How To Avoid Questionable Characters

[farang prince]

FP, the guy's a case study for this thread, not someone I have a lot of hope for in the future. I think part of my point is that without thinking, I might have wasted a lot more time on him than I did. 2 dates is a fairly inexpensive loss. Actually, from right after the first date and discussion with my friends, it was pretty clear to me that unless he had some good story to tell about his lifestyle, there was no way I would waste my time again. However, he's a nice enough fellow and I wouldn't mind having a friend at the gym. So my plan was to meet him privately one more time to set the basis for the friendship: i.e., to be friends, not anything more. I liked the version I told my Thai friend above: it's too nice to have a friend at the gym to risk messing it up, so let's just be friends.

"Steven"

Fair enough Steven. As the old saying goes, "Different strokes for different folks."

[Trouble]

Boybrat, sometimes I wonder whether you are quite as callous as you would have us think. However I do find your comments quite often "right on the money" in a direct sort of way. Your candid remarks do seem to bring a smile to me. Thanks.

As with this "case study" I think it is never a waste of time getting to know someone. Soon enough both parties will come to some kind of conclusion about the other. I have known guys who were kept, if you will, but it did not make them of any less a human being. Their circumstances drove them into their situation. It did not stop them from wanting a boyfriend they could love. The fact that he lives apparently beyond his income and the phone calls are probably a good clue as to his source of income, but it does not mean he is not interested in you outside of his "other" livelihood. Who knows where it could lead. What's a couple of dinners and a movie. Like you said it may just end up a friendship at the gym. Believe it or not, most of us no matter the source of our livelihood are, at some point in our lives, looking for something special (not sure about Boybrat, I think he likes playing the field right now - so many men, so little time).

[boybrat]

trouble: thanks! but hey, lifes too short for drama and sleepless nights, no? others call it callous, i call it honest. i just dont have time for mindgames and shit.hahahah!

yes, i do play the field, but im very picky about who i tumble in the hay with. havent had sex for quite some time, really.

tho im not discounting the fact that yes, i do not mind that someone special in my life, but im not actively looking for one. if it happens, it happens, if it doesnt, i will not grab the nearest person i find for the sake of being in a relationship. trust me, bro. i know some people who enter relationships for the sake of being in one. nu-uh not my style.

[Trouble]

Boybrat, thanks for the honesty. Maybe callous was too strong a word. Helps to know where you are coming from when I read your posts. I can understand your frame of reference as I have probably had more drama than I need. Neither do I need a bf just to have one. I think as I have gotten older, however, I yearn for someone special in my life, but like you I don't need the drama. I am dating a guy now in Thailand but unfortunately long distance. I won't know were we are going until I retire next year but for now it is nice and I enjoy the companionship when I visit Thailand. The relationship is open for now and I tend to be realistic about the chances of us surviving if I become a more frequent visitor to Thailand. We will see what happens. Nice thing about him is that he is middle age now so he has been through the revolving door like the rest of us.

Oh, glad to hear you have your standards. We probably think more alike than I thought.

[boybrat]

trouble: hahha! for me its like being round the block 100 times in roller skates, not blades, mind you, SKATES with high socks and satin shorts for extra camp value. oooh and pigtails and a lollipop! *peals of laughter*

i guess i grew up too fast, bro. im still in my twenties (LATE 20s tho), my white "aunts" often say that they are waiting for the day they will see me married off to some nice man. am their only "unmarried" niece.

same here, bro. have gone through LOTS and LOTS of personal drama, tears and heartbreak. hey! ive got feelings too u know. i tend to show all my cards, am really very transparent.and i guess i expect my partner to be the same.

regardless of race, or culture. lies are not to be tolerated!

and at the end of the day, its honesty i want, from ALL of those i gave my heart to and took back. *sob*

Edited September 14, 2006 by boybrat

[Ijustwannateach]

As with this "case study" I think it is never a waste of time getting to know someone. Soon enough both parties will come to some kind of conclusion about the other. I have known guys who were kept, if you will, but it did not make them of any less a human being. Their circumstances drove them into their situation. It did not stop them from wanting a boyfriend they could love. The fact that he lives apparently beyond his income and the phone calls are probably a good clue as to his source of income, but it does not mean he is not interested in you outside of his "other" livelihood. Who knows where it could lead. What's a couple of dinners and a movie. Like you said it may just end up a friendship at the gym. Believe it or not, most of us no matter the source of our livelihood are, at some point in our lives, looking for something special (not sure about Boybrat, I think he likes playing the field right now - so many men, so little time).

I'm not slamming "kept" guys for their lifestyle; I'm slamming "kept" guys who come on to single guys pretending that they are also single guys who are looking for boyfriends- not just sleeping around, looking for some fun, but looking for a boyfriend-type relationship (as this guy was), when they are actually not available. That's lying in a big way, and it's what this thread is really about.

If questionable characters told you up front what their lives were about, they wouldn't be questionable- they'd simply be honest. It's not impossible- I have had "kept" guys flirt with me, get into conversations, and then tell me straight up how their lives worked. I imagine they sometimes experience some rejection by acting that way, but when they find acceptance they come by it honestly.

The recommendations in this thread are a kind of shortcut to avoiding the types most likely to be questionable, along with the behaviors that indicate someone is trying to deceive you. As I've said before (exhaustively) this doesn't mean that every single person who fits the description is questionable.

[Trouble]

"If questionable characters told you up front what their lives were about, they wouldn't be questionable- they'd simply be honest. It's not impossible- I have had "kept" guys flirt with me, get into conversations, and then tell me straight up how their lives worked. I imagine they sometimes experience some rejection by acting that way, but when they find acceptance they come by it honestly."

Point well made and taken IJWT.

I met a Thai moneyboy who within two days had told me his whole life story (and did he have a story to tell-even told me of the bf he had). He told me he had nothing left to tell me and told me that if I could accept him after his revelations there would never be any need for deception. He was totally transparent. I accepted his past (we all have one) and over time we made a go of it. I have to say he has been the most open and honest person I have yet to meet.

I guess my point (maybe not stated very well) was that maybe this guy is kept and maybe he is looking for something else and is willing to change his lifestyle (maybe not). Maybe be worth a small investment in time. Surely you are correct that deception is not the way to start out. and there is no doubt that continued deception is leading things nowhere.

[Ijustwannateach]

It's possible... but not after the second date!

On the afternoon of the 2nd date I call him up. He's theoretically still at work, and answers immediately. I asked him what he wanted to do. He mentioned an expensive cabaret and one of the most expensive hi-so bars in Bangkok, both of which he said he'd been to before a number of times.

Now, I'm not a stingy guy- but this is only a second date; we haven't even gotten to first base- and what's this supposedly low-income guy doing hanging out in these kinds of places, anyway? And asking me (I'm assuming) to pay for them?

I made a noncommittal noise.

That evening, we met up and he asked about the bar again. I put on a worried look, and remarked "oh, well, but I think it's rather expensive, isn't it?"

That remark apparently killed the evening. We did communicate enough after that to make a plan of going to a fairly nice restaurant and eating, and I continued to try to make conversation until it was plain that he had no intention of contributing to the evening. He spoke little, ate a little, and said he felt ill (although he had had no signs of this when I spoke to him earlier in the day). When we left and got back on the BTS (which once again appeared something of a challenge for him), I said, "well, I guess I'll be going home, and you should go home, too. We've both got work early tomorrow."

He replied, "I'm sorry I ruined your evening."

Me: "I guess I'll see you around in the gym."

Him: "Maybe." (nodding).

Haven't seen him or heard from him since. I'm beginning to doubt he was an actual member at the gym; he might have been friends with someone there who was letting him in for a brief period of time. Anyway, his interests seem pretty clear and I think I'm well rid of him.

"Steven"

[TopChinese]

He replied, "I'm sorry I ruined your evening."

"Steven"

At least he was nice enough to acknowledge that.

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