I freely admit my own determination and grit will in no way ever reach the levels that she naturally possessed, but through thirteen years of witnessing her doggedness, her refusal to give up or to circumnavigate difficulties or challenges because of her physical disabilities—always with good cheer and a happy heart at that—through that she taught me determination and tenacity in dealing with my own trials and tribulations; steadfastness and persistence in achieving my own goals. In her mind, nothing existed capable of curtailing her ambitions. In her spirit, nothing could dissuade her joy for life.

Her unfailing submissiveness and gentleness, even with years of chronic pain, established a level of patience and forgiveness in me that I would not have otherwise achieved. The ever present twinkle in her eye that was her smile, unfailingly blossomed whenever I came home, and the almost genetic hanging of her head when she’d done something mischievous, charmed me, and it was because of these two qualities that I initially fell irrevocably in love, the first time I saw her, in the back of a well digger’s pickup.

Only days later she secretly ate an entire one pound bag of Peanut M&Ms, and, the next day, explosively pooped everywhere in our Bronco while I was inside a store. There are one hundred and seventy peanuts in a one pound bag, I counted. A year later, though sweet and gentle and at seventy pounds still much smaller than the attacker, she protected her grandma from a very bad man—ripping his arm to shreds—in a supermarket parking lot. Doing so probably saved Grandma’s life, at least that’s what the police later said, according to Grandma (but she knows that Grandma sometimes exaggerated just a little bit).

Even in the end, enduring appalling pain and distress, she stayed true to herself, never quitting. I hugged her gently while she fought for every hopeless shallow breath, every bounding but useless heartbeat, in spite of my urging her to give up— though by then she probably couldn’t hear me. I didn’t deserve her and I’ll never have another girl like her. She wasn’t my dog, and I wasn’t her “human.” We were best friends. Just that simple. She died Friday at exactly six o’clock in the morning as the sun rose over my shoulder. The twinkle was no longer there because in the final hours she drowned in her own fluids from blood that had built up in her lungs because the medicine just didn’t work anymore, and for the first time in her life, she was afraid. Bad hips at four, three legs at ten, aggressive cancer at twelve and congestive heart failure at thirteen, she happily hobbled through most of her life, never complaining, always smiling. She cost me thousands, but it was a bargain, because she was worth billions. She preferred sleeping outdoors, enjoyed eating bananas and pineapple, and loved salmon with bacon pasta, right up until the last twenty-four hours.

But then came those last twenty-four. Vets in Thailand will not put a dog to sleep, it’s against their beliefs. None I consulted would agree to assist. When I knew it was the end, and she really began to (silently) panic, I cried and wailed and moaned because, well, I am not as brave as her, but mostly because I did nothing to stop her pain or fear. If I hadn’t brought her to Thailand, I could have stopped it, and she would have gone peacefully. There’s a lot of guilt.

But with such a big heart, I know she forgives me for failing her relief from the suffering and terror that not being able to breathe creates, she knows I did the best I could, that I’m only human, and therefore incapable of achieving the level of loyalty and devotion that only a dog can attain.

tears for your loved one who cannot be replaced,you couldnt have given her anymore love than what we are given ours,priceless she was more than happy she is now in the place reserved for angels. rip loved one till we meet again.

there were a couple of dogs for whom I was not the principal human but we were good friends..one was put down as she was in great pain (and very old) and I grieved tremendously...and I then resolved to never have a relationship with an animal again unless I could have control and look after it properly...but except for a cat that I had that was run over there never was another opportunity...and when the cat was killed it was like a death in the family and I never forgave myself...I was with a woman who I never even cared about and my precious Delphi was neglected...

please accept my condolences for your loss...

Yes worse feeling in the world,and I have helped putting to sleep thousands of mutts,broke my heart each and every one.

I know a vet in Pattaya that would have shown you some sympathy

RIP a true and brave friend.

I too don't understand this aversion to euthanasia by most Thai vets - I cannot believe that the Lord Budha would insist on any creature suffering and dying in agony. I say most, because there are a growing number who will do the deed, just keep asking around (this forum would be a good place to start) until you find one.

RIP a true and brave friend.

I too don't understand this aversion to euthanasia by most Thai vets - I cannot believe that the Lord Budha would insist on any creature suffering and dying in agony. I say most, because there are a growing number who will do the deed, just keep asking around (this forum would be a good place to start) until you find one.

yes this is one thing i must do i will talk to my vet and post his reply.

It has been said that you shouldn't own a pet if you can't put them down when they need it! { I have 10 dogs...all good friends} If I had to, perhaps I could, I think it would haunt me forever!

sounds like the book: the art of racing in the rain..

read it once u get over a bit of your grief for your pup.... its exactly about that doggedness and us....

condolences

bina

What a beautiful post, OP! So much love in there.

Condolences to you, and RIP sweet dog.

Thanks, everyone, and Neinke, she stayed, as did her son and daughter, with you in November of 2010, and you took great care of them for the week I was out of the country. If I were still in CM, I'd have come to you.

I sure do miss her.

RIP a true and brave friend.

I too don't understand this aversion to euthanasia by most Thai vets - I cannot believe that the Lord Budha would insist on any creature suffering and dying in agony. I say most, because there are a growing number who will do the deed, just keep asking around (this forum would be a good place to start) until you find one.

Many Thais believe that dogs and elephants are the only animals that a human spirit can inhabit on re-incarnation, hence their reluctance as for them "putting down" a dog would equate to putting down a person, which is still illegal in most countries.

If you can't do it for people, who can ask to be euthanised, why should you be able to do it for dogs who can't ask?

(not defending or attacking euthanisia for anyone or any animal, just asking!)

RIP a true and brave friend.

I too don't understand this aversion to euthanasia by most Thai vets - I cannot believe that the Lord Budha would insist on any creature suffering and dying in agony. I say most, because there are a growing number who will do the deed, just keep asking around (this forum would be a good place to start) until you find one.

Many Thais believe that dogs and elephants are the only animals that a human spirit can inhabit on re-incarnation, hence their reluctance as for them "putting down" a dog would equate to putting down a person, which is still illegal in most countries.

If you can't do it for people, who can ask to be euthanised, why should you be able to do it for dogs who can't ask?

(not defending or attacking euthanisia for anyone or any animal, just asking!)

I accept your point, however I hope my decisions for my pets will be based on what is best for them, not some nonsensical pseudo-religious mumbo jumbo. I'm lucky to have a vet who shares my beliefs.

By the way, I'm also a firm believer in the right of any human to choose to end his/her pain and sufering.

By the way, I'm also a firm believer in the right of any human to choose to end his/her pain and sufering.

I too - and I support mercy killing as well as assisted suicide, living wills, etc, but at the same time very few countries permit it and I don't think doctors (or vets) should be obliged to carry it out if it is against their personal or religious beliefs, whatever you may think of them. Remember that Thailand has only recognised living wills and allowed hospitals to withdraw life support since 2550 (unless you stopped paying the bills, of course!).

It has been said that you shouldn't own a pet if you can't put them down when they need it! { I have 10 dogs...all good friends} If I had to, perhaps I could, I think it would haunt me forever!

Whoever said that was talking nonsense - by the same reasoning you shouldn't eat meat unless you had slaughtered the animal, call the fire brigade to an inferno unless you were prepared to go in yourself, support a criminal going to prison unless you were prepared to be a prison guard, etc. If it had been said that you shouldn't own a pet if you can't take care of them that would have been valid advice.