

Employer to employee: "Oh, that's right. I forgot you had a nationality."

[beerchang]

Farang to farang...." I'm into ladyboys, how 'bout you"

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai motorcycle taxi driver with falang pillion passenger:

...dont worry falang its okay to pass this truck on the inside...I know him... he is going to turn right very shortly....

Thai motorcycle taxi driver with falang pillion passenger:

.....sorry about your face being covered with my snot...I have had this sneezing thing now for two weeks....

Thai taxi driver....

....yep I will leave it in third gear even tho we are doing 120kph........

[KIWIBATCH]

Thai Operations manager on airport link train:

.....yes the doors were designed to snap shut like a guillotine as a deterrent to those of you who insist on waving goodbye to your loved ones.....

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I feel obliged to disagree on this one; thank you for the learning opportunity, but it appears that "to fap" is etymologically derived from "fap!" an onomatopaiec exclamation for the sound of solitary gentlemanly stimulation from English-language manga-style comics. Being fortuitously blessed with a monomanual-sized member, I can confirm that one or two hands, the sound is the same.

But when a farang faps in a lonely forest, and no bletherer is near by to hear it. . .

[beerchang]

Me... "Beer? No thanks, I'm teetotal!"

[beerchang]

Farang to Thai fellah after Thai fellah's done a job for him. ......"Nice work mate! Couldna done it better meself!"

[macksview]

miss horwang to miss taylor "pack the bags girl, were off to pattaya to find a farang"

[macksview]

at the mum and dads store in the village "sorry cant sell beer or whisky today, government say no sell"

[F1fanatic]

I've said it many times, Blether, many of the things I find annoying about Thailand are the very same things that I enjoy. It's a strange anomaly, but it's true. I stand in wonder how everyone accepts some person stopping their vehicle right in the middle of a busy passageway just so they can purchase something at the 7-11, Or, how they will park their vehicle right outside their home at lunch hour and block a whole lane in the road... forcing the rest of the traffic to try and get around. Or, they will triple park anywhere if it means they don't have to walk further than 50 feet.

Sorry - off topic but - a couple of days ago I crested the brow of a hill (zero visibility beyond) on my 'bike only to see someone on a 'bike stopped in the middle of the road to chat on their 'phone! I could only laugh and think 'at least its better than chatting whilst continuing to drive'. Something I see frequently...

[Jimmy1978]

11) there's no traffic jam today.

12) Massage not good.

[joe552]

Farang - why is there never a 7-11 when you need one?

[beerchang]

Thai girl looking for job...."I'll be late and not turn up for work often, ok?"

[beerchang]

Thai girl to farang husband (based on experience!).... "I go market. I will come back in about 7 hours!"

[macksview]

police major general "none of the police women working here are my mia noi"

[GreenSnapper]

Water buffalo:

I'm vegetarian and exercise regularly. Never been sick in my life!

[beerchang]

Water buffalo:

I'm vegetarian and exercise regularly. Never been sick in my life!

Lol!

Water buffalo.... "My owner would never lie about my health!"

[beerchang]

Water buffalo #2.... "oink, oink!" (sorry people, but its things you wouldnt hear thread!)

[beerchang]

police major general "none of the police women working here are my mia noi"

C'mon Mack.....Things you 'wouldn't hear!'

[macksview]

ex bar girl to mother when she takes her new farang to visit the village "hey mum show him the moves you did upstairs in patpong"

[macksview]

police major general "none of the police women working here are my mia noi"

C'mon Mack.....Things you 'wouldn't hear!'

oopsy

[beerchang]

Farang in Pattaya.... "Smells nice this town"