Tomboy Gik

[pxlgirl]

It's always interesting how guys biatch and moan about women wanting their money, yet they rather avoid western women who are considered a bit too emancipated/independent. You get what you give...

[kurnell]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband, but it is very difficult to convince the Tom that the relationship is over. Too many male hormones I think.

90% huh?

Possibly 100

Dude, you better quit whatever it is you're on.

I just had a very strong coffee.

[robertson468]

I have a Female Thai Friend (and no, not my wife) who confided in me that despite being married to a Farang (who I don't know) she is strongly bi-sexual and "her thing" is blonde Farang women. She was almost obsessed to have a sexual encounter with a blonde and would often ask my advice how best to go about it - even going to the extent of enrolling on various websites to look for a suitable female sex partner. She did finally achieve her objective and as I was an uninvolved friend, became her confidante for her affair. I did warn her that if either party found out accidentally she could loose one or both of them as normally most people do not like to share their partner, also that in time her activity might weigh heavily on her mind, especially once the initial excitement wore off. She said that she loves her husband very dearly. In the end she confessed to him that she is bi-sexual and this was part of her character to which she has a stong inclination. He gave his approval for her to periodically to see her Girlfriend, but providing she kept her hetro and homo sexual aspects of her life completely seperate. According to her, he seems to have accepted the situation and they are even planning to have a baby sometime in the future. Will they survive, who knows? Who knows if any relationship will survive, but at least they have removed a large part of the deceipt from their relationship, which can be but a good thing. Perhaps it is time that your Friend and his Wife sat down and had a good chat? If she fails to do so, perhaps she has much to hide and the trust has gone in the relationship, in which case it is time for them both to go their separate ways. I would also suggest that the Tom's "groping" is completely unacceptable and should be told so - personally I would ban her from my house, assuming it is his house, therefore is entitled to set what standards of behavior are acceptable in the house. Trois menage sounds exciting, but do they work in the long term - someone tends to be left out and it is unlikely to be the wife or the girlfriend!!

Edited May 3, 2012 by robertson468

[how241]

OP it's none of your business, so stay away from this issue with your friend. You can't win.

As to the issue, forget the Tom element, there is a person being sexually agressive with the wife. To make it worse, in sobriety, in a public place, going by the first story. As far as I am aware that is beyond out of order in Thailand.

Forget the alcohol story, to me that first story is the serious one. The fact that the wife has not cut all contact after being groped in public tells you there is a back story to this, an intense back story.

Your friend is in a bad situation, he can't be watching his wife 24/7, and it looks like she is emotionally involved / having a relationship with this other person.

He's going to have to regard it as he would any extra-marital affair. The fact that it is a Tom may be entertaining for Guesthouse but it's irrelevant as to the carnage that may follow.

Distrust is a cancer.

Ps. I told a story on TV recently about a French guy getting his head kicked in for groping.

If you ever want your head kicked in then touch a Thai guys gf or wife, if you grope them be prepared for the worst.

The level of disrespect shown by this Tom is breathtaking.

+1

[kerrysum]

Maybe he needs to find a hot bitch and have her grope him in front of his wife..... He may love her, but at least he would know what is going on.....

nuff said....... toms are pretty common in Thailand....

And as another poster said, Thailand does have different customs, they do think a little different......

Kilosierra

[LUSHGOAT]

I agree with some members about a threesome that way you will find out for sure what's really going on. Your friends wife will show her true colours so to speak,then if your friend doesn't like it get out. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

Edited May 3, 2012 by LUSHGOAT

[johnlandy]

i guess he hasn't done his wife well (sexually) in bed as a man...if he has, she will never go near that tom again

Dream on .... and pigs don't fly , or is the pope a catholic.....

[vtjforyou]

Hate these toms who pretend to be as strong as guys...

[ataloss]

RE: Not unless she can involve me in a few threesomes with with her gorgeous dee pal. Then I'm open to negotiation.

And a 'dee' is? The tom's significant female other?

[hhiser]

There seem to be regular 'tom' threads starting these days!

Why heterosexual guys think they'd get off watching their GF with a masculine looking tom, I have no idea.

Dee and Dee would be better! The female identified lesbians in Thailand are much more attractive than the ones in the US.

[TommoPhysicist]

And a 'dee' is? The tom's significant female other?

Dee is Toms girlfriend, but remember Dee is not a lesbian, Dee will happily date men as well (as long as they pick up the bills).

[anterian]

I sometimes wonder if I live in a different Thailand to others, I am frequently "flirted" with by the wives of Thai friends and in front of their husbands, not only that but the husbands and my partner encourage and enjoy this. Sexual pleasures and problems are openly publicly discussed and everyone wants to know how the farang shapes up in bed. All these taboos about touching that guide books talk about don't seem to exist, if I was to judge by what I see, most Thais in my village, male and female, are gay.

[TommoPhysicist]

All these taboos about touching that guide books talk about don't seem to exist, if I was to judge by what I see, most Thais in my village, male and female, are gay.

There are no taboos about same sex touching, only male/female touching.

You have failed to understand, which is why your 'gay' judgments would be wrong.

[marioc]

Sorry if this is not well written, but I'm reduced to one hand typing.

I suggest this warrants a webcam in the bedroom for those times when the husband is not around.

And please don't forget to post the URL

[w11guy]

I think that 90% of Thai women have a relationship with a Tom at some stage in their life, and then move on to a boyfriend/husband, but it is very difficult to convince the Tom that the relationship is over. Too many male hormones I think.

Yet another person who only knows a few bar girls but thinks he knows how every female in Thailand acts. You're pathetic.

[atyclb]

i think the wife and the tomboy have a full on relationship thats been going on for some years. the husband is just the meal ticket.

i spoke to a thai man the other day whos wife is living with a farang for 3 years he told me that when she has got enough money from him she will come back to him. same same for lesbien its not just about the money its all about the money.

tit

Non Thai men should not feel slighted by this because Thai's do it amongst themselves all the time, that is cheat and use and take advantage for financial gain.

[Greer]

There seem to be regular 'tom' threads starting these days!

Why heterosexual guys think they'd get off watching their GF with a masculine looking tom, I have no idea.

May be it's better to watch than a thai soap.............

ANYTHING is better to watch than a Thai soap...

[nosatisfaction]

Some husbands would pay good money to watch that stuff.

good anough answer, I was gonna say why not make a TRIO of it?

[TommoPhysicist]

Yet another person who only knows a few bar girls but thinks he knows how every female in Thailand acts. You're pathetic.

My 14yo daughter is currently in a relationship with a Tom, I can assure you she is not a bar girl, and has never been in a bar.

We are very happy with it, as no worries about pregnancy, and it doesn't distract from her school work.

(I consider it a little like girls who have horses in the UK)

[anterian]

"You have failed to understand, which is why your 'gay' judgments would be wrong. "

No, you have failed to understand my comment, physical contact, often suggestive contact, is common between the sexes. Perhaps the reason is that a village is more like an extended family.

[theblether]

RE: Not unless she can involve me in a few threesomes with with her gorgeous dee pal. Then I'm open to negotiation.

And a 'dee' is? The tom's significant female other?

A brief synopsis, that will cause debate no doubt.

Dee and Tom is common, feminine and Tomboy. Tom and Tom is rare, very rare, but starting to emerge. Dee and Dee less rare, but used to be unheard of.

Dee is the princess, she expects to be treated like a princess, and the Toms have a hard time of it keeping up with demands.

A Dee will casually dump her Tom and take up married life, leaving the Tom desolate. In some cases, the Dee will continue the relationship while married, but basically it is a one way street all in favour of the Dee.

Google Tom and Dee if you want more info, it's interesting to read many Thais elastic relationship with sexuality. It's one of the things at odds with our Western ideas. It is a shock to many Westerners.

As time moves on a lot of previously taboo relationships such as dee/dee and tom/tom are coming out.

In a country that is so liberal in it's attitude to sex, on some issues it can be completely illiberal. Tom/dee is fine, but Tom/Tom or Dee/Dee is scandalous.

Going back to the OP, the idea of the friends wife being involved previously in a Tom/Dee relationship is humdrum. Even wanting to still be involved is relatively humdrum.

The scandalous part in the OP was the groping in the gas station in particular. If a Thai guy was the husband methinks the Tom would be nursing a broken jaw.

[Dap]

Your friend's wife doesn't have a husband, she has an ATM, simple as that!

Goodness... are you suggesting most Thai wives are "gold diggers"? Well I never, what is Thaivisa coming to????

Thai wives ... they're just like American wives, German wives, Canadian wives, and Australian wives ... They ALL want your money.

But ... I don't have any money for my wife to take

[MILT]

From the OP

What can i do to help this poor guy.

Why are you even trying to help with this very personal and intimate marital relationship issue of your alleged married friend?

It's not y'all is it now?

I would have to agree. It sounds as.

[arrowsdawdle]

Your friend's wife doesn't have a husband, she has an ATM, simple as that!

Goodness... are you suggesting most Thai wives are "gold diggers"? Well I never, what is Thaivisa coming to????

Thai wives ... they're just like American wives, German wives, Canadian wives, and Australian wives ... They ALL want your money.

But ... I don't have any money for my wife to take

Are you insured?

[Greer]

Thailand is sounding more horrible all the time, it all seems to be immersed in sexuality, and little else, i have been looking for a thai for a long time, i have have a lot of offers but i just didnt trust the ones i met, but now i am going off the idea of being in Thailand and marrying a Thai girl.

All sounds so mangy, and low class, seems like it would be near impossible to get an honorable girl to be and honerable Wife.

So much death and crime in Thailand, what a hole

Sorry but i hate what it has become there, once the Thai were the most honerable and proud people

Look at them now

No its not horrible at all - its just that if you concentrate on readng the news that petains to this sort of thing, then obviously it will seem to be very unbalanced and bent on sex, drugs and bad traffic.

I have lived in Bangkok for 20 years, and its a great place with an overall positive balance of good and friendly people...

Just remember that any forum of expats will usually bring out the views of the extreme in either side, whilst the vast majority are happy with ther lot, and see no reason to post - I am happy, but I post the odd comment more in defence of my adopted country, than to criticise, but I am not blind to its faults.

Its not perfect, but its certainly not horrible by any stretch of the imagination - come over, spend a few weeks, meet the people, then see what you think.

As for the tom and the wife, the guy probably needs to sit down with them and have a talk. An open relationship may work, but if it seems to be going off the rails, he can always pull the plug (no pun intended)...

[lannaman]

PM me please as I have had a similar situation, and I would rather not say things on the public domain. I hope I can give your friend some sound advice.

[Tatsujin]

Simple problem, simple solution . . . as long as the OP can join in . . . let the Tom enjoy the wife as much as she wants

[Greer]

Another thing to bear in mind before taking any sort of violent action against ANYONE (not just in this case), is that if you are not Thai, you stand a very good chance of upsetting someone who has a connection to either the police or the mafia - neither of which you need as enemies - "suicides" do happen..... living the quiet life is definitely the way to go, if the guy can find a way forward that he can accept..

[DonGato]

I have a Thai lady friend who told me of something funny that might sound interesting to look at...?

She said: "address the Tom like a girl and she'll run away like crazy"...

I looked a her like what?... and she added:

"call her honey, tell her she looks cute today, buy and extra lipstick for the tom, face her with a smile everyday and make obvious that you are checking her around as a woman and when she (it is a she alright) has a bad mood, joke about someone having the period today. Give her a pack of Kotex and tell the tom -oh, one for the wife and one for you darling"

She says this technique (recommended by another tom classmate) got one molesting tom away from her sister... In the end, it is obvious that the dubious behave is just to upset the husband... so, why not turn things around and put the tom in the spotlight?... in the worst case-scenario, your friend can have some laugh as payback and test his lady's reaction...

Edited May 3, 2012 by DonGato

[pattayadingo]

Sounds like domination by the Tom to me too. I have met Toms here that can be very aggressive in their attitude and approach to either a broken relationship or in acquiring a new one.

At the end of the day it is down to the male partner of the g/f / wife to sit down and discuss what she wants. Once a decision has been made it is then up to the pair of them to stick by that.

If the g/f / wife is not vehement in her rejections of further sexual and physical advances from the Tom, the man has his answer. Then it is up to him to either join in, capitulate or walk away and take his money with him.

p.s. ....... at least join in a couple of times before you go