Do We Really Pay For It One Way Or Another?

[richard_smith237]

I've yet to emerge from any relationship or liaison with a non-working woman feeling like I've paid financially.

But she might have gained financially by sharing in your 'enhanced lifestyle'

Your expensive condo Vs her cheap condo.

Your air-con Vs her fan

Etc.

On this rationale: If the lady in question originates from a wealthier background than the guy would she be considered to ‘gain’… Would the guy be ‘paying’ for it then?

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

Yes, money is spent, but don’t we also spend money on our families and get presents for friends etc?

This idea of paying for sex in monetary terms in a relationship only succeeds in outing the singular dimension and narrow mindedness of those who suggest it

If some consider such things, why not just call it ‘Cost per dick foot’ ?? (i.e. the amount of money levied against the cost per measurement of penetration) – it simplifies things somewhat while also identifying that the relationship singularly involves penetration and nothing else.

[TommoPhysicist]

Yes, money is spent, but don’t we also spend money on our families and get presents for friends etc?

My definition of 'friend', someone I spend time with who doesn't need my money spent on them.

Your definition of friend may be different and include bludgers.

I only spend money on my current lover (of whatever status, at the moment wife) and direct family members.

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

[edwinclapham]

My wife's (non-financial) contribution to the relationship is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

I feel exactly the same way.

[barefoot1988]

i was once in a role of a typical thai boyfriend. the only thing i pay was my time

[AverageFarang]

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

Mate, that was multidimensionally insulting. You showed no mutual respect at all. Nothing about your post offered comfort or companionship.

But yeah, what utter <deleted>.

[HardenedSoul]

If you don't pay for it financially, you pay for it emotionally.

Maybe too many guys look at sex as something to be cajoled out of these women as though they're reluctant to "give it up" by default when in fact, the truth is that women love getting laid as much as men. If sex is all a man is after then sure, by all means, an offer of monetary compensation tends to cut through the crap but not all men are after only after a shag.

I was seeing a Thai woman with a foreign boyfriend/sponsor living in Switzerland. For sure she liked the guy but as he was in Geneva most of the time, she was always lonely. He'd given her a brand new motor, decent condo in one of those Noble buildings in Thong Lo and a generous monthly stipend. Met her in a decent bar where she had a table with her own booze.

The liaison cost me neither money nor emotional capital and she's still a good friend I can chat with.

[richard_smith237]

Yes, money is spent, but don’t we also spend money on our families and get presents for friends etc?

My definition of 'friend', someone I spend time with who doesn't need my money spent on them.

Your definition of friend may be different and include bludgers.

I only spend money on my current lover (of whatever status, at the moment wife) and direct family members.

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

I think you forgot to quote this...

This idea of paying for sex in monetary terms in a relationship only succeeds in outing the singular dimension and narrow mindedness of those who suggest it.

A healthy relationship involves more than sex. It doesn't matter if you think I'm a man or not to know that, it doesn't matter how many times I have been burnt or not to accept that and it doesn't matter how old I am. It also doesn't matter if you like the language or not (i.e Mutually respectful etc) the fact remains that a relationship is just that, a relationship and it involves much more than one singular activity - anything else is sex on its own, a simple meaningless shag. Some people strive for more, even if they have been burnt or are going to get burnt. But are they paying for it ? - The rewards of a relationship are greater than just sex. So, paying for it in monitory terms alone is only a viable explanation for a cash-for-sex transaction.

[brit1984]

If you don't pay for it financially, you pay for it emotionally.

Maybe too many guys look at sex as something to be cajoled out of these women as though they're reluctant to "give it up" by default when in fact, the truth is that women love getting laid as much as men. If sex is all a man is after then sure, by all means, an offer of monetary compensation tends to cut through the crap but not all men are after only after a shag.

I was seeing a Thai woman with a foreign boyfriend/sponsor living in Switzerland. For sure she liked the guy but as he was in Geneva most of the time, she was always lonely. He'd given her a brand new motor, decent condo in one of those Noble buildings in Thong Lo and a generous monthly stipend. Met her in a decent bar where she had a table with her own booze.

The liaison cost me neither money nor emotional capital and she's still a good friend I can chat with.

I don't want to upset you but having sex with someone else's girlfriend is not good

[HardenedSoul]

If you don't pay for it financially, you pay for it emotionally.

Maybe too many guys look at sex as something to be cajoled out of these women as though they're reluctant to "give it up" by default when in fact, the truth is that women love getting laid as much as men. If sex is all a man is after then sure, by all means, an offer of monetary compensation tends to cut through the crap but not all men are after only after a shag.

I was seeing a Thai woman with a foreign boyfriend/sponsor living in Switzerland. For sure she liked the guy but as he was in Geneva most of the time, she was always lonely. He'd given her a brand new motor, decent condo in one of those Noble buildings in Thong Lo and a generous monthly stipend. Met her in a decent bar where she had a table with her own booze.

The liaison cost me neither money nor emotional capital and she's still a good friend I can chat with.

I don't want to upset you but having sex with someone else's girlfriend is not good

Well that's a whole different discussion, Brit.

[richard_smith237]

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

Mate, that was multidimensionally insulting. You showed no mutual respect at all. Nothing about your post offered comfort or companionship.

But yeah, what utter <deleted>.

If thats the only way you can get it, continue to enjoy 'paying for it' then.... Threads like these do help some of us understand what brought some to Thailand in the first place. You can't 'get it' back home, so come to Thailand to 'pay for it' and spend the rest of the time justifying this in the assumption 'everyone pays for it'...

[theblether]

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

Mate, that was multidimensionally insulting. You showed no mutual respect at all. Nothing about your post offered comfort or companionship.

But yeah, what utter <deleted>.

If thats the only way you can get it, continue to enjoy 'paying for it' then.... Threads like these do help some of us understand what brought some to Thailand in the first place. You can't 'get it' back home, so come to Thailand to 'pay for it' and spend the rest of the time justifying this in the assumption 'everyone pays for it'...

On bended knee I thank thee Richard, you have nailed it.

[wana]

If you don't pay for it financially, you pay for it emotionally.

Maybe too many guys look at sex as something to be cajoled out of these women as though they're reluctant to "give it up" by default when in fact, the truth is that women love getting laid as much as men. If sex is all a man is after then sure, by all means, an offer of monetary compensation tends to cut through the crap but not all men are after only after a shag.

I was seeing a Thai woman with a foreign boyfriend/sponsor living in Switzerland. For sure she liked the guy but as he was in Geneva most of the time, she was always lonely. He'd given her a brand new motor, decent condo in one of those Noble buildings in Thong Lo and a generous monthly stipend. Met her in a decent bar where she had a table with her own booze.

The liaison cost me neither money nor emotional capital and she's still a good friend I can chat with.

I don't want to upset you but having sex with someone else's girlfriend is not good

Well ,Put it this way

Only one of them was being unfaithful ........and it wasnt Him .......

[HardenedSoul]

But yeah, what utter <deleted>.

If thats the only way you can get it, continue to enjoy 'paying for it' then.... Threads like these do help some of us understand what brought some to Thailand in the first place. You can't 'get it' back home, so come to Thailand to 'pay for it' and spend the rest of the time justifying this in the assumption 'everyone pays for it'...

Exactly. By all means, if you're too old/lazy/unattractive to get sex any other way, no one can really begrudge you dishing readies for it in a country where there are lots of women willing to accommodate you but, for cryin' out loud, don't try to tar every foreign guy with the same brush.

[TravelTeach]

But ultimately the men who say you pay one way or the other don't understand much about themselves or the world.

You haven't been divorced yet, have you?

No, but I understand logic. The phrase "one way or another" means that you will eventually pay for your experience. It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

But, eh, people enjoy ridicule so give it a shot!

[wana]

But ultimately the men who say you pay one way or the other don't understand much about themselves or the world.

You haven't been divorced yet, have you?

No, but I understand logic. The phrase "one way or another" means that you will eventually pay for your experience. It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

But, eh, people enjoy ridicule so give it a shot!

so having a marriage/wife costs you zero or costs less than living as a single guy would ?

[Bangkokhatter]

Richard does nail it quite well, I think those on here that come out with this nonsense are generally those that have been burnt in the past. Normally through a costly divorce.

I have been divorced back in the UK and probably headed for one here soon but I still don't hold the opinion of we all pay for it. It's all about the relationship, and out here most of us would probably earn more than our partners and i think it's quite natural that we shoulder most of the costs.

Totally different to taking a girl from the bar for a good time, that is paying for it, and nothing wrong with it either

[BookMan]

The pay for sex is a business relationship: you pay for a service.

A genuine relationship enters into a thousand other spheres. Sex is just one part of it.

In a relationship the woman is having sex with you because she genuinely finds you attractive in some way, not because you barfined her and it is her job.

In a relationship with a female you also get a lot more of course. A friend, a companion, a confidante, some self respect for yourself.

Given a choice, which I do have, I would rather spend my money in a relationship , with all the benefits, than on a Hooker.

An investment in genuine human companionship is something you really can't put a price on.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

My wife's (non-financial) contribution to the relationship is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

A healthy relationship involves more than sex.

I completely agree with all the above if the goal is monogamy, a single traditional mainstream "relationship" singular which attempts to combine true love, companionship, friendship, affection, loyalty etc etc with a certain amount of sexual satisfaction.

However I personally put a higher priority on the latter than most, and find it simply isn't possible to remain satisfied with a single sex partner for an extended period of time.

For those that are willing to search for alternatives, or even define their own standards for "love outside the box", it is entirely possible to have it all with honest open relationships.

No deception is required, you just have to be willing to take yourself out of the running as a potential mate for those women that think they need you to be monogamous in order for the relationship to be secure.

And of course she's free to have outside relationships as well, you just have to work a lot harder than most at communications and defining the ground rules, remain mutually respectful, emotionally supportive, vigorously honest and of course as safe as possible.

The main relationships may remain "multi-dimensional", and the relatively fleeting, sex-only ones come and go for both of you. If some of those are paid, some aren't becomes irrelevant, they may or may not have some of those other dimensions but you don't allow them to threaten the main ones.

There's nothing wrong with sex for its own sake, lots of quality and quantity and many partners. Nothing wrong with paying for it, because "it" is simply the sex part.

The problem comes when you try to pay for something that can't be bought and either party engages in deception, then of course there isn't a "really real" relationship there.

But none of these factors require "til death do us part" vows of monogamy, IMO an archaic remnant of religious/cultural programming that most of us don't actually believe in any more.

[/rant] If you've actually read this far, thanks for your patience.

[Heng]

If your spouse is someone who is comparable to you in ability, motivation, and education, then it's more likely that wealth will flow towards BOTH of you rather than from you to her or from her to you. I do sympathize with guys 'stuck' in those situations as I tried it myself one or twice with live in girlfriends in my early 20's. Glad I didn't make any of them a permanent fixture in my life.

[GuestHouse]

Not only is it refreshing to read so many posts that refute the assertion that men pay for it one way or another but I find myself in complete agreement with three posters who I normally disagree with on every level - The Blether, Street Cowboy and The Brit-Kid, the last post from the Brit nails exactly how I feel about this issue.

So thanks to all the positives here and thanks especially to my erstwhile foes in thought.

[TommoPhysicist]

If thats the only way you can get it, continue to enjoy 'paying for it' then....

At my age it's the only way I can get it from someone I want it off. Wait until you get to our age . . . . Then get it for free from a 55yo old woman.

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[TommoPhysicist]

It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

At the moment divorce is inevitable for more than 50% of all married men.

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[GuestHouse]

It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

At the moment divorce is inevitable for more than 50% of all married men.

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Which is about the same percentage of married women who wind up getting divorced - but who winds up with the kids and no option to feed and clothe them?

[arthurwait]

A chat with a workmate springs to mind. He said he's never paid for "it". So I said "What you just walk up to a bird in a club, and say lets go outside for a jump?" Answer, "Well no I have to take them out for a while." Second question, "Who pays?" "I do" He said. "Ah so the leg over is like a tip then, don't make me laugh, you still paid for sex." In cave man days men did it by proving they were great hunters.

Plenty of people have one night stands straight after meeting in a bar or club.

[DrTuner]

Easiest thing in the world to check. Refrain from all contact with females for six months while recording expenses, then indulge for the next six, keeping the basic underlying lifestyle same. Take the two figures and subtract. If it's zero, you're lucky, if it's positive, your business is apparently booming. I'd bet on 99% having a negative net effect.

[kerryk]

It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

At the moment divorce is inevitable for more than 50% of all married men.

Sent from my GT-P1000 using Thaivisa Connect App

Which is about the same percentage of married women who wind up getting divorced - but who winds up with the kids and no option to feed and clothe them?

My 40 year old daughter took herself off my facebook page last week and removed me from hers. She deleted her status as my daughter.

Her mother finally told her after 40 years who her real father was. I always suspected and had my suspicions confirmed 15 years ago as a result of blood tests before the birth of her oldest child. I never mentioned it to my daughter at the time. Who winds up with the financial responsibility to feed and clothe and pay for the education of a child that is not even yours? In my case it was me. Not much DNA testing 40 years ago. Who's your daddy? Have a DNA test. Am I cynical? Me?

Let me ask you. In a business deal do you take advantage of every opportunity at your disposal to make money? My ex wife picked the guy with the most money and told him he was the father. Me. Of course we were married and that lent credence to her argument as I was young and inexperienced at the time. I am older than that now.

[theblether]

It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

At the moment divorce is inevitable for more than 50% of all married men.

Sent from my GT-P1000 using Thaivisa Connect App

I'm happy that I got divorced, I'm also over the moon and thankful to my ex that I was married and had three kids. I have the best of both worlds now, I have my adult offspring, I have my delightful little grandson, and I have my freedom to do what I want when I want while I'm still young enough to enjoy it.

Luckily for me when I left my marriage I left my baggage behind, some people insist in dragging it about with them forever. Not for me, no thanks.......I'm too busy plotting my next adventure than to worry about money I spent 20 years ago.

By the way, I left my marriage with one holdall of clothes, and one van full of stock. Nothing else...........and old sage said to me at the time as long as you have your health and the ability to earn then don't look back. He was right.

You should consider divorce as a career opportunity, not as some life ending, life defining event. It can open the door to a whole new world, it did for me and may I say.......happy days!!!

[AverageFarang]

In a mutually respectful relationship the idea of paying for it is preposterous. The rewards of a successful relationship are emotional and comforting, companionship and affection. There is much more to a multidimensional relationship than ‘getting what you consider you’ve paid for in the way of sexual gratification’…

You must be quite young.

Mutually respectful ......... Multidimensional relationship ...... Comforting companionship ........ what utter b&*%$cks, please tell me you aren't a man.

If thats the only way you can get it, continue to enjoy 'paying for it' then.... Threads like these do help some of us understand what brought some to Thailand in the first place. You can't 'get it' back home, so come to Thailand to 'pay for it' and spend the rest of the time justifying this in the assumption 'everyone pays for it'...

On bended knee I thank thee Richard, you have nailed it.

Mate, there was a thread a few days back about women extorting money from men on Facebook.

And you wrote to say that you do internet dating. And you said that you flew all the way to Thailand to meet a girl you'd met "online" so that you could have a week long sex holiday.

You can say what you want. But it's clear to me why you come to Thailand. I'm not having a go or anything, but you gotta try to be consistent.

Like this blokes Richard says: Threads like these do help some of us understand what brought some to Thailand

[AverageFarang]

It's too bad things didn't work out for you in your marriage, but that doesn't happen with everyone. I have never been in financial trouble because of a woman, and it would be ridiculous to try and prove that it is inevitable.

At the moment divorce is inevitable for more than 50% of all married men.

Sent from my GT-P1000 using Thaivisa Connect App

Which is about the same percentage of married women who wind up getting divorced - but who winds up with the kids and no option to feed and clothe them?

My 40 year old daughter took herself off my facebook page last week and removed me from hers. She deleted her status as my daughter.

Her mother finally told her after 40 years who her real father was. I always suspected and had my suspicions confirmed 15 years ago as a result of blood tests before the birth of her oldest child. I never mentioned it to my daughter at the time. Who winds up with the financial responsibility to feed and clothe and pay for the education of a child that is not even yours? In my case it was me. Not much DNA testing 40 years ago. Who's your daddy? Have a DNA test. Am I cynical? Me?

Let me ask you. In a business deal do you take advantage of every opportunity at your disposal to make money? My ex wife picked the guy with the most money and told him he was the father. Me. Of course we were married and that lent credence to her argument as I was young and inexperienced at the time. I am older than that now.

Thanks for writing that mate. I feel for you.

[bendix]

Not only is it refreshing to read so many posts that refute the assertion that men pay for it one way or another but I find myself in complete agreement with three posters who I normally disagree with on every level - The Blether, Street Cowboy and The Brit-Kid, the last post from the Brit nails exactly how I feel about this issue.

So thanks to all the positives here and thanks especially to my erstwhile foes in thought.

Add me to the list of unlikely agree-ers.

What a truly awful thread this is - tinged with resentment, misogyny, an element of anti-Thai thrown in for good measure and every post revealing more about the posters than it does about the subject.

Thaivisa at its very worst.

I'm out.