Good Advice For New Residents - Chiang Mai

[eyecatcher]

After the recent posts on advice which are very interesting I thought I would convey some advice that was given to me personally two years prior to me making the move to C.M.

By spending the majority of your time in Phuket, you are getting a very skewed view of Thailand, the culture and people. Get out of Phuket!! It's just a tourist area developed to take your money. The girls (generally) are taught to play the game and get as much as possible as quick as possible. They train each other and there is considerable peer pressure.If they don't get a gold necklace within a week or so, their friends start

to rag on them, calling them stupid.

There are SO many girls looking to hook up with Farangs that are not "in the business". Nice girls with good jobs. Many of my friends have found good girls through the internet.

There are hundreds of sites so you need to do some research. You arrange to meet and have a date. Many times they bring a friend along for safety. This is actually a good sign, showing they have a brain. I have many friends here that have wives ,and their sisters or relatives that are always asking them to introduce them to "good" Farangs. You won't have any trouble.

Just by meeting other Farangs outside the tourist areas, ones who actually live here, you'll get hooked up as much as you like. But get out of Phuket. You'll only be exposed to Farangs who are on vacation or pushing girls for hire.

Chiang Mai is OK but there are other areas. Forget Pattaya, same as Phuket. I'd spend some time in Udon Thani, Khon Kaen, etc.. You can also find more educated girls in Bangkok. Internet would be the best choice here.

My good friend who now lives across the street from me and has a wonderful wife, did the right thing in my opinion. He searched the Internet and made arrangements to meet ladies in all areas of Thailand. He traveled over a couple years and spent time with them in their home towns, until he met the right one. He got to see Thailand and learn the culture and people. He went through a dozen introductions before he found his current wife. But had a great time doing it. He was respectful and treating them with respect and didn't "use" them for sex. Although he had plenty of that along the way!!

Girls that meet you for potential relationship are like anywhere else. You don't pay them, but you're expected to pick up all expenses. (Hotel, travel, etc..) IF you then leave and want them to remain faithful to YOU while you're away, you may need to give them some monthly money to cover their expenses. (maybe 5 to 10,000 baht per month) Otherwise, you don't need to pay anything. It's always nice to offer their family some type of present,

but not too expensive. These girls are very possessive so you need to honest and don't play them. If you don't make a connection, make a clean break with no promises. If you're serious, make a commitment. Most of them will do the same. Some will try to "play" you and you need to keep that in the back of your mind. You'll be able to tell after a few weeks. If they start asking for gold or big money to help their family, run for the hills, because it will only get worse.

Visa's: You're still too young to apply for a "retirement" visa. Need to be 50. The education visa or tourist visa is OK for now. You could apply for a non-immigrant "B" visa with multi entry, but would need to leave (visa run) every 90 days. Living in a "border" area is very good for these type of visa's as traveling a long way is a pain in the ass. When you're living here, you'll figure out which is best and easiest for you.

Finances: Keep as much income stream coming for a long as possible. Maybe sell or continue renting some of your rentals for monthly income. At least for now, until you figure out that Thailand is good for you. Plus the economy will improve and you may do better a year or two from now. AND what happens if you really HATE Thailand after a couple years?? It's not for everyone. You need to LIVE here as a normal person (vs. a tourist) before you can make that decision. As before, don't burn any bridges until you have some SE Asia experience under your belt.

Housing: Staying at hotels will drain your pockets. I'd pick a spot with good airport access. Rent a small apt. or house. (5 to 10,000 baht per month) Work the internet and fly about to visit potential mates. Enjoy yourself. Maybe purchase a small car or truck and make these trips via car. This will also give you a better feel of Thailand. I've driven to

just about all points in Thailand and have enjoyed it very much. You should be able to live here for under 25,000 baht per month without any

problems.

Girls: no matter who you meet, NEVER let them know about your finances. Keep this close to your chest. All they need to know is that you have enough money to keep them living in a reasonable style. AND you will be expected to donate a little for the family. Maybe a couple thousand baht per month. Any more than that, be careful!! This is normally what the lady would be sending home if she were to have a job. If she does have job, she'll take care of

that and you take care of her. Set this precedent from DAY ONE. Many guys make the mistake of wining and dining their girlfriends, buying them expensive presents and staying at expensive Hotels to make an impression.

They will think you can afford this from now on!! Don't spoil them early on.

AND don't go too young. I see guys in their 70's walking hand in hand with 21 years old girls. Looks stupid and IS stupid. My wife is 40, 20 years my junior. That's about the most I would ever go. Anything under 30 is brain dead anyway and would never be able to relate to you in the long run. Most will have one or two children by a Thai ex-husband or boyfriend. You

may want to sort this out before you meet. This is always a good thing about the Internet, as you learn this stuff up front. If they have no child, they may want one....??? Are you ready for that?? However, this is not any different from anywhere else in the world!!

You may be able to find a job as manager of a small guest house or you can purchase one. Teaching English is also available but well oversubscribed. However, making any big money is difficult. Keep your cash flow from the outside coming for as long as you can. Don't bring all your money to Thailand but set up banking outside and bring in as necessary. Start thinking of Thailand and your lifestyle the same as you now live. NOT as a tourist, but as a normal living life style.

You will need to address the potential "bored" aspect of your life style. Otherwise you end up sitting in a bar all day and end up like many Expats....screwed.

At your age, you'll need to be involved in something. Maybe developing or fixing up homes for re-sell?

Something, anything.....but don't let the bar scene become your lifestyle!!

I have followed pretty much all of that advice except the internet dating and travelling around as I was lucky enough to already have a girl before I arrived here. I met my wife in a singles bar, which was odd really as I thought she at home looking after the kids. (gotta get one in!)

….and still here; still sane; still got some money left; still love it!!

maybe a mod can resize this post, have a feeling my post will end up microscopic

[theblether]

Excellent post eyecatcher, and the moral of the story is keeping it real.

Just to address the point that Winnie made about parallel lives, I totally agree with that Winnie and one of the first mistakes that people make when they come to Chiang Mai is not doing / realizing that.

Case in point, my lady worked for years in the cafe of a prominent CM hotel, there's a very good chance that many members here know her. The hotel is part hotel part residence. She is a good looking girl and she was besieged with offers from every stray male you could imagine that rolled through the hotel. These were the same stray males that were sitting having breakfast with bar girls, being served by my lady, and thinking they were invisible. They would kick the bar girl out, then go chat up my lady and ask her out.

Pleeeeaze!! My lady was repulsed at that, repulsed at thinking they had her in the same category as a bar girl, repulsed at the thought that THEY thought every Thai woman was so cheap and easy they would fall at their feet, get used and abused, and say thank you Sir as the guy moved on to their next victim.

Think about it, if you were in the West and you would talking to a potential girlfriend, would you say to her, " Hi, my name is ............, I use prostitutes on a regular basis, in fact, here's one I banged earlier ". At one point recently there was a total sweetheart working in the reception of that hotel, she was 26, single, and she had a crush on one particular resident. I was tasked with mentioning to the resident about said crush, the guy was delighted, he was looking for a good girlfriend, he'd been looking for ages for the right girl, and this one was a contender so!! They had a chat, they had a coffee, they arranged a dinner ( with chaperone, fantastic!! ), and the girl was elated as it was a genuine crush. The jungle drums went a beating, the rest of the hotel staff had a good gossip about and and!!! The guy went down to Loi Kroh, picked up a tail, and brought her back to the hotel.

The receptionist was told by security, she was crushed as it was a genuine crush, all the staff had a good gossip about it, and the receptionist left her job as she was so embarrassed. Come on everybody.......rule number one, don't sh*t on your own doorstep!!!! You'll get a reputation for being a monger and then you'll find out that there's something else behind those Thai smiles. That applies to all those small business owners etc around you too, once again apply the same logic, would you be seen eating in your hometown restaurant with a known and obvious prostitute?? I think not, just apply the same logic to where you live in Thailand and you'll be fine.

So the parallel life bit means keep it away from your home, naturally if you want to give a lady girlfriend status then she is welcome in your home, the Thais are not stupid, they can tell the difference between a girl friend and a bar girl. When you are sitting in your local restaurant with your girlfriend the staff and owners will be delighted for you, in fact they are likely to be telling you gf in Thai how lucky she is as you are a good man. All because you had the wisdom to lay the proper foundation.

How did I pull my lady? It was a running joke in the hotel that she would not date anyone, the residents used to keep a tally on how many had tried and guys were getting bonus points for trying hard. It never occurred to me to ask her out, I was back and forth in Chiang Mai four times over the course of a year before we went on a date ( chaperoned, I love it ), and the reason I was picked out from the crowd was???? One, I chatted to her and had a laugh with her over the year, and two, she never saw me with a bar girl. Naturally you know already that theblether is saintly in this regard Bizarrely it was the fact that I didn't ask her out that resulted in me going out with her. I'll never understand women.

Right, enough, regard your home as your castle, and be a gentleman to all that surround your castle, that's a good start. Get the foundation right in this regard and you'll reap the dividends, it's these kind of guys that get the introductions to the best girls.

I keep going about the small business owners, let me point out the obvious to you. Many of these small business owners are women, and many of them are single. They are self reliant and in many cases the backbone of their family, they have done the graft to get the little cafe open, or the hairdressers, or whatever, and they know the value of work. They have a structure to their lives and they are self dependent, in every regard as often, they have been let down by feckless Thai partners.

If I was setting out to live today in Thailand, and looking for a long term partner, these are exactly the type of women I would be looking for. They have a life, they have a business, they have an income, they don't NEED me. Yes I can ADD to their lives but they don't NEED me. Too many relationships founder in Thailand because from the get go they are unbalanced. I'm a logical kind of guy, I know that in most cases these women do not have my spending power, but that's not the point. Within their own world they have everything they need. I would rather be wanted than needed, apply that logic and you won't go far wrong.

If you had a look at the books of these small business owners you would weep, they often put in 10/12 hour days of hard graft to turnover 3 or 4 thousand baht. You would be amazed at how tight the profit margins are, in fact, I suggest you would be humbled. That's a good thing, humble is good, as it will make you think longer and harder about what you do with your money.

This thread has already covered the issues of not becoming a bar fly, being a bar fly is the road to ruin. I'm a drinking man and during one of my expat stints drinking became my life, I didn't fall over the cliff into alcoholism however if I had stayed in that country a few months longer it was on the cards. I have seen alcoholism visit many of my expat friends over the years. Be careful, no one is immune, and if you get caught in the trap, it's a nightmare.

I'm working away just now to get myself into a position where I can semi retire at 48 ( I'm 46 now ), I reckon I'll be in Thailand 6 months of the year, a couple of months of general traveling, and I'll work at peak season in my business in the UK. During my 6 month stint in Thailand I'll be making a point of taking up golf again, and if I can work up the courage, I'll go back into Muay Thai training, I won't box, but the training can be brutal so I'll need to get my bravery topped up for that. A tired man sleeps well, and physical exercise is good for your mental state and well being, and it's all the better of you are doing something you genuinely enjoy. So if you hate gyms, don't go, just do what you enjoy.

Here's one more for you and I'll be quiet..........AirAsia is your friend, when you have retired or you have a flexible schedule always make sure you have something to look forward to, always have a little trip on the horizon, in fact, when the AirAsia sales kick in, have two or three planned. You know how cheap those flights can be. I'm only using Air Asia as an example, the point is in as much as you love Chiang Mai, get out of town and have a look around. It keeps you fresh and it keeps your mind active, and I would say that most of us enjoy traveling so it's a pleasure, not a burden.Obviously it needs to sit well within your budget, but try to make time for getting out and about, go try another golf course, go do a bit of diving, whatever. I enjoy reading the posts from the Chiang Mai contingent that disappear down to the coast when Smokie season starts.

Don't let your life become a prison sentence, shake it up a little bit and enjoy.

Edited June 23, 2012 by theblether

[villagefarang]

I’m impressed blether, you have learned to play the game well and certainly don’t need any help from me. Reverse psychology was always a favorite of mine.

Edited June 23, 2012 by villagefarang

[cmbe]

+1

[insertmembernamehere]

I see guys in their 70's walking hand in hand with 21 years old girls. Looks stupid and IS stupid. My wife is 40, 20 years my junior. That's about the most I would ever go. Anything under 30 is brain dead anyway and would never be able to relate to you in the long run.

Bizarre post.

As if everyone comes to Thailand looking to "hook up" with a woman, as you put it. Most of your post is how to safeguard yourself and your money from the "good girls," (not those evil bar girls).

And this, 'Watch out for the young ones," is poorly argued. Your wife was under 30 once; was she brain dead too at that age (as you say they all are) and is she "never (be) able to relate to you in the long run"? You shoot yourself in the foot with this argument.

And you say that these non-bargirls, the good ones, also need to be paid off when you are out of Thailand so they won't hook up with someone else? If that's true love, it applies to bargirls equally.

Anyway, let me move ahead and say this:

Don't ignore your inner common sense voice when you come to Thailand.

The stories are endless of guys who come out here and behave in diametrical opposition to the way they would back in their home countries. If you wouldn't go out with prostitute (part time or compelled, whatever) at home, why do it here? Would you buy land in your home country with documents in a foreign language and translated by people you have little faith in? Would you buy a shop or bar without doing any due diligence as to how the business was in the past?

Thailand isn't Willie wanke_r's Chocolate Babe Factory where you can forget everything and go running naked through the rest of your life, eating cherries and not thinking how it will all be paid for in the end....

[onthedarkside]

<snip>

Thailand isn't Willie wanke_r's Chocolate Babe Factory where you can forget everything and go running naked through the rest of your life, eating cherries and not thinking how it will all be paid for in the end....

I must remember to quote that advice to the next newbie I meet at a bar ...

[eyecatcher]

I see guys in their 70's walking hand in hand with 21 years old girls. Looks stupid and IS stupid. My wife is 40, 20 years my junior. That's about the most I would ever go. Anything under 30 is brain dead anyway and would never be able to relate to you in the long run.

Bizarre post.

As if everyone comes to Thailand looking to "hook up" with a woman, as you put it. Most of your post is how to safeguard yourself and your money from the "good girls," (not those evil bar girls).

And this, 'Watch out for the young ones," is poorly argued. Your wife was under 30 once; was she brain dead too at that age (as you say they all are) and is she "never (be) able to relate to you in the long run"? You shoot yourself in the foot with this argument.

And you say that these non-bargirls, the good ones, also need to be paid off when you are out of Thailand so they won't hook up with someone else? If that's true love, it applies to bargirls equally.

Anyway, let me move ahead and say this:

Don't ignore your inner common sense voice when you come to Thailand.

The stories are endless of guys who come out here and behave in diametrical opposition to the way they would back in their home countries. If you wouldn't go out with prostitute (part time or compelled, whatever) at home, why do it here? Would you buy land in your home country with documents in a foreign language and translated by people you have little faith in? Would you buy a shop or bar without doing any due diligence as to how the business was in the past?

Thailand isn't Willie wanke_r's Chocolate Babe Factory where you can forget everything and go running naked through the rest of your life, eating cherries and not thinking how it will all be paid for in the end....

My post is a precis of advice I received from a gentleman who has been retired in Thailand for many years. His advice I think is very good and relevant to most people who come here. As i said I have followed a lot of that advice and its good to remember, especially trying to get along with someone over 20yrs your junior.

You wouldn.t normally take on this age difference in your own country would you, on a par with a son or daughter.

I agree the reference to them being brain dead is probably exaggerated and I have one under 30 myself who is actually more intelligent than myself and probably wiser aswell; but I think he was referring to the many uneducated girls from the Isaan area..

Did the OP say he was going to collate the various advices; that would be great.