The Sick Buffalo Story

[Crossy]

Whilst out for our sunday afternoon wander we met our local buffalo man taking his charges for a swim.

In jest, I asked my wife to find out how much for a buffalo

OK, a one year buffalo (either sex) will cost 10,000 Baht. We have the man's contact details and he will deliver anywhere in the Pathum Thani area free, a nominal charge for delivery to central Bangkok!

So, next time the nice lady comes up with the 'sick buffalo' line you can replace said item, and sleep soundly in the knowledge that the sick animal has been replaced with a quality beast from a known pedigree.

Piccy of the beasties enjoying their wallow.

[Bryan in Isaan]

You mean to tell me that the 100k baht vet bill was too high?

I could have bought her ten brand new ones for that much.

Bryan

[thaiprivateeye]

It's a well-known fact that the likelihood of a buffalo getting sick is dependent on a number of factors. It can be experessed mathematically as the current price of rice [r] divided the IQ of the punter times current price of gold [p] plus the number of kilometers offshore the punter is [o] times her father's average blood alcohol content [f] times an adjustment factor [F].

The full formula looks like this:

Buffalo (sick) = r ÷ i * p + o * f * F

[PeaceBlondie]

I like to counter the person's sick buffalo story (or sick grandmother, or broken Honda story) with my own, with some flourishes.

"Omigod, your buffalo died! What a coincidence! Me, same same. Back home on my ranch in Texas, ten buffalos die!"

Sick grandmother? Same-same me. Hospital want six million baht for double heart-lung transplant.

Broken Honda motosai? Same-same me. The upstairs maid drove the orange Ferrari (not the blue one) into the east swimming pool (not the west pool), and the butler crashed the tan Bentley again! Can YOU lend me 89 million baht now, please?

[Boon Mee]

I like to counter the person's sick buffalo story (or sick grandmother, or broken Honda story) with my own, with some flourishes.

"Omigod, your buffalo died!  What a coincidence!  Me, same same.  Back home on my ranch in Texas, ten buffalos die!"

Sick grandmother?  Same-same me.  Hospital want six million baht for double heart-lung transplant.

Broken Honda motosai?  Same-same me.  The upstairs maid drove the orange Ferrari (not the blue one) into the east swimming pool (not the west pool), and the butler crashed the tan Bentley again!  Can YOU lend me 89 million baht now, please?

That'll stop 'em in their tracks!

[zxray]

Whilst out for our sunday afternoon wander we met our local buffalo man taking his charges for a swim.

In jest, I asked my wife to find out how much for a buffalo

OK, a one year buffalo (either sex) will cost 10,000 Baht. We have the man's contact details and he will deliver anywhere in the Pathum Thani area free, a nominal charge for delivery to central Bangkok! 

So, next time the nice lady comes up with the 'sick buffalo' line you can replace said item, and sleep soundly in the knowledge that the sick animal has been replaced with a quality beast from a known pedigree. 

Piccy of the beasties enjoying their wallow.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No address or phone number for Buffalo salesman?

I would send one to Ketsiree mother, just to see her response.

[raro]

I like to counter the person's sick buffalo story (or sick grandmother, or broken Honda story) with my own, with some flourishes.

"Omigod, your buffalo died!  What a coincidence!  Me, same same.  Back home on my ranch in Texas, ten buffalos die!"

Sick grandmother?  Same-same me.  Hospital want six million baht for double heart-lung transplant.

Broken Honda motosai?  Same-same me.  The upstairs maid drove the orange Ferrari (not the blue one) into the east swimming pool (not the west pool), and the butler crashed the tan Bentley again!  Can YOU lend me 89 million baht now, please?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[sonthaya]

The " sick buffalo"story comes in many different versions, like sorry we have no money for fertilizer for the rice please send me 10 000 bath darling, etc.

[johnnyk]

Also known as the "mama sick, need go hopital" ploy, and other Light Classics.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

I doubt that it'd take a minute or two for the ' need ' to vary to suit the condition encountered.

[kayo]

Doc, I'm impressed. You strung together a complete and coherent sentence, with big words, and no smilies.

This 20K post thing has got to you hasn't it?

[Smokin Joe]

It's a well-known fact that the likelihood of a buffalo getting sick is dependent on a number of factors. It can be experessed mathematically as the current price of rice [r] divided the IQ of the punter times current price of gold [p] plus the number of kilometers offshore the punter is [o] times her father's average blood alcohol content [f] times an adjustment factor [F].

The full formula looks like this:

Buffalo (sick) = r ÷ i * p + o * f * F

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My fav of the day!

55555

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Doc, I'm impressed. You strung together a complete and coherent sentence, with big words, and no smilies.

This 20K post thing has got to you hasn't it?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

That could be it.......maybe

[zzdocxx]

Great thread, thanks for a laugh and potentially useful information.

[cwilliam]

Also known as the "mama sick, need go hopital" ploy, and other Light Classics.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just give 35baht now and tell them to go to a Thai hospital.I don't even check if they are really sick.Love that socialized health care.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Also known as the "mama sick, need go hopital" ploy, and other Light Classics.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just give 35baht now and tell them to go to a Thai hospital.I don't even check if they are really sick.Love that socialized health care.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

THIRTY baht

[PeaceBlondie]

Well, you can give a sick mother 5 baht to ride the motosai taxi to the 'o'pi'al.

There I was, lying in the middle of the road in a very face-losing situation in Mae Tang, and the young man kept asking me, "Go to 'o'pi'al?" I wanted to go to the hospital so badly that I replied, "No, take me to a HOSPITAL." I resolved that if I ever taught Engrish again, I'd teach the nakrian to pronounce most of the letters of 'hospital.'

[stevehaigh]

It's a well-known fact that the likelihood of a buffalo getting sick is dependent on a number of factors. It can be experessed mathematically as the current price of rice [r] divided the IQ of the punter times current price of gold [p] plus the number of kilometers offshore the punter is [o] times her father's average blood alcohol content [f] times an adjustment factor [F].

The full formula looks like this:

Buffalo (sick) = r ÷ i * p + o * f * F

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i'd like to nominate this for post of the year

[Spee]

OK, a one year buffalo (either sex) will cost 10,000 Baht.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You and your missus are spot on. At my house blessing party earlier this year, we paid a little under 9K ThB, and that included slaughter, butcher and delivery.

(or about the same as a single sit-down dinner at a top Manhattan steak joint)

[The_Other_Mac]

Also known as the "mama sick, need go hopital" ploy, and other Light Classics.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just give 35baht now and tell them to go to a Thai hospital.I don't even check if they are really sick.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Nor does the doctor.

(To spoil the joke; the 30 baht healthcare scheme only covers a limited range of treatments, although the official list is being extended. Most operative surgery isn't covered, even life-saving stuff. So "mother needs an eye operation" can still be used.)

[Pudgimelon]

It's a well-known fact that the likelihood of a buffalo getting sick is dependent on a number of factors. It can be experessed mathematically as the current price of rice [r] divided the IQ of the punter times current price of gold [p] plus the number of kilometers offshore the punter is [o] times her father's average blood alcohol content [f] times an adjustment factor [F].

The full formula looks like this:

Buffalo (sick) = r ÷ i * p + o * f * F

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, let's see how that would work out.

The current price of rice is:

http://www.foodmarketexchange.com/datacent...rice0701_01.htm

r = 323

Anybody who falls for something like this would have to be below average intelligence (100), so let's estimate 90 as the average punter IQ.

i = 90

The current price of gold is:

http://www.bangkokpost.net/171205_Business...c2005_biz38.php

p = 10850

Almost all punters are from England, and London is the capital of Punterland, so the distance from Bangkok to London is 9536 kilometers.

o = 9536

The legal limit of blood alcohol content in Thailand is .05 (which by the way is .03 points lower than the US or Britain, thus proving that Thais can't hold their liquor).

f = .05

You didn't mention what the Adjustment Factor was, so I had to guess. It could be based on several different factors, including:

1) the number of "boyfriends" she currently has

2) the number of children (each by a different father) she has

3) the number of times they had sex before he "fell in love" with her (she always falls "in love" with him after the first time),

4) the number of months they will correspond online before he gets a clue

5) the number of women he's ever had a relationship with in his whole life (not including his mother)

6) the length of his "trouser-titan" (in centimeters)

Strangely enough, all of these factors equal five, so:

F = 5

So:

B = r ÷ i * p + o * f * F

works out as:

B = 323 ÷ 90 * 10850 + 9536 * .05 * 5

Which means that B = 12118.86 baht

So the 10,000 baht per buffalo in the OP is quite reasonable. I'd say that if she's asking for anything more than 15,000 baht and you know you're getting the "farang discount".

Don't be a schmuck and don't encourage double-pricing (like those punters who pay the farang rate at national parks). Tell her that you insist on pay the same rate as all her Thai boyfriends, and email her this formula to prove to her that you're no fool .

[BambinA]

jeeezz.. i love the way Pudgy solved the match equation...

[The_Other_Mac]

[Crossy]

jeeezz.. i love  the  way Pudgy  solved the  match  equation...

But with a 'trouser titan' of only 5 Centimetres (about 2 inches)

Must be the cold!!!

[zzap]

Great post.

Except for a minor false assumption:

Tell her that you insist on pay the same rate as all her Thai boyfriends,...

Her Thai bfs don't pay anything, but each sick buffalo provides a carefree life for 6 weeks for one of them.

So, the number of farang bfs must be much greater than Thai bfs, to sustain this situation. Alternatively, a fast turnover of farang bfs is indicated, perfectly feasible, since the average holiday visit period is 2-3 weeks.

[sonthaya]

Also known as the "mama sick, need go hopital" ploy, and other Light Classics.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I just give 35baht now and tell them to go to a Thai hospital.I don't even check if they are really sick.Love that socialized health care.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

35 Bath, you are really being very generous