Thailand Really Likes Old Western Guys

[maxme]

just a thought, the ones you do hang out with, dont give them anything, and see if they stick around.

I don't really see young thais hitting the town with old thai men, very rare.

Is it also the truth that they believe all old farang are handsome to, or could it be just maybe, just a guess, that they want something.

god dam_n when will it sink in.

I see alot of young Thai girls with old Thai, Chinese and Japanese guys so why would it be so surprising theyhang out with old farang farts?

[KeyserSoze01]

just a thought, the ones you do hang out with, dont give them anything, and see if they stick around.

I don't really see young thais hitting the town with old thai men, very rare.

Is it also the truth that they believe all old farang are handsome to, or could it be just maybe, just a guess, that they want something.

god dam_n when will it sink in.

My wifes very good friend is 31, her husband is 58 ......... both Thai, both farmers.

They have two children and no money.

As Manarak says, I also see many young Thai girls seeing much older Thai men. If you were to mix a bit more with Thais, in Thai areas, you would see more of this.

It is the same throughout South & Central America also. No one thinks anything of it. It is the western moralistic society that frowns on a wide age gap between partners. We are conditioned to believe there is something wrong with it, when in fact it is the norm in most of the world.

[473geo]

I have no problems with those who abide by the laws, rules and regulations but unfortunately many here I consider as suspect and shady, so these sudden influxes of farangs into the provinces is not a good thing in my opinion and certainly not beneficial for the ex-pats that are already here.

I agree that obeying Thai Immigration rules is only right and we foreigners must make an effort to fit in and adapt to the local culture.

However, for those that jump through the hoops, you will never really be accepted. Even Thai government discourages foreigners from staying long term. (One year extensions of stay, property ownership)

There is a lot to like and enjoy about Thailand but at the end of the day the Thais don't really want us there.

How many foreigners have Thai citizenship? How many Thais also enjoy foreign (western) citizenship?

I believe the Thai are not too concerned we are here......they just don't want foreigners buying up rural Thailand, is that so difficut to understand?

Funny, alot of foreigners are buying up alot of land in western countries and we arent overrun yet are we? Besides not all are up for bids so this is just xenophobic paranoia.

You are welcome to your opinion......if foreigners not being allowed to buy large chunks of land poses a problem for you......your issue not a Thai issue

[maxme]

That sentence made no sense yet it did. So where are u from 473geo?

[payak]

read my post again, I said not many thai woman have older thai men, I never said it does not happen.

but don't talk rubbish, it's not common, and the girls are usually mostly trash, read that carefully this time to as i said mostly not all.

I also do mix with many thais in thai areas, for those who posted i don't yet don't even know me.

all my thai friends find it disgusting to be with older partners, don't flame me aas thats there thought, they think it's disgusting, as they say they have a dad already.

could it be that my friends are financially secure,

[payak]

young thai girls with old thai men is not common, so please stop the bs here,

[arthurwait]

just a thought, the ones you do hang out with, dont give them anything, and see if they stick around.

I don't really see young thais hitting the town with old thai men, very rare.

Is it also the truth that they believe all old farang are handsome to, or could it be just maybe, just a guess, that they want something.

god dam_n when will it sink in.

My wifes very good friend is 31, her husband is 58 ......... both Thai, both farmers.

They have two children and no money.

As Manarak says, I also see many young Thai girls seeing much older Thai men. If you were to mix a bit more with Thais, in Thai areas, you would see more of this.

Yep you do see some, but it isn't that much comapred to the whole population. Younger girls with older men on dates in shopping malls and restaurants. They are usually gold diggers to whatever extent with sugar daddies, girls paying their way through university, girls looking for a promotion at work, the girl given a job for her looks with out the skills needed for the job. Mia nois, gigs looking for some money, security etc.

There probably is happily married genuine couples with a large age difference, but the number will be limited and without knowing the couples personally we will never know the truth about it anyway.

I know nothing of the couple you mention. They may have no money, but I guess the farm is his so he has land, an income source and a house of some sort which is a lot more than a farm girl will get starting out on her own. It may have even been an arranged marriage.

With the high gay male population here along with the work shy alcoholics and womanizers the number of available marriage material women far out weighs the male equivilent and no social welfare system means many will settle for security.

I've known several girls back home in the UK whose first boyfriend was 15-20 years older who told them all the right things they wanted to hear when they were at an age when they were desperate for a boyfriend, same same in any cases here I imagine.

[maxme]

read my post again, I said not many thai woman have older thai men, I never said it does not happen.

but don't talk rubbish, it's not common, and the girls are usually mostly trash, read that carefully this time to as i said mostly not all.

I also do mix with many thais in thai areas, for those who posted i don't yet don't even know me.

all my thai friends find it disgusting to be with older partners, don't flame me aas thats there thought, they think it's disgusting, as they say they have a dad already.

could it be that my friends are financially secure,

Im not flaming u but perhaps I should have been more specific. Take touristy places including Bkk and its a "common sight" NOT a common thing among gals. I also see the difference in European and American tolerance as in the US is not very uncommon with gaps in ages while Europeans frown as soon as they hear about it.

[payak]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

[Berkshire]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

You really should try not to be too overly judgemental. For instance, I'm sure you know there are farangs in farangland who consider any Thai/Farang relationship to be dodgy, regardless of age. How would you feel being the object of scorn?

[arthurwait]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

Live and let live. It's peoples personal choice.

[kerryk]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

The name of the thread is “Thailand really likes old Western guys.”It is not “Thailand really likes young British tattooed football hooligans.”I would expect an older readership. Duh....

[maxme]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

That would be assuming, but I suspect its not far from the truth. Although I wouldnt mind getting an older woman than me IF I were single. They tend to whine less than the younger ones.

[maxme]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

You really should try not to be too overly judgemental. For instance, I'm sure you know there are farangs in farangland who consider any Thai/Farang relationship to be dodgy, regardless of age. How would you feel being the object of scorn?

Those discriminating looks and views originate mostly from farang women, especially from Europe

[Koratpat]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

You really should try not to be too overly judgemental. For instance, I'm sure you know there are farangs in farangland who consider any Thai/Farang relationship to be dodgy, regardless of age. How would you feel being the object of scorn?

Those discriminating looks and views originate mostly from farang women, especially from Europe

I usually catch the guys in the US checking out the wife and then the fatty wife gets all huffy and mad about it!! LOL

[TommoPhysicist]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai,

even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

I would say the majority of village and hill-tribe girls are married to much older men, that is what traditionally happens in Thailand. (and even more common in China)

(Usually the rural Thai girls aged 13-16 get married to someone 10-20 years or more older)

In the more westernized areas Thais are influenced by 'Hollywood' ideals and tend to date/marry similar aged.

Is it 'dodgy', well if you are a Victorian/Christian prude, then it would seem so.

If you are a Buddhist then it is irrelevant.

As for posters on this forum, I'm guessing most, like me, have partners that are 20 years younger.

We are older, we have money, we can provide.

You youngsters, on the other hand, generally have little money, little future prospects and can't provide.

And my fellow villagers see nothing 'dodgy' in me aged 50+ marrying a widow lady aged 30, she was far too old for any of the other men to consider marrying (the single guys all want 15YOs), and was causing problems among the married men. I problem I kindly solved for everyone.

Most of the young people who make the sort of post you do, appear envious rather than disgusted.

Edited April 16, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[GuestHouse]

The self delusion continues.

[maxme]

The self delusion continues.

At least we get it in writing. Tommo I like u but u have delusions of grandeur. LOL

[BigJohnnyBKK]

still dont see it as common, happens but in know way is it common with thai on thai, even if you see one every hour, still not ciommon.

does anyone besides me find the age gap relationships dodgy, or am i now in the minority on here, that tells me most here must be far older then there girls.

Yes, I find absolutely nothing "wrong" with any age gap in itself. And "even if you see one every hour still not common" doesn't make any sense to me at all, that is the definition of **very** common to me, not just "common".

read my post again, I said not many thai woman have older thai men, I never said it does not happen.

but don't talk rubbish, it's not common, and the girls are usually mostly trash, read that carefully this time to as i said mostly not all.

I also do mix with many thais in thai areas, for those who posted i don't yet don't even know me.

all my thai friends find it disgusting to be with older partners, don't flame me aas thats there thought, they think it's disgusting, as they say they have a dad already.

could it be that my friends are financially secure,

Yes that could be, or possibly they're just agreeing with you because you've expressed your very strong feelings so aggressively.

You honestly think there is something wrong with a girl choosing to trade her youth and beauty for financial security? Even if both partners are fully aware of what's going on? Really?

I don't really see young thais hitting the town with old thai men, very rare.

They may not "hit the town", but they are visited on a regular basis, totally normal and **common** for married men to have their mia noi's as you well know. Or maybe all your wealthy Thai friends keep the reality hidden from you because they've seen that you're likely to make a fuss about it - the #1 rule is to be accepting, keep things civil and discreet, and I can see where they can't trust you to understand that.

It's really just a question of judgement and interpretation. It seems to me that you assume that "love" is the only valid reason for people to partner, while a woman who selects a man based on stability and security is by definition morally suspect, maybe even just one step up from a prostitute.

That's not the way it works anywhere in Asia. It is perfectly acceptable for families to arrange marriages for their daughters, for women consider practical issues paramount, that "love" is a foolish basis for long-term harmony in a relationship.

If a relatively poor woman marries an older man for the sake of her security, that's just normal, admirably smart and nothing wrong with it. If they are decent people and cultivate their mutual happiness, that is what I call real love as opposed to the heinous emotional fantasy pushed by western media culture.

Even if a 90 year-old guy goes out and makes arrangements with a family for their teenage virgin daughter to take care of him in his old age - as long as she is willing to go along for the sake of helping her family and there isn't any deception or coercion involved - IMO there isn't anything wrong with that. But of course that isn't what we're talking about there, just taking the ethics involved to an extreme example, probably most won't agree to that extent.

But bottom line - get off your high horse and stop judging people based on your own narrow prejudices.

[TommoPhysicist]

Really good post there BJBKK

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Regarding family "love", I find such bonds to be much stronger and long-lasting here than what is common back home, and agree that's because the Thais are fewer generations away from knowing real hunger, and also that they don't have any other safety net to fall back on.

You are confusing the life long burden of gilt strapped on Thai children by their parents (usually their mother) with family love.

No, I think you are coming from your own cultural programming that says the elderly should make their own arrangements for security and children shouldn't have to take care of their parents in their old age.

That just isn't possible for 90% of Thais, and even in the wealthy west most people will find it very very difficult because they bought into BS that their employers, unions or government would take care of them in their old age.

I think the traditional Asian model to be much more sensible and sustainable.

IMO love is a verb, shown by actions in helping each other. The mythical "love" - ie based solely on feeling and words isn't nearly as important.

Thailand always had rice and lots of it. Google Thailand famine. No results? Of course not. Thais never had a famine.

True for the country as a whole, but I'm not talking about national statistics. Individual areas have had extended droughts for years where people may not die, but malnutrition definitely takes place as a result. The was much more true in the past before government-assisted irrigation schemes, but still, the government doesn't help out until people start actually starving. The degree of malnutrition required to cause misery, negative effects on children's growth etc is actually still present in many of Thailand's poor provinces. Not all families help each other out, and in many areas nearly everyone in the community suffers together.

The fact that they can't catch frogs, snakes and fish in the rice canals anymore is a frequent complaint heard from village elders - and they aren't complaining just out nostalgia, but because they are now dependent on cash income for survival, whereas before subsistence farmers used cash money for only a small fraction of their food.

You may find it difficult to get hard numbers on this stuff online, but if so I reckon that's just because those in a position to gather accurate statistics probably don't care that much, such facts are quite rightly embarrassing to TPTB and "harmful to the reputation of the country".

If you want "hard evidence" of this, just head upcountry and visit the schools in the poorest areas; you will find that a high percentage of students' development has been severely stunted by lack of sufficient protein. You don't need fancy tests and statistics, just squeeze their limbs, weigh them and compare their BMI to the children of your wealthier Thai friends. Even more so if you visit the homes that **don't** send their children to school, because they can't afford the cost of books and uniform, or even the 5 or 10 baht per day that most kids get to spend on snacks at lunchtime, or need them to go out and work from 12-13 on to put food on the table.

Next you'll be telling me how immoral the parents are, how they're just lazy and its all their own fault for not bettering themselves. . .

[TommoPhysicist]

If you want "hard evidence" of this, just head upcountry and visit the schools in the poorest areas; you will find that a high percentage of students' development has been severely stunted by lack of sufficient protein. You don't need fancy tests and statistics, just squeeze their limbs, weigh them and compare their BMI to the children of your wealthier Thai friends. Even more so if you visit the homes that **don't** send their children to school, because they can't afford the cost of books and uniform, or even the 5 or 10 baht per day that most kids get to spend on snacks at lunchtime, or need them to go out and work from 12-13 on to put food on the table.

Just to point out a small error in your post, junior schools (under 11s) provide lunch free of charge to all pupils.

Also anyone hungry can eat for free at the local temple.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Just to point out a small error in your post, junior schools (under 11s) provide lunch free of charge to all pupils.

Also anyone hungry can eat for free at the local temple.

Wasn't talking about lunch money - some months even I can't afford to give my son change to bring to school for the snacks they sell at break time, and he suffers for it, breaks my heart. I'm not even worried about kids teasing him and the family losing face, which as you know is more important than life itself for many Thais.

And the local temple wasn't giving out free food in the villages like this I'm talking about, but next time I head out there I'll inquire about that.

[GuestHouse]

You are confusing the life long burden of gilt strapped on Thai children by their parents (usually their mother) with family love.

No, I think you are coming from your own cultural programming that says the elderly should make their own arrangements for security and children shouldn't have to take care of their parents in their old age.

That just isn't possible for 90% of Thais, and even in the wealthy west most people will find it very very difficult because they bought into BS that their employers, unions or government would take care of them in their old age.

I think the traditional Asian model to be much more sensible and sustainable.

Let me give you an example, just one of many occasions I have observed of Thais strapping guilt on their children.

While living in Rome my wife and I used to get regular visits from a handful of Thai Airways crew, they'd call by, hang out, have meals with us, on the whole an enjoyable time.

On one occasion one of the Thai air stewardesses who was visiting asked if she could use our phone to call home as she wanted to call her young son. Perfectly understandable - I myself, and many people here have been in this position, away from home wanting to call our children.

I and I'm sure most here recall these occasions, chatting with our children, perhaps explaining where we are and when we'll be back, almost always regretting we are not with our children, but of course not wanting to let the little one pick-up on the fact we are home sick.

Not so this Thai woman, she proceeds immediately to play on her child's emotions - "Mum does want to be away, mum hates being away but I do it for you, I only go away because I have to take care of you, you are missing your mum aren't you, tell me you are missing your mum. I cry at night every night when I'm away from you, do you know how I sacrifice for you" on and on and on.

Not the first time I've seen such behaviour - This is not family love - This is strapping a guilt trip on their children.

And please, while you might want to buy into the myth of the perfect extended family, all taking care of each other - it remains a myth at best an economic necessity at worst a living hell.

[wana]

Just to point out a small error in your post, junior schools (under 11s) provide lunch free of charge to all pupils.

Also anyone hungry can eat for free at the local temple.

Wasn't talking about lunch money - some months even I can't afford to give my son change to bring to school for the snacks they sell at break time, and he suffers for it, breaks my heart. I'm not even worried about kids teasing him and the family losing face, which as you know is more important than life itself for many Thais.

And the local temple wasn't giving out free food in the villages like this I'm talking about, but next time I head out there I'll inquire about that.

you cant afford to give your son 5 thb for food snacks some months ? are you honestly that poor as a farang in bangkok ?

[GuestHouse]

If you want "hard evidence" of this, just head upcountry and visit the schools in the poorest areas; you will find that a high percentage of students' development has been severely stunted by lack of sufficient protein. You don't need fancy tests and statistics, just squeeze their limbs, weigh them and compare their BMI to the children of your wealthier Thai friends. Even more so if you visit the homes that **don't** send their children to school, because they can't afford the cost of books and uniform, or even the 5 or 10 baht per day that most kids get to spend on snacks at lunchtime, or need them to go out and work from 12-13 on to put food on the table.

Just to point out a small error in your post, junior schools (under 11s) provide lunch free of charge to all pupils.

Also anyone hungry can eat for free at the local temple.

I went to visit a Thai friend of mine last month, he teaches at a local government school in Sriracha (hardly the poorest region of Thailand). It was lunch time and he explained he was on lunch duty so our conversation was had while we walked around the school grounds, around the backs of buildings and along the back of the sorts stands.

Not looking for kids smoking or up to mischief, but gathering up the kids who hide there because they don't have any lunch money. A local charity provides free food for them - but who's feeding them at home.

The idea that there is no hunger in Thailand is hogwash

[BigJohnnyBKK]

you cant afford to give your son 5 thb for food snacks some months ? are you honestly that poor as a farang in bangkok ?

Yes, sometimes I've only got a few hundred baht cash, not sure if my customer's going to pay my invoice tomorrow or in five days, five hungry mouths to feed, so start to get very conservative, only spend on what's absolutely necessary.

Plus I don't want him to grow up thinking he can just take something like that for granted, even when I can afford it, some days he gets 20, some days none.

[TommoPhysicist]

Wasn't talking about lunch money - some months even I can't afford to give my son change to bring to school for the snacks they sell at break time, and he suffers for it, breaks my heart. I'm not even worried about kids teasing him and the family losing face, which as you know is more important than life itself for many Thais.

Being farmers we have loads of food but little cash.

When we are short of cash, we send our kid off with a 'snack pail', boiled corn cobs, mango and sticky rice, banana and sticky rice, wrapped in banana leaves. Nothing fancy, whatever we have in season. With spares for her to hand around. No loss of face there.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

And please, while you might want to buy into the myth of the perfect extended family, all taking care of each other - it remains a myth at best an economic necessity at worst a living hell.

I'm not claiming there aren't plenty of dysfunctional Thai parents or whole families out there.

I'm saying the tradition of family helping each other out is a very valuable one, and IMO much stronger here than what I see back home.

And more specifically, I feel the same way about the subsidiary tradition of children taking care of their parents in their old age, and the fact that that needs to be done in person, not by shipping them off to an institution.

I wish I could do more to help my mum, even though she is very wealthy and doesn't need financial help, my experience here in Thailand makes me feel my personal obligations to her much more strongly than I would if I hadn't lived here.

[KeyserSoze01]

But bottom line - get off your high horse and stop judging people based on your own narrow prejudices.

Quite easy for some to make judgments about how someone else lives their life. Much easier than looking in the mirror and doing something about their own lives.