How Evil Is It To Do A Runner?

[DLock]

Kind of gives a different perspective on the whole Bo and Luke Duke analogy.

And I had never really given any thought to whether a Thai guy would be as lazy as a Thai girl when they found a meal ticket. I'm actually surprised.

Does it change my opinion. Yes. Leave less money...I figure a guy will be much more resourceful, and probably have more friends in more places.

To the person who "outed" you...weak effort fool.

[Ulysses G.]

Lots of replies, and everyone is assuming he is referring to a girlfriend.

Maybe the OP should come out and tell the truth that it is a gay relationship he is talking about

That shouldnt make too much difference... personally I dont see where your comment would be leading!

i would guess that a man would be more likely to track him down after he spent the money. Most women would just spend it and find a new sucker.

[Windy]

PS. If you're going to out me like that, why not do it on your real account, instead of some secondary account that has 30 posts?

To the person who "outed" you...weak effort fool.

I didnt "OUT" anyone. Matt posts on an Issan forum and states that he is gay, so what is the problem of me mentioning it here? Also this is the only account on ThaiVisa that I have, so I don't know what you are referring to about a secondary account.

All I was doing was add some additional info to what was posted originally.

[venturalaw]

As many have said - not enough information. For instance, if you made promises to him/her regarding the future with you being a part of it for him/her, then it is rather low-life to take off without provocation. HOWEVER, that said, if you have it on good authority that he/she is vindictive, threatening, etc., then I wouldn't even tag you with a 1 for leaving. You get a zero and best wishes for better success next time.

[JUDAS]

It seems that we are now talking about the OP leaving a male partner. Although that OP stated that he feels the gender of his partner is of no importance, I think in the context of doing a runner that it does indeed play a part. Males generally have a much greater capacity for violence so has to be taken into consideration when deciding on an exit strategy.

[transam]

It seems that we are now talking about the OP leaving a male partner. Although that OP stated that he feels the gender of his partner is of no importance, I think in the context of doing a runner that it does indeed play a part. Males generally have a much greater capacity for violence so has to be taken into consideration when deciding on an exit strategy.

EHHHHH, haven't read all the stuff, don't want too, but is the OP now ''Gay'', and is worried about a bashing from another bloke ?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Love this thread. Seems that some see the gf as the Thai equivalent of Lizzie Borden. 40 whacks with an axe

More common than you think, usually with the assistance of a few stout fellows, sometimes even BiB when the stakes are high enough, happens all the time in Pattaya and Phuket. And the other way too, wackos on both sides.

You punch out or do whatever is necessary to defend yourself and you win.

What a total idiot. Go for it dude, we'll piss on you when you're on fire - maybe.

where i come from running away from your problems is cowardice.

And where we are now it's just common sense. You really think you're hurting any less by sitting down to a deep and meaningful exit interview? Absolutely nothing to be gained by anyone with that, certainly traumatic all 'round, and very possibly dangerous. A note + some cash is much more than they'd get from most.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Lots of replies, and everyone is assuming he is referring to a girlfriend. Maybe the OP should come out and tell the truth that it is a gay relationship he is talking about.

I know it should not make any difference, but I am sure a lot of posters replies would have been different if they knew in the beginning that it was a boyfriend, not a girlfriend, that he was thinking of leaving.

No difference at all, why even bring it up? Except the physical danger's much greater, same advice, get outta dodge and don't look back.

[JUDAS]

It seems that we are now talking about the OP leaving a male partner. Although that OP stated that he feels the gender of his partner is of no importance, I think in the context of doing a runner that it does indeed play a part. Males generally have a much greater capacity for violence so has to be taken into consideration when deciding on an exit strategy.

EHHHHH, haven't read all the stuff, don't want too, but is the OP now ''Gay'', and is worried about a bashing from another bloke ?

You take it easy trans, have a beer, sit back and I'll keep you up to date Yes is the answer to your question.

[transam]

It seems that we are now talking about the OP leaving a male partner. Although that OP stated that he feels the gender of his partner is of no importance, I think in the context of doing a runner that it does indeed play a part. Males generally have a much greater capacity for violence so has to be taken into consideration when deciding on an exit strategy.

EHHHHH, haven't read all the stuff, don't want too, but is the OP now ''Gay'', and is worried about a bashing from another bloke ?

You take it easy trans, have a beer, sit back and I'll keep you up to date Yes is the answer to your question.

I will.

[venturalaw]

where i come from running away from your problems is cowardice.

And where we are now it's just common sense. You really think you're hurting any less by sitting down to a deep and meaningful exit interview? Absolutely nothing to be gained by anyone with that, certainly traumatic all 'round, and very possibly dangerous. A note + some cash is much more than they'd get from most.

"A note + some cash is much more than they'd get from most." - not to mention way the hell more than they would ever leave in a similar circumstance.

[Windy]

No difference at all, why even bring it up? Except the physical danger's much greater, same advice, get outta dodge and don't look back.

So which one is it?

[luckyman]

If no kids and no marriage, why leave her a big chunk of cash? As a compensation for your feelings that were never really answered? Just go and never turn back!!

[jvs]

If you feel your safety is in danger you should no longer worry about the other party but just get out of there!

[transam]

If no kids and no marriage, why leave her a big chunk of cash? As a compensation for your feelings that were never really answered? Just go and never turn back!!

I think it's leave HIM some cash.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

No difference at all, why even bring it up? Except the physical danger's much greater, same advice, get outta dodge and don't look back.

So which one is it?

The statement I was disputing was "posters' advice would be different".

In my case "no difference at all".

The second part was "in fact even more so".

Comprende amigo?

[jackinbkk]

It seems that we are now talking about the OP leaving a male partner. Although that OP stated that he feels the gender of his partner is of no importance, I think in the context of doing a runner that it does indeed play a part. Males generally have a much greater capacity for violence so has to be taken into consideration when deciding on an exit strategy.

haha, have you seen gay Thai men?

Then again ladyboys sure can box.

[tonysilly]

You will miss that Thai Tail you will be back. Different town, different place. Same old Thailand. Love it!

[DavidSL]

For the poster who mentioned that many girls have been purchased in bars, I feel is presumptuous and unnecessary, and even if this is so, some of those relationships have proven to work.

That was me, and I believe if you read my post again you might pick up on a point I was trying to make. I don't for one second think everyone (but I do presume by the attitude of some that there are a few) here has a wife or girlfriend purchased from a bar. But I do see some attitudes here that reflect a resentment towards Thai women that can only be had from bad experiences. Some bad experiences may well come from 'nice, normal girls', but lets face it, we all know there are a few unsavoury characters on here prowling the bars occasionally, and I'd wager that many bad experiences also come from bad decisions that have been made by a gentleman's second brain. My comment was certainly meant to stir up outrage, that's for sure - when you've got a thread full of people saying 'seems fine to me, mate, it's your life innit and she's only gonna come at ya with a kitchen knife and kill you if you tell her to 'er face' - with absolutely NO ONE up until that point saying it's a little bit off (read: messed up), then I feel a little outrage from those people is deserved. My point is simple, bad experiences may be had for many reasons, but that's no reason to act like a wimp because you feel comparing a girlfriend to any other girl is justified. We don't know the OP's reasons, but anyone saying it is justified to run away from her without knowing any real reason for doing so is being nothing but judgemental upon an entire race of people.

Do I think you all bought your wives or girlfriends? Some of you probably did and then ran away, but that's OK in this thread, right?

You clearly haven't had many relationships. Things aren't really like mommy told you. Ending a relationship anywhere is messy because usually only one of the couple wants it to end. In Thailand where rule of law doesn't happen and 'suicides' of foreigners are common, ending it face to face is just plain silly.

Oh and also in Thailand, everyone buys their wife and girlfriend, usually from the lady's parents, sometimes just from her. It's the tradition, it's still widely practiced, even among educated, half-Chinese where the price is higher.

You found a girl you didn't have to buy, good for you, but it isn't the norm.

Is that really how you talk to people around here?

Truth is, my relationship list is short. I've had a couple of 'meaningful' relationships, and a few more 'encounters'. I don't know how to count relationships, because going by your reply it would include the purchase of a woman for money, and no, I've never done that. Would relationships to you be the meaningful exchange of emotions over a prolonged period of time, or just sex? Or would it be holding hands with a woman who is interested in you because you have white skin and money? I don't know what you value in a relationship, so I'm going to assume that you are a man who has a wealth of experience and can bring more to the table than I can in wisdom when it comes to leaving in the middle of the night without a goodbye.

I'll be honest, if I ever get to the point where I consider it the norm to run out on a woman in the middle of the night because I'm afraid of the consequences, I'll consider myself a man with a wealth of relationships behind me allowing me to make these bold choices. Or maybe, just maybe, I might be a bit of an asshol_e who perhaps should have not gotten into this relationship in the first place.

No, I haven't been in any relationships where I've felt like I'm going to be murdered, or where I've wanted to commit suicide. I feel nothing but sympathy for those people, I really do, but judging by the fact that you are here and have the audacity to criticise (and lightly insult) me over whether or not it is OK to run out on a woman who by the sounds of it hasn't given the OP a hard time, then I'd assume that neither have you. If you had, you might be spending the time posting with a bit more wisdom and explaining why (because so far no one has) it would be a good idea to slink off without a goodbye. I can't imagine you have any good reasons, though I do see a wealth of xenophobic ones littered throughout this thread.

I'm not deviating from my 'past bad decisions reflecting future feelings' view at this point.

[QualityTouristNumberOne]

Again I'm astounded at some of my fellow members(members being the right word for some!)

as soon as I read the OP I guessed he was just a nice guy in the classic "YIPPEE WE CAUGHT A FARANG,NEVER HAVE TO WORK AGAIN!" trap,

But I didn't want to throw that up there before(some of)the rest of you malignant armchair judges condemned him,

my first time in Thailand I fell into the same trap,however I figured it out in 3 months not 3 years,AND it was still only the fact that I've lived a wide and varied life all over the world(with almost 15 years as a bouncer under my belt as well as various other factors in my favour) that 4 of the male "cousins" who had been leeching off me didn't succeed in their childish plan to butcher me and burn the body and declare me "missing"

THATS what happens when you try to be "reasonable" in such situations.

I very rarely post nowadays but for the second time in a few months,

some of you should be ashamed of yourselves,but CERTAINLY not the OP,

get the hell out while you can,leaving SOME money is a good idea,only if to let them drink themselves into a coma before hatching a revenge plan on you for stealing their lottery ticket,

good luck!.

Edited June 12, 2012 by QualityTouristNumberOne

[TommoPhysicist]

Whatever!

Edited June 12, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[DavidSL]

I feel nothing but sympathy for those people, I really do, but judging by the fact that you are here and have the audacity to criticise (and lightly insult) me

Count the insults you made in your posts, then count the insults I made in my posts.

What's wrong with you?

My insults were smarter?

I don't understand the question.

[EvilDrSomkid]

Sorry for coming late to the show. I saw my name called so thought I'd drop by.

FWIW: Sneaking away: OK in my book.

No idea if it matters if the abandonee is gay wrt violent reprisal.

asshol_e factor: 0

Advice: Get the F*** out of Isaan completely. Move to Bangkok.

Edited June 12, 2012 by EvilDrSomkid

[DavidSL]

Whatever!

Please don't misunderstand me, there are rarely ever meant to be any actual personal insults in my posts, and if any of it is true, I'm sorry to hear that. The anonymity of the Internet makes it easy for the old back-and-forth sniping between strangers, but I don't know you and was only reacting to your words. I certainly didn't actually think you have a handle on my life, or know what you are talking about when it comes to my relationships, and nor do I think that I know anything about you. It is often too easy to insult each other in threads like these and not really consider the consequences. If I offended you more than just a passing annoyance, I apologise. I often react to digs about myself in the same manner, sometimes deservedly, sometimes not. I do not wish to be one of those who makes enemies on this forum unless it is for good reason, and I certainly haven't set out to here. But my stance on this topic still stands, and my personal experience does have some relevance. That said, no real personal offense was meant except to stir up a little debate. Apologies.

[uptheos]

If you decide to go ahead with your plan, then make the decision, go quickly, don't look back and enjoy your life.

You Just slip out the back, Jack

Make a new plan, Stan

You don't need to be coy, Roy

Just get yourself free

Hop on the bus, Gus

You don't need to discuss much

Just drop off the key, Lee

And get yourself free

Paul Simon

[saroq]

I don't know if you are leaving a male of a female but either way on the asshol_e scale this barely rates at all. The fact that you are questioning your actions puts you way ahead on the decent guy scale than a lot of other guys in Thailand and if you are leaving him/her a suitable chunk of cash then that puts you further up on the decent guy scale too. If you can't be what he/she wants you to be in the relationship of if you simply don't want to be that then there is noting wrong with you doing what makes you happy.

Edited June 12, 2012 by saroq

[pauljones]

Not enough info to judge but there are several permutations of this scenario where splitting and leaving a note is the right thing to do, like if it has been explained why the relationship is not working, and, if such is the case, why certain behaviors and actions on her part are unacceptable, or, if such is the case, why certain behaviors and actions which she does not accept in you are reasonable. I'm talking about serial lying, unjustified insane jealousy, off the charts emotional responses to minor or completely insignificant events, a refusal to communicate problems, (stone walling), to silly demands like being prohibited to have an occasional guys night out, or being accused of loving your cat more than her. Threats of suicide, or making false reports to the police, threatening to have you deported etc etc. Ok, some silly, extreme examples but taken from true events in my life from various gf's over the last 10 years in Thailand. And before I get attacked, not just bar girls either. One was, another was a hotel manager, one a secretary, another a university student.

Unless your gf is a raging psycho,...

Many, if not most Thai girls are not capable of not turning into a raging psycho if they are dumped by a bf they think they love.

Keep in mind that doing a runner is exactly how Thai men do it. They have to.

Wise advice. It's traditional to go berserk when getting dumped. The situation can go nuclear in a split second.

Quietly gather your vital documents, change your mailing address, passwords, cancel credit cards, change bank etc..

Contact the credit agencies so they can be on alert for identity theft.

Leave a generous gift if you can afford it and slip away quietly.

[Rsquared]

In my previous post I also assumed hetro relationship.....that it is or isn't doesn't change my attitude.

To the OP you know what is best for you, get out while you can...it is your life that is the most important thing that matters.

Good luck!

[LomSak27]

How big of an a -hole does this make you? Given your location relatively a small a hole

hoever as many have mentioned already ... do you plan on coming back to thailand? If so ramabaer tahis have long memories, I.E. live in some other part of the country and DONT tell your freinds from where you used to live. That is the most likely way your ex will find out.

I know a number of expats, pensioners who should and should have done a runner, but they got hung up on the morality of it and lost a whole lot, up to and including their life.

If its ugly get the heck out - walk away and just do not come back

[BigJohnnyBKK]

have the audacity to criticise (and lightly insult) me over whether or not it is OK to run out on a woman who by the sounds of it hasn't given the OP a hard time, then I'd assume that neither have you. If you had, you might be spending the time posting with a bit more wisdom and explaining why (because so far no one has) it would be a good idea to slink off without a goodbye. I can't imagine you have any good reasons, though I do see a wealth of xenophobic ones littered throughout this thread.

I think dozens and dozens of people have made it very clear, including the OP, why it is a good idea to disappear and let your goodbye be a note and/or a final phone call.

This guy's talking about leaving her a six-figure severance package, plus a lot of furniture, appliances and other valuables. That's more than fair IMO, nothing at all wrong with doing a midnight runner.

Because the vast majority of Thai women (at least mia farang) don't take such an event calmly or peacefully. Many become quite literally murderous, and often not just emotionally for a little while, but fully intentionally and for a long time.

Raging screaming breaking everything in sight is much milder than the usual reaction.

Why put yourself through this? There's nothing to be gained at all, and not doing her any favors either, her insult/hurt/injury is the fact that you're leaving, not how you do it. Either way she's going to be doing everything in her power to kill or dismember him, to make the rest of his life a miserable hell if at all possible.

The key is to never allow things to get to the point where she's got any ability to do that at all, in anticipation of the time coming when you're going to want to get out.