Family Drug Addiction And Siblings

[brownknees]

my wifes youngest brother has been on drugs for years,ya ba etc not the heavy stuff.He has now got to where he does not want to work to support his habit and his wife is suffering.There is a six year old son involved that he uses as a threat over his wife that if she leaves he will harm the child although my wife and I have been bringing him up as our own son.Dilemna is what to do ,find the father a drug rehab place(if he is willing)or is there a legal way we can become guardians of the child where the father has minimal rights?He has another son and the grandparents are looking after this one.My wife is suffering also as a result of her brother and we may even move away as BOTH her brothers live nearbye and cause her much anguish but family ties here are very strong!!

[bytebuster]

I can't advise on what to do with the youngest brother, but let me suggest what you do. Don't limelight.

Thais can sort it out among themselves. If they know there's a farang around, they will focus their attention on your wallet, not on a drug addict relative.

Ask your wife, ask her family's elders, help them with money, but never appear around nor let him appear in your home.

[Rimmer]

Moved to General Forum for more input

[Kilgore Trout]

Ya baa is not the "heavy stuff?"

Methamphetamine is actually much more physically damaging than herion and causes much more upredictable behavior.

I think a hardcore meth addict is about as heavy as you can get.

[Pseudolus]

Time for you to western up - you married the wife, not the entire family and your priority needs to be her. Get the hell out of there, with her, asap. Cut off any money that ends up being turned in to drugs, and allow support through buying food and other such items and nothing he can steel and sell. Re: the kid, the rest of the family has the onus there. It is not your child and at the minute you might be taking the pressure off the other family members by keeping the child supported. You moving away will make them step up to the plate and deal with the real problem; their son.

[MrRealDeal]

How do you people get yourselves mixed up in this nonsense ! lol

[BigJohnnyBKK]

To the OP.

Your primary obligation is to your own family unit as you define it. If you have truly de-facto adopted his son and wish to become official parents, that is entirely do-able and most likely not too expensive given who you're dealing with - just buy his signature on the necessary paperwork and then get out of dodge. However the child's mother may not want this, in which case my advice is to get out of dodge and let them fend for themselves.

You must disconnect your wife from her other family members, except for phone/email etc and occasional and short long-distance visits home.

There is a bottomless pit of endless need attached to every one of these families, and they all think you've got a bottomless pit of money to fill it.

If it turns out your wife puts them ahead of her relationship with you, better to find out sooner rather than later.

How do you people get yourselves mixed up in this nonsense ! lol

By trying to be good people in the sense that our parents raised us to be.

Which is IMO the primary reason farang are so popular here.

Too many Asians just see that attribute as being a sucker.

Edited June 24, 2012 by BigJohnnyBKK

[BigJohnnyBKK]

PS There may well be decent rehab services here, but

I have **vast** experience in these matters, both personally myself and with several family members over the years, and the number one rule is that the addict (whether "victim" or "perpetrator" or "patient" in your view) must themselves be very very certain that they absolutely have to stop themselves in their own heart before any treatment program or 12-step self-help can be effective.

It cannot come from outside pressure, usually requires a life-threatening event or realization from down and out, face down in the gutter lost everything about to kill yourself hitting bottom situation.

And even then the odds are slim.

Best attitude with so distant a relative - not your problem, he's got to sort it out himself with his own family.

Just make sure you're not contributing to the problem by providing him directly or indirectly any resources that can be turned into his substance of choice.

With the regrettable exception of a one-time payment for his signature on the papers relinquishing all his parent rights and giving permission for your legal adoption of his child.

Hopefully that won't be so much money that he'll be able to kill himself with it - perhaps make it an exchange for land where the title is in his other child's name and held by the mother?

But I'll bet he'd go for a much lower amount if it's in cash.

[h90]

Ya baa is not the "heavy stuff?"

Methamphetamine is actually much more physically damaging than herion and causes much more upredictable behavior.

I think a hardcore meth addict is about as heavy as you can get.

yes hardcore meth addict is the heavy stuff

[Hostile17]

Well op i pitty the child if they have to live with you.

Yaba not being hard stuff? yaba is hard enough to get a lot of people killed for a small fix all around the world. Look at phuket, mugging and stabbings everyday for 10baht coins to get more yaba. Get the father a restricting order? he'll just come and kill you all and sell your stuff for 1week worth of yaba.

Anyone with half a brain would know the only options is to get him locked up for good or moving far away and making sure he cant find you.

[fullyunenlightened]

there is a monastery about 25km from lopburi that

helps thais with their addictions

name is wat tam krabok. its 5km past prapuddaphat

its free and has a fine success rate

foreigners go too for their heroin and cocain problems

ive done 7 days there. its a first class solution

http://www.thamkrabok.net/

[Sheryl]

I am apalled at the number of posters who state the OP should not get involved. His initial posting makes it clear he -- He, himself, not just his wife -- have been raising this child as his own. Having an "adopted" daughter of my own I can assure all that a biological connection is in no way necessary (or sufficient! ) to the formation of a parent-child bond.

Obviously he has to see to his child's welfare.

There certainly are rehab programs out there but nothing said suggests that the child's biological father has any interest in getting help, and you can't do anything in that case, he will have to bottom out on his own until he actually wants help. Which may or may not happen.

I recommend forgetting about this man's drug problem until/unless he wants help to stop using and focusing exclusively on the child. Absolutely a legal change of custody is indicated and in the child's best interests. you should consult a lawyer specializing in family law. You don't mention whether the child's biological mother would support you and your wife becoming legal guardians, that will be a factor.

I am moving this to the family and children forum as I think you can get better advice there re family law and lawyers. It would also help to know your location.

You can also do a search in the family and children forum for recommended lawyers.

[Mario2008]

Per Sheryl's advice, the man can only be helped if he really want to get helped him self. Focus on the child.

Best is to get some proof that he is threatening the child. If you can make a (video) recording of that, it would be great. If he is a threath to his child, he will lose custody within 24 hours, with you getting a good change to get custody (depending on the mother of the child). And my experience is that police will not take it lightly if he is a threat to his child, and also using drugs.

Child welfare and/or police should be contacted.

[Sheryl]

Even without the above I think you have an excellent case. the man is a drug abuser and has not been fulfilling his parental responsibilities; the child is in your care and you have.

The only wrinkle I can foresee is if the biological mother were to object but even then it is worth a try especially since yo uare already caring for the child. please search this forum for suggested lawyers.

[Mario2008]

A good lawyer regarding family law is Isaanlawyers.

[brownknees]

Thank you all for the various advice given.First I have to say that as I know very little about drugs I did not know Ya Ba was so dangerous.Secondly the biological mother would have no objection at all having us as guardians.The father really has little idea what his life is about,we thought he was getting over the drugs but has regressed to the point of just lying about all day and telling his wife to go find money for drugs!Incidentally I have lived near Pattaya for more than ten years with my lovely wife and I do know what Thailand is all about .Probably getting guardianship of the child is a start ,he thinks I am dad anyway so no difficulty there ,moving away would be a wrench as we have many friends here so the rehab would have to be addressed as well .I am working away which makes things difficult but will be home in July to talk to my wife .I will reply when decisions are made!Once again thank you all.