Social Support Group For Retired Gay And Lesbian Community In Bangkok

[dezrat773]

I'm a retired Gay White Male in a long-term relationship with a Thai man and seeking to create a group of Gay men and women to get together for mutual support, dinner, a few beers, and mutual activities. This is not an ad for sex or an invitation to sit on a bar stool in Siam. I would like to establish a group of guys and gals who are not on the hunt, maybe in a solid relationship, need to just chat or provide mutual support for each other. This group would be open to Gay men and women, live in the Bangkok area, variety of backgrounds, but retired from your previous work life. We can meet at local restaurants, our homes, open outdoor space (not in the hot season), or other venues that might be available.

Life is great, but being a Gay male or women in a foreign land can lack a certain connectedness. We love where we live, love our partners, appreciate our Thai friends and family, but need to talk about what is happening in our home countries, no matter what region of the world. I want to restate that this is not a call for folks who want to sit on a bar stool, are on the prowl, or want to trash anyone for their personal opinions.

This is to be a social group, not a therapy group. I am a retired Social Worker/CEO from the US and have created many social groups for various populations. This posting is not an open invitation for all of my straight brothers and sisters to bash anyone, so please post in Rant's and Rave's on Craigs List if you feel the need to bash anyone. Hopefully there are others like myself who may find a need for a group like this. If there are a group of folk's who are interested, we can being to collect contact information and establish ground rules for participation.

Please provide comments if you feel there is a need for a group like this in Bangkok. This hopefully will not attract intolernace that seems to follow no matter where you live. Thanks so much!

[Gone]

Good luck with that.. Thailand is a very gay friendly country but I never understand why gays need "support". Most of the gays I see in Thailand just live there life like everyone else. I think that by pinning a label on your self like "support group" you are doing exactly just that, labeling yourself and are looking for the attention rather than just living your life umungst the rest of society no?

I have met tons of Gay Thai's over the years and they certainly don't need any support. They are gay and that's all there is to it. Life goes on.

The only gay bashing I have ever experienced are back in the western cultures, not here.

[Jingthing]

I guess Gone didn't bother to read the comment about rants and raves on Craigslist! Sounds like a great idea for a group!

[dezrat773]

Thanks to Jingthing. To "Gone" you did not read the words "Rants and Raves" on CL if you have nothing positive to say. I have lived here for many years and have numerous Gay Thai friends, this is not a group for my dear Thai friends. There are many of us Farangs who do not go to bars, go for a "happy ending's" massage or sit on bar stools waiting for the frog turn into a prince. We have healthy relationships with Thai's. This group allows Gay non-Thai's to associate in a healthy environment, discuss issues that do not interest Thai's for the most part. You are probably straight and don't get it. Retired Gay guys, even with many Thai friends can feel isolated and need a healthy social outlet that meets the approval of our Gay Thai partners. Do you have a Gay Thai Partner? If not, you don't understand, they are jealous. That goes for straight relationships in Thailand also. As for calling attention to myself, as a former therapist, it sounds like the same old trite western precepts of any group. It happens to be the healthy ones who become part of something and the unhealthy who think the world is perfect on a bar stool So "Gone" please be gone and note that your Rant and Rave is perfect for CL.

[Roger2]

This is an excellent idea for a group; there are many retired farangs that would welcome a group for mutual support and company. Many farangs do go to the bars but not necessarily to pick up a trick but as a way of meeting other farangs. This group would be a good alternative for them.

[Gone]

So you open a post here and if someone has an opinion (non-negative) and it does not suit you, you dismis us a bar-stool perching Craigslist ranters?

Will this also be the case when you have this group started that if someone objects to your way of thinking they will be removed? Sounds like a great club.

No I am not gay but that doesn't mean that I mind gays. I think people like you read only what they want to read in our posts. Will constructive critisism be allowed in your "group"?

You posted a gay friendly ad and I simply took the oportunity to ask why the gays feel they need to be "supported" right? You could have just answered without your frothing "you anti-gay bar-stool perching craigslist ranting strait." right?

I did not see one negative part of my post. Just curious if that is allowed?

TV is a discussion forum and no matter what you post you are going to get both negative and positive feedback. I was not bashing anyone.

Perhaps you DO need support after all by the looks of it.

[dezrat773]

Thanks Roger you are correct. It's the same in the West, we end up going to bars for social interaction and that is great. Hope that I find folks interested in this group. This is a great city with many retired LGBT members scattered through-out and it would be good to get folks together.

[soi41]

"in the west we end up going to bars for social interaction, and that is great". What is so different here ? I always thought that gay people wanted to be an integrated part of the society, so what is the idea of creating a "club" for gays and lesbians in Bkk, sorry I forgot retired ! So if you are not hunting, does it matter what sexual preferrences the people you interact with have ??

[mamypoko]

Dezrat773 I totally support your idea....why not include "straights" every other, or every fourth meeting...etc.

Bridge the gap so to speak.

Anyway, as per thaivisa.com rituals...it would help to know what region you plan to hold meetings.

Edited March 20, 2012 by mamypoko

[dezrat773]

Soi41 and your point is? If you are straight and don't like the concept please don't respond. You just need something to respond to and have nothing constructive to add to the concept. This is not a club and just move on to another forum topic!!! Yeah I see a lot of dead soi dogs. what do you do in life, sit on the forums and look for a gripe?

[dezrat773]

Mamypoko thanks for the constructive response. Great idea? Most of my straight friends probably would love to attend. Somewhere near BTS or easy taxi access here in Bangkok. If it takes 2 hours in traffic, most will not be interested. You know how traffic can be in BKK. Thanks again for your positive input!!!!

[metisdead]

A nonsense post has been removed.

I think this topic would probably be better suited in the Gay People in Thailand forum, moving topic there.

[Ijustwannateach]

Since this thread apparently started outside the gay subforum, I would just like to remind our gentle readers to check the guidelines for posting before continuing here. Gays in this subforum especially are not required to put up with questioning or intolerance over their concerns and needs, and neither here nor anywhere else in the forum is any abusive behaviour tolerated.

Being friends with a number of older and often retired gay foreign men in Thailand, I can understand OP's interests. While many older gay men here have a long-term partner, partly BECAUSE of this they become less connected with other foreigners (since they are no longer in a bar or clubbing scene where they would meet new foreigners). As expats and as gays, they need more connection with other men who (literally) speak their language and have a similar lifestyle.

Dezrat, please feel free to keep organising here on this thread or by PM; as long as it isn't a financial arrangement I think it's fine with Admin and it's certainly fine with me.

[dezrat773]

Thanks to the Moderators for all of the great direction and input. This is my first attempt at creating a Forum topic and now I think I know better. Ijustwannateach is spot on with his statement about retired folks connecting with similar people who live here in retirement. The guys who are living here are part of a group of men and women who may have come out at a time when there was great danger or at least great intolerance. Many may have lost partners or many friends to HIV/AIDS when there was nothing to help, except to hold their hands.

I have a wonderful Thai partner, western educated, but younger and a great extended Thai family. I have tried to explain what it was like in the late 70's, 80's when bars were raided, people bashed in the streets (although that still goes on) and people died of a disease that did not have a name when I came out. My friends who were in their 20's and 30's were dying and we could do nothing. We wern't allowed to visit or if we did we were asked to wear gowns that looked like space suites.

So in many ways we are different, as we bazed trails, we buried way to many men in their 20's, and we survived. So in starting this group, It may well be self serving in some ways, but not of any ill intentent. As retired Gay men and women in Thailand, we have chosen a unique path to live in this part of the world, to be single or partnered with men and women who are Thai, and to continue the fight against HIV/AIDS in a part of the world that could use some help.

A group like this would provide mutual support as people retired here in Thailand, but it may also serve as a wealth of knowledge to help the people of Asia in better understanding what might be done to help the men and women who are still dying in their 20's and 30's. I for one began to create social service agencies to support people who were dying where there was not. I lead social services agencies for 25 years in the battle against stigma.

So thanks to the Moderators for allowing this to continue to be posted and to hopefully allow for a group who will have a positive impact on each other and maybe a positive impact on the society that we now choose to live in.

[Ijustwannateach]

A troll post has been removed and a warning issued.

[Suradit69]

So you open a post here and if someone has an opinion (non-negative) and it does not suit you, you dismis us a bar-stool perching Craigslist ranters?

Will this also be the case when you have this group started that if someone objects to your way of thinking they will be removed? Sounds like a great club.

No I am not gay but that doesn't mean that I mind gays. I think people like you read only what they want to read in our posts. Will constructive critisism be allowed in your "group"?

You posted a gay friendly ad and I simply took the oportunity to ask why the gays feel they need to be "supported" right? You could have just answered without your frothing "you anti-gay bar-stool perching craigslist ranting strait." right?

I did not see one negative part of my post. Just curious if that is allowed?

TV is a discussion forum and no matter what you post you are going to get both negative and positive feedback. I was not bashing anyone.

Perhaps you DO need support after all by the looks of it.

If it doesn't please HRH Jingthing it gets lambasted.

[Jingthing]

If it doesn't please HRH Jingthing it gets lambasted.

Please wire large sums to my account to show proper respect.

[tombkk]

I like the idea. No, my boyfy is not jealous, and we are very close. However, it is true that I have hardly any farang friends left (most actually went back to their countries) and it would be great to exchange views and experiences of living here, as gay foreigners.

There is a cultural difference between Westerners and Thais, and it is sometimes refreshing to go out with fellow-Westerners and exchange views. There is also a cultural difference between gay and straight people, which I sometimes forget as most of my friends are straight. Nevertheless, and it would be a welcome exchange of views among gay Westerners.

The OP makes a good suggestion for those who are interested IMHO, regardless of what those who are not interested say.

[dezrat773]

Good Morning to Everyone,

Sorry I have not responded to your qreat comments earlier, but seems TRUE was having some DNS problems and I could not get in. I think it is now resolved. For those of you who are interested in being part of this group I think it will be of benefit to all.

Tombkk you are correct that so many have gone back and since we are here and choose to be here we should consider some level of mutual support. It may be a small group to begin with, but I think it will grow and as new foloks retire here thay may find the need to connect with some of the guy and gals who have been here for awhile.

Suradit69 I am glad you don't mind Gays and if yourt interested in being part of this group we wouldn't mind a straight guy, but you may feel left out. So if your interested and others agree then why not.

As I get more responses I will post my thoughts here and we can plan for some thry of get-together in the near future. If we have 2 or 3 to start that is fine and it will grow. I'm sure there are others who want to do this!

So enjoy the heat!

Merrill

[tombkk]

Errrm... I am not retired just yet. Forgot to mention that tiny little fact. Looks like I still have 15-20 years to go. Will you still accept me?

[dezrat773]

tombkk: Good question? As noted in the Forum title it is a group for Retired Gay men and women, but should it be opened to others who have interest? What do other people think? Can we learn from each other and have common discussion points? This is a big city, with many non-Thai's living here, in and out of relationships, so is it counter-productive to a group of Retired folks to exclude others? Let me kinow any thoughts?

[Ijustwannateach]

More or less by default, the majority of gay groups that I am a part of in Thailand *are* largely older-and-often-semi-retired/retired/retiring-in-10-years-or-so. There is sometimes a smattering of younger types who appreciate the more mature social group too (me and sometimes 1 or 2 others in a group). I would say that you should refer to your group by its intended purpose somehow- but not restrict it and allow those who have something to add/contribute to come anyway.

Like any groups in which you provide some kind of public access, you can expect to get a few nutters from time to time, but if they are problems you can give them 'hints' when that issue comes up. I would suggest using this thread as a way to get attention, then asking for potential group attendees to PM you their email contacts (no public email addresses on the thread for googly reasons). Then you can make up a mailing list to announce meeting places/times- that also avoids the issue of undesirable rubbernecking, straight partycrashers, etc. if you had those details on the thread. Later if anyone's a problem they just go off the list for the meeting dates/places. That system seemed to work pretty well for a similar group I knew in another country.

[dezrat773]

Ijustwannateach thanks so much for your common sense approach to getting this group going. I will try to broaden the scope of the group and who might be included. I agree that keeping each others details, at least on the public site makes great sense. PM is the way to go. After years of work in the world of HIV and GLBT issues I always expect some inappropriate comments. If you want inappropriate, then the early years of HIV/AIDS and in some cases still does bring out the worst in people. So I figure that not responding to those who just don't get it will be the best way to deal with them. Thanks again for all of your imput and let's see where this goes.

dezrat773

[dezrat773]

Thanks to Tombkk for his comments and suggestions.

[rafferty]

Hi

Good idea, i would certainly be interested in attending when i am in Town..

[pitrevie]

I am interested.

[dezrat773]

Pitrevie glad that you are interested. I think that we will soon have enough people interested to begin to think about some sort of get-together. It's slow going, but we are making progress! Thanks for your interest and I will PM you when we add just a few more members. Thanks!!!!!

[taiwanatoa]

Hi.I'm interested!

[KED]

I would like to participate, also.

[dezrat773]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to this Forum. Welcome to the new folks who have replied and are interested. I will P/M everyone with details as they become more clear. P/M is the best way to communicate for privacy sake.

I think that we have enough interested people that we can start to get the group together. Since the heat is on full force, probably a location that has AC. I would assume evenings are best for everyone, but if I am wrong please let me know. Location would be central in the city and if anyone has a good idea of where, please let me know? I have a few ideas? Thai or Western restaruant will work, but again any out of the box venues would be appreciated.

So just let me know your thoughts and let's get this group moving!!!!

Thanks,

dezrat (yes, I use to live in the desert, but now prefer dessert)