Chuck Is Back

[Boo]

FACTS:

1) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

2) Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

3) A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured

this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.

4) Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

5) When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had To pay taxes ever.

6) Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

7) Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris isafraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

8) As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in

professional football history.

9) A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park

there.

10) Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

11) If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow down.

12) At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

13) When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

14) Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

15) If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

16) Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

17) Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

18) There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

19) There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

20) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

21) Chuck Norris doesn't believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.

22) When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

23) Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

24) When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

25) Chuck Norris challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck remains undefeated.

26) Chuck Norris is the only human being who can be seen from outer space.