My Wife'S Friends

[dean999]

It's sweet that the OP doesn't trust his wife or her friends.

Nice one.

When did i say i don't trust my wife? I said i don't trust anyone that use's the line about falang speaking good Thai. I never said my wife say's it. It's her friends. So i don't trust her friends. Read again.

That was a poor and misjudged post by Bendix.

I read that your wife positively encourages you to speak Thai. She sounds fantastic, loving and trusting to me.

If it was, then mea maxima culpa.

My sense was that she imparted a view to her husband about what her friends thought. He countered by saying does that mean Thais who speak English are no good.

She laughed and said it wasn't the same thing which seems to suggest she is defending and supporting their position, and countering his view.

Either way, if my - admittedly - throw away post gave offence, I apologise.

No worries, you never offened me.

Thank you theblether. My wife is the best. She tells me everything her friends say. Even things i have not liked, but thats a different story and personnel.

She has taught me a lot of Thai and she wants me to go to a school to learn the things she can't teach. I'm very lucky to have found her. She is my soul mate.

[Rsquared]

Just a reverse of the topic....when I first took my wife to Oz, she couldn't speak english very well, but understood it very well.

Many times while out she overheard many conversations that the people around her obviously thought that she couldn't understand her.

I found out some very amusing home truths about some people......

....back on topic, I am with Blether. I cannot speak Thai yet but would really love to be in the position of being thought that I cannot understand...then drop the bombshell.

As I live in the sticks and am constantly surrounded by Thai conversation, one would think that some of it would seep thru my thick skull....but alas am struggling. All the locals in the village (plus family) want me to be able to speak Thai.....so I haven't encountered the negative side out here.

[ozzieovaseas]

I found this comment before when meeting Thai women..they prefer a silly old farang who can't speak Thai..apparently it is easier to lie to a guy who doesnt speak Thai.

Don't ask me why this is, i would have thought such experts could lie under any conditions

[bendix]

[Then she proceeds to teach her husband as much Thai as possible. So it's obviously not an issue between the husband and wife.

It's a rare mistake from you Bendix, it would be better for you to hold your hands up than cast aspersions upon this marriage.

Hands already held up, with a big mea culpa.

[transam]

It's sweet that the OP doesn't trust his wife or her friends.

Nice one.

You must be reading a different OP from me to deduce that.

Try again Bendix.

Good job the OP's wife isn't a pensioner, Bendix would be in heaven. .

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I don't know who 'these women and their friends' are, and have no interest in them.

What I'm saying is that it's a tragedy that so many men marry people that they fundamentally don't trust, and I wonder what makes them do it.

Only a tragedy if they're being deceived, which in this case is much more likely if they are too trusting.

Many many reasons to get married besides the myth of romantic love, you don't have to feel sad about others' choices if they're made with their eyes wide open, just different choices from yours.

I agree with most posters, the Thais that don't like it are the ones either wanting to say bad things or trying to scam people.

Maybe a few of the wives or girlfriends prefer their man not to know too much so he is more reliant on them and will not wander, but i would imagine most partners would encourage learning the language.

Mine certainly nags me enough to start learning again

A good sign; I think a woman trying to keep her man dependent on her is likely up to no good.

So you're on the Thai government's watch list that they have maybe shared with the CIA?

Well given that AUA started out as a CIA-sponsored institution they probably get the list directly if they're interested.

[TommoPhysicist]

What I'm saying is that it's a tragedy that so many men marry people that they fundamentally don't trust, and I wonder what makes them do it.

I married mine because she had a really nice farm.

Her 'huge tracts of land' made me do it.

[theblether]

[Then she proceeds to teach her husband as much Thai as possible. So it's obviously not an issue between the husband and wife.

It's a rare mistake from you Bendix, it would be better for you to hold your hands up than cast aspersions upon this marriage.

Hands already held up, with a big mea culpa.

Full respect to you Bendix.

[StreetCowboy]

It's sweet that the OP doesn't trust his wife or her friends.

Nice one.

At least he can trust us

[somtampet]

My wife has never objected to me learning Thai (although i've been lazy to), and we have both witnessed Thai women say they don't want their husbands to learn the lingo.

For me, and the missus, we regard that as a sure sign the lady is trying to hide something. Very bad indeed.

In many farang/thai relationships ,the woman takes care of all shiopping /decision making and other affairs

and she probably likes it that way

A farang who can speak perfect thai is a much more daunting challenge for a woman

He doesnt have to rely on her for every little thing ,he can pick up the phone or chat casually with thai persons and a whole other

world opens up for him

I can see why some women would prefer a farang that doesnt speak or understand thai ......

ridiculous statement

[farang000999]

Reading Thai Visa it is a huge shock to hear that someone does not speak Thai fluently. What is taht number, 5% of the farang in Thailand? Probably the same 5% who are not married to a wealthy Thai Chinese woman.

[StreetCowboy]

My wife has never objected to me learning Thai (although i've been lazy to), and we have both witnessed Thai women say they don't want their husbands to learn the lingo.

For me, and the missus, we regard that as a sure sign the lady is trying to hide something. Very bad indeed.

In many farang/thai relationships ,the woman takes care of all shiopping /decision making and other affairs

and she probably likes it that way

A farang who can speak perfect thai is a much more daunting challenge for a woman

He doesnt have to rely on her for every little thing ,he can pick up the phone or chat casually with thai persons and a whole other

world opens up for him

I can see why some women would prefer a farang that doesnt speak or understand thai ......

ridiculous statement

At least it was capitalised and clearly explained.

So why do you think it is a ridiculous statement? Do you think he cannot see that point of view? Do you think that perhaps he really has another opinion, that he is not sharing with us?

Or is it just a ridiculous statement because you don't agree with it?

In just the same way that the farang in the hypothetical couple can't secure the affections of a woman who can support herself in the lifestyle to which she aspires, she fears that if he is no longer dependent on her for hid daily living interactions with those around him, she may no longer retain his affections

SC

[LucidLucifer]

its more like keeping him dependant on her ,rather than keeping him "in the dark" i would think ..

I think in a lot of cases ,even my own ,i rely on thai people to do much more than is really necessary

Partly because i make mistakes dealing in thai sometimes but more often from sheer laziness

Why not tell a bi-lingual secretary or wife to organise delivery of something or re-new the tax on the cars etc

For sure, let her organise things like that, that is what an equal relationship should be about. A division of labour, each playing their own part and sharing responsibility. It is not one partner making the other completely 'dependent' on them.

For one partner to make the other dependent, it is them exerting control. Admittedly, some people may like that, but in an supposed normal relationship, why would one parnter do that other, other than to minipulate them to their own ends?

And yes, I agree StreetCowboy, it works both ways; the Thai making the westerner dependent on him for organising their life, and the westerner making the Thai dependent on them for financial support.

[TommoPhysicist]

For sure, let her organise things like that, that is what an equal relationship should be about.

Who says the Protestant Western Christian model of marriage is either the ideal one, or appropriate in a Buddhist country.

Seems to me that sort of marriage agreement has already proven itself a total failure in most western countries.

Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist marriages/relationships are not about equal partnerships. They are about the man being in charge and the woman being property of the man.

I live in Thailand, my wife is Thai.

My wife serves me and I protect her according to our Thai wedding vows.

Edited May 31, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[LucidLucifer]

For sure, let her organise things like that, that is what an equal relationship should be about.

Who says the western Christian model of marriage is either the right one, or appropriate in a Buddhist country.

Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist marriages/relationships are not about equal partnerships. They are about the man being in charge and the woman being property of the man.

My wife serves me and I protect her according to our Thai wedding vows.

Each to their own.....but from the general sound of things on this thread, we are not talking about your 'view' of what a buddhist relationship is, the woman is the one being 'in charge' here.

Doesn't fit, does it.

Edited May 31, 2012 by LucidLucifer

[TommoPhysicist]

Each to their own.....but from the general sound of things on this thread, we are not talking about your 'view' of what a buddhist relationship is, the woman is the one being 'in charge' here.

Doesn't fit, does it.

It fits exactly, confused western men corrupting their Thai womens concepts of marriage with irrelevant ideas like trust, parntnerships and equality.

Whats the woman to do after being so confused?

She has to be the man ....... as the person she married clearly isn't a man, and the marriage won't work with two women and no men. In this country even with lesbian relationships, one of them has to pretend to be a man.

One of the different things about Thailand is extreme gender flexibility.

A man can act like a woman, a woman can act like a man, and it's OK with everyone.

Edited May 31, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[LucidLucifer]

Triple post....apologies, computer/internet connection very slow and the page isn't loading.

Edited May 31, 2012 by LucidLucifer

[LucidLucifer]

Each to their own.....but from the general sound of things on this thread, we are not talking about your 'view' of what a buddhist relationship is, the woman is the one being 'in charge' here.

Doesn't fit, does it.

It fits exactly, confused western men corrupting their Thai womens concepts of marriage with irrelevant ideas like trust, parntnerships and equality.

Whats the woman to do after being so confused?

She has to be the man ....... as the person she married clearly isn't a man, and the marriage won't work with two women and no men. In this country even with lesbian relationships, one of them has to pretend to be a man.

One of the different things about Thailand is extreme gender flexibility.

A man can act like a woman, a woman can act like a man, and it's OK with everyone.

Oh ok, I get it. We should all advocate male chauvanistic dominance, just in case we confuse the locals?

[LucidLucifer]

Edited May 31, 2012 by LucidLucifer

[BigJohnnyBKK]

One of the main reasons so many not-westernized Thai women (would) love to marry farang - besides just the money - is they've heard about our bizarre (to them) model of relationships.

However they don't know how it works until they've been with a few.

Unfortunately many turn it right around and rather than being "equal" end up becoming the boss. I pity the fools. . .

Which is why I prefer to pick mine straight off the rice farm. It's true asking "so honey where would you like to go out tonight" yields a deer-in-the-headlights panic "is this a trick question? how does he want me to answer?" You're paying, you're the boss, you pick a place! The other side of the coin is you have to take responsibility for taking her desires into account, making her happy not just taking advantage and being selfish.

But you certainly don't just let her start making decisions, that's like getting your maid to start giving you language lessons, totally mess up the role expectations.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Oh ok, I get it. We should all advocate male chauvanistic dominance, just in case we confuse the locals?

Unless you want all the same problems you'd get with a western woman added to the local ones.

But to each their own, I've learned how to be happy as well as keep them happy - long enough anyway.

If you're happy doing it your way and feel better for being PC that's your choice.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

For sure, let her organise things like that, that is what an equal relationship should be about.

Who says the Protestant Western Christian model of marriage is either the ideal one, or appropriate in a Buddhist country.

Seems to me that sort of marriage agreement has already proven itself a total failure in most western countries.

Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist marriages/relationships are not about equal partnerships. They are about the man being in charge and the woman being property of the man.

I live in Thailand, my wife is Thai.

My wife serves me and I protect her according to our Thai wedding vows.

Property's going a bit far, she is free to leave if you're not taking care of her properly.

IMO children should have the same right. . .

[cdnmatt]

I'd really like to hear a plausible alternative explanation, can't think of one.

Doubt it, but maybe similar to how farangs shouldn't speak Issan? Up here at least, if you speak Issan, it all depends but quite often you'll get laughed at. Many farangs think it's because the people are surprised & happy they can speak Issan, when in reality it's usually because if you speak Issan, you immediately get stereotyped as a poor farang who has no money.

Doubt it's the same with Thai though. Can't see why it would be at least.

[Daewoo]

My interpretation on this, or how I have had it explained to me -

Thai women worry about farang who can speak Thai, because it can/often indicates someone who has spent a lot of time in 'the bars'... especially obvious if they use Issan Thai words of accents... I have never heard it indicated that it is because the Thai's can't talk as freely, or be deceptive...

Much the same as farang may be suspicious of a lower class Thai girl with good English skills - she probably didn't learn it at school, so she has been more likely been exposed to a lot of English speakers... it is easy to jump to the assumption that this exposure was in the context of bar work...

perhaps dean999's missus couldn't explain the reasons behind it, or perhaps there is another reason... but that would be my take on it...

Back in the Day, when I was 30, shopping in Siam Centre with my (farang) wife, I overheard one sales girl comment to another about the 'handsome farang'... the look on her face when I responded in Thai with 'thank you very much' was priceless, then she tried to cover with 'your wife is very beautiful too'....

Cheers,

Daewoo

Edited May 31, 2012 by Daewoo

[BigJohnnyBKK]

It's true that those that learn their Thai from Isaan people will pick up their dialect, accent etc and immediately be identified as a low-class monger by respectable Thais.

However don't think that is relevant to the topic at hand, seems a consensus it's just those Thais that would prefer to be able to chat amongst themselves in your presence without you understanding them - which to me 90% spells scammers.

Being poor and speaking Thai are a great way to filter people you don't want to meet out of your life.

[geriatrickid]

It's sweet that the OP doesn't trust his wife or her friends.

Nice one.

You see a person not trusting his wife, I do not.

If you look for a negative, you can find it.

More appropriate terms are prudent, reasonable caution, and common sense.

[LucidLucifer]

However don't think that is relevant to the topic at hand, seems a consensus it's just those Thais that would prefer to be able to chat amongst themselves in your presence without you understanding them - which to me 90% spells scammers.

I was just writing a reply to your other post, but whichever way I put it, it is beginning to go well off-topic.

So, I agree with the above quote........back round on track now....

[Payboy]

Me and my hi-so Chinese wife and her friends always converse in Mandarin. No wait, I'm not married.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Thai women worry about farang who can speak Thai, because it can/often indicates someone who has spent a lot of time in 'the bars'... especially obvious if they use Issan Thai words of accents... I have never heard it indicated that it is because the Thai's can't talk as freely, or be deceptive...

Never? That's 100% sure exactly why those that you know are scammers don't like it. I used to have many many friends in the industry, both in the bars and online, and they're quite open about it, they'll often cut you off and walk away mid-sentence as soon as you speak any Thai.

Rather than any "bar" association, now that I think about it, those who take the trouble to learn Thai are obviously very committed specifically to being here rather than just randomly on expat corporate assignment, and I think it's true that most of us that much in love with the country are here for the girls.

But the respectable ones don't mind that as long as you're respectable and respectful, government and corporate office staff, teachers etc often hit on me even though I speak Thai.

Much the same as farang may be suspicious of a lower class Thai girl with good English skills - she probably didn't learn it at school, so she has been more likely been exposed to a lot of English speakers... it is easy to jump to the assumption that this exposure was in the context of bar work...

Well that's generally true too, at least for young pretty poor girls from upcountry, they're certainly not getting it from school 99% of the time, respectable public-facing tourist positions require English before hiring, only on-the-job training I know of is the sex industry.

Personally would never consider a Thai girl that speaks English myself. . .

[pxlgirl]

Since I've been here, every Thai around me is encouraging and very supportive of me learning their language. And they are honest enough to drill me till I pronounced it properly, I'm very thankful for this.

If it was the opposite, I'd better run fast, as it's not nice to know that some want to make sure you don't understand them, so they can gossip behind your back...